A FUNNY FAMILY
Patty was right when she called the Barlows a funny family, for their
spirits were irrepressible, and each day, from morning till night was
filled with jokes and absurdities accompanied or followed by gales of
laughter.
But they were heedless, forgetful people, and the whole household showed an
utter lack of systematic management.
Nothing was ever to be found in its place; meals were served at any hour
when old Hopalong got them ready. Sometimes the market orders were
neglected and there was almost nothing to eat, and then again there was
such an overstock that much had to be wasted. The children were allowed to
do exactly as they chose, and were never reproved; but if their own
mischief led them into misfortune, or their pranks turned out disastrously,
they were expected to stand the consequences bravely, and look for little
or no sympathy from their elders.
Patty had not been at the Hurly-Burly many days before she discovered that
its proportion of order and regularity was entirely too small. To be sure,
in the Fleming family it had been too large; but she thought there must be
a happy medium, a state of things whereby one could expect the ordinary
events of daily life to come in due course, without, however, living as if
by clockwork. You see Patty was becoming a very wise little girl, for she
was profiting by her varied experiences, and trying to learn the best way
to take care of her father's house and make it a real home for him.
Sometimes she felt this responsibility very greatly, and longed for some
motherly, housewifely friend to talk with about it.
But Aunt Grace, though loving and affectionate, was no help in such
matters.
"Nonsense, child," she would say, "don't worry about your housekeeping;
why, the house will keep itself, if you let it alone. And you're too young
to be bothered with a weight of domestic care, anyway. Now run off and play
with Bob and Bumble. Go for a row or a drive and let the breeze blow all
such worries out of your little noddle."
So Patty ran away and played with her cousins, and they did have jolly good
times.
There were so many nice things to do; fishing sailing, bathing, boating,
driving, golf, tennis, and all sorts of outdoor amusements were at their
disposal.
The Barlow twins, Nan Allen and Patty made a gay quartette, and if they
desired a larger party, there were plenty of neighbors ready to join in
their fun.
One warm afternoon, Patty and Bumble sat in a hammock swung under the
trees, while Bob sprawled on the grass near them.
"Girls," said he, "come on, let's go for a swim. The Smiths and the
Enfields just went down towards the bath-houses, and there'll be a jolly
crowd in the water."
"All right, let's go," replied his sister. "Where's Nan?"
"She's in the house somewhere," said Patty. "I'll go find her."
Patty ran into the house and looked in at the music-room door, as a
beginning of her search, but there she saw such a startling sight that she
stood spellbound, unable to go any further.
At the writing-desk sat a person whose head was entirely bald. Not a spear
of hair was anywhere visible on the bare, pinky-white scalp, and the round
head was smooth and shiny as a billiard-ball.
Then the head turned round and faced Patty, with rolling eyes and a weird
grimace. But Patty looked so astounded and frightened that the face broke
into a reassuring smile, and Nan's voice said:
"Why, Patty, don't be scared; it's only I. Didn't you know I wore a wig?
There it is, on that chair."
And sure enough, there was Nan's mop of frizzed, flaxen hair hanging on a
chair-back.
"But," said Patty, coming nearer, and still unable quite to comprehend it
all, "why don't you have any hair yourself?"
"Well, you see," said Nan, as she sealed and addressed the letter she had
been writing, "I had typhoid fever just before I left home, and my hair
came out so, that I had to have it all shaved off. So now I am wearing a
wig until it grows again. But it is so warm to-day, I took my wig off for a
few moments to rest my head."
Patty examined the wig with great interest.
"I think it's wonderful," she said, "is it just like your own hair was?"
"No, indeed, I wanted a change. My own hair is very dark, almost black, and
perfectly straight. So I bought this Flaxie Frizzle wig for a change. It's
becoming, don't you think so? I have a red wig too,--of short, curly auburn
hair. Sometimes I wear that."
Patty watched Nan curiously, as she put the wig on, securing it to her head
by invisible springs.
"I never saw anybody with a wig before," she said, "and it surprises me so;
but I came to ask you to go swimming with us."
"Can't do it," said Nan; "I have two more letters to write, and then I'm
going driving with the Perrys. They're to call for me at four o'clock, and
it's after three now. You'll have to go without me this time."
"All right," said Patty, backing out of the room, for her eyes were still
fixed on the wonderful wig.
Then she rejoined her cousins, and they all ran to the bath-houses.
They had a fine bath, and were about ready to come out of the water when
Nan appeared.
She was dressed in a fresh white pique suit, with blue ribbons at her
throat and belt, and was looking very pretty but decidedly disappointed.
She walked out to the end of the narrow wooden pier, and the swimmers came
up to talk to her.
Patty didn't swim very well as yet, but she was learning, and Uncle Ted and
Bob said she was getting along finely.
"I thought you were going out with the Perrys," cried Bumble.
"I was,--" said Nan, "but they didn't come. I've been dressed and waiting
for them half an hour, then I looked again at the note they sent me, and I
made a mistake; it's to-morrow they asked me to go. So I came down here,
and I wish I was in the water with you."
"Come on in," said Bob.
"Too much trouble to get into my bathing-suit."
"Don't do it," said Bumble; "we're coming out now, anyway. But the water is
fine, to-day, isn't it, Patty?"
"Glorious!" gurgled Patty, as she floundered about in her frantic endeavors
to swim. Suddenly, Nan snatched off her wig, and dropped it down on the
dock.
Then with dramatic gestures, she wrung her hands, waved them above her
head, and cried out in agonized tones:
"I am desperate! No longer can I bear this sad and weary life. I
_will_ end it!" Apparently in the last stages of despair, she strode to the
end of the dock, and threw herself headlong into the water.
Patty was aghast, but Bob and Bumble were accustomed to Nan's mad tricks,
and they shouted with laughter.
In a moment the bald head reappeared above the water, for Nan could dive
and swim wonderfully well.
"I'm afraid my dress will get wet," she said, "but when I saw you all
having such fun, I just couldn't help jumping in."
"Crazy Nan," said Bumble, "you've spoiled your clean dress, and you can't
swim with your shoes on, anyway, can you?"
"Not very well," said Nan, regretfully, "and they're my best shoes, too.
But I don't care; I'll get a bath and have some fun."
Later on, the four young people, much refreshed and exhilarated, assembled
in the music-room to wait for dinner.
Aunt Grace, whose sprained ankle was getting better, and who could now limp
around with the aid of a crutch, was there too.
"Geranium Blossom! but I'm hungry," exclaimed Bob. "Mumsey, do you s'pose
we're going to have any dinner to-night?"
"I think so, my boy," returned Mrs. Barlow, placidly, "but go and get a
biscuit if you'd like one."
"I'll tell you what," said Nan, "let's have tea while we wait. There'll be
plenty of time, for Eunice has just begun to lay the table for dinner."
"All right," said Bumble. "Patty, if you'll get the hot water, I'll cut up
a lemon."
"But there aren't any lemons," said her mother. "I looked for one to-day,
and they're all out."
"There aren't any biscuits, either," said Bob, coming back from a fruitless
quest; "the box is empty."
"And there doesn't seem to be any sugar," said Nan, peering into the
sugar-bowl on the tea-table.
"Well, I'll tell you what," said Bumble, "let's pretend to have tea. You
know some people say, if you think you have anything, you have it."
"All right," said Patty, who dearly loved to pretend, "I'll make the tea."
So she pretended to measure out some tea from the caddy, and put it in the
teapot. Then she poured imaginary water from the teakettle upon it, and
covered the teapot tightly with the cosey. After allowing it a little time
to "draw" she pretended to pour it into cups, in which Bumble had already
placed imaginary sugar-lumps and bits of lemon.
Bob offered his services as waiter, and passed the cups to his mother and
Nan, and also to imaginary guests, who, he pretended, were sitting on the
chairs and sofa.
"This tea is delicious," said Aunt Grace, stirring in her empty cup, and
sipping from her empty spoon.
"Yes," said Patty, "it is real Russian tea. Do have some more, won't you?"
"Indeed, I will," said Aunt Grace, and Patty poured her another empty
cupful.
"Pass the biscuit, Bumble," said Bob, and his sister carried around the
empty biscuit-jar, while the guests helped themselves to nothing.
Uncle Ted came in in the midst of the tea joke, and drank several cups of
air, until Patty finally peeped into the teapot, and said, "You'll all have
to stop, for there isn't any tea left."
Bob carried the cups back to the tea-table, and all declared they had had a
very nice tea-party.
"But why don't you have a tea-party, girls?" said Uncle Ted, "a real one, I
mean. Invite all the neighbors and have a nice spread. I'll decorate a bit
with Japanese lanterns, and we'll make it a general festivity."
"Oh, lovely!" cried Bumble, "if mamma is well enough to stand the
excitement."
"Aunt Grace needn't have any of the trouble," said Nan. "I'll order things,
and help get the house ready. We girls will do all the work, and Aunt Grace
can just be an invited guest."
"Let's make it a lawn-party," said Bob, "and we'll have supper served in a
tent."
"Let me see," said Uncle Ted, "to-day is Monday. There's no use waiting too
long, and the moon is nearly at its full now. Suppose we have the party on
Thursday; can you all be ready by that time?"
"Oh, yes," said Nan, "there's nothing much to do. Let's write the
invitations to-night."
So during dinner, which was finally announced, they completed their plans
for a garden-party from five o'clock to ten Thursday evening; and after
dinner Nan wrote the invitations, and Patty addressed them, while the rest
discussed and decided who should be invited to the party.