(_From a Prophetic Journal of Events, looming possibly somewhere
a-head._)
_Monday._--London, having now been without coal for sixteen weeks, and
people having kept their kitchen-fires alight by burning their banisters
and bedroom furniture, several noted West-end houses undertake to
deliver the arms and legs of drawing-room chairs ("best screened"), at
£26 5s. a ton for cash.
_Tuesday._--All the petroleum in the country having now been exhausted
for heating purposes, and Piccadilly being, in consequence, illuminated
by a night-light in one lamp-post in every three, a "Discontented
Ratepayer" commences a correspondence in the _Times_, commenting on the
matter in a severe temper.
_Wednesday._--Several Colliery Owners, in despair, descend into their
own mines for the purpose of trying to raise some coal themselves, but
their _employés_, declining to assist in hauling them up again, they are
left to their fate, and nothing more is heard of them.
_Thursday._--A Syndicate of Noblemen determine to try for coal on the
spot, by sinking a mine in the middle of Belgrave Square, when, on
arriving at a depth of 2500 feet, they come across an active volcano,
which proves such a nuisance to the neighbourhood, that the Vestry is
applied to by several parishioners to put a stop to it. On their sending
the Sanitary Inspector to investigate the matter, he orders the mine to
be closed. On this being done, the scheme collapses, several of the
Syndicate, as a consequence, in despair emigrating to Tierra del Fuego.
_Friday._--A set of studs and a drawing-room tiara of "Best Wallsend,"
are shown in a window of a jeweller's in Bond Street, and attract such
crowds that the Police have to be called in to prevent a block in the
traffic, and keep the pavement clear for foot passengers.
_Saturday._--Furious street riots commenced by a noble Duke in Grosvenor
Place pulling up the wood pavement in front of his house, and having it
carted rapidly into his coal-cellars. The move becoming popular, spreads
in all directions, with the result of leading to serious collisions with
the local Vestry Authorities, who call in the aid of the Police.
_Sunday._--The Archbishop of CANTERBURY preaches to an enormous
congregation in Westminster Abbey, on the "Plague of Darkness" in Egypt
by the light of a one-farthing candle. This being, by some misadventure,
inadvertently knocked over, the assembled multitude are enabled to
realise, to some extent, the gloomy horrors of the situation as
described by the reverend preacher, and, stumbling over each other,
retire to unlighted streets and fireless hearths, to face another week
of the consequences of the "Trade Problem," with the solution of which
they have been brought face to face.
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