There was another young creature, at that moment driving across London
to Prince's Gate, to whom the world looked very beautiful that day.
Rachel was still in a sort of rapturous bewilderment. The wonderful new
experience that had come to her, that she was contemplating for the
first time, seemed, as she saw it in the company of familiar
surroundings, more marvellous yet. At Maidenhead everything had been
unwonted. The new experience of going away alone, the enchanting repose
of the hot sunny days on the river, the look of the boughs as they
dipped lazily into the water, and the light dancing and dazzling on the
ripples of the stream--all had been part of the setting of the new
aspect of things, part of that great secret that she was beginning to
learn. Yet all the time she had had a feeling that when the setting was
altered, when she left this mysterious region of romance, life would
become ordinary again, the strange golden light with which it was
flooded would turn into the ordinary light of day, and she would find
herself where she had been before. But it was not so. Here she was back
again in the town she knew so well, driving towards her home--but the
new, strange possession had not left her, the secret was hers still. It
had all come so quickly that she had not realised what she felt. Was she
"in love," the thing that she had taken for granted would happen to her
some day, but that she had not yet longed for? Rachel, it must be
confessed, had not been entirely given up to romance; she had not been
waiting, watching for the fairy prince who should ride within her ken
and transform existence for her. Her life had been too full of love of
another kind. But now she had a sudden feeling of experience having been
completed, something had come to her that she had wished for, longed
for--how much, she had not known until it came. What would they say at
home? What would her mother say? And gradually she realised, as she
always ended by realising, that whatever the picture of life she was
contemplating her mother was in the foreground of it. There was no doubt
about that; her mother came first, her mother must come first. But
nothing was quite clear in her mind at this moment. The past forty-eight
hours, the sudden change of scene and of companionship, a possible
alternative path suddenly presenting itself in an existence which had
been peacefully following the same road, all this had been disturbing,
bewildering even--and when the hansom drew up in Prince's Gate, Rachel
felt an intense satisfaction at being back again in the haven, at the
thought of the welcome she was going to find. And as on a summer's day
to people sitting in a shaded room, the world beyond shut out, the
opening of a door into the sunshine may reveal a sudden vista of light,
of flowers shining in the sun, so to the two people who were awaiting
Rachel's arrival she brought a sudden vision of youth, brightness,
colour, hope, as she came swiftly in, smiling and confident, with the
face and expression of one who had never come into the presence of
either of these two companions without seeing her gladness reflected in
the light of welcome that shone in their eyes.
"Well, gadabout!" said her father as she turned to him after embracing
her mother fondly.
"I am very sorry," said Rachel, "I won't do it again."
"And how did you enjoy yourself, my darling?" said Lady Gore.
"Oh, very much," Rachel said. "It was delightful." The mother looked at
her and tried to read into her face all that the words might mean.
Rachel was in happy unconsciousness of how entirely the ground was
prepared to receive her confidence.
"Was there a large party?" said Sir William.
"No," said Rachel, "a very small one." She was leaning back comfortably
in the armchair, and deliberately taking off her gloves. "In fact, there
were only two people beside myself, Sir Charles Miniver, and--Mr.
Rendel." There was a pause.
"Miniver!" said Sir William, "Still staying about! He appeared to me an
old man when I was twenty-five." Rachel opened her eyes.
"Did he?" she said. "That explains it. He is quite terribly old now,
much, much older than other old people one sees," she said, with the
conviction of her age, to which sixty and eighty appear pretty much the
same. "You didn't mind," she went on to her mother hastily, somewhat
transparently trying to avoid a discussion of the rest of the house
party, "my staying till the afternoon train? Mrs. Feversham suggested
boating this morning, and the day was so lovely, it was too tempting to
refuse."
"I didn't mind at all," said Lady Gore. "It must have been lovely in the
boat. Did you all go?"
"N--no, not all," replied Rachel. "Mrs. Feversham would have come, but
she had some things to do at home, and Sir Charles Miniver was----"
"Too old?" Lady Gore suggested.
"I suppose so," said Rachel, "though he called it busy."
"As you say," remarked Sir William, "that does not leave many people to
go in the boat." Rachel looked at her father quickly, but with a
pliability surprising in the male mind he managed to look unconscious.
"Well, Elinor," he continued, "I think as you have a companion now, I
shall go off for a bit. I shall be back presently. Let me implore you
not to let me find too many bores at tea."
"If Miss Tarlton comes," said Lady Gore, "I will have her automatically
ejected." Sir William went out, smiling at her. The mother and
daughter, both unconsciously to themselves, watched the door close, then
Rachel got up, went to the glass over the chimneypiece and began
deliberately taking off her veil.
"I do look a sight," she said. "It is astonishing how dirty one's face
gets in London, even in a drive across the Park."
"Rachel!" her mother said. Rachel turned round and looked at her. Then
she went quickly across the room and knelt down by her mother's couch.
"Mother!" she said, "Mother dear! it is such a comfort that if I don't
tell you things you don't mind. And why should you? It doesn't matter.
It is just as if I had told you--you always know, you always
understand."
"Yes," said Lady Gore, "I think I understand. And you know," she added
after a moment, "that I never want you to tell me more than you wish to
tell. Only, very often"--and she tried to choose her words with anxious
care, that not one of them might mean more, less, or other than she
intended, "it sometimes helps younger people, if they talk to people who
are older. You see, the mere fact of having been in the world longer,
brings one something like more wisdom, one can judge of the proportion
of things somehow, nothing seems quite so surprising, so
extraordinary--or so impossible," she added with a faint smile, with the
intuition of the point that Rachel had arrived at. And Rachel was ready
to take perfectly for granted that she should have been so followed. Her
absolute reliance on the wise and tender confidante by her side, the
habit of placing her first and referring everything to her was stronger
unconsciously to herself, than even the natural desire of her age to hug
the secret she was carrying, to keep it jealously from any eyes but her
own.
"Of course, of course, I know that," she said without looking up, "and
my first thought always is that I will tell you. In fact," she went on
with a little laugh, "I never know what I think myself until I have told
you, and heard what it sounds like when I am saying it to you, and seen
what you look like when you listen--only----" she stopped again.
"Darling," said Lady Gore, "never feel that you must tell me a word more
than you wish to say."
"Well," said Rachel hesitating, "the only thing is that to-day I
must--perhaps--you would know something about it presently in any
case...." And she stopped again.
"Presently? why?" said Lady Gore. Rachel made no answer.
"Is Mr. Rendel coming here to-day?" said Lady Gore, trying to speak in
her ordinary voice.
"Yes," said Rachel, "he is coming to see you."
"I shall be very glad to see him," said Lady Gore. "I always am."
"I know, yes," said Rachel. Then with a sudden effort, "It is no use,
mother, I must tell you; you must know first." Then she paused again.
"This morning we went out in the boat----" she stopped.
"Yes," said Lady Gore, "and Sir Charles Miniver was unfortunately too
old to go with you--or fortunately, perhaps?"
"I am not sure which," said Rachel. "I am not sure," she repeated
slowly.
"Rachel, did Francis Rendel...."
"Yes," said Rachel, "he asked me to marry him."
Lady Gore laid her hand on her daughter's. "What did you say to him?"
Rachel looked up quickly. "Surely you know. I told him it would be
impossible."
"Impossible?" her mother repeated.
"Of course, impossible," Rachel said. "We needn't discuss it, mother
dear," she went on with an effort. "You know I could not go away from
you; you could not do without me. You could not, could you?" she went on
imploringly. "I should be dreadfully saddened if you could."
"I should have to do without you," Lady Gore said. "I could not let you
give up your happiness to mine."
"It would not be giving up my happiness to stay with you, you know that
quite well," Rachel said. "On the contrary, I simply could not be happy
if I felt that you needed me and that I had left you."
"Rachel, do you care for him?"
"Do I, I wonder?" Rachel said, half thinking aloud and letting herself
go as one does who, having overcome the first difficulty of speech,
welcomes the rapturous belief of pouring out her heart to the right
listener. "I believe," she said, "that I care for him as much as I could
for any one, in that way, but"--and she shook her head--"I know all the
time that you come first, and that you always, always will."
"Oh, but that is not right," said Lady Gore. "That is not natural."
"Not natural," Rachel said, "that I should care for my mother most?"
"No," Lady Gore said, "not in the long run. Of course," she went on with
a smile, "to say a thing is not 'natural' is simply begging the
question, and sounds as if one were dismissing a very complicated
problem with a commonplace formula, but it has truth in it all the same.
It is difficult enough to fashion existence in the right way, even with
the help of others, but to do it single-handed is a task few people are
qualified to achieve. I am quite sure that a woman has more chance of
happiness if she marries than if she remains alone. It is right that
people should renew their stock of affection, should see that their hold
on the world, on life, is renewed, should feel that fresh claims, for
that is a part, and a great part, of happiness, are ready at hand when
the old ones disappear. All this is what means happiness, and you know
that the one thing I want in the world is that you should be happy. I
was thinking to-day," she went on, with a slight tremor in her voice,
"that if I were quite sure that your life were happily settled, that you
were beginning one of your own not wholly dependent on those behind
you, I should not mind very much if mine were to come to an end."
"To an end?" said Rachel, startled. "Don't say that--don't talk about
that."
"I do not talk about it often," Lady Gore said; "but this is a moment
when it must be said, because, remember, when you talk of sacrificing
your life to me----"
"Sacrificing!" interjected Rachel.
"Well, of devoting it to me," Lady Gore went on; "and putting aside
those things that might make a beautiful life of your own, you must
remember one thing, that I may not be there always. In fact," she
corrected herself with a smile, "to say _may_ not is taking a
rose-coloured view, that I _shall_ not be there always. And who knows?
The moment of our separation may not be so far off."
Rachel looked up hurriedly, much perturbed.
"Why are you saying this now?" she said. "You have seemed so much better
lately. You are very well, aren't you, mother? You are looking very
well."
Lady Gore had a moment of wondering whether she should tell her daughter
what she knew, what she expected herself, but she looked at Rachel's
anxious, quivering face and refrained.
"It is something that ought to be said at this moment," she answered.
"You have come to a parting of the ways. This is the moment to show you
the signposts, to help you to choose the best road."
"Listen, mother," said Rachel earnestly. "In this case I am sure I know
by myself which is the best road to choose. I am perfectly clear that as
long as I have you I shall stay with you. That I mean to do," she
continued with unwonted decision. "And besides, if--if you were no
longer there, how could I leave my father?"
"Ah," said Lady Gore, "I wanted to say that to you. Now, as we are
speaking of it, let us talk it out, let us look at it in the face.
Consider the possibility, Rachel, the probability that I may be taken
from you; my dream would be that you should make your own life with some
one that you care about, and yet not part it entirely from your
father's, that while he is there he should not be left. If I thought
that, do you know, it would be a very great help to me," she said,
forcing herself to speak steadily, but unable to hide entirely the
wistful anxiety in her tone.
"I will never, never leave him," Rachel said. "I promise you that I
never will."
"Then I can look forward," her mother said, "as peacefully, I don't say
as joyfully, as I look back. Twenty-four years, nearly twenty-five," she
went on, half to herself and looking dreamily upwards, "we have been
married. You don't know what those years mean, but some day I hope you
will. I pray that you may know how the lives and souls of two people who
care for one another absolutely grow together during such a time."
"It is beautiful," Rachel said softly, "to know that there is such
happiness in the world," and her own new happiness leapt to meet the
assurance of the years.
"It is beautiful indeed," Lady Gore said. "It means a constant abiding
sense of a strange other self sharing one's own interests--of a close
companionship, an unquestioning approval which makes one almost
independent of opinions outside."
"Some people," said Rachel, pressing her mother's hand, "have the
outside affection and approval too."
"Yes, the world has been very kind to me," Lady Gore said, "and all that
is delightful. But it is the big thing that matters. Do you remember
that there was some famous Greek who said when his chosen friend and
companion died, 'The theatre of my actions has fallen'?" Rachel's face
lighted up in quick response. "When I am gone," her mother went on,
"don't let your father feel that the theatre of _his_ actions has
fallen--take my place, surround him with love and sympathy."
"I will, indeed I will," said Rachel.
"What a man needs," said Lady Gore, "is some one to believe in him."
"My father will never be in want of that," said Rachel, with heartfelt
conviction. "Mother," she added, "I never will forget what I am saying
now, and you may believe it and you may be happy about it. I won't leave
my father; he shall come first, I promise, whatever happens."
"First?" said Lady Gore gently. "No, Rachel, not that; it is right that
your husband should come first."
"The people," said Rachel smiling, "whose husbands come first have not
had a father and mother like mine."
There was a knock at the house door. Rachel sprang hurriedly to her
feet, the colour flying into her cheeks. Lady Gore looked at her. She
had never before seen in Rachel's face what she saw there now.
"I must take off my things," the girl said, catching up her gloves and
veil.
"Don't be very long," said her mother.
"I'll--I'll--see," Rachel said, and she suddenly bent over her mother
and kissed her, then went quickly out by one door as the other was
thrown open to admit a visitor.