"Every British working man has as much right as any Member of Parliament
to be paid £400 a year," states a well-known Labour paper. We have never
questioned this for a moment.
***
"Women," says a technical journal, "are a source of grave danger to
motorists in crowded city streets." It is feared in some quarters that
they will have to be abolished.
***
"Are you getting stout?" asks a Sunday contemporary. Only very
occasionally, we regret to say.
***
The heat was so oppressive in London the other day that a taxi-driver at
Euston Station was seen to go up to a pedestrian and ask him if he could
do with a ride. He was eventually pinned down by some colleagues and
handed over to the care of his relatives.
***
"I do not care a straw about Turkey," writes Mr. LOVAT Fraser in _The
Daily Mail_. It is this dare-devil spirit which has made us the nation
we are.
***
Superstition in regard to marriage is dying out, says a West End
registrar. Nevertheless the superstition that a man who gets married
between January 1st and December 31st is asking for trouble is still
widely held.
***
Mr. VAN INGEN, a New York business man, has just started to cross the
Atlantic for the one hundred and sixtieth time. It is not known whether
the major ambition of his life is to leave New York or go back and have
a last look at it.
***
"There is no likelihood," says the FOOD-CONTROLLER, "of cheese running
out during the coming winter." A pan of drinking water left in the
larder will always prevent its running out and biting someone during the
dog-days.
***
Sympathetic readers will be glad to hear that the little sixpence which
was found wandering in Piccadilly Circus has been given a good home by
an Aberdeen gentleman.
***
Aeroplane passengers are advised by one enterprising weekly not to throw
bottles out of the machine. This is certainly good advice. The bottles
are so apt to get broken.
***
Germany, it is expected, will sign the Peace treaty this once, but
points out that we must not allow it to happen again.
***
Of two burglars charged at Stratford one told the Bench that he intended
to have nothing further to do with his colleague in future. It is said
that he finds it impossible to work with him owing to his nasty grasping
ways.
* * * * *
Sixty-seven fewer babies were born in one Surrey village last year than
in previous years. It would be interesting to have their names.
***
A grocer, according to a legal writer, is not compelled to take goods
out of the window to oblige a customer. The suggestion that a grocer is
expected to oblige anybody in any circumstances is certainly a novelty.
***
Uxbridge, says _The Evening News_, has no bandstand. Nor have we, but we
make no fuss about it.
***
The Bolshevists in Russia, we are told, are busy sowing seeds of
sedition. For some time it has been suspected that the Bolshevists were
up to no good.
***
HERBERT WELSH, aged sixty-seven, has started to walk from New Jersey to
New Hampshire, U.S.A., a distance of five hundred miles. In the absence
of fuller details we assume that HERBERT must have lost his train.
***
"Postage stamps," says a weekly snippets paper, "can be obtained at all
post-offices." This should prove a boon to those who have letters to
write.
***
It is thought if a certain well-known judge does not soon ask, "What is
whisky?" he will have to content himself with the past tense.
***
"What to do with a Wasp" is a headline in a contemporary. We have not
read the article, but our own plan with wasps is to try to dodge them.
***
We hear that complications may arise from an unfortunate mistake made at
a Jazz Competition held in London last week. It appears that the prize
was awarded to a lady suffering from hysteria who was not competing.
***
A taxi-driver in a suburb of London was married last week to a local
telephone operator. Speculation is now rife as to which will be the
first to break down and say "Thank you."
***
The Press reports the case of a young lady who received slight injuries
from a slab of ceiling which fell on her head whilst she was asleep in
bed, but was saved from further damage by the thickness of her hair.
This should act as a warning to those ladies who adopt the silly habit
of removing their tresses on retiring for the night.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Hospital Orderly (taking particulars of new patient_).
"NAME, SIR?"
_Patient_. "SIR BRUCE BLAZEAWAY."
_Hospital Orderly_. "RANK?"
_Patient_. "LIEUTENANT-GENERAL."
_Hospital Orderly_. "BATTALION?"]
* * * * *