(_A Misappropriator's Apology._)
My dear Miss B., I cannot rest by day,
At night I never sleep,--or not for long.
The reason is, it grieves me much to say,
I've done what I'm afraid you'll think is wrong.
I've stolen something--don't, I beg you, laugh,
For I'm a thief--I trust I do not _look_ it.
You missed when I went off a photograph?
Prepare for a surprise, 'twas I who took it!
How did I do it? Well, the day I left
I got down early--half an hour or more
Before you knew it. That's why you're bereft
Of that one photograph from out your store.
Yes--I have sinned, and suffered on the rack
Of agonised remorse, although I trust I
May be forgiven. I'll send the portrait back
If that's the only way. But tell me--must I?
* * * * *
"QUITE A LITTLE 'OLIDAY."--Last Saturday the _Times_ notified one
"HENRY HOLIDAY" officially in "editorial" type that, as regards the
"calumny refuted," everything having been explained, apologised for,
and generally settled all round, they meant to give the subject a
complete holiday, but that as regarded the gentleman of that name who
wrote to say "he wasn't satisfied," the _Times_ must treat _him_ as a
"_Dies non_."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Mr. G._ "I MAY FIND THIS EMINENTLY SERVICEABLE FOR
EXAMINING THE LIBERAL MAJORITY."
["Mr. GLADSTONE has become an honorary member of the Guildford
Microscopic Natural History Society."--_Daily Papers._]]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A MATTER FOR CONSIDERATION.
SCENE--_Jones doing Honeymoon Driving Tour in Ireland. His Leader has
just got one of the reins under his tail, and is lashing out
vigorously_.
_Jones._ "HERE! HI THERE! CATCH HOLD OF HIM! HANG IT ALL, CATCH HOLD
OF HIM!"
_Pat_. "BEGORRA THIN, WAS IT THIS IND YE'D BE AFTHER WANTIN' ME TO
HOULD?"]
* * * * *