MOUS. Zounds! (_lays hold of MRS. MOUSER, in the struggle she takes
off MOUSER’S wig, and runs into room, L., shutting door in MOUSER’S
face_)
MOUS. Holloa! She’s locked herself up, with my wig, in Mrs. Mouser’s
room. Betsy! Elizabeth! Miss Baker! Don’t be absurd! Come out of that
room--give me my wig! (_knocking and trying to open door_) Open the
door! Open it this instant, or I’ll overwhelm you with my indignation
through the keyhole.
_Enter CRUMMY from Office, with a candle._
CRUM. I can’t find him any where. (_seeing him_) Holloa!--ha, ha,
ha!
MOUS. Don’t laugh, Crummy, look at me! She’s here--I mean, she’s
there.
CRUM. Who?
MOUS. Betsy--in my wife’s room.
CRUM. Ah! Any one with her?
MOUS. Yes, my wig. This is your doing--this is your precious work.
(_seizing CRUMMY and shaking him_) It was you--you who exposed me to
the fascinations of this juvenile washerwoman. It’s through you that I
have lost my peace of mind, and my wig. Where are they? Where’s my
peace of mind? Where’s my wig?
(_shaking CRUMMY again violently_)
BETSY. (_who, during the latter part of MOUSER’S speech, has entered
L. D. F. and come down, L._) Yes, and where’s my shop?
MOUS. (C.) Exactly. Where’s my shop--I mean---- (_sees BETSY_) Holloa!
BET. (_seeing MOUSER, and then bursting into a violent fit of
laughter_) Ha, ha, ha! Oh, my! What a Guy! Ha, ha, ha!
MOUS. What d’ye mean by a Guy? (_suddenly recollecting. Snatches
CRUMMY’S hat out of his hand, and puts it on_) And how--how the
deuce did you get out of that room?
BET. I never was in it!
MOUS. Ha, ha! That’s right, Miss Baker! Stick to it, Miss Baker!
Perhaps you’ll go so far as to say that it wasn’t you who did me the
honour just now of boxing my ears, and run away with my wig.
BET. (L.) Certainly not.
MOUS. Then who was it? I repeat, who was it?
MRS. M. (_entering at door, L._) Your wife, sir!
MOUS. Anastasia! Crummy, take me away, and put me somewhere.
CRUM. (_R. C., aside to him_) Do as I do, and all will be right!
(_aside to BETSY, and giving her a paper_) There’s the lease of the
little shop, back me in all I say.
MRS. M. Now, Mr. Mouser, what have you to say for yourself?
CRUM. (_suddenly bursting into a fit of laughter_) Ha, ha, ha!
(_aside to BETSY and MOUSER_) Go it. Ha, ha, ha!
(_MRS. MOUSER enraged, walks up Stage, L._)
MOUS. }
} (_laughing immoderately_) Ha, ha, ha!
BET. }