CONJUNCTION.
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AND
BUT
SO
&c
BE GOOD AND YOU·WILL·BE·HAPPY
CONJUNCTION]
“My lord,” said Serjeant Parsing, the next time that the court
assembled, “I must beg for your assistance. I have here a story--a very
excellent story, as it seems to me; but somehow or other it will not go
right--it has what you might call a jerky sound--as if you were riding
over a corduroy road in a cart without springs, and were trying to talk
between the bumps. I have asked all the Parts-of-Speech that are in
court to help me, but none of them can give me any assistance.”
“Read the story aloud,” said the Judge, “and let us hear it.”
So Sergeant Parsing read--
“THE EAGLE ... THE RAVEN.
“An eagle pounced on a little lamb .... carried it off in his claws. A
raven saw him fly .... thought he could do the same; .... he chose out
the best .... biggest sheep of the flock, .... pounced down upon it;
.... lo! .... behold! it was much too heavy .... it was much bigger
.... himself, .... poor Mr. Raven only got his claws entangled in the
wool .... when he tried to fly away he found it impossible to get free
.... he was struggling .... the shepherd came .... caught him .... put
him in a cage.”
“I see, I see,” said the Judge, “you want some words to join your
sentences together. Noun, Pronoun, Article, Adjective, Verb,
Adverb, Preposition, none of these will do. I have only two other
Parts-of-Speech left on my list: that tiresome Interjection, who is, of
course, no use, and Con----”
“Conjunction! Here you are, my lord,” said a bright cheery voice at the
door, and Conjunction walked into court.
He had on a coat with brass buttons, and a cap like a railway guard’s,
with C. J. marked on the front. Under his arm he had a bundle of iron
hooks or tools--at least what you would have thought were iron hooks or
tools, if you had seen them down in Matter-of-fact-land, and had not
known any better. They were really his words.
“You are late, sir,” said the Judge, very sternly; “where have you
been?”
“To tell you the truth, my lord,” answered Conjunction, “I have been
for a little holiday trip on the Grammar-land Railway. The fact is, my
turn was so long in coming, and the last time I was here your lordship
broke up the court in such a temp----”
“A what, sir?” interrupted the Judge, angrily.
“A hurry, my lord,--in such a hurry, that I did not think we should
meet again for some time; and so I just amused myself by a trip on the
railway, where I am so often at work.”
“Very improper, indeed!” replied the Judge, “as if you were made to
amuse yourself. Such a thing was never heard of before in Grammar-land.
Ask Dr. Syntax whether conjunctions are used for amusement.”
“Conjunctions are used to connect words or sentences,” said Dr. Syntax,
in his solemn unchanging voice, standing up to speak, and sinking down
the moment he had finished.
“There!” said the Judge, “you hear what you are used for--to connect
words or sentences--that is your work, and that is just what we have
been wanting you for. You have kept the whole court waiting, while you
have been taking a holiday, forsooth! Your very cap ought to shame
you. Pray what does C. J. stand for?”
“Well, my lord, the folks in Matter-of-fact-land say that it stands for
Clapham Junction, which is a big station down there, where a great many
railways are joined together; and they say that I am the pointsman, who
moves the rails and makes the trains run together, or apart, as the
case may be; and I don’t know but what that’s as good a description of
my work as the folks in Matter-of-fact-land could give. Only they ought
to understand that our trains in Grammar-land are sentences, and my
tools with which I join them together are my words--_and_, _but_, _if_,
_also_, and so on. And here they are, Mr. Parsing, and heartily at your
service, sir, if you like to make use of them;” and pulling the bundle
from under his arm, Conjunction laid them down before Serjeant Parsing,
with a bow.
“Thank you, my man,” said Serjeant Parsing, “one at a time, if you
please. I will read my story again, and do you hand up a word that will
fit, whenever I stop for it.”
So he read it again, and Conjunction put in the words as follows:--
“THE EAGLE _AND_ THE RAVEN.
“An eagle pounced on a little lamb _and_ carried it off in his claws.
A raven saw him fly, _and_ thought he could do the same; _so_ he chose
out the best _and_ biggest sheep of the flock, _and_ pounced down upon
it; _but_ lo! _and_ behold! it was much too heavy, _for_ it was much
bigger _than_ himself, _so_ poor Mr. Raven only got his claws entangled
in the wool, _and_ when he tried to fly away, he found it impossible
to get free; _and whilst_ he was struggling, the shepherd came _and_
caught him _and_ put him in a cage.”
“Ah,” said Judge Grammar, “yes, that is an improvement. I see,
Conjunction, you have put in _and_, _so_, _but_, _than_, _for_,
_whilst_. What other words have you?”
“I have _because_, my lord,” answered Conjunction. “Mr. Adverb asks
‘why?’ but I answer ‘because,’ which is much more useful. Any one can
ask ‘why?’ but it is only a fellow like me, that knows how things work,
that can answer ‘because.’”
“You need not boast,” said the Judge; “you only join the trains
together, you know; you do not make them. _Because_ is only useful on
account of what comes after it; it would not tell us much if it stood
alone. But what others have you?”
“I have _if_, my lord; and though it is only a word of two letters, it
makes a mighty difference many a time. How happy we should all be _if_
we could get just what we want.”
“Yes, yes, we know,” said the Judge; “‘_if_ wishes were horses,
beggars would ride;’ but it is a very good thing they are not. Now,
Conjunction, _if_ you have any more words, let us hear them.”
“Except that I sometimes use my neighbours’ words as conjunctions, my
lord,” answered Conjunction, “I think I have told you pretty well all.
Here is a packet I put together:--
_If_, _because_, _and_, _so_, _that_, _or_,
_But_, _although_, _as_, _also_, _nor_.”
“One more question,” said the Judge; “do you govern or agree with any
of your neighbours?”
“Not I, my lord, I leave that for my betters. I am quite satisfied to
join them together, and then leave them alone,” answered Conjunction.
“Then that will do for to-day. Brother Parsing, be good enough to
send the following story to Schoolroom-shire, and tell them to give
Conjunction a place on their slates among the other Parts-of-Speech,
and mark down all his words for him. When that is done, I shall have
some good news to tell you.”
The court then rose.
A NARROW ESCAPE.
A traveller in India one day strayed away from his companions, and
went to sleep under a tree. When he awoke he saw, to his horror, the
two bright eyes of a tiger, ready to spring upon him from a high
bank. He leaped up to run away, but fell back again directly, for a
large crocodile was coming towards him, with its great mouth open. He
shut his eyes and waited in terror, for he heard the tiger spring. A
tremendous noise followed; but he felt nothing. He opened his eyes, and
lo! the tiger had sprung into the mouth of the crocodile; and while the
two wild beasts were struggling, the traveller sprang up and ran away.
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