Concerning the journey. The unlawful demons invoked by
certain of the barbarians; their power and the manner of
their suppression. Suppression. The incredible obtuseness of
those who attend within tea-houses. The harmonious attitude
of a person of commerce.
Venerated Sire (at whose virtuous and well-established feet an unworthy
son now prostrates himself in spirit repeatedly),--
Having at length reached the summit of my journey, that London of which
the merchants from Canton spoke so many strange and incredible things, I
now send you filial salutations three times increased, and in accordance
with your explicit command I shall write all things to you with an
unvarnished brush, well assured that your versatile object in committing
me to so questionable an enterprise was, above all, to learn the
truth of these matters in an undeviating and yet open-headed spirit of
accuracy and toleration.
Of the perils incurred while travelling in the awe-inspiring devices by
which I was transferred from shore to shore and yet further inland,
of the utter absence of all leisurely dignity on the part of
those controlling their movements, and of the almost unnatural
self-opinionatedness which led them to persist in starting at a stated
and prearranged time, even when this person had courteously pointed
out to them by irrefutable omens that neither the day nor the hour was
suitable for the venture, I have already written. It is enough to assert
that a similar want of prudence was maintained on every occasion, and,
as a result, when actually within sight of the walls of this city, we
were involved for upwards of an hour in a very evilly-arranged yellow
darkness, which, had we but delayed for a day, as I strenuously advised
those in authority after consulting the Sacred Flat and Round Sticks, we
should certainly have avoided.
Concerning the real nature of the devices by which the ships are
propelled at sea and the carriages on land, I must still unroll a blank
mind until I can secretly, and without undue hazard, examine them more
closely. If, as you maintain, it is the work of captive demons hidden
away among their most inside parts, it must be admitted that these
usually intractable beings are admirably trained and controlled, and
I am wide-headed enough to think that in this respect we
might--not-withstanding our nine thousand years of civilised
refinement--learn something of the methods of these barbarians. The
secret, however, is jealously guarded, and they deny the existence of
any supernatural forces; but their protests may be ignored, for there
is undoubtedly a powerful demon used in a similar way by some of the
boldest of them, although its employment is unlawful. A certain kind of
chariot is used for the occupation of this demon, and those who wish
to invoke it conceal their faces within masks of terrifying design, and
cover their hands and bodies with specially prepared garments, without
which it would be fatal to encounter these very powerful spirits.
While yet among the habitations of men, and in crowded places, they are
constrained to use less powerful demons, which are lawful, but when
they reach the unfrequented paths they throw aside all restraint, and,
calling to their aid the forbidden spirit (which they do by secret
movements of the hands), they are carried forward by its agency at a
speed unattainable by merely human means. By day the demon looks forth
from three white eyes, which at night have a penetrating brilliance
equal to the fiercest glances of the Sacred Dragon in anger. If any
person incautiously stands in its way it utters a warning cry of
intolerable rage, and should the presumptuous one neglect to escape to
the roadside and there prostrate himself reverentially before it, it
seizes him by the body part and contemptuously hurls him bruised and
unrecognisable into the boundless space of the around. Frequently
the demon causes the chariot to rise into the air, and it is credibly
asserted by discriminating witnesses (although this person only sets
down as incapable of denial that which he has actually beheld) that
some have maintained an unceasing flight through the middle air for a
distance of many li. Occasionally the captive demon escapes from the
bondage of those who have invoked it, through some incautious gesture
or heretical remark on their part, and then it never fails to use them
grievously, casting them to the ground wounded, consuming the chariot
with fire, and passing away in the midst of an exceedingly debased
odour, by which it is always accompanied after the manner of our own
earth spirits.
This being, as this person has already set forth, an unlawful demon on
account of its power when once called up, and the admitted uncertainty
of its movements, those in authority maintain a stern and inexorable
face towards the practice. To entrap the unwary certain persons (chosen
on account of their massive outlines, and further protected from evil
influences by their pure and consistent habits) keep an unceasing watch.
When one of them, himself lying concealed, detects the approach of such
a being, he closely observes the position of the sun, and signals to
the other a message of warning. Then the second one, shielded by the
sanctity of his life and rendered inviolable by the nature of his
garments--his sandals alone being capable of overturning any demon from
his path should it encounter them--boldly steps forth into the road and
holds out before him certain sacred emblems. So powerful are these
that at the sight the unlawful demon confesses itself vanquished, and
although its whole body trembles with ill-contained rage, and the air
around is poisoned by its discreditable exhalation, it is devoid of
further resistance. Those in the chariot are thereupon commanded to
dismiss it, and being bound in chains they are led into the presence of
certain lesser mandarins who administer justice from a raised dais.
“Behold!” exclaims the chief of the captors, when the prisoners have
been placed in obsequious attitudes before the lesser mandarins, “thus
the matter chanced: The honourable Wang, although disguised under the
semblance of an applewoman, had discreetly concealed himself by the
roadside, all but his head being underneath a stream of stagnant water,
when, at the eighth hour of the morning, he beheld these repulsive
outcasts approaching in their chariot, carried forward by the diabolical
vigour of the unlawful demon. Although I had stationed myself several li
distant from the accomplished Wang, the chariot reached me in less than
a breathing space of time, those inside assuming their fiercest and most
aggressive attitudes, and as they came repeatedly urging the demon to
increased exertions. Their speed exceeded that of the swallow in
his hymeneal flight, all shrubs and flowers by the wayside withered
incapably at the demon’s contaminating glance, running water ceased
to flow, and the road itself was scorched at their passage, the earth
emitting a dull bluish flame. These facts, and the times and the
distances, this person has further inscribed in a book which thus
disposes of all possible defence. Therefore, O lesser mandarins, let
justice be accomplished heavily and without delay; for, as the proverb
truly says, ‘The fiercer the flame the more useless the struggles of the
victim.’”
At this point the prisoners frequently endeavour to make themselves
heard, protesting that in the distance between the concealed Wang and
the one who stands accusing them they had thrice stopped to repair their
innermost details, had leisurely partaken of food and wine, and had
also been overtaken, struck, and delayed by a funeral procession. But so
great is the execration in which these persons are held, that although
murderers by stealth, outlaws, snatchers from the body, and companies of
men who by strategy make a smaller sum of money appear to be larger, can
all freely testify their innocence, raisers of this unlawful demon
must not do so, and they are beaten on the head with chains until they
desist.
Then the lesser mandarins, raising their voices in unison, exclaim,
“The amiable Tsay-hi has reported the matter in a discreet and impartial
spirit. Hear our pronouncement: These raisers of illegal spirits
shall each contribute ten taels of gold, which shall be expended in
joss-sticks, in purifying the road which they have scorched, and in
alleviating the distress of the poor and virtuous of both sexes. The
praiseworthy Tsay-hi, moreover, shall embroider upon his sleeve an
honourable sign in remembrance of the event. Let drums now be beat, and
our verdict loudly proclaimed throughout the province.”
These things, O my illustrious father (although on account of my
contemptible deficiencies of style much may seem improbable to your
all-knowing mind), these things I write with an unbending brush; for
I set down only that which I have myself seen, or read in their own
printed records. Doubtless it will occur to one of your preternatural
intelligence that our own system of administering justice, whereby the
person who can hire the greater number of witnesses is reasonably held
to be in the right, although perhaps not absolutely infallible, is in
every way more convenient; but, as it is well said, “To the blind, night
is as acceptable as day.”
Henceforth you will have no hesitation in letting it be known throughout
Yuen-ping that these foreign barbarians do possess secret demons, in
spite of their denials. Doubtless I shall presently discover others no
less powerful.
With honourable distinction this person has at length grasped the
essential details of the spoken language here--not sufficiently well,
indeed, to make himself understood on most occasions, or even to
understand others, but enough to perceive clearly when he fails to
become intelligible or when they experience a like difficulty with him.
Upon an earlier occasion, before he had made so much progress, being one
day left to his own resources, and feeling an internal lack, he entered
what appeared to be a tea-shop of reputable demeanour, and, seating
himself at one of the little marble tables, he freely pronounced the
carefully-learned word “rice” to the attending nymph. To put aside all
details of preparation (into which, indeed, this person could not
enter) he waved his hand gracefully, at the same time smiling with an
expression of tolerant acquiescence, as of one who would say that what
was good enough to be cooked and offered by so entrancing a maiden
was good enough to be eaten by him. After remaining in unruffled
tranquillity for the full portion of an hour, and observing that no
other person around had to wait above half that period, this one began
to perceive that the enterprise was not likely to terminate in a
manner satisfactory to himself; so that, leaving this place with a few
well-chosen phrases of intolerable regret in his own tongue, he entered
another, and conducted himself in a like fashion.... Towards evening,
with an unperturbed exterior, but materially afflicted elsewhere, this
person seated himself within the eleventh tea-shop, and, pointing first
towards his own constituents of digestion, then at the fire, and
lastly in an upward direction, thereby signified to any not of stunted
intellect that he had reached such a condition of mind and body that he
was ready to consume whatever the ruling deities were willing to allot,
whether boiled, baked, roast, or suspended from a skewer. In this
resolve nothing would move him, until--after many maidens had approached
with outstretched hands and gestures of despair--there presently entered
a person wearing the helmet of a warrior and the manner of a high
official, who spoke strongly, yet persuasively, of the virtues of
immediate movement and a quiet and reposeful bearing.
Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of food,
and all matters connected with it, must inevitably remain barbaric,
however skilfully they may feign a superficial refinement. It is said,
although I do not commit this matter to my own brush, that among them
are more books composed on subjects which have no actual existence
than on cooking, and, incredible as it may appear, to be exceptionally
round-bodied confers no public honour upon the individual. Should a
favourable occasion present itself, there are many who do not scruple to
jest upon the subject of food, or, what is incalculably more depraved,
upon the scarcity of it.
Nevertheless, there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance.
Among these must be accounted one into whose presence this person was
recently led by our polished and harmonious friend Quang-Tsun, the
merchant in tea and spices. This versatile person, whose business-name
is spoken of as Jones Bob-Jones, is worthy of all benignant respect,
and in a really enlightened country would doubtless be raised to a
more exalted position than that of a breaker of outsides (an occupation
difficult to express adequately in the written language of a country
where it is unknown), for his face is like the sun setting in the time
of harvest, his waist garment excessive, and the undoubted symmetry of
his middle portions honourable in the extreme. So welcome in my eyes,
after witnessing an unending stream of concave and attenuated barbarian
ghosts, was the sight of these perfections of Jones Bob-Jones, that
instead of the formal greeting of this Island--the unmeaning “How do
you do it?”--I shook hands cordially with myself, and exclaimed
affectionately in our own language, “Illimitable felicities! How is your
stomach?”
“Well,” replied Jones Bob-Jones, after Quang-Tsun had interpreted this
polite salutation to his understanding, “since you mention it, that’s
just the trouble; but I’m going on pretty well, thanks. I’ve tried most
of the advertised things, and now my doctor has put me practically on a
bread-and-water course--clear soup, boiled fish, plain joint, no sweets,
a crumb of cheese, and a bare three glasses of Hermitage.”
During this amiable remark (of which, as it is somewhat of a technical
nature, I was unable to grasp the contained significance until the
agreeable Quang-Tsun had subsequently repeated it several times for my
retention), I maintained a consistent expression of harmonious agreement
and gratified esteem (suitable, I find, for all like occasions), and
then, judging from the sympathetic animation of Jones Bob-Jones’s
countenance, that it had not improbably been connected with food,
I discreetly introduced the subject of sea-snails, preserved in the
essence of crushed peaches, by courteously inquiring whether he had ever
partaken of such a delicacy.
“No,” replied the liberal-minded person, when--encouraged by the
protruding eagerness of his eyes at the mention of the viand--I had
further spoken of the refined flavour of the dish, and explained the
manner of its preparation. “I can’t say that I have, but it sounds
uncommonly good--something like turtle, I should imagine. I’ll see if
they can get it for me at Pimm’s.”
This filial tribute goes by a trusty hand, in the person of one Ki Nihy,
who is shortly committing himself to the protection of his ancestors
and the voracity of the unbounded Bitter Waters; and with brightness
and gold it will doubtless reach you in the course of twelve or eighteen
moons. The superstitious here, this person may describe, when they wish
to send messages from one to another, inscribe upon the outer cover a
written representation of the one whose habitation they require, and
after affixing a small paper talisman, drop it into a hole in the
nearest wall, in the hope that it may be ultimately conveyed to the
appointed spot, either by the services of the charitably-disposed
passer-by, or by the intervention of the beneficent deities.
With a multiplicity of greetings and many abject expressions of a
conscious inferiority, and attested by an unvarying thumb-mark.
KONG HO.
(Effete branch of a pure and magnanimous trunk.)
To Kong Ah-Paik, reclining beneath the sign of the Lead Tortoise, in a
northerly direction beyond the Lotus Beds outside the city of Yuen-ping.
The Middle Flowery Kingdom.