"Marry, come up!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Scientific and Nervous Visitor at Country Hotel._ "I
suppose there's no 'ptomaine' in this pie?"
_Waiter_ (_equal to the occasion_). "No, sir. We never puts that in
unless specially ordered!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: DARTMOOR WAY.--_Tourist_ (_in background_). "I say!
Percy! We'd better be going now--unless you can see anything striking
from where you are!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SCENE--_Railway Refreshment Room. Thermometer 90 deg. in the
Shade._
_Waiter_ (_to traveller taking tea_). "Beg pardon, sir, I shouldn't
recommend that milk, sir; leastways not for _drinking_ purposes."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: HALCYON PROSPECTS.--_Romantic Bride_ (_ecstatically_).
"Such a waste of waters almost appals me!"
_Prudent Husband_ (_fondly_). "What a dear little economist it is!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Tourist._ "Wasn't there a great battle fought about
here?"
_Village Dame._ "Ah, I do mind it when I were a gell, I do. They
was----"
_Tourist._ "But, my good woman, that was nearly six hundred years ago!"
_Village Dame_ (_unabashed_). "Dear, dear! How time do fly!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "And she only charged eight-and-a-half guineas,
and"--(_Interruption from Husbands._ "Isn't the view marvellous!"
_General chorus in reply._ "Oh--er--_Yes!_")--"and now I simply go there
for everything!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: FRENCH AND ENGLISH (_as zey are spoke at ze country
'ouse_).--_Hostess._ "Oh--er--j'espair ker voos avvy troovy
votre--votre--er--er--votre _collar stud_, barrong?"
_M. le Baron._ "Oh, I zank you, yes! I find 'eem on my _chest of
trowsers_!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: PERAMBULATORS NOT ADMITTED
A DISAPPOINTMENT. [To _perambulate_; v.n., in German, _spazieren_; in
French, _se promener_; in Italian, _passeggiare_.]--_Johann Schmidt._
"Ach! vat a bitty, Mister Chones! Zen ve must not go therein to
berampulate?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Chatty Tourist._ "Beautiful specimen of a Roman camp,
this, isn't it?"
_Grim Stranger._ "_No_, sir, _no_! I decline to admit that there can be
_any_ true beauty about anything _Roman_!"]
* * * * *