Mr. Punch rejoices to hear that "the greatest plague of life" has a
slight chance of being abated by the establishment of a College for
Servants, who will be educated in the most careful way to do justice to
their employers--the main idea being that most lucidly stated by the
Dean of Saint Patrick's, that it is the chief duty of every servant
to ascertain the full amount of his master's income, and to spend
the whole of it on his own department. Having been favoured with an
early copy of the subjects with which the courses will commence, _Mr.
Punch_ is glad to give to this useful undertaking the advantage of his
worldwide publicity.
CLASS 1. _Lady Housekeepers._--"How to manage a widower with young
children. In three heads: 1, Domestication; 2, Flirtation; 3,
Temptation."
CLASS 2. _Cooks._--"How to make the kitchen-fire too hot for the
missus, and too cool for the sirloin."
[Illustration: _Son of the House._ "Aren't you dancing this? May I have
the pleasure? I'm trying to do my duty all round to-night!"]
CLASS 3. _Butlers._--"How to substitute Marsala for Madeira, and _Vin
ordinaire_ for Château-Lafitte."
CLASS 4. _Lady's-Maids._--"How to look much prettier than the young
ladies when there are visitors in the house."
CLASS 5. _Footmen._--"How to make a fortune out of six feet two in
height, and calves nineteen inches round."
CLASS 6. _Men and Wives._--"How to keep their quarrels to themselves,
and feed their 'incumbrances' in the neighbourhood."
CLASS 7. _Coachmen and Grooms._--"How to make the corn supplied to the
stables more useful than if wasted on dumb animals."
CLASS 8. _Housemaids._--"How to train that noble animal, the harmless
necessary cat, to break glass and snap up unconsidered trifles."
It can scarcely be doubted, from this preliminary syllabus of lectures,
that the new Institution will do much for the comfort, economy, and
refinement of our households.
* * * * *
"CHAMBER MUSIC."--Baby!
[Illustration: _Lady Sneerwell._ "Have your daughters accomplished much
in music?" _Unfortunate Father._ "Yes--the tenants below have moved."]