(_A Page from a Diary._)
[Illustration]
_Monday._--Delightful news! My sister NELLIE is engaged to be married!
It came upon us all as a great surprise. I never had the slightest
suspicion that NELLIE cared twopence about old GOODBODY ST. LEGER. He
is such a staid, solemn old party, a regular fossilised bachelor we all
thought. Not at all the sort of man to give way to emotions or to be in
love. However, it's a capital match for NELLIE as ST. LEGER'S firm are
about the largest accountants in the city. My wife thinks it will be a
good thing in another way, too, as my other six sisters may now have a
chance of going off. It seems that when once this kind of epidemic gets
into a family, all the unmarried sisters go popping off like blazes one
after another. Called with my wife this afternoon to congratulate
NELLIE. Rather a trial for the poor girl, as all sorts of female
relatives had called full of enthusiasm and congratulations. GOODBODY
was there (NELLIE calls him "GOODIE") and seemed rather overwhelmed. He
went away early and didn't kiss NELLIE. I thought this funny, and
chaffed NELLIE about it afterwards. She said she'd soon make that all
right.
_Tuesday._--GOODBODY is getting on. We had a family dinner at home
to-night. He came rather late and entered the drawing-room with an air
of great determination, marched straight up to NELLIE and kissed her
violently. It was splendidly done and we all felt inclined to cheer. He
kissed her again when he went away, and lingered so long in saying good
night to my mother that we all thought he was going to kiss her too.
But he didn't. My wife said that the suspense of those moments was
dreadful.
_Wednesday._--He has kissed my mother--on both cheeks. I must say the
old lady took it extraordinarily well, though she was not in the very
least prepared for it. It happened at five o'clock tea, in an interval
of complete silence, and those two sounding smacks simply reverberated
through the room. Mother was quite cheerful afterwards, and spoke to
NELLIE about the trousseau in her usual calm and collected frame of
mind. Still I can see that the incident has made a deep impression upon
her. My wife told MAGGIE it would be her turn next.
_Thursday._--It _has_ been MAGGIE'S turn. GOODBODY called at home on
his way from the City, and set to work as soon as he got into the
drawing-room. He first kissed NELLIE, then repeated the performance
with my poor mother, and, finding that MAGGIE was close beside him, he
kissed her on the forehead. Where will this end?
_Friday._--He has regularly broken loose. He dined at home to-day, and,
without a word of warning, kissed the whole family--my mother, NELLIE,
MAGGIE, ALICE, MABEL, POLLY, MAUD, and little BETA. He quite forgot he
had begun with my mother, and, after he had kissed BETA, got confused,
and began all over again. At this moment my wife and I came in with
Aunt CATHERINE whom we had brought in our carriage. Both my wife and
Aunt CATHERINE tried to escape, but it was no good. He kissed them
both, and was just advancing towards me, when the butler fortunately
announced dinner. Matters are getting quite desperate, and we none of
us know what ought to be done. Aunt CATHERINE had a violent fit of
hysterics in the spare bedroom after dinner.
_Saturday._--The engagement is broken off. A great relief. It has been
a lesson for all of us.
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DEAR TO DUSTMEN.--"A big, big D"--in the window.