* * * * *
[Illustration: _Englishman_ (_to friend_). "There goes that awful liar,
who says he has climbed everything under the sun."
_Friend._ "Don't call him a liar. Rather say he has a great talent for
exaggerating things that never happened."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A PLEASANT UNCERTAINTY.--_Gigantic Guide._ "Ze last party
zat was 'ere--no one knew whezzer zey _shumped_ over or was _thrown_
over!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A SLIGHT "MALONGTONGDEW"
_Angelina._ "There are to be illuminations and fireworks, and they're to
finish up with an 'ombrasmong general.' What can that be?"
_Edwin._ "Well, 'ombasser' means to 'kiss'; so I suppose it means a kind
of a sort of a general kissing all round."
_Angelina._ "Horrid idea! I won't go near the place, and I'm sure you
shan't, Edwin!"
[Our readers, who know French better than E. and A., are aware that
embrasement, with only one "s," has a totally different meaning.
]
* * * * *
[Illustration: HONEYMOONING IN PARIS.--_Mrs. Jones._ "Am I not an
expensive little wifie?"
_Jones_ (_who has spent the morning and a small fortune at the Magasin
du Louvre_). "Well, you _are_ a little dear!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: QUID PRO QUO.--_Madame Gaminot._ "Oh yes, Monsieur Jones,
J'_adore_ les Anglais! Zey understand bisnesse! For example, zey pay me
sixty pound--fifteen 'undred franc--to sing 'La Blanchisseuse du
Tambour-Major' at a evening party! It seem a great deal! But zey laugh,
and zey say, 'Oh, sharmong! Oh, ravissong!' and it mek everybody sink
zat everybody else know French--it almost mek zem sink zat zey know it
zemselfs!!! Ca vaut bien quinze cents francs, j'espere!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Tourist_ (_at small Irish inn, miles from anywhere_).
"Look here, what does this mean? I left my boots out last night, and
they haven't been touched."
_Landlord_ (_with honest pride_). "Thrue for ye, sorr! An' begorr', if
ye'd left your _gowld watch an' chain_ out, div'l a sowl wud 'a touched
them nayther!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: 'ARRY ABROAD.--_Guide._ "Monsieur finds eet a vairy
eenteresting old place, ees eet not?" _'Arry_ (_who will speak French_).
"Pas demi!"]
* * * * *