Produced by Louise Hope, David Starner and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
[Transcriber's Note:
This translation of Terence was published by Harper & Brothers as
the second part of an omnibus volume also containing the 1853 Riley
translation (prose, with notes and commentary). The Riley portion
has been released as a separate e-text, #22188.
This e-text includes readings from the 1768 second edition of
Colman. In general, only differences in wording are included;
variations in spelling and punctuation were disregarded. It is not
known whether the Harper's text was based on the first edition of
Colman or some later edition. Where the Harper text was clearly in
error, the 1768 reading was substituted in the main text. In all
cases, the alternative readings are shown at the end of each Scene.
Stage directions in braces such as {_MICIO and DEMEA apart._} were
added by the transcriber where the original format was impractical.
Each play is a free-standing unit.]
The
COMEDIES
of
TERENCE.
Literally Translated into English Prose,
with Notes.
By HENRY THOMAS RILEY, B.A.,
Late Scholar of Clare Hall, Cambridge.
To which is added
the blank verse translation of
GEORGE COLMAN.
New York:
Harper & Brothers, Publishers,
Franklin Square.
1896.
Harper's
NEW CLASSICAL LIBRARY.
Comprising Literal Translations of
Caesar.
Virgil.
Sallust.
Horace.
Terence.
Tacitus. 2 Vols.
Livy. 2 Vols.
Cicero's Orations.
Cicero's Offices, Laelius, Cato Major, Paradoxes,
Scipio's Dream, Letter to Quintus.
Cicero On Oratory and Orators.
Cicero's Tusculan Disputations, The Nature of the Gods,
and The Commonwealth.
Juvenal.
Xenophon.
Homer's Iliad.
Homer's Odyssey.
Herodotus.
Demosthenes. 2 Vols.
Thucydides.
AEschylus.
Sophocles.
Euripides. 2 Vols.
Plato (Select Dialogues).
12mo, Cloth, $1.00 per Volume.
Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York.
_The above works are for sale by all booksellers, or they will be sent
by HARPER & BROTHERS to any address on receipt of price as quoted. If
ordered sent by mail, 10 per cent. should be added to the price to
cover cost of postage._
CONTENTS.
COMEDIES OF TERENCE: IN VERSE.
The Andrian 367
The Eunuch 408
The Self-Tormentor 451
The Brothers 494
The Step-Mother 535
Phormio 568
THE
COMEDIES
OF
TERENCE.
TRANSLATED INTO
FAMILIAR BLANK VERSE,
BY GEORGE COLMAN.
Primores populi arripuit populumque tributim:
Scilicet uni aequus virtuti atque ejus amicis.
Quin ubi se a vulgo et scena in secreta remorant
Virtus Scipiadae et mitis sapientia Laeli,
Nugari cum illo et discincti ludere, donec
Decoqueretur olus, soliti.
HORACE.
* * * * *
* * * *
THE ANDRIAN.
PERSONS REPRESENTED.
PROLOGUE.
SIMO.
PAMPHILUS.
CHREMES.
CHARINUS.
CRITO.
SOSIA.
DAVUS.
BYRRHIA.
DROMO.
SERVANTS, ETC.
GLYCERIUM.
MYSIS.
LESBIA.
ARCHYLLIS.
SCENE, ATHENS.
PROLOGUE.
The Bard, when first he gave his mind to write,
Thought it his only business, that his Plays
Should please the people: but it now falls out,
He finds, much otherwise, and wastes, perforce,
His time in writing Prologues; not to tell
The argument, but to refute the slanders
Broach'd by the malice of an older Bard.
And mark what vices he is charg'd withal!
Menander wrote the Andrian and Perinthian:
Know one, and you know both; in argument
Less diff'rent than in sentiment and style.
What suited with the Andrian he confesses
From the Perinthian he transferr'd, and us'd
For his: and this it is these sland'rers blame,
Proving by deep and learned disputation,
That Fables should not be contaminated.
Troth! all the knowledge is they nothing know:
Who, blaming; him, blame Naevius, Plautus, Ennius,
Whose great example is his precedent;
Whose negligence he'd wish to emulate
Rather than _their_ dark diligence. Henceforth,
Let them, I give them warning, be at peace,
And cease to rail, lest they be made to know
Their own misdeeds. Be favorable! sit
With equal mind, and hear our play; that hence
Ye may conclude, what hope to entertain,
The comedies he may hereafter write
Shall merit approbation or contempt.
[Changes:
_Harper_
That Fables should not be contaminated.
_Colman 1768_
That Fables should not be confounded thus.]
ACT THE FIRST.
SCENE I.
_SIMO, SOSIA, and SERVANTS with Provisions._
SIMO. Carry those things in: go! (_Ex. SERVANTS._
Sosia, come here;
A word with you!
SOSIA. I understand: that these
Be ta'en due care of.
SIMO. Quite another thing.
SOSIA. What can my art do more for you?
SIMO. This business
Needs not that art; but those good qualities,
Which I have ever known abide in you,
Fidelity and secrecy.
SOSIA. I wait
Your pleasure.
SIMO. Since I bought you, from a boy
How just and mild a servitude you've pass'd
With me, you're conscious: from a purchas'd slave
I made you free, because you serv'd me freely:
The greatest recompense I could bestow.
SOSIA. I do remember.
SIMO. Nor do I repent.
SOSIA. If I have ever done, or now do aught
That's pleasing to you, Simo, I am glad,
And thankful that you hold my service good
And yet this troubles me: for this detail,
Forcing your kindness on my memory,
Seems to reproach me of ingratitude.
Oh tell me then at once, what would you? Sir!
SIMO. I will; and this I must advise you first;
The nuptial you suppose preparing now,
Is all unreal.
SOSIA. Why pretend it then?
SIMO. You shall hear all from first to last: and thus
The conduct of my son, my own intent,
And what part you're to act, you'll know at once.
For my son, Sosia, now to manhood grown,
Had freer scope of living: for before
How might you know, or how indeed divine
His disposition, good or ill, while youth,
Fear, and a master, all constrain'd him?
SOSIA. True.
SIMO. Though most, as is the bent of youth, apply
Their mind to some one object, horses, hounds,
Or to the study of philosophy;
Yet none of these, beyond the rest, did he
Pursue; and yet, in moderation, all.
I was o'erjoy'd.
SOSIA. And not without good cause.
For this I hold to be the Golden Rule
Of Life, too much of one thing's good for nothing.
SIMO. So did he shape his life to bear himself
With ease and frank good-humor unto all;
Mix'd in what company soe'er, to them
He wholly did resign himself; and join'd
In their pursuits, opposing nobody,
Nor e'er assuming to himself: and thus
With ease, and free from envy, may you gain
Praise, and conciliate friends.
SOSIA. He rul'd his life
By prudent maxims: for, as times go now,
Compliance raises friends, and truth breeds hate.
SIMO. Meanwhile, 'tis now about three years ago,
A certain woman from the isle of Andros,
Came o'er to settle in this neighborhood,
By poverty and cruel kindred driv'n:
Handsome and young.
SOSIA. Ah! I begin to fear
Some mischief from this Andrian.
SIMO. At first
Modest and thriftily, though poor, she liv'd,
With her own hands a homely livelihood
Scarce earning from the distaff and the loom.
But when a lover came, with promis'd gold,
Another, and another, as the mind
Falls easily from labor to delight,
She took their offers, and set up the trade.
They, who were then her chief gallants, by chance
Drew thither, as oft happen with young men
My son to join their company. "So, so!"
Said I within myself, "he's smit! he has it!"
And in the morning as I saw their servants
Run to and fro, I'd often call, "here, boy!
Prithee now, who had Chrysis yesterday?"
The name of this same Andrian.
SOSIA. I take you.
SIMO. Phaedrus they said, Clinia, or Niceratus,
For all these three then follow'd her.--"Well, well,
But what of Pamphilus?"--"Of Pamphilus!
He supp'd, and paid his reck'ning."--I was glad.
Another day I made the like inquiry,
But still found nothing touching Pamphilus.
Thus I believ'd his virtue prov'd, and hence
Thought him a miracle of continence:
For he who struggles with such spirits, yet
Holds in that commerce an unshaken mind,
May well be trusted with the governance
Of his own conduct. Nor was I alone
Delighted with his life, but all the world
With one accord said all good things, and prais'd
My happy fortunes, who possess'd a son
So good, so lib'rally disposed.--In short
Chremes, seduc'd by this fine character,
Came of his own accord, to offer me
His only daughter with a handsome portion
In marriage with my son. I lik'd the match;
Betroth'd my son; and this was pitch'd upon,
By joint agreement, for the wedding-day.
SOSIA. And what prevents it's being so?
SIMO. I'll tell you.
In a few days, the treaty still on foot,
This neighbor Chrysis dies.
SOSIA. In happy hour:
Happy for you! I was afraid of Chrysis.
SIMO. My son, on this event, was often there
With those who were the late gallants of Chrysis;
Assisted to prepare the funeral,
Ever condol'd, and sometimes wept with them.
This pleas'd me then; for in myself I thought,
"Since merely for a small acquaintance-sake
He takes this woman's death so nearly, what
If he himself had lov'd? What would he feel
For me, his father?" All these things, I thought;
Were but the tokens and the offices
Of a humane and tender disposition.
In short, on his account, e'en I myself
Attend the funeral, suspecting yet
No harm.
SOSIA. And what----
SIMO. You shall hear all. The Corpse
Borne forth, we follow: when among the women
Attending there, I chanc'd to cast my eyes,
Upon one girl, in form----
SOSIA. Not bad, perhaps----
SIMO. And look; so modest, and so beauteous, Sosia!
That nothing could exceed it. As she seem'd
To grieve beyond the rest; and as her air
Appear'd more liberal and ingenuous,
I went and ask'd her women who she was.
Sister, they said, to Chrysis: when at once
It struck my mind; "So! so! the secret's out;
Hence were those tears, and hence all that compassion!"
SOSIA. Alas! I fear how this affair will end!
SIMO. Meanwhile the funeral proceeds: we follow;
Come to the sepulchre: the body's plac'd
Upon the pile, lamented: whereupon
This sister I was speaking of, all wild,
Ran to the flames with peril of her life.
Then! there! the frighted Pamphilus betrays
His well-dissembled and long-hidden love:
Runs up, and takes her round the waist, and cries,
"Oh my Glycerium! what is it you do?
Why, why endeavor to destroy yourself?"
Then she, in such a manner, that you thence
Might easily perceive their long, long, love,
Threw herself back into his arms, and wept,
Oh how familiarly!
SOSIA. How say you!
SIMO. I
Return in anger thence, and hurt at heart,
Yet had no cause sufficient for reproof.
"What have I done? he'd say; or how deserv'd
Reproach? or how offended, Father?--Her
Who meant to cast herself into the flames,
I stopped." A fair excuse!
SOSIA. You're in the right;
For him, who sav'd a life, if you reprove,
What will you do to him that offers wrong?
SIMO. Chremes next day came open-mouth'd to me:
Oh monstrous! he had found that Pamphilus
Was married to this stranger woman. I
Deny the fact most steadily, and he
As steadily insists. In short we part
On such bad terms, as let me understand
He would refuse his daughter.
SOSIA. Did not you
_Then_ take your son to task?
SIMO. Not even this
Appear'd sufficient for reproof.
SOSIA. How so?
SIMO. "Father, (he might have said) You have, you know,
Prescrib'd a term to all these things yourself.
The time is near at hand, when I must live
According to the humor of another.
Meanwhile, permit me now to please my own!"
SOSIA. What cause remains to chide him then?
SIMO. If he
Refuses, on account of this amour,
To take a wife, such obstinate denial
Must be considered as his first offense.
Wherefore I now, from this mock-nuptial,
Endeavor to draw real cause to chide:
And that same rascal Davus, if he's plotting,
That he may let his counsel run to waste,
Now, when his knaveries can do no harm:
Who, I believe, with all his might and main
Will strive to cross my purposes; and that
More to plague me, than to oblige my son.
SOSIA. Why so?
SIMO. Why so! Bad mind, bad heart: But if
I catch him at his tricks!--But what need words?
--If, as I wish it may, it should appear
That Pamphilus objects not to the match,
Chremes remains to be prevail'd upon,
And will, I hope, consent. 'Tis now your place
To counterfeit these nuptials cunningly;
To frighten Davus; and observe my son,
What he's about, what plots they hatch together.
SOSIA. Enough; I'll take due care. Let's now go in!
SIMO. Go first: I'll follow you. (_Exit SOSIA._
Beyond all doubt
My son's averse to take a wife: I saw
How frighten'd Davus was, but even now,
When he was told a nuptial was preparing.
But here he comes.
[Changes:
_In this Scene, all quotation marks were supplied from the
1768 edition._
SIMO. Carry those things in: go! (_Ex. SERVANTS._
_Harper text reads "Exit SERVANTS"; "Ex." (1768) can be taken as the
correct plural form "Exeunt"._
_Harper_
He wholly did resign himself; and join'd
In their pursuits, opposing nobody,
_Colman 1768_
He wholly did resign himself; complied
With all their humours, checking nobody,
... Was married to this stranger woman. I
Deny the fact
_Line-final "I" missing in Harper text._]
SCENE II.
_Enter DAVUS._
DAVUS. (_to himself_). I thought 'twere wonderful
If this affair went off so easily;
And dreaded where my master's great good-humor
Would end at last: who, after he perceiv'd
The Lady was refus'd, ne'er said a word
To any of us, nor e'er took it ill.
SIMO. (_behind_). But now he will; to your cost too, I warrant you!
DAVUS. This was his scheme; to lead us by the nose
In a false dream of joy; then all agape
With hope, even then that we were most secure,
To have o'erwhelm'd us, nor have giv'n us time
To cast about which way to break the match.
Cunning old Gentleman!
SIMO. What says the rogue?
DAVUS. My master and I did not see him!
SIMO. Davus!
DAVUS. Well! what now? (_Pretending not to see him._)
SIMO. Here! this way!
DAVUS. What can he want? (_To himself._)
SIMO. (_overhearing_). What say you?
DAVUS. Upon what? Sir.
SIMO. Upon what!
The world reports that my son keeps a mistress.
DAVUS. Oh, to be sure, the world cares much for that.
SIMO. D'ye mind what I say? Sirrah!
DAVUS. Nothing more, Sir.
SIMO. But for me now to dive into these matters
May seem perhaps like too severe a father:
For all his youthful pranks concern not me.
While 'twas in season, he had my free leave
To take his swing of pleasure. But to-day
Brings on another stage of life, and asks
For other manners: wherefore I desire,
Or, if you please, I do beseech you, Davus,
To set him right again.
DAVUS. What means all this?
SIMO. All, who are fond of mistresses, dislike
The thoughts of matrimony.
DAVUS. So they say.
SIMO. And then, if such a person entertains
An evil counselor in those affairs,
He tampers with the mind, and makes bad worse.
DAVUS. Troth, I don't comprehend one word of this.
SIMO. No?
DAVUS. No. I'm Davus, and not Oedipus.
SIMO. Then for the rest I have to say to you,
You choose I should speak plainly.
DAVUS. By all means.
SIMO. If I discover then, that in this match
You get to your dog's tricks to break it off,
Or try to show how shrewd a rogue you are,
I'll have you beat to mummy, and then thrown
In prison, Sirrah! upon this condition,
That when I take you out again, I swear
To grind there in your stead. D'ye take me now?
Or don't you understand this neither?
DAVUS. Clearly.
You have spoke out at last: the very thing!
Quite plain and home; and nothing round about.
SIMO. I could excuse your tricks in any thing,
Rather than this.
DAVUS. Good words! I beg of you.
SIMO. You laugh at me: well, well!--I give you warning
That you do nothing rashly, nor pretend
You was not advertis'd of this--take heed! (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
To have o'erwhelm'd us, nor have giv'n us time
_Colman 1768_
To have o'erwhelm'd us, nor allow'd us time
Or, if you please, I do beseech you, Davus,
_anomalously printed as DAVUS in Harper text_]
SCENE III.
_DAVUS._
Troth Davus, 'tis high time to look about you;
No room for sloth, as far as I can sound
The sentiments of our old gentleman
About this marriage, which if not fought off,
And cunningly, spoils me, or my poor master.
I know not what to do; nor can resolve
To help the son, or to obey the father.
If I desert poor Pamphilus, alas!
I tremble for his life; if I assist him,
I dread his father's threats: a shrewd old Cuff,
Not easily deceiv'd. For first of all,
He knows of this amour; and watches me
With jealous eyes, lest I devise some trick
To break the match. If he discovers it,
Woe to poor Davus! nay, if he's inclin'd
To punish me, he'll seize on some pretense
To throw me into prison, right or wrong.
Another mischief is, this Andrian,
Mistress or wife, 's with child by Pamphilus.
And do but mark their confidence! 'tis sure
The dotage of mad people, not of lovers.
Whate'er she shall bring forth, they have resolv'd
To educate: and have among themselves
Devis'd the strangest story! that Glycerium
Is an Athenian citizen. "There was
Once on a time a certain merchant, shipwreck'd
Upon the isle of Andros; there he died:
And Chrysis' father took this orphan-wreck,
Then but an infant, under his protection."
Ridiculous! 'tis all romance to me:
And yet the story pleases them. And see!
Mysis comes forth. But I must to the Forum
To look for Pamphilus, for fear his father
Should find him first, and take him unawares.
[Changes:
_Harper_
Another mischief is, this Andrian,
Mistress or wife, 's with child by Pamphilus.
And do but mark their confidence! 'tis sure
_Colman 1768_
Another mischief too, to make bad worse,
This Andrian, wife or mistress, is with child
By Pamphilus. And do but mark the height
Of their assurance! for 'tis certainly]
SCENE IV.
_Enter MYSIS._ (_Speaking to a servant within._)
I hear, Archyllis; I hear what you say:
You beg me to bring Lesbia. By my troth
That Lesbia is a drunken wretch, hot-headed,
Nor worthy to be trusted with a woman
In her first labor. Well, well! she shall come.
--Observe how earnest the old gossip is, (_Coming forward_)
Because this Lesbia is her pot-companion.
--Oh grant my mistress, Heav'n, a safe delivery,
And let the midwife trespass any where
Rather than here!--But what is it I see?
Pamphilus all disorder'd: How I fear
The cause! I'll wait a while, that I may know
If this commotion means us any ill.
SCENE V.
_PAMPHILUS, MYSIS behind._
PAM. Is this well done? or like a man?--Is this
The action of a father?
MYSIS. What's the matter?
PAM. Oh all ye pow'rs of heav'n and earth, what's wrong
If this is not so?--If he was determin'd
That I to-day should marry, should I not
Have had some previous notice?--ought not he
To have inform'd me of it long ago?
MYSIS. Alas! what's this I hear?
PAM. And Chremes too,
Who had refus'd to trust me with his daughter,
Changes his mind, because I change not mine.
Can he then be so obstinately bent
To tear me from Glycerium? To lose her
Is losing life.--Was ever man so cross'd,
So curs'd as I?--Oh pow'rs of heav'n and earth!
Can I by no means fly from this alliance
With Chremes' family?--so oft contemn'd
And held in scorn!--all done, concluded all!----
Rejected, then recall'd:--and why?--unless,
For so I must suspect, they breed some monster,
Whom as they can obtrude on no one else,
They bring to me.
MYSIS. Alas, alas! this speech
Has struck me almost dead with fear.
PAM. And then
My father!--what to say of him?--Oh shame!
A thing of so much consequence to treat
So negligently!--For but even now
Passing me in the forum, "Pamphilus!
To-day's your wedding-day, said he: prepare;
Go, get you home!"--This sounded in my ears
As if he said, "go, hang yourself!"--I stood
Confounded. Think you I could speak one word?
Or offer an excuse, how weak soe'er?
No, I was dumb:--and had I been aware,
Should any ask what I'd have done, I would,
Rather than this, do any thing.--But now
What to resolve upon?--So many cares
Entangle me at once, and rend my mind,
Pulling it diff'rent ways. My love, compassion,
This urgent match, my rev'rence for my father,
Who yet has ever been so gentle to me,
And held so slack a rein upon my pleasures.
--And I oppose him?--Racking thought!--Ah me!
I know not what to do.
MYSIS. Alas, I fear
Where this uncertainty will end. 'Twere best
He should confer with her; or I at least
Speak touching her to him. For while the mind
Hangs in suspense, a trifle turns the scale.
PAM. Who's there? what, Mysis! Save you!
MYSIS. Save you! Sir. (_Coming forward._)
PAM. How does she?
MYSIS. How! oppress'd with wretchedness.
To-day supremely wretched, as to-day
Was formerly appointed for your wedding.
And then she fears lest you desert her.
PAM. I!
Desert her? Can I think on't? or deceive
A wretched maid! who trusted to my care
Her life and honor. Her whom I have held
Near to my heart, and cherish'd as my wife?
Or leave her modest and well nurtur'd mind
Through want to be corrupted? Never, never.
MYSIS. No doubt, did it depend on you alone;
But if constrain'd----
PAM. D'ye think me then so vile?
Or so ungrateful, so inhuman, savage,
Neither long intercourse, nor love, nor shame,
Can make me keep my faith?
MYSIS. I only know
That she deserves you should remember her.
PAM. I should remember her? Oh, Mysis, Mysis!
The words of Chrysis touching my Glycerium
Are written in my heart. On her death-bed
She call'd me. I approach'd her. You retir'd.
We were alone; and Chrysis thus began:
"My Pamphilus, you see the youth and beauty
Of this unhappy maid: and well you know,
These are but feeble guardians to preserve
Her fortune or her fame. By this right hand
I do beseech you, by your better angel,
By your tried faith, by her forlorn condition,
I do conjure you, put her not away,
Nor leave her to distress. If I have ever,
As my own brother, lov'd you; or if she
Has ever held you dear 'bove all the world,
And ever shown obedience to your will----
I do bequeath you to her as a husband,
Friend, Guardian, Father: all our little wealth
To you I leave, and trust it to your care."----
She join'd our hands, and died.--I did receive her,
And once receiv'd will keep her.
MYSIS. So we trust.
PAM. What make you from her?
MYSIS. Going for a midwife.
PAM. Haste then! and hark, be sure take special heed,
You mention not a word about the marriage,
Lest this too give her pain.
MYSIS. I understand.
[Changes:
_All quotation marks in this Scene are supplied from the
1768 edition._
_Harper_
Can make me keep my faith?
MYSIS. I only know
That she deserves you should remember her.
PAM. I should remember her? Oh, Mysis, Mysis!
_Colman 1768_
Can move my soul, or make me keep my faith?
MYSIS. I only know, my mistress well deserves
You should remember her.
PAM. Remember her?
Oh Mysis, Mysis! even at this hour,]
ACT THE SECOND.
SCENE I.
_CHARINUS, BYRRHIA._
CHAR. How, Byrrhia? Is she to be married, say you,
To Pamphilus to-day?
BYR. 'Tis even so.
CHAR. How do you know?
BYR. I had it even now
From Davus at the Forum.
CHAR. Woe is me!
Then I'm a wretch indeed: till now my mind
Floated 'twixt hope and fear: now, hope remov'd,
Stunn'd, and o'erwhelm'd, it sinks beneath its cares.
BYR. Nay, prithee master, since the thing you wish
Can not be had, e'en wish for that which may!
CHAR. I wish for nothing but Philumena.
BYR. Ah, how much wiser were it, that you strove
To quench this passion, than, with words like these
To fan the fire, and blow it to a flame?
CHAR. How readily do men at ease prescribe
To those who're sick at heart! distress'd like me,
You would not talk thus.
BYR. Well, well, as you please.
CHAR. Ha! I see Pamphilus. I can resolve
On any thing, e'er give up all for lost.
BYR. What now?
CHAR. I will entreat him, beg, beseech him,
Tell him our course of love, and thus, perhaps,
At least prevail upon him to defer
His marriage some few days: meanwhile, I hope,
Something may happen.
BYR. Aye, that something's nothing.
CHAR. Byrrhia, what think you? Shall I speak to him?
BYR. Why not? for though you don't obtain your suit,
He will at least imagine you're prepar'd
To cuckold him, in case he marries her.
CHAR. Away, you hang-dog, with your base suspicions!
SCENE II.
_Enter PAMPHILUS._
PAM. Charinus, save you!
CHAR. Save you, Pamphilus!
Imploring comfort, safety, help, and counsel,
You see me now before you.
PAM. I do lack
Myself both help and counsel--But what mean you?
CHAR. Is this your wedding-day?
PAM. Aye, so they say.
CHAR. Ah, Pamphilus, if so, this day
You see the last of me.
PAM. How so?
CHAR. Ah me!
I dare not speak it: prithee tell him, Byrrhia.
BYR. Aye, that I will.
PAM. What is't?
BYR. He is in love
With your bride, Sir.
PAM. I' faith so am not I.
Tell me, Charinus, has aught further passed
'Twixt you and her?
CHAR. Ah, no, no.
PAM. Would there had!
CHAR. Now by our friendship, by my love I beg
You would not marry her.----
PAM. I will endeavor.
CHAR. If that's impossible, or if this match
Be grateful to your heart----
PAM. My heart!
CHAR. At least
Defer it some few days; while I depart,
That I may not behold it.
PAM. Hear, Charinus;
It is, I think, scarce honesty in him
To look for thanks, who means no favor. I
Abhor this marriage, more than you desire it.
CHAR. You have reviv'd me.
PAM. Now if you, or he,
Your Byrrhia here, can do or think of aught;
Act, plot, devise, invent, strive all you can
To make her yours; and I'll do all I can
That she may not be mine.
CHAR. Enough.
PAM. I see
Davus, and in good time: for he'll advise
What's best to do.
CHAR. But you, you sorry rogue, (_To BYRRHIA_)
Can give me no advice, nor tell me aught,
But what it is impertinent to know.
Hence, Sirrah, get you gone!
BYR. With all my heart. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
PAM. I do lack
Myself both help and counsel--But what mean you?
_Colman 1768_
PAM. Help, and counsel!
I can afford you neither.--But what mean you?]
SCENE III.
_Enter DAVUS hastily._
DAVUS. Good Heav'ns, what news I bring! what joyful news!
But where shall I find Pamphilus, to drive
His fears away, and make him full of joy?
CHAR. There's something pleases him.
PAM. No matter what.
He has not heard of our ill fortune yet.
DAVUS. And he, I warrant, if he has been told
Of his intended wedding----
CHAR. Do you hear?
DAVUS. Poor soul, is running all about the town
In quest of me. But whither shall I go?
Or which way run?
CHAR. Why don't you speak to him?
DAVUS. I'll go.
PAM. Ho! Davus! Stop, come here!
DAVUS. Who calls?
O, Pamphilus! the very man.--Heyday!
Charinus too!--Both gentlemen, well met!
I've news for both.
PAM. I'm ruin'd, Davus.
DAVUS. Hear me!
PAM. Undone!
DAVUS. I know your fears.
CHAR. My life's at stake.
DAVUS. Yours I know also.
PAM. Matrimony mine.
DAVUS. I know it.
PAM. But to-day.
DAVUS. You stun me; plague!
I tell you I know ev'ry thing: you fear (_To CHARINUS._)
You should _not_ marry her.--You fear you _should._ (_To PAM._)
CHAR. The very thing.
PAM. The same.
DAVUS. And yet that _same_
Is nothing. Mark!
PAM. Nay, rid me of my fear.
DAVUS. I will then. Chremes
Won't give his daughter to you.
PAM. How d'ye know?
DAVUS. I'm sure of it. Your Father but just now
Takes me aside, and tells me 'twas his will
That you should wed to-day; with much beside,
Which now I have not leisure to repeat.
I, on the instant, hastening to find you,
Run to the Forum to inform you of it:
There, failing, climb an eminence, look round:
No Pamphilus: I light by chance on Byrrhia;
Inquire; he hadn't seen you. Vex'd at heart,
_What's to be done?_ thought I. Returning thence
A doubt arose within me. Ha! bad cheer,
The old man melancholy, and a wedding
Clapp'd up so suddenly! This don't agree.
PAM. Well, what then?
DAVUS. I betook me instantly
To Chremes' house; but thither when I came,
Before the door all hush. This tickled me.
PAM. You're in the right. Proceed.
DAVUS. I watch'd a while:
Meantime no soul went in, no soul came out;
No matron; in the house no ornament;
No note of preparation. I approach'd,
Look'd in----
PAM. I understand: a potent sign!
DAVUS. Does this seem like a nuptial?
PAM. I think not,
Davus.
DAVUS. _Think not_, d'ye say? you don't conceive:
The thing is evident. I met beside,
As I departed thence, with Chremes' boy,
Bearing some pot-herbs, and a pennyworth
Of little fishes for the old man's dinner.
CHAR. I am deliver'd, Davus, by your means,
From all my apprehensions of to-day.
DAVUS. And yet you are undone.
CHAR. How so? Since Chremes
Will not consent to give Philumena
To Pamphilus.
DAVUS. Ridiculous! As if,
Because the daughter is denied to him,
She must of course wed you. Look to it well;
Court the old Gentleman through friends, apply,
Or else----
CHAR. You're right: I will about it straight,
Although that hope has often fail'd. Farewell. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
DAVUS. I will then. Chremes
Won't give his daughter to you.
PAM. How d'ye know?
_Colman 1768_
DAVUS. I will then. Chremes don't intend his daughter
Shall marry you to-day.
PAM. No! How d'ye know?]
SCENE IV.
_PAMPHILUS. DAVUS._
PAM. What means my father then? Why counterfeit?
DAVUS. That I'll explain. If he were angry now,
Merely that Chremes has refus'd his daughter,
He'd think himself in fault; and justly too,
Before the bias of your mind is known.
But granting you refuse her for a wife,
Then all the blame devolves on you, and then
Comes all the storm.
PAM. What course then shall I take?
Shall I submit----
DAVUS. He is your Father, Sir,
Whom to oppose were difficult; and then
Glycerium's a lone woman; and he'll find
Some course, no matter what, to drive her hence.
PAM. To drive her hence?
DAVUS. Directly.
PAM. Tell me then,
Oh tell me, Davus, what were best to do?
DAVUS. Say that you'll marry!
PAM. How!
DAVUS. And where's the harm?
PAM. Say that I'll marry!
DAVUS. Why not?
PAM. Never, never.
DAVUS. Do not refuse!
PAM. Persuade not!
DAVUS. Do but mark
The consequence.
PAM. Divorcement from Glycerium.
And marriage with the other.
DAVUS. No such thing.
Your father, I suppose, accosts you thus.
_I'd have you wed to-day_;--_I will_, quoth you:
What reason has he to reproach you then?
Thus shall you baffle all his settled schemes,
And put him to confusion; all the while
Secure yourself: for 'tis beyond a doubt
That Chremes will refuse his daughter to you;
So obstinately too, you need not pause,
Or change these measures, lest he change his mind;
Say to your father then, that you will wed,
That, with the will, he may want cause to chide.
But if, deluded by fond hopes, you cry,
"No one will wed their daughter to a rake,
A libertine."--Alas, you're much deceiv'd.
For know, your father will redeem some wretch
From rags and beggary to be your wife,
Rather than see your ruin with Glycerium.
But if he thinks you bear an easy mind,
He too will grow indiff'rent, and seek out
Another match at leisure; the mean while
Affairs may take a lucky turn.
PAM. D'ye think so?
DAVUS. Beyond all doubt.
PAM. See, what you lead me to.
DAVUS. Nay, peace!
PAM. I'll say so then. But have a care
He knows not of the child, which I've agreed
To educate.
DAVUS. O confidence!
PAM. She drew
This promise from me, as a firm assurance
That I would not forsake her.
DAVUS. We'll take care.
But here's your father: let him not perceive
You're melancholy.
[Changes:
_The initial character names "PAMPHILUS. DAVUS." are supplied
from the 1768 edition._]
SCENE V.
_Enter SIMO at a distance._
SIMO. I return to see
What they're about, or what they meditate.
DAVUS. Now is he sure that you'll refuse to wed.
From some dark corner brooding o'er black thoughts
He comes, and fancies he has fram'd a speech
To disconcert you. See, you keep your ground.
PAM. If I can, Davus.
DAVUS. Trust me, Pamphilus,
Your father will not change a single word
In anger with you, do but say you'll wed.
SCENE VI.
_Enter BYRRHIA behind._
BYR. To-day my master bade me leave all else
For Pamphilus, and watch how he proceeds,
About his marriage; wherefore I have now
Followed the old man hither: yonder too
Stands Pamphilus himself, and with him Davus.
To business then!
SIMO. I see them both together.
DAVUS. Now mind. (_Apart to PAM._)
SIMO. Here, Pamphilus!
DAVUS. Now turn about,
As taken unawares. (_Apart._)
PAM. Who calls? my father!
DAVUS. Well said! (_Apart._)
SIMO. It is my pleasure, that to-day,
As I have told you once before, you marry.
DAVUS. Now on our part, I fear what he'll reply. (_Aside._)
PAM. In that, and all the rest of your commands,
I shall be ready to obey you, Sir!
BYR. How's that! (_Overhearing._)
DAVUS. Struck dumb. (_Aside._)
BYR. What said he? (_Listening._)
SIMO. You perform
Your duty, when you cheerfully comply
With my desires.
DAVUS. There! said I not the truth? (_Apart to PAM._)
BYR. My master then, so far as I can find,
May whistle for a wife.
SIMO. Now then go in
That when you're wanted you be found.
PAM. I go. (_Exit._
BYR. Is there no faith in the affairs of men?
'Tis an old saying and a true one too;
"Of all mankind each loves himself the best."
I've seen the lady; know her beautiful;
And therefore sooner pardon Pamphilus,
If he had rather win her to his arms,
Than yield her to th' embraces of my master.
I will go bear these tidings, and receive
Much evil treatment for my evil news. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_lines taken from 1768 edition_
PAM. Who calls? my father!
DAVUS. Well said!
SIMO. It is my pleasure ...
_as printed in Harper edition_
PAM. Who calls? my father!
SIMO. It is my pleasure ...]
SCENE VII.
_Manent SIMO and DAVUS._
DAVUS. Now he supposes I've some trick in hand,
And loiter here to practice it on him!
SIMO. Well, what now, Davus?
DAVUS. Nothing.
SIMO. Nothing, say you?
DAVUS. Nothing at all.
SIMO. And yet I look'd for something.
DAVUS. So, I perceive, you did:--This nettles him. (_Aside._)
SIMO. Can you speak truth?
DAVUS. Most easily.
SIMO. Say then,
Is not this wedding irksome to my son,
From his adventure with the Andrian?
DAVUS. No faith; or if at all, 'twill only be
Two or three days' anxiety, you know;
Then 'twill be over: for he sees the thing
In its true light.
SIMO. I praise him for't.
DAVUS. While you
Restrain'd him not; and while his youth allow'd
'Tis true he lov'd; and even then by stealth,
As wise men ought, and careful of his fame.
Now his age calls for matrimony, now
To matrimony he inclines his mind.
SIMO. Yet, in my eyes, he seem'd a little sad.
DAVUS. Not upon that account. He has he thinks
Another reason to complain of you.
SIMO. For what?
DAVUS. A trifle.
SIMO. Well, what is't?
DAVUS. Nay, nothing.
SIMO. Tell me, what is't?
DAVUS. You are then, he complains,
Somewhat too sparing of expense.
SIMO. I?
DAVUS. You.
A feast of scarce ten Drachms? Does this, says he,
Look like a wedding-supper for his son?
What friends can I invite? especially
At such a time as this?--and, truly, Sir,
You have been very frugal; much too sparing.
I can't commend you for it.
SIMO. Hold your peace.
DAVUS. I've ruffled him. (_Aside._)
SIMO. I'll look to that. Away! (_Exit DAVUS._
What now? What means the varlet? Precious rogue,
For if there's any knavery on foot,
He, I am sure, is the contriver on't. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
'Tis true he lov'd; and even then by stealth
_Colman 1768_
'Tis true he lov'd; but even then by stealth]
ACT THE THIRD.
SCENE I.
_SIMO, DAVUS, coming out of SIMO'S house.--MYSIS, LESBIA, going
toward the house of GLYCERIUM._
MYSIS. Aye, marry, 'tis as you say, Lesbia:
Women scarce ever find a constant man.
SIMO. The Andrian's maid-servant! Is't not?
DAVUS. Aye.
MYSIS. But Pamphilus----
SIMO. What says she? (_Overhearing._)
MYSIS. Has been true.
SIMO. How's that? (_Overhearing._)
DAVUS. Would he were deaf, or she were dumb! (_Aside._)
MYSIS. For the child, boy, or girl, he has resolv'd
To educate.
SIMO. O Jupiter! what's this
I hear? If this be true, I'm lost indeed.
LESBIA. A good young Gentleman!
MYSIS. Oh, very good.
But in, in, lest you make her wait.
LESBIA. I follow. (_Exeunt MYSIS and LESBIA._
SCENE II.
_Manent SIMO, DAVUS._
DAVUS. Unfortunate! What remedy! (_Aside._)
SIMO. How's this? (_To himself._)
And can he be so mad? What! educate
A harlot's child!--Ah, now I know their drift:
Fool that I was, scarce smelt it out at last.
DAVUS (_listening_). What's this he says he has smelt out?
SIMO. Imprimis, (_To himself._)
'Tis this rogue's trick upon me. All a sham:
A counterfeit deliv'ry, and mock labor,
Devis'd to frighten Chremes from the match.
GLY. (_within_). Juno Lucina, save me! Help, I pray thee.
SIMO. Heyday! Already! Oh ridiculous!
Soon as she heard that I was at the door
She hastens to cry out: your incidents
Are ill-tim'd, Davus.
DAVUS. Mine, Sir?
SIMO. Are your players
Unmindful of their cues, and want a prompter?
DAVUS. I do not comprehend you.
SIMO (_apart._) If this knave
Had, in the real nuptial of my son,
Come thus upon me unprepar'd, what sport,
What scorn he'd have exposed me to? But now
At his own peril be it. I'm secure.
SCENE III.
_Re-enter LESBIA.--ARCHYLLIS appears at the door._
LESBIA _to ARCHYLLIS (within)_. As yet, Archyllis, all the symptoms seem
As good as might be wish'd in her condition:
First, let her make ablution: after that,
Drink what I've order'd her, and just so much:
And presently I will be here again. (_Coming forward._)
Now, by this good day, Master Pamphilus
Has got a chopping boy: Heav'n grant it live!
For he's a worthy Gentleman, and scorn'd
To do a wrong to this young innocent. (_Exit._
SCENE IV.
SIMO. This too where's he that knows you would not swear
Was your contrivance?
DAVUS. My contrivance! what, Sir?
SIMO. While in the house, forsooth, the midwife gave
No orders for the Lady in the straw:
But having issued forth into the street,
Bawls out most lustily to those within.
--Oh Davus, am I then so much your scorn?
Seem I so proper to be play'd upon,
With such a shallow, barefac'd, imposition?
You might at least, in reverence, have us'd
Some spice of art, wer't only to pretend
You fear'd my anger, should I find you out.
DAVUS. I' faith now he deceives himself, not I. (_Aside._)
SIMO. Did not I give you warning? threaten too,
In case you play'd me false? But all in vain:
For what car'd you?--What! think you I believe
This story of a child by Pamphilus?
DAVUS. I see his error: Now I know my game. (_Aside._)
SIMO. Why don't you answer?
DAVUS. What! you don't believe it!
As if you had not been informed of this? (_Archly._)
SIMO. I been inform'd?
DAVUS. What then you found it out? (_Archly._)
SIMO. D'ye laugh at me?
DAVUS. You must have been inform'd:
Or whence this shrewd suspicion?
SIMO. Whence! from you:
Because I know you.
DAVUS. Meaning, this was done
By my advice?
SIMO. Beyond all doubt; I know it:
DAVUS. You do not know me, Simo.----
SIMO. I not know you?
DAVUS. For if I do but speak, immediately
You think yourself impos'd on.----
SIMO. Falsely, hey?
DAVUS. So that I dare not ope my lips before you.
SIMO. All that I know is this; that nobody
Has been deliver'd here.
DAVUS. You've found it out?
Yet by-and-by they'll bring the bantling here,
And lay it at our door. Remember, Sir,
I give you warning that will be the case;
That you may stand prepar'd, nor after say,
'Twas done by Davus's advice, his tricks!
I would fain cure your ill opinion of me.
SIMO. But how d'ye know?
DAVUS. I've heard so, and believe so.
Besides a thousand things concur to lead
To this conjecture. In the first place, she
Profess'd herself with child by Pamphilus:
That proves a falsehood. Now that she perceives
A nuptial preparation at our house,
A maid's dispatch'd immediately to bring
A midwife to her, and withal a child;
You too they will contrive shall see the child,
Or else the wedding must proceed.
SIMO. How's this?
Having discover'd such a plot on foot,
Why did you not directly tell my son?
DAVUS. Who then has drawn him from her but myself?
For we all know how much he doted on her:
But now he wishes for a wife. In fine,
Leave that affair to me; and you meanwhile
Pursue, as you've begun, the nuptials; which
The Gods, I hope, will prosper!
SIMO. Get you in.
Wait for me there, and see that you prepare
What's requisite. (_Exit DAVUS._
He has not wrought upon me
To yield implicit credit to his tale,
Nor do I know if all he said be true.
But, true or false, it matters not: to me
My Son's own promise is the main concern.
Now to meet Chremes, and to beg his daughter
In marriage with my son. If I succeed,
What can I rather wish, than to behold
Their marriage-rites to-day? For since my son
Has given me his word, I've not a doubt,
Should he refuse, but I may force him to it:
And to my wishes see where Chremes comes.
[Changes:
_The initial direction "_Manent SIMO, DAVUS._" is supplied
from the 1768 edition._
_Harper_
SIMO. I been inform'd?
DAVUS. What then you found it out?
_Colman 1768_
SIMO. Inform'd?
DAVUS. What then you found it out yourself?
_Harper_
DAVUS. I've heard so, and believe so.
Besides a thousand things concur to lead
To this conjecture. In the first place, she
Profess'd herself with child by Pamphilus:
That proves a falsehood. Now that she perceives
A nuptial preparation at our house,
A maid's dispatch'd immediately to bring
_Colman 1768_
DAVUS. I've heard so, and believe so.
Besides a thousand different things concur
To lead to this conjecture. First, Glycerium
Profess'd herself with child by Pamphilus:
That proves a falsehood. Now as she perceives
A nuptial preparation at our house,
A maid's immediately dispatch'd to bring]
SCENE V.
_Enter CHREMES._
SIMO. Chremes, good-day!
CHREMES. The very man I look'd for.
SIMO. And I for you.
CHREMES. Well met.--Some persons came
To tell me you inform'd them, that my daughter
Was to be married to your son to-day:
And therefore came I here, and fain would know
Whether 'tis you or they have lost their wits.
SIMO. A moment's hearing; you shall be inform'd,
What I request, and what you wish to know.
CHREMES. I hear: what would you? speak.
SIMO. Now by the Gods;
Now by our friendship, Chremes, which begun
In infancy, has still increas'd with age;
Now by your only daughter, and my son,
Whose preservation wholly rests on you;
Let me entreat this boon: and let the match
Which should have been, still be.
CHREMES. Why, why entreat?
Knowing you ought not to beseech this of me.
Think you that I am other than I was,
When first I gave my promise? If the match
Be good for both, e'en call them forth to wed.
But if their union promises more harm
Than good to both, you also, I beseech you,
Consult our common interest, as if
You were her father, Pamphilus my son.
SIMO. E'en in that spirit, I desire it, Chremes,
Entreat it may be done; nor would entreat,
But that occasion urges.
CHREMES. What occasion?
SIMO. A diff'rence 'twixt Glycerium and my son.
CHREMES. I hear. (_Ironically._)
SIMO. A breach so wide as gives me hopes
To sep'rate them forever.
CHREMES. Idle tales!
SIMO. Indeed 'tis thus.
CHREMES. Aye marry, thus it is.
Quarrels of lovers but renew their love.
SIMO. Prevent we then, I pray, this mischief now;
While time permits, while yet his passion's sore
From contumelies; ere these women's wiles,
Their wicked arts, and tears made up of fraud
Shake his weak mind, and melt it to compassion.
Give him a wife: by intercourse with her,
Knit by the bonds of wedlock, soon I hope,
He'll rise above the guilt that sinks him now.
CHREMES. So you believe: for me, I can not think
That he'll be constant, or that I can bear it.
SIMO. How can you know, unless you make the trial?
CHREMES. Aye, but to make that trial on a daughter
Is hard indeed.
SIMO. The mischief, should he fail,
Is only this: divorce, which Heav'n forbid!
But mark what benefits if he amend!
First, to your friend you will restore a son;
Gain to yourself a son-in-law, and match
Your daughter to an honest husband.
CHREMES. Well!
Since you're so thoroughly convinc'd 'tis right,
I can deny you naught that lies in me.
SIMO. I see I ever lov'd you justly, Chremes.
CHREMES. But then----
SIMO. But what?
CHREMES. Whence is't you know
That there's a difference between them?
SIMO. Davus,
Davus, in all their secrets, told me so;
Advis'd me too, to hasten on the match
As fast as possible. Would he, d'ye think,
Do that, unless he were full well assur'd
My son desir'd it too?--Hear, what he says.
Ho there! call Davus forth.--But here he comes.
[Changes:
_Harper_
CHREMES. Whence is't you know
_Colman 1768_
CHREMES. From whence are you appriz'd]
SCENE VI.
_Enter DAVUS._
DAVUS. I was about to seek you.
SIMO. What's the matter?
DAVUS. Why is not the bride sent for? it grows late.
SIMO. D'ye hear him?--Davus, I for some time past
Was fearful of you; lest, like other slaves,
As slaves go now, you should put tricks upon me,
And baffle me, to favor my son's love.
DAVUS. I, Sir?
SIMO. I thought so: and in fear of that
Conceal'd a secret which I'll now disclose.
DAVUS. What secret, Sir?
SIMO. I'll tell you: for I now
Almost begin to think you may be trusted.
DAVUS. You've found what sort of man I am at last.
SIMO. No marriage was intended.
DAVUS. How! none!
SIMO. None.
All counterfeit, to sound my son and you.
DAVUS. How say you?
SIMO. Even so.
DAVUS. Alack, alack!
I never could have thought it. Ah, what art! (_Archly._)
SIMO. Hear me. No sooner had I sent you in.
But opportunely I encountered Chremes.
DAVUS. How! are we ruin'd then? (_Aside._)
SIMO. I told him all.
That you had just told me,----
DAVUS. Confusion! how? (_Aside._)
SIMO. Begged him to grant his daughter, and at length
With much ado prevail'd.
DAVUS. Undone! (_Aside._)
SIMO. How's that? (_Overhearing._)
DAVUS. Well done! I said.
SIMO. My good friend Chremes then
Is now no obstacle.
CHREMES. I'll home a while,
Order due preparations, and return. (_Exit._
SIMO. Prithee, now, Davus, seeing you alone
Have brought about this match----
DAVUS. Yes, I alone.
SIMO. Endeavor farther to amend my son.
DAVUS. Most diligently.
SIMO. It were easy now,
While his mind's irritated.
DAVUS. Be at peace.
SIMO. Do then: where is he?
DAVUS. Probably at home.
SIMO. I'll in, and tell him, what I've now told you. (_Exit._
SCENE VII.
_DAVUS alone._
Lost and undone! To prison with me straight!
No prayer, no plea: for I have ruin'd all!
Deceiv'd the old man, hamper'd Pamphilus
With marriage; marriage, brought about to-day
By my sole means; beyond the hopes of one;
Against the other's will.----Oh, cunning fool!
Had I been quiet, all had yet been well.
But see, he's coming. Would my neck were broken! (_Retires._)
SCENE VIII.
_Enter PAMPHILUS; DAVUS behind._
PAM. Where is this villain that has ruined me?
DAVUS. I'm a lost man.
PAM. And yet I must confess,
That I deserv'd this, being such a dolt,
A very idiot, to commit my fortunes
To a vile slave. I suffer for my folly,
But will at least take vengeance on him.
DAVUS. If I can but escape this mischief now,
I'll answer for hereafter.
PAM. To my father
What shall I say?--And can I then refuse,
Who have but now consented? with what face?
I know not what to do.
DAVUS. I'faith, nor I;
And yet it takes up all my thoughts. I'll tell him
I've hit on something to delay the match.
PAM. Oh! (_Seeing DAVUS._)
DAVUS. I am seen.
PAM. So, good Sir! What say you?
See, how I'm hamper'd with your fine advice.
DAVUS (_coming forward_). But I'll deliver you.
PAM. Deliver me?
DAVUS. Certainly, Sir.
PAM. What, as you did just now?
DAVUS. Better, I hope.
PAM. And can you then believe
That I would trust you, rascal? You amend
My broken fortunes, or redeem them lost?
You, who to-day, from the most happy state,
Have thrown me upon marriage.--Did not I
Foretell it would be thus?
DAVUS. You did indeed.
PAM. And what do you deserve for this?
DAVUS. The gallows.
--Yet suffer me to take a little breath,
I'll devise something presently.
PAM. Alas,
I have not leisure for your punishment.
The time demands attention to myself,
Nor will be wasted in revenge on you.
[Changes:
_Harper_
But will at least take vengeance on him.
DAVUS. If I can but escape this mischief now
_Colman 1768_
But will at least take vengeance upon him.
DAVUS. Let me but once escape the present danger]
ACT THE FOURTH.
SCENE I.
_CHARINUS alone._
Is this to be believ'd, or to be told?
Can then such inbred malice live in man,
To joy in ill, and from another's woes
To draw his own delight?--Ah, is't then so?
--Yes, such there are, the meanest of mankind,
Who, from a sneaking bashfulness, at first
Dare not refuse; but when the time comes on
To make their promise good, then force perforce
Open themselves and fear: yet must deny.
Then too, oh shameless impudence, they cry,
"Who then are you? and what are you to me?
Why should I render up my love to you?
Faith, neighbor, charity begins at home."
--Speak of their broken faith, they blush not, they,
Now throwing off that shame they ought to wear,
Which they before assum'd without a cause.
--What shall I do? go to him? on my wrongs
Expostulate, and throw reproaches on him?
What will that profit, say you?----very much.
I shall at least imbitter his delight,
And gratify my anger.
[Changes:
To make their promise good, then force perforce
_Harper edition has "per force"_]
SCENE II.
_To him PAMPHILUS and DAVUS._
PAM. Oh, Charinus,
By my imprudence, unless Heav'n forefend,
I've ruin'd both myself and you.
CHAR. Imprudence!
Paltry evasion! you have broke your faith.
PAM. What now?
CHAR. And do you think that words like these
Can baffle me again?
PAM. What means all this?
CHAR. Soon as I told you of my passion for her,
Then she had charms for you.----Ah, senseless fool,
To judge your disposition by my own!
PAM. You are mistaken.
CHAR. Was your joy no joy,
Without abusing a fond lover's mind,
Fool'd on with idle hopes?--Well, take her.
PAM. Take her?
Alas, you know not what a wretch I am:
How many cares this slave has brought upon me,
My rascal here.
CHAR. No wonder if he takes
Example from his master.
PAM. Ah, you know not
Me, or my love, or else you would not talk thus.
CHAR. Oh yes, I know it all. You had but now
A dreadful altercation with your father:
And therefore he's enrag'd, nor could prevail
On you, forsooth, to wed. (_Ironically._)
PAM. To show you then,
How little you conceive of my distress,
These nuptials were mere semblance, mock'ry all,
Nor was a wife intended me.
CHAR. I know it:
You are constrain'd, poor man, by inclination.
PAM. Nay, but have patience! you don't know----
CHAR. I know
That you're to marry her.
PAM. Why rack me thus?
Nay hear! he never ceas'd to importune
That I would tell my father, I would wed;
So press'd, and urg'd, that he at length prevail'd.
CHAR. Who did this?
PAM. Davus.
CHAR. Davus!
PAM. Davus all.
CHAR. Wherefore?
PAM. I know not: but I know the Gods
Meant in their anger I should listen to him.
CHAR. Is it so, Davus?
DAVUS. Even so.
CHAR. How, villain?
The Gods confound you for it!--Tell me, wretch
Had all his most inveterate foes desir'd
To throw him on this marriage, what advice
Could they have given else?
DAVUS. I am deceiv'd,
But not dishearten'd.
CHAR. True. (_Ironically._)
DAVUS. This way has fail'd;
We'll try another way: unless you think
Because the business has gone ill at first,
We can not graft advantage on misfortune.
PAM. Oh aye, I warrant you, if you look to 't,
Out of one wedding you can work me two.
DAVUS. Pamphilus, 'tis my duty, as your slave,
To strive with might and main, by day and night
With hazard of my life, to do you service:
'Tis yours, if I am cross'd, to pardon me.
My undertakings fail indeed, but then
I spare no pains. Do better, if you can,
And send me packing.
PAM. Aye, with all my heart:
Place me but where you found me first.
DAVUS. I will.
PAM. But do it instantly.
DAVUS. Hist! hold a while:
I hear the creaking of Glycerium's door.
PAM. Nothing to you.
DAVUS. I'm thinking.
PAM. What, at last?
DAVUS. Your business shall be done, and presently.
SCENE III.
_Enter MYSIS._
MYSIS _to GLYCERIUM (within)_. Be where he will, I'll find your
Pamphilus,
And bring him with me. Meanwhile, you, my soul,
Forbear to vex yourself.
PAM. Mysis!
MYSIS. Who's there?
Oh Pamphilus, well met, Sir!
PAM. What's the matter?
MYSIS. My mistress, by the love you bear her, begs
Your presence instantly. She longs to see you.
PAM. Ah, I'm undone: This sore breaks out afresh.
Unhappy that we are, through your curs'd means,
To be tormented thus. (_To DAVUS._)--She has been told
A nuptial is prepar'd and therefore sends.
CHAR. From which how safe you were, had he been quiet! (_Pointing to
DAVUS._)
DAVUS. Aye, if he raves not of himself enough,
Do, irritate him. (_To CHARINUS._)
MYSIS. Truly that's the cause;
And therefore 'tis, poor soul, she sorrows thus.
PAM. Mysis, I swear to thee by all the Gods,
I never will desert her: though assur'd
That I for her make all mankind my foes.
I sought her, carried her: our hearts are one,
And farewell they that wish us put asunder!
Death, naught but death shall part us.
MYSIS. I revive.
PAM. Apollo's oracles are not more true.
If that my father may be wrought upon,
To think I hinder'd not the match, 'tis well:
But if that can not be, come what come may,
Why let him know, 'twas I--What think you now? (_To CHARINUS._)
CHAR. That we are wretches both.
DAVUS. My brain 's at work.
CHAR. O brave!
PAM. I know what you'd attempt.
DAVUS. Well, well!
I will effect it for you.
PAM. Aye, but now.
DAVUS. E'en now.
CHAR. What is't?
DAVUS. For him, Sir, not for you.
Be not mistaken.
CHAR. I am satisfied.
PAM. Say, what do you propose?
DAVUS. This day, I fear,
Is scarce sufficient for the execution,
So think not I have leisure to relate.
Hence then! you hinder me: hence, hence I say.
PAM. I'll to Glycerium. (_Exit._
DAVUS. Well, and what mean you?
Whither will you, Sir?
CHAR. Shall I speak the truth?
DAVUS. Oh to be sure: now for a tedious tale!
CHAR. What will become of me?
DAVUS. How! not content!
Is it not then sufficient, if I give you
The respite of a day, a little day,
By putting off his wedding?
CHAR. Aye, but Davus,----
DAVUS. But what?
CHAR. That I may wed----
DAVUS. Ridiculous!
CHAR. If you succeed, come to me.
DAVUS. Wherefore come?
I can't assist you.
CHAR. Should it so fall out----
DAVUS. Well, well, I'll come.
CHAR. If aught, I am at home. (_Exit._
[Erratum:
_1768 edition prints "SEENE III."]
SCENE IV.
_Manent DAVUS, MYSIS._
DAVUS. Mysis, wait here till I come forth.
MYSIS. For what?
DAVUS. It must be so.
MYSIS. Make haste then.
DAVUS. In a moment. (_Exit to GLYCERIUM'S._
SCENE V.
_MYSIS alone._
Can we securely then count nothing ours?
Oh all ye Gods! I thought this Pamphilus
The greatest good my mistress could obtain,
Friend, lover, husband, ev'ry way a blessing:
And yet what woe, poor wretch, endures she not
On his account? Alas, more ill than good.
But here comes Davus.
SCENE VI.
_Re-enter DAVUS with the child._
MYSIS. Prithee, man, what now?
Where are you carrying the child?
DAVUS. Oh, Mysis,
Now have I need of all your ready wit,
And all your cunning.
MYSIS. What are you about?
DAVUS. Quick, take the boy, and lay him at our door.
MYSIS. What, on the bare ground?
DAVUS. From the altar then
Take herbs and strew them underneath.
MYSIS. And why
Can't you do that yourself?
DAVUS. Because, that if
My master chance to put me to my oath
That 'twas not I who laid it there, I may
With a safe conscience swear. (_Gives her the child._)
MYSIS. I understand.
But pray how came this sudden qualm upon you?
DAVUS. Nay, but be quick, that you may comprehend
What I propose.-- (_MYSIS lays the child at SIMO'S door._)
Oh Jupiter! (_Looking out._)
MYSIS. What now?
DAVUS. Here comes the father of the bride!--I change
My first-intended purpose.
MYSIS. What you mean
I can't imagine.
DAVUS. This way from the right,
I'll counterfeit to come:--And be't your care
To throw in aptly now and then a word,
To help out the discourse as need requires.
MYSIS. Still what you're at, I can not comprehend.
But if I can assist, as you know best,
Not to obstruct your purposes, I'll stay. (_DAVUS retires._)
[Changes:
_Harper_
DAVUS. Because, that if
My master chance to put me to my oath
That 'twas not I who laid it there, I may
With a safe conscience swear.
MYSIS. I understand.
_Colman 1768_
DAVUS. Because, supposing
There should be need to swear to my old master
I did not lay the bantling there myself
I may with a safe conscience.
MYSIS. I conceive.]
SCENE VII.
_Enter CHREMES going toward SIMO'S._
CHREMES. Having provided all things necessary.
I now return to bid them call the bride.
What's here? (_seeing the child_) by Hercules, a child! Ha, woman,
Was't you that laid it here?
MYSIS. Where is he gone? (_Looking after DAVUS._)
CHREMES. What, won't you answer me?
MYSIS. (_Looking about._) Not here: Ah me!
The fellow's gone, and left me in the lurch.
(_DAVUS coming forward and pretending not to see them._)
DAVUS. Good Heavens, what confusion at the Forum!
The people all disputing with each other!
The market-price is so confounded high. (_Loud._)
What to say else I know not. (_Aside._)
MYSIS (_to DAVUS_). What d'ye mean, (_CHREMES retires and listens to
their conversation._)
By leaving me alone?
DAVUS. What farce is this?
Ha, Mysis, whence this child? Who brought it here?
MYSIS. Have you your wits, to ask me such a question?
DAVUS. Whom should I ask, when no one else is here?
CHREMES (_behind_). I wonder whence it comes. (_To himself._)
DAVUS. Wilt answer me! (_Loud._)
MYSIS. Ah! (_Confused._)
DAVUS. This way to the right! (_Apart to MYSIS._)
MYSIS. You're raving mad.
Was 't not yourself!
DAVUS. I charge you not a word,
But what I ask you. (_Apart to MYSIS._)
MYSIS. Do you threaten me?
DAVUS. Whence comes this child? (_Loud._)
MYSIS. From our house.
DAVUS. Ha! ha! ha!
No wonder that a harlot has assurance.
CHREMES. This is the Andrian's servant-maid, I take it.
DAVUS. Do we then seem to you such proper folks
To play these tricks upon? (_Loud to MYSIS._)
CHREMES. I came in time. (_To himself._)
DAVUS. Make haste, and take your bantling from our door. (_Loud._)
Hold! do not stir from where you are, be sure. (_Softly._)
MYSIS. A plague upon you: you so terrify me!
DAVUS. Wench, did I speak to you or no? (_Loud._)
MYSIS. What would you?
DAVUS. What would I? Say, whose child have you laid here?
Tell me. (_Loud._)
MYSIS. You don't know?
DAVUS. Plague of what I know:
Tell what I ask. (_Softly._)
MYSIS. Yours.
DAVUS. Ours? Whose? (_Loud._)
MYSIS. Pamphilus's.
DAVUS. How say you? Pamphilus's? (_Loud._)
MYSIS. Why is 't not?
CHREMES. I had good cause to be against this match. (_To himself._)
DAVUS. O monstrous impudence! (_Bawling._)
MYSIS. Why all this noise?
DAVUS. Did not I see this child convey'd by stealth
Into your house last night?
MYSIS. Oh rogue!
DAVUS. 'Tis true.
I saw old Canthara stuff'd out?
MYSIS. Thank Heav'n,
Some free-women were present at her labor?
DAVUS. Troth, she don't know the gentleman, for whom
She plays this game. She thinks, should Chremes see
The child laid here, he would not grant his daughter.
Faith, he would grant her the more willingly.
CHREMES. Not he indeed. (_To himself._)
DAVUS. But now, one word for all,
Take up the child; or I shall trundle him
Into the middle of the street, and roll
You, madam, in the mire.
MYSIS. The fellow's drunk.
DAVUS. One piece of knavery begets another:
Now, I am told, 'tis whisper'd all about,
That she's a citizen of Athens-- (_Loud._)
CHREMES. How!
DAVUS. And that by law he will be forc'd to wed her.
MYSIS. Why prithee is she not a citizen?
CHREMES. What a fine scrape was I within a hair
Of being drawn into! (_To himself._)
DAVUS. What voice is that? (_Turning about._)
Oh Chremes! you are come in time. Attend!
CHREMES. I have heard all already.
DAVUS. You've heard all?
CHREMES. Yes all, I say, from first to last.
DAVUS. Indeed?
Good lack, what knaveries! this lying jade
Should be dragg'd hence to torture.--This is he! (_To MYSIS._)
Think not 'twas Davus you impos'd upon.
MYSIS. Ah me!--Good Sir, I spoke the truth indeed.
CHREMES. I know the whole.--Is Simo in the house?
DAVUS. Yes, Sir. (_Exit CHREMES._
[Changes:
Hold! do not stir from where you are, be sure.
_Harper edition has "besure"_
_Harper_
DAVUS. How say you? Pamphilus's?
MYSIS. Why is 't not?
_Colman 1768_
DAVUS. How say you? Pamphilus's?
MYSIS. To be sure.]
SCENE VIII.
_Manent DAVUS, MYSIS. DAVUS runs up to her._
MYSIS. Don't offer to touch me, you villain!
If I don't tell my mistress every word----
DAVUS. Why you don't know, you fool, what good we've done.
MYSIS. How should I?
DAVUS. This is father to the bride:
Nor could it otherwise have been contriv'd
That he should know what we would have him.
MYSIS. Well,
You should have given me notice.
DAVUS. Is there then
No diff'rence, think you, whether all you say
Falls natural from the heart, or comes
From dull premeditation?
SCENE IX.
_Enter CRITO._
CRITO. In this street
They say that Chrysis liv'd: who rather chose
To heap up riches here by wanton ways,
Than to live poor and honestly at home:
She dead, her fortune comes by law to me.
But I see persons to inquire of. (_Goes up._) Save you!
MYSIS. Good now, who's that I see? is it not Crito,
Chrysis's kinsman? Aye, the very same.
CRITO. O Mysis, save you!
MYSIS. Save you, Crito!
CRITO. Chrysis
Is then--ha?
MYSIS. Aye, she has left us, poor souls!
CRITO. And ye; how go ye on here?--pretty well?
MYSIS. We?--as we _can_, as the old saying goes,
When as we _would_ we can not.
CRITO. And Glycerium,
Has she found out her parents?
MYSIS. Would she had!
CRITO. Not yet! an ill wind blew me hither then.
For truly, had I been appris'd of that,
I'd ne'er have set foot here: for this Glycerium
Was always call'd and thought to be her sister.
What Chrysis left, she takes possession of:
And now for me, a stranger, to commence
A lawsuit here, how good and wise it were,
Other examples teach me. She, I warrant,
Has got her some gallant too, some defender:
For she was growing up a jolly girl
When first she journeyed hither. They will cry
That I'm a pettifogger, fortune-hunter,
A beggar.--And besides it were not well
To leave her in distress.
MYSIS. Good soul! troth Crito,
You have the good old-fashion'd honesty.
CRITO. Well, since I am arriv'd here, bring me to her,
That I may see her.
MYSIS. Aye, with all my heart.
DAVUS. I will in with them: for I would not choose
That our old gentleman should see me now. (_Exeunt._
ACT THE FIFTH.
SCENE I.
_CHREMES, SIMO._
CHREMES. Enough already, Simo, and enough
I've shown my friendship for you; hazarded
Enough of peril: urge me then no more!
Wishing to please you, I had near destroy'd
My daughter's peace and happiness forever.
SIMO. Ah, Chremes, I must now entreat the more,
More urge you to confirm the promis'd boon.
CHREMES. Mark, how unjust you are through willfulness!
So you obtain what you demand, you set
No bounds to my compliance, nor consider
What you request; for if you did consider,
You'd cease to load me with these injuries.
SIMO. What injuries?
CHREMES. Is that a question now?
Have you not driven me to plight my child
To one possess'd with other love, averse
To marriage; to expose her to divorce,
And crazy nuptials; by her woe and bane
To work a cure for your distemper'd son?
You had prevail'd: I travel'd in the match,
While circumstances would admit; but now
The case is chang'd, content you:--It is said
That she's a citizen; a child is born:
Prithee excuse us!
SIMO. Now, for Heav'n's sake.
Believe not them, whose interest it is
To make him vile and abject as themselves.
These stories are all feign'd, concerted all,
To break the match: when the occasion's past
That urges them to this, they will desist.
CHREMES. Oh, you mistake: e'en now I saw the maid
Wrangling with Davus.
SIMO. Artifice! mere trick.
CHREMES. Aye, but in earnest; and when neither knew
That I was there.
SIMO. It may be so: and Davus
Told me beforehand they'd attempt all this;
Though I, I know not how, forgot to tell you.
SCENE II.
_Enter DAVUS from GLYCERIUM'S._
DAVUS (_to himself_). He may be easy now, I warrant him----
CHREMES. See yonder's Davus.
SIMO. Ha! whence comes the rogue?
DAVUS. By my assistance, and this stranger's safe. (_To himself._)
SIMO. What mischief's this? (_Listening._)
DAVUS. A more commodious man,
Arriving just in season, at a time
So critical, I never knew. (_To himself._)
SIMO. A knave!
Who's that he praises? (_Listening._)
DAVUS. All is now secure. (_To himself._)
SIMO. Why don't I speak to him?
DAVUS. My master here! (_Turning about._)
What shall I do? (_To himself._)
SIMO. Good Sir, your humble Servant! (_Sneering._)
DAVUS. Oh, Simo! and our Chremes!--All is now
Prepar'd within.
SIMO. You've taken special care. (_Ironically._)
DAVUS. E'en call them when you please.
SIMO. Oh, mighty fine!
That to be sure is all that's wanting now.
--But tell me, Sir! what business had you there? (_Pointing to
GLYCERIUM'S._)
DAVUS. I? (_Confused._)
SIMO. You?
DAVUS. I--? (_Stammering._)
SIMO. You, Sir.
DAVUS. I went in but now. (_Disordered._)
SIMO. As if I ask'd, how long it was ago.
DAVUS. With Pamphilus.
SIMO. Is Pamphilus within?
--Oh torture.--Did not you assure me, Sirrah,
They were at variance?
DAVUS. So they are.
SIMO. Why then
Is Pamphilus within?
CHREMES. Oh, why d'ye think?
He's gone to quarrel with her. (_Sneering._)
DAVUS. Nay, but Chremes,
There's more in this, and you shall hear strange news.
There's an old countryman, I know not who,
Is just arriv'd here; confident and shrewd;
His look bespeaks him of some consequence.
A grave severity is in his face,
And credit in his words.
SIMO. What story now?
DAVUS. Nay, nothing, Sir, but what I heard him say.
SIMO. And what says he, then?
DAVUS. That he's well assur'd
Glycerium's an Athenian citizen.
SIMO. Ho, Dromo! Dromo!
DAVUS. What now?
SIMO. Dromo!
DAVUS. Hear me.
SIMO. Speak but a word more--Dromo!
DAVUS. Pray, Sir, hear!
SCENE III.
_Enter DROMO._
DROMO. Your pleasure, Sir?
SIMO. Here, drag him headlong in,
And truss the rascal up immediately.
DROMO. Whom?
SIMO. Davus.
DAVUS. Why!
SIMO. Because I'll have it so.
Take him, I say.
DAVUS. For what offense?
SIMO. Off with him!
DAVUS. If it appear that I've said aught but truth,
Put me to death.
SIMO. I will not hear. I'll trounce you.
DAVUS. But though it should prove true, Sir!
SIMO. True or false.
See that you keep him bound: and do you hear?
Bind the slave hand and foot. Away! (_Exeunt DROMO and DAVUS._
SCENE IV.
_Manent SIMO, CHREMES._
--By Heav'n,
As I do live, I'll make you know this day
What peril lies in trifling with a master,
And make him know what 'tis to plague a father.
CHREMES. Ah, be not in such rage.
SIMO. Oh Chremes, Chremes,
Filial unkindness!--Don't you pity me!
To feel all this for such a thankless son!----
Here, Pamphilus, come forth! ho, Pamphilus!
Have you no shame? (_Calling at GLYCERIUM'S door._)
SCENE V.
_Enter PAMPHILUS._
PAM. Who calls?--Undone! my father!
SIMO. What say you? Most----
CHREMES. Ah, rather speak at once
Your purpose, Simo, and forbear reproach.
SIMO. As if 'twere possible to utter aught
Severer than he merits!--Tell me then; (_To PAM._)
Glycerium is a citizen?
PAM. They say so.
SIMO. They say so!--Oh amazing impudence!----
Does he consider what he says? does he
Repent the deed? or does his color take
The hue of shame?--To be so weak of soul,
Against the custom of our citizens,
Against the law, against his father's will,
To wed himself to shame and this vile woman.
PAM. Wretch that I am!
SIMO. Ah, Pamphilus! d'ye feel
Your wretchedness at last? Then, then, when first
You wrought upon your mind at any rate
To gratify your passion: from that hour
Well might you feel your state of wretchedness.
--But why give in to this? Why torture thus,
Why vex my spirit? Why afflict my age
For his distemp'rature? Why rue his sins?
--No; let him have her, joy in her, live with her.
PAM. My father!----
SIMO. How, my father!--can I think
You want this father? You that for yourself
A home, a wife, and children have acquir'd
Against your father's will? And witnesses
Suborn'd, to prove that she's a citizen?
--You've gain'd your point.
PAM. My father, but one word!
SIMO. What would you say?
CHREMES. Nay, hear him, Simo.
SIMO. Hear him?
What must I hear then, Chremes!
CHREMES. Let him speak.
SIMO. Well, let him speak: I hear him.
PAM. I confess,
I love Glycerium: if it be a fault,
That too I do confess. To you, my father,
I yield myself: dispose me as you please!
Command me! Say that I shall take a wife;
Leave her; I will endure it, as I may----
This only I beseech you, think not I
Suborn'd this old man hither.--Suffer me
To clear myself, and bring him here before you.
SIMO. Bring him here!
PAM. Let me, father!
CHREMES. 'Tis but just:
Permit him!
PAM. Grant me this!
SIMO. Well, be it so. (_Exit PAMPHILUS._
I could bear all this bravely, Chremes; more,
Much more, to know that he deceiv'd me not.
CHREMES. For a great fault a little punishment
Suffices to a father.
SCENE VI.
_Re-enter PAMPHILUS with CRITO._
CRITO. Say no more!
Any of these inducements would prevail:
Or your entreaty, or that it is truth,
Or that I wish it for Glycerium's sake.
CHREMES. Whom do I see? Crito, the Andrian?
Nay certainly 'tis Crito.
CRITO. Save you, Chremes!
CHREMES. What has brought you to Athens?
CRITO. Accident.
But is this Simo?
CHREMES. Aye.
SIMO. Asks he for me?
So, Sir, you say that this Glycerium
Is an Athenian citizen?
CRITO. Do you
Deny it?
SIMO. What then are you come prepar'd?
CRITO. Prepar'd! for what?
SIMO. And dare you ask for what?
Shall you go on thus with impunity?
Lay snares for inexperienc'd, lib'ral youth,
With fraud, temptation, and fair promises
Soothing their minds?----
CRITO. Have you your wits?
SIMO. --And then
With marriage solder up their harlot loves?
PAM. Alas, I fear the stranger will not bear this. (_Aside._)
CHREMES. Knew you this person, Simo, you'd not think thus:
He's a good man.
SIMO. A good man he?--To come,
Although at Athens never seen till now,
So opportunely on the wedding-day!----
Is such a fellow to be trusted, Chremes?
PAM. But that I fear my father, I could make
That matter clear to him. (_Aside._)
SIMO. A Sharper!
CRITO. How?
CHREMES. It is his humor, Crito: do not heed him.
CRITO. Let him look to 't. If he persists in saying
Whate'er he pleases, I shall make him hear
Something that may displease him.--Do I stir
In these affairs, or make them my concern?
Bear your misfortunes patiently! For me,
If I speak true or false, shall now be known.
--"A man of Athens once upon a time
Was shipwreck'd on the coast of Andros: with him
This very woman, then an infant. He
In this distress applied, it so fell out,
For help to Chrysis' father--"
SIMO. All romance.
CHREMES. Let him alone.
CRITO. And will he interrupt me?
CHREMES. Go on.
CRITO. "Now Chrysis' father, who receiv'd him,
Was my relation. There I've often heard
The man himself declare, he was of Athens.
There too he died."
CHREMES. His name?
CRITO. His name so quickly!-- Phania.
CHREMES. Amazement!
CRITO. By my troth, I think 'twas Phania;
But this I'm sure, he said he was of Rhamnus.
CHREMES. Oh Jupiter!
CRITO. These circumstances, Chremes,
Were known to many others, then in Andros.
CHREMES. Heav'n grant it may be as I wish!--Inform me,
Whose daughter, said he, was the child? his own?
CRITO. No, not his own.
CHREMES. Whose then?
CRITO. His brother's daughter.
CHREMES. Mine, mine undoubtedly!
CRITO. What say you?
SIMO. How!
PAM. Hark, Pamphilus!
SIMO. But why believe you this?
CHREMES. That Phania was my brother.
SIMO. True. I knew him.
CHREMES. He, to avoid the war, departed hence:
And fearing 'twere unsafe to leave the child,
Embark'd with her in quest of me for Asia:
Since when I've heard no news of him till now.
PAM. I'm scarce myself, my mind is so enrapt
With fear, hope, joy, and wonder of so great,
So sudden happiness.
SIMO. Indeed, my Chremes,
I heartily rejoice she's found your daughter.
PAM. I do believe you, father.
CHREMES. But one doubt
There still remains, which gives me pain.
PAM. Away
With all your doubts! you puzzle a plain cause. (_Aside._)
CRITO. What is that doubt?
CHREMES. The name does not agree.
CRITO. She had another, when a child.
CHREMES. What, Crito?
Can you remember?
CRITO. I am hunting for it.
PAM. Shall then his memory oppose my bliss,
When I can minister the cure myself?
No, I will not permit it--Hark you, Chremes,
The name is Pasibula.
CRITO. True.
CHREMES. The same.
PAM. I've heard it from herself a thousand times.
SIMO. Chremes, I trust you will believe, we all
Rejoice at this.
CHREMES. 'Fore Heaven I believe so.
PAM. And now, my father----
SIMO. Peace, son! the event
Has reconcil'd me.
PAM. O thou best of fathers!
Does Chremes too confirm Glycerium mine?
CHREMES. And with good cause if Simo hinder not.
PAM. Sir! (_To SIMO._)
SIMO. Be it so.
CHREMES. My daughter's portion is
Ten talents, Pamphilus.
PAM. I am content.
CHREMES. I'll to her instantly: and prithee, Crito,
Along with me! for sure she knows me not. (_Exeunt CHREMES and CRITO._
SIMO. Why do you not give orders instantly
To bring her to our house?
PAM. Th' advice is good.
I'll give that charge to Davus.
SIMO. It can't be.
PAM. Why?
SIMO. He has other business of his own,
Of nearer import to himself.
PAM. What business?
SIMO. He's bound.
PAM. Bound! how, Sir!
SIMO. How, Sir?--neck and heels.
PAM. Ah, let him be enlarg'd.
SIMO. It shall be done.
PAM. But instantly.
SIMO. I'll in, and order it. (_Exit._
PAM. Oh what a happy, happy day is this!
[Changes:
_Harper_
CHREMES. His name?
CRITO. His name so quickly!-- Phania.
CHREMES. Amazement!
CRITO. By my troth, I think 'twas Phania
_Colman 1768_
CHREMES. His name?
CRITO. His name so quickly!--
Phania.
CHREMES. Amazement!
CRITO. Troth, I think 'twas Phania]
SCENE VII.
_Enter CHARINUS behind._
CHAR. I come to see what Pamphilus is doing:
And there he is!
PAM. And is this true?--yes, yes,
I know 'tis true, because I wish it so.
Therefore I think the life of Gods eternal,
For that their joys are permanent: and now,
My soul hath her content so absolute,
That I too am immortal, if no ill
Step in betwixt me and this happiness.
Oh, for a bosom-friend now to pour out
My ecstasies before him!
CHAR. What's this rapture? (_Listening._)
PAM. Oh, yonder's Davus: nobody more welcome:
For he, I know, will join in transport with me.
SCENE VIII.
_Enter DAVUS._
DAVUS (_entering_). Where's Pamphilus?
PAM. Oh Davus!
DAVUS. Who's there?
PAM. I.
DAVUS. Oh Pamphilus!
PAM. You know not my good fortune.
DAVUS. Do you know my ill fortune?
PAM. To a tittle.
DAVUS. 'Tis after the old fashion, that my ills
Should reach your ears, before your joys reach mine.
PAM. Glycerium has discover'd her relations.
DAVUS. O excellent!
CHAR. How's that? (_Listening._)
PAM. Her father is
Our most near friend.
DAVUS. Who?
PAM. Chremes.
DAVUS. Charming news!
PAM. And I'm to marry her immediately.
CHAR. Is this man talking in his sleep, and dreams
On what he wishes waking? (_Listening._)
PAM. And moreover,
For the child, Davus----
DAVUS. Ah, Sir, say no more.
You're th' only favorite of the Gods.
CHAR. I'm made,
If this be true. I'll speak to them. (_Comes forward._)
PAM. Who's there?
Charinus! oh, well met.
CHAR. I give you joy.
PAM. You've heard then----
CHAR. Ev'ry word: and prithee now,
In your good fortune, think upon your friend.
Chremes is now your own; and will perform
Whatever you shall ask.
PAM. I shall remember.
'Twere tedious to expect his coming forth:
Along with me then to Glycerium!
Davus, do you go home, and hasten them
To fetch her hence. Away, away!
DAVUS. I go. (_Exeunt PAMPHILUS and CHARINUS._
(_DAVUS addressing the audience._)
Wait not till they come forth: within
She'll be betroth'd; within, if aught remains
Undone, 'twill be concluded--Clap your hands!
* * * * *
* * * *
THE EUNUCH.
PERSONS REPRESENTED.
PROLOGUE.
LACHES.
PHAEDRIA.
CHAEREA.
ANTIPHO.
CHREMES.
THRASO.
GNATHO.
PARMENO.
DORUS.
SANGA.
SIMALIO, ETC.
THAIS.
PYTHIAS.
DORIAS.
SOPHRONA.
PAMPHILA.
SCENE, ATHENS.
PROLOGUE.
To please the candid, give offense to none,
This, says the Poet, ever was his care:
Yet if there's one who thinks he's hardly censur'd,
Let him remember he was the aggressor:
_He_, who translating many, but not well,
On good Greek fables fram'd poor Latin plays;
_He_, who but lately to the public gave
The Phantom of Menander; _He_, who made,
In the Thesaurus, the Defendant plead
And vouch the question'd treasure to be his,
Before the Plaintiff his own title shows,
Or whence it came into his father's tomb.
Henceforward, let him not deceive himself,
Or cry, "I'm safe, he can say naught of me."
I charge him that he err not, and forbear
To urge me farther; for I've more, much more,
Which now shall be o'erlook'd, but shall be known,
If he pursue his slanders, as before.
Soon as this play, the Eunuch of Menander,
Which we are now preparing to perform,
Was purchas'd by the AEdiles, he obtain'd
Leave to examine it: and afterward
When 'twas rehears'd before the Magistrates,
"A Thief," he cried, "no Poet gives this piece.
Yet has he not deceived us: for we know,
The Colax is an ancient comedy
Of Naevius, and of Plautus; and from thence
The Parasite and Soldier both are stolen."
If that's the Poet's crime, it is a crime
Of ignorance, and not a studied theft.
Judge for yourselves! the fact is even thus.
The Colax is a fable of Menander's;
Wherein is drawn the character of Colax
The parasite, and the vain-glorious soldier;
Which characters, he scruples not to own,
He to his Eunuch from the Greek transferr'd:
But that he knew those pieces were before
Made Latin, that he steadfastly denies.
Yet if to other Poets 'tis not lawful
To draw the characters our fathers drew,
How can it then be lawful to exhibit
Slaves running to and fro; to represent
Good matrons, wanton harlots; or to show
An eating parasite, vain-glorious soldier,
Supposititious children, bubbled dotards,
Or love, or hate, or jealousy?--In short,
Nothing's said now but has been said before.
Weigh then these things with candor, and forgive
The Moderns, if what Ancients did, they do.
Attend, and list in silence to our play,
That ye may know what 'tis the Eunuch means.
[Changes:
Or cry, "I'm safe, he can say naught of me."
_Quotation marks supplied from the 1768 edition._]
ACT THE FIRST.
SCENE I.
_Enter PHAEDRIA and PARMENO._
PHAED. And what then shall I do? not go? not now?
When she herself invites me? or were't best
Fashion my mind no longer to endure
These harlots' impudence?--Shut out! recall'd!
Shall I return? No, not if she implore me.
PAR. Oh brave! oh excellent! if you maintain it!
But if you try, and can't go through with spirit,
And finding you can't bear it, uninvited,
Your peace unmade, all of your own accord,
You come and swear you love, and can't endure it,
Good-night! all's over! ruin'd and undone
She'll jilt you, when she sees you in her pow'r.
PHAED. You then, in time consider and advise!
PAR. Master! the thing which hath not in itself
Or measure or advice, advice can't rule.
In love are all these ills: suspicions, quarrels,
Wrongs, reconcilements, war, and peace again:
Things thus uncertain, if by reason's rules
You'd certain make, it were as wise a task
To try with reason to run mad. And now
What you in anger meditate--I her?
That him?--that me? that would not--pardon me!
I would die rather: No! she shall perceive
How much I am a man.--Big words like these,
She in good faith with one false tiny drop,
Which, after grievous rubbing, from her eyes
Can scarce perforce be squeez'd, shall overcome.
Nay, she shall swear, 'twas you in fault, not she;
You too shall own th' offense, and pray for pardon.
PHAED. Oh monstrous! monstrous! now indeed I see
How false she is, and what a wretch I am!
Spite of myself I love; and knowing, feeling,
With open eyes run on to my destruction;
And what to do I know not.
PAR. What to do?
What should you do, Sir, but redeem yourself
As cheaply as you can?--at easy rates
If possible--if not--at any rate----
And never vex yourself.
PHAED. Is that your counsel?
PAR. Aye, if you're wise; and do not add to love
More troubles than it has, and those it has
Bear bravely! But she comes, our ruin comes;
For she, like storms of hail on fields of corn,
Beats down our hopes, and carries all before her.
SCENE II.
_Enter THAIS._
THAIS. Ah me! I fear lest Phaedria take offense
And think I meant it other than I did,
That he was not admitted yesterday. (_To herself, not seeing them._)
PHAED. I tremble, Parmeno, and freeze with horror.
PAR. Be of good cheer! approach yon fire--she'll warm you.
THAIS. Who's there? my Phaedria? Why did you stand here?
Why not directly enter?
PAR. Not one word
Of having shut him out!
THAIS. Why don't you speak?
PHAED. Because, forsooth, these doors will always fly
Open to me, or that because I stand
The first in your good graces. (_Ironically._)
THAIS. Nay, no more!
PHAED. No more?--O Thais, Thais, would to Heaven
Our loves were parallel, that things like these
Might torture you, as this has tortur'd me:
Or that your actions were indifferent to me!
THAIS. Grieve not, I beg, my love, my Phaedria!
Not that I lov'd another more, I did this.
But I by circumstance was forc'd to do it.
PAR. So then, it seems, for very love, poor soul,
You shut the door in 's teeth.
THAIS. Ah Parmeno!
Is't thus you deal with me? Go to!--But hear
Why I did call you hither?
PHAED. Be it so.
THAIS. But tell me first, can yon slave hold his peace?
PAM. I? oh most faithfully: But hark ye, madam!
On this condition do I bind my faith:
The truths I hear, I will conceal; whate'er
Is false, or vain, or feign'd, I'll publish it.
I'm full of chinks, and run through here and there:
So if you claim my secrecy, speak truth.
THAIS. My mother was a Samian, liv'd at Rhodes.
PAR. This sleeps in silence. (_Archly._)
THAIS. There a certain merchant
Made her a present of a little girl,
Stol'n hence from Attica.
PHAED. A citizen?
THAIS. I think so, but we can not tell for certain.
Her father's and her mother's name she told
Herself; her country and the other marks
Of her original, she neither knew,
Nor, from her age, was 't possible she should.
The merchant added further, that the pirates,
Of whom he bought her, let him understand,
She had been stol'n from Sunium. My mother
Gave her an education, brought her up
In all respects as she had been her own;
And she in gen'ral was suppos'd my sister.
I journeyed hither with the gentleman
To whom alone I was connected then,
The same who left me all I have.
PAR. Both these
Are false, and shall go forth at large.
THAIS. Why so?
PAR. Because nor you with one could be content,
Nor he alone enrich'd you; for my master
Made good and large addition.
THAIS. I allow it,
But let me hasten to the point I wish:
Meantime the captain, who was then but young
In his attachment to me, went to Caria.
I, in his absence, was address'd by you;
Since when, full well you know, how very dear
I've held you, and have trusted you with all
My nearest counsels.
PHAED. And yet Parmeno
Will not be silent even here.
PAR. Oh, Sir,
Is that a doubt?
THAIS. Nay, prithee now, attend!
My mother's lately dead at Rhodes: her brother,
Too much intent on wealth, no sooner saw
This virgin, handsome, well-accomplish'd, skill'd
In music, than, spurr'd on by hopes of gain,
In public market he expos'd and sold her.
It so fell out, my soldier-spark was there,
And bought her, all unknowing these events,
To give to me: but soon as he return'd,
And found how much I was attach'd to you,
He feign'd excuses to keep back the girl;
Pretending, were he thoroughly convinc'd
That I would still prefer him to yourself,
Nor fear'd that when I had receiv'd the girl,
I would abandon him, he'd give her to me;
But that he doubted. For my part, I think
He is grown fond of her himself.
PHAED. Is there
Aught more between them?
THAIS. No; for I've inquir'd,
And now, my Phaedria, there are sundry causes
Wherefore I wish to win the virgin from him.
First, for she's call'd my sister; and moreover,
That I to her relations may restore her.
I'm a lone woman, have nor friend, nor kin:
Wherefore, my Phaedria, I would raise up friends
By some good turn:--And you, I prithee now,
Help me to do it. Let him some few days
Be my gallant in chief. What! no reply?
PHAED. Abandon'd woman! Can I aught reply
To deeds like these?
PAR. Oh excellent! well said!
He feels at length; Now, master, you're a man.
PHAED. I saw your story's drift.--"A little girl
Stol'n hence--My mother brought her up--was call'd
My sister--I would fain obtain her from him,
That I to her relations might restore her----"
All this preamble comes at last to this.
I am excluded, he's admitted. Why?
But that you love him more than me, and fear
Lest this young captive win your hero from you.
THAIS. Do I fear that?
PHAED. Why, prithee now, what else?
Does he bring gifts alone? didst e'er perceive
My bounty shut against you? Did I not,
Because you told me you'd be glad to have
An Ethiopian servant-maid, all else
Omitted, seek one out? You said besides,
You wish'd to have an Eunuch, 'cause forsooth,
They were for dames of quality; I found one:
For both I yesterday paid twenty _minae_,
Yet you contemn me--I forgot not these,
And for these I'm despis'd.
THAIS. Why this, my Phaedria?
Though I would fain obtain the girl, and though
I think by these means it might well be done;
Yet, rather than make you my enemy,
I'll do as you command.
PHAED. Oh, had you said
Those words sincerely. "Rather than make you
My enemy!"--Oh, could I think those words
Came from your heart, what is 't I'd not endure!
PAR. Gone! conquer'd with one word! alas, how soon!
THAIS. Not speak sincerely? from my very soul?
What did you ever ask, although in sport,
But you obtain'd it of me? yet I can't
Prevail on you to grant but two short days.
PHAED. Well--for two days--so those two be not twenty.
THAIS. No in good faith but two, or----
PHAED. Or? no more.
THAIS. It shall not be: but you will grant me those.
PHAED. Your will must be a law.
THAIS. Thanks, my sweet Phaedria!
PHAED. I'll to the country: there consume myself
For these two days: it must be so: we must
Give way to Thais. See you, Parmeno,
The slaves brought hither.
PAR. Sir, I will.
PHAED. My Thais,
For these two days farewell!
THAIS. Farewell, my Phaedria!
Would you aught else with me?
PHAED. Aught else, my Thais?
Be with yon soldier present, as if absent:
All night and day love me: still long for me:
Dream, ponder still of me; wish, hope for me:
Delight in me; be all in all with me;
Give your whole heart, for mine's all yours, to me. (_Exeunt._
[Changes:
_Harper_
The truths I hear, I will conceal; whate'er
Is false, or vain, or feign'd, I'll publish it.
_Colman 1768_
The truths I hear, I will conceal; but falsehood,
Fiction, or gross pretence, shall out at once.]
_Harper_
PAR. Both these
Are false, and shall go forth at large.
_Colman 1768_
PAR. These articles
Are both rank falsehoods, and shall out.
PHAED. I saw your story's drift.--"A little girl ...
...
That I to her relations might restore her----"
_Quotation marks supplied from 1768 edition.]
SCENE III.
_Manet THAIS._
Ah me! I fear that he believes me not,
And judges of my heart from those of others.
I in my conscience know, that nothing false
I have deliver'd, nor to my true heart
Is any dearer than this Phaedria:
And whatsoe'er in this affair I've done,
For the girl's sake I've done: for I'm in hopes
I know her brother, a right noble youth.
To-day I wait him, by his own appointment;
Wherefore I'll in, and tarry for his coming.
ACT THE SECOND.
SCENE I.
_PHAEDRIA, PARMENO._
PHAEDRIA. Carry the slaves according to my order.
PAR. I will.
PHAED. But diligently.
PAR. Sir, I will.
PHAED. But soon.
PAR. I will, Sir!
PHAED. Say, is it sufficient?
PAR. Ah! what a question's that? as if it were
So difficult! I wish, Sir Phaedria,
You could gain aught so easy, as lose these.
PHAED. I lose, what's dearer yet, my comfort with them.
Repine not at my gifts.
PAR. Not I: moreover
I will convey them straight. But have you any
Other commands?
PHAED. Oh yes: set off our presents
With words as handsome as you can: and drive,
As much as possible, that rival from her!
PAR. Ah, Sir, I should, of course, remember that.
PHAED. I'll to the country, and stay there.
PAR. O, aye! (_Ironically._)
PHAED. But hark you!
PAR. Sir, your pleasure?
PHAED. Do you think
I can with constancy hold out, and not
Return before my time?
PAR. Hold out? Not you.
Either you'll straight return, or soon at night
Your dreams will drive you out o' doors.
PHAED. I'll toil;
That, weary, I may sleep against my will.
PAR. Weary you may be; but you'll never sleep.
PHAED. Ah, Parmeno, you wrong me. I'll cast out
This treacherous softness from my soul, nor thus
Indulge my passions. Yes, I could remain,
If need, without her even three whole days.
PAR. Hui! three whole livelong days! consider, Sir.
PHAED. I am resolved.
_PARMENO alone._
Heav'ns, what a strange disease is this! that love
Should so change men, that one can hardly swear
They are the same!--No mortal liv'd
Less weak, more grave, more temperate than he.
--But who comes yonder?--Gnatho, as I live;
The Captain's parasite! and brings along
The Virgin for a present: oh rare wench!
How beautiful! I shall come off, I doubt,
But scurvily with my decrepit Eunuch.
This Girl surpasses ev'n Thais herself.
[Changes:
_Harper_
Either you'll straight return, or soon at night
Your dreams will drive you out o' doors.
PHAED. I'll toil
_Colman 1768_
Either you'll straight return, or want of sleep
Will drive you forth at midnight.
PHAED. I will toil
_PARMENO alone._
_In 1768 edition this passage is labeled SCENE II._]
SCENE II.
_Enter GNATHO leading PAMPHILA; PARMENO behind._
GNAT. Good Heav'ns! how much one man excels another!
What diff'rence 'twixt a wise man and a fool!
What just now happen'd proves it: coming hither
I met with an old countryman, a man
Of my own place and order, like myself,
No scurvy fellow, who, like me, had spent
In mirth and jollity his whole estate.
He was in a most wretched trim; his looks
Lean, sick, and dirty; and his clothes all rags.
"How now!" cried I, "what means this figure, friend?
Alas! says he, my patrimony's gone.
--Ah, how am I reduc'd! my old acquaintance
And friends all shun me."--Hearing this, how cheap
I held him in comparison with me!
"Why, how now? wretch, said I, most idle wretch!
Have you spent all, nor left ev'n hope behind?
What! have you lost your sense with your estate?
Me!--look on me--come from the same condition!
How sleek! how neat! how clad! in what good case!
I've ev'ry thing, though nothing; naught possess,
Yet naught I ever want."--"Ah, Sir, but I
Have an unhappy temper, and can't bear
To be the butt of others, or to take
A beating now and then."--"How then! d'ye think
Those are the means of thriving? No, my friend!
Such formerly indeed might drive a trade:
But mine's a new profession; I the first
That ever struck into this road. There are
A kind of men, who wish to be the head
Of ev'ry thing; but are not. These I follow;
Not for their sport and laughter, but for gain
To laugh with them, and wonder at their parts:
Whate'er they say, I praise it; if again
They contradict, I praise that too: does any
Deny? I too deny: affirm? I too
Affirm: and in a word, I've brought myself
To say, unsay, swear, and forswear, at pleasure:
And that is now the best of all professions."
PAR. A special fellow this! who drives fools mad.
GNAT. Deep in this conversation, we at length
Come to the market, where the sev'ral tradesmen,
Butchers, cooks, grocers, poult'rers, fishmongers,
(Who once did profit and still profit by me,)
All run with joy to me, salute, invite,
And bid me welcome. He, poor half-starv'd wretch,
Soon as he saw me thus caress'd, and found
I got my bread so easily, desired
He might have leave to learn that art of me.
I bade him follow me, if possible:
And, as the Schools of the Philosophers
Have ta'en from the Philosophers their names,
So, in like manner, let all Parasites
Be call'd from me Gnathonics!
PAR. Mark, what ease,
And being kept at other's cost, produces!
GNAT. But hold, I must convey this girl to Thais,
And bid her forth to sup.--Ha, Parmeno!
Our rival's slave, standing at Thais' door!
--How melancholy he appears! All's safe:
These poor rogues find but a cold welcome here.
I'll play upon this knave. (_Aside._)
PAR. These fellows think
This present will make Thais all their own. (_Aside._)
GNAT. To Parmeno, his lov'd and honor'd friend,
Gnatho sends greeting. (_Ironically._)--What are you upon?
PAR. My legs.
GNAT. I see it.--Is there nothing here
Displeasing to you?
PAR. You.
GNAT. I do believe it.
But prithee, is there nothing else?
PAR. Wherefore?
GNAT. Because you're melancholy.
PAR. Not at all.
GNAT. Well, do not be so!--Pray, now, what d'ye think
Of this young handmaid?
PAR. Troth, she's not amiss.
GNAT. I plague the rascal. (_Half aside._)
PAR. How the knave's deceiv'd! (_Half aside._)
GNAT. Will not this gift be very acceptable
To Thais, think you?
PAR. You'd insinuate
That we're shut out.--There is, alas, a change
In all things.
GNAT. For these six months, Parmeno,
For six whole months at least, I'll make you easy;
You sha'n't run up and down, and watch till daylight;
Come, don't I make you happy?
PAR. Very happy.
GNAT. 'Tis my way with my friends.
PAR. You're very good.
GNAT. But I detain you: you, perhaps, was going
Somewhere else.
PAR. Nowhere.
GNAT. May I beg you then
To use your int'rest here, and introduce me
To Thais?
PAR. Hence! away! these doors
Fly open now, because you carry her.
GNAT. Would you have any one call'd forth? (_Exit._
PAR. Well, well!
Pass but two days; and you, so welcome now,
That the doors open with your little finger,
Shall kick against them then, I warrant you,
Till your heels ache again.
_Re-enter GNATHO._
GNAT. Ha! Parmeno!
Are you here still? What! are you left a spy,
Lest any go-between should run by stealth
To Thais from the Captain? (_Exit._
PAR. Very smart!
No wonder such a wit delights the Captain!
But hold! I see my master's younger son
Coming this way. I wonder much he should
Desert Piraeus, where he's now on guard.
'Tis not for nothing. All in haste he comes,
And seems to look about.
[Changes:
SCENE II.
_Labeled SCENE III in 1768 edition (see end of Scene I)._
_All quotation marks in this scene are supplied from the
1768 edition._
_Harper_
He was in a most wretched trim; his looks
_Colman 1768_
Seeing him in a wretched trim; his looks
But mine's a new profession; I the first
_Harper edition prints "But mine 's" with anomalous spacing_
_Harper_
(Who once did profit and still profit by me,)
_Colman 1768_
(Who, while my means were ample, profited,
And, tho' now wasted, profit by me still,)]
SCENE III.
_Enter CHAEREA; PARMENO behind._
CHAER. Undone! undone!
The Girl is lost; I know not where she is,
Nor where I am: ah, whither shall I trace?
Where seek? of whom inquire? or which way turn?
I'm all uncertain; but have one hope still:
Where'er she is, she can not long lie hid.
Oh charming face! all others from my memory
Hence I blot out. Away with common beauties!
PAR. So, here's the other! and he mutters too
I know not what of love. Oh what a poor
Unfortunate old man their father is!
As for this stripling, if he once begin,
His brother's is but jest and children's play
To his mad fury.
CHAER. Twice ten thousand curses
Seize the old wretch, who kept me back to-day;
And me for staying! with a fellow too
I did not care a farthing for!--But see!
Yonder stands Parmeno.--Good-day!
PAR. How now?
Wherefore so sad? and why this hurry, Chaerea?
Whence come you?
CHAER. I? I can not tell, i'faith,
Whence I am come, or whither I am going,
I've so entirely lost myself.
PAR. And why?
CHAER. I am in love.
PAR. Oh brave!
CHAER. Now, Parmeno,
Now you may show what kind of man you are.
You know you've often told me; "Chaerea,
Find something out to set your heart upon,
And mark how I will serve you!" yes, you know
You've often said so, when I scrap'd together
All the provisions for you at my father's.
PAR. Away, you trifler!
CHAER. Nay, in faith, it's true:
Now make your promise good! and in a cause
Worthy the utmost reachings of your soul:
A girl! my Parmeno, not like our misses;
Whose mothers try to keep their shoulders down,
And bind their bosoms, that their shapes may seem
Genteel and slim. Is a girl rather plump?
They call her nurse, and stint her in her food:
Thus art, in spits of nature, makes them all
Mere bulrushes: and therefore they're belov'd.
PAR. And what's this girl of yours?
CHAER. A miracle.
PAR. Oh, to be sure!
CHAER. True, natural red and white;
Her body firm, and full of precious stuff!
PAR. Her age?
CHAER. About sixteen.
PAR. The very prime!
CHAER. This girl, by force, by stealth, or by entreaty,
Procure me! how I care not, so I have her.
PAR. Well, whom does she belong to?
CHAER. I don't know.
PAR. Whence comes she?
CHAER. I can't tell.
PAR. Where does she live?
CHAER. I can't tell neither.
PAR. Where was it you saw her?
CHAER. Here in the street.
PAR. And how was it you lost her?
CHAER. Why it was that, which I so fumed about,
As I came hither! nor was ever man
So jilted by good fortune as myself.
PAR. What mischief now?
CHAER. Confounded luck.
PAR. How so?
CHAER. How so! d'ye know one Archidemides,
My father's kinsman, and about his age?
PAR. Full well.
CHAER. As I was in pursuit of her
He met me.
PAR. Rather inconveniently.
CHAER. Oh most unhappily! for other ills
May be told, Parmeno!--I could swear too,
For six, nay seven months, I had not seen him,
Till now, when least I wish'd and most would shun it.
Is not this monstrous? Eh!
PAR. Oh! very monstrous.
CHAER. Soon as from far he saw me, instantly,
Bent, trembling, drop-jaw'd, gasping, out of breath,
He hobbled up to me.--"Holo! ho! Chaerea!"----
I stopp'd.--"D'ye know what I want with you?"--"What?"
--"I have a cause to-morrow."--"Well! what then?"----
--"Fail not to tell your father, he remember
To go up with me, as an advocate."----
His prating took some time. "Aught else?" said I.
"Nothing," said he:--Away flew I, and saw
The girl that instant turn into this street.
PAR. Sure he must mean the virgin, just now brought
To Thais for a present.
CHAER. Soon as I
Came hither, she was out of sight.
PAR. Had she
Any attendants?
CHAER. Yes; a parasite,
With a maid-servant.
PAR. 'Tis the very same;
Away! have done! all's over.
CHAER. What d'ye mean?
PAR. The girl I mean.
CHAER. D'ye know then who she is?
Tell me!--or have you seen her?
PAR. Yes, I've seen her;
I know her; and can tell you where she is.
CHAER. How! my dear Parmeno, d'ye know her?
PAR. Yes.
CHAER. And where she is, d'ye know?
PAR. Yes,--there she is; (_Pointing._)
Carried to Madam Thais for a present.
CHAER. What monarch could bestow a gift so precious?
PAR. The mighty Captain Thraso, Phaedria's rival.
CHAER. Alas, poor brother!
PAR. Aye, and if you knew
The gift he sends to be compar'd with this,
You'd cry alas, indeed!
CHAER. What is his gift?
PAR. An Eunuch.
CHAER. What! that old and ugly slave
That he bought yesterday?
PAR. The very same.
CHAER. Why, surely, he'll be trundled out o' doors
He and his gift together--I ne'er knew
Till now that Thais was our neighbor.
PAR. She
Has not been long so.
CHAER. Ev'ry way unlucky:
Ne'er to have seen her neither:--Prithee, tell me,
Is she so handsome, as she's said to be?
PAR. Yes, faith!
CHAER. But nothing to compare to mine.
PAR. Oh, quite another thing.
CHAER. But Parmeno!
Contrive that I may have her.
PAR. Well, I will.
Depend on my assistance:--have you any
Further commands? (_As if going._)
CHAER. Where are you going?
PAR. Home;
To bring according to your brother's order,
The slaves to Thais.
CHAER. Oh, that happy Eunuch!
To be convey'd into that house!
PAR. Why so?
CHAER. Why so? why, he shall have that charming girl
His fellow-servant, see her, speak with her,
Be with her in the same house all day long,
And sometimes eat, and sometimes sleep by her.
PAR. And what if you should be so happy?
CHAER. How?
Tell me, dear Parmeno!
PAR. Assume his dress.
CHAER. His dress! what then?
PAR. I'll carry you for him.
CHAER. I hear you.
PAR. I will say that you are he.
CHAER. I understand you.
PAR. So shall you enjoy
Those blessings which but now you envied him:
Eat with her, be with her, touch, toy with her,
And sleep by her: since none of Thais' maids
Know you, or dream of what you are. Besides,
Your figure, and your age are such, that you
May well pass for an Eunuch.
CHAER. Oh, well said!
I ne'er heard better counsel. Come, let's in?
Dress me, and carry me! Away, make haste!
PAR. What are you at? I did but jest.
CHAER. You trifle.
PAR. I'm ruin'd: fool, what have I done? Nay, whither
D'ye push me thus? You'll throw me down. Nay, stay!
CHAER. Away.
PAR. Nay, prithee!
CHAER. I'm resolv'd.
PAR. Consider;
You carry this too far.
CHAER. No, not at all.
Give way!
PAR. And Parmeno must pay for all.
Ah, we do wrong!
CHAER. Is it then wrong for me
To be convey'd into a house of harlots,
And turn those very arts on them, with which
They hamper us, and turn our youth to scorn?
Can it be wrong for me too, in my turn,
To deceive them, by whom we're all deceiv'd?
No, rather let it be! 'tis just to play
This trick upon them: which, if gray-beards know,
They'll blame indeed, but all will think well done.
PAR. Well, if you must, you must; but do not then,
After all's over, throw the blame on me.
CHAER. No, no!
PAR. But do you order me?
CHAER. I do:
Order, command, force.
PAR. Oh, I'll not dispute
Your pow'r. So, follow me.
CHAER. Heav'n speed the plow.
[Changes:
SCENE III.
_Labeled SCENE IV in 1768 edition._
You know you've often told me; "Chaerea,
...
And mark how I will serve you!" ...
_Quotation marks supplied from 1768 edition_
_Harper_
CHAER. Oh most unhappily! for other ills
May be told, Parmeno!--I could swear too
_Colman 1768_
CHAER. Oh most unhappily! for lighter ills
May pass for inconvenient, Parmeno.
Nay, I could swear, with a safe conscience too
He hobbled up to me.--"Holo! ho! Chaerea!"----
_All quotation marks in this speech supplied from 1768 edition_
_Harper_
CHAER. Soon as I
Came hither, she was out of sight.
PAR. Had she
Any attendants?
_Colman 1768_
CHAER. When I reach'd
This place, the girl was vanish'd.
PAR. Had your lady
Any attendants?
_Harper_
He and his gift together--I ne'er knew
Till now that Thais was our neighbor.
PAR. She
Has not been long so.
_Colman 1768_
He and his gift together--But till now
I never knew this Thais was our neighbour.
PAR. She came but lately.
PAR. Yes, faith.
_Harper edition has question mark_
_Harper_
His fellow-servant, see her, speak with her,
Be with her in the same house all day long,
And sometimes eat, and sometimes sleep by her.
_Colman 1768_
His fellow-servant, see her all day long,
Converse with her, dwell under the same roof,
And sometimes eat, and sometimes sleep by her.
_Harper_
Order, command, force.
PAR. Oh, I'll not dispute
Your pow'r. So, follow me.
CHAER. Heav'n speed the plow.
_Colman 1768_
Order, command, compel you; nor will e'er
Deny, or disavow my putting-on.
PAR. Come on then: follow me!
CHAER. Heav'n grant success!]
ACT THE THIRD.
SCENE I.
_Enter THRASO and GNATHO._
THRASO. And Thais then returns me many thanks?
GNAT. Ten thousand.
THRA. Say, is she delighted with it?
GNAT. Not so much with the gift itself, as that
By you 'twas given: but therein she triumphs.
_Enter PARMENO behind._
PAR. I'm come to look about me, and observe
A proper opportunity to bring
My presents. But behold the Captain!
THRA. 'Tis
Something, I know not how, peculiar to me,
That all I do 's agreeable.
GNAT. In truth
I have observ'd it.
THRA. E'en the King always
Held himself much obliged, whate'er I did:
Not so to others.
GNAT. Men of wit, like you,
The glory, got by others' care and toil,
Often transfer unto themselves.
THRA. You've hit it.
GNAT. The king then held you----
THRA. Certainly.
GNAT. Most dear.
THRA. Most near. He trusted his whole army to me,
His counsels.----
GNAT. Wonderful!
THRA. And then whene'er
Satiety of company, or hate
Of business seiz'd him--when he would repose----
As if----you understand me.
GNAT. Perfectly.
When he would--in a manner--clear his stomach
Of all uneasiness.
THRA. The very thing.
On such occasions he chose none but me.
GNAT. Hui! there's a king indeed! a king of taste!
THRA. One of a thousand.
GNAT. Of a million sure!
--If he could live with you. (_Aside._)
THRA. The courtiers all
Began to envy me, and rail'd in secret:
I car'd not; whence their spleen increas'd the more.
One in particular, who had the charge
Of th' Indian elephants; who grew at last
So very troublesome, "I prithee, Strato,
Are you so savage, and so fierce, (says I,)
Because you're governor of the wild beasts?"
GNAT. Oh, finely said! and shrewdly! excellent!
Too hard upon him!--what said he to't?
THRA. Nothing.
GNAT. And how the devil should he?
PAR. Gracious Heav'n!
The stupid coxcomb!--and that rascal too! (_Aside._)
THRA. Aye! but the story of the Rhodian, Gnatho!
How smart I was upon him at a feast----
Did I ne'er tell you?
GNAT. Never: but pray do!
--I've heard it o'er and o'er a thousand times. (_Aside._)
THRA. We were by chance together at a feast----
This Rhodian, that I told you of and I.----
I, as it happen'd, had a wench: the spark
Began to toy with her, and laugh at me.
"Why how now, Impudence! (said I,) are you
A _hare_ yourself, and yet would hunt for _game_?"
GNAT. Ha! ha! ha!
THRA. What's the matter?
GNAT. Ha! ha! ha!
Witty! smart! excellent! incomparable!
Is it your own? I swear I thought 'twas old.
THRA. Why, did you ever hear it?
GNAT. Very often;
And reckon'd admirable.
THRA. 'Tis my own.
GNAT. And yet 'twas pity to be so severe
On a young fellow, and a gentleman.
PAR. Ah! devil take you! (_Aside._)
GNAT. What became of him?
THRA. It did for him. The company were all
Ready to die with laughing:--in a word,
They dreaded me.
GNAT. No wonder.
THRA. Harkye, Gnatho!
Thais, you know, suspects I love this girl.
Shall I acquit myself?
GNAT. On no account.
Rather increase her jealousy.
THRA. And why?
GNAT. Why?--do you ask?--as if you didn't know!----
Whene'er she mentions Phaedria, or whene'er
She praises him, to vex you----
THRA. I perceive.
GNAT. To hinder that, you've only this resource.
When she names Phaedria, name you Pamphila.
If she should say, "come! let's have Phaedria
To dinner with us!"--"aye, and Pamphila
To sing to us!"--if she praise Phaedria's person,
Praise you the girl's! so give her tit for tat,
And gall her in her turn.
THRA. Suppose she lov'd me,
This might avail me, Gnatho!
GNAT. While she loves
The presents which you give, expecting more,
So long she loves you; and so long you may
Have pow'r to vex her. She will always fear
To make you angry, lest some other reap
The harvest, which she now enjoys alone.
THRA. You're right: and yet I never thought of it.
GNAT. Ridiculous! because you did not turn
Your thoughts that way; or with how much more ease
Would you have hit on this device yourself!
[Changes:
_Harper_
GNAT. Not so much with the gift itself, as that
By you 'twas given: but therein she triumphs.
_Enter PARMENO behind._
PAR. I'm come to look about me, and observe
A proper opportunity to bring
My presents. But behold the Captain!
THRA. 'Tis
Something, I know not how, peculiar to me,
That all I do 's agreeable.
GNAT. In truth
I have observ'd it.
THRA. E'en the King always
_Colman 1768_
GNAT. Not for the present's sake so much, as that
From you it was presented: But therein
She truly triumphs.
_Enter PARMENO behind._
PAR. I'm upon the watch,
To mark a proper opportunity
To bring my presents. But behold the Captain? [with question mark]
THRA. It is, indeed, something, I know not how,
Peculiar to me, do whate'er I please,
It will appear agreeable.
GNAT. In truth
I always have observ'd it.
THRA. Ev'n the King
_Harper_
THRA. One of a thousand.
GNAT. Of a million sure!
--If he could live with you.
_Colman 1768_
THRA. No general man, I promise you.
GNAT. Oh no!
He must have been particular indeed,
If he convers'd with You.
If she should say, "come! let's have Phaedria
...
_quotation marks in this speech supplied from 1768 edition_]
SCENE II.
_Enter THAIS and PYTHIAS._
THAIS. I thought I heard the Captain's voice: and see!
Good-day, my Thraso!
THRA. Oh my Thais, welcome!
How does my sweeting?--are you fond of me
For sending you that music-girl?
PAR. Oh brave!
He sets out nobly!
THAIS. For your worth I love you.
GNAT. Come, let's to supper? why do you delay?
PAR. Mark t'other! he's a chip of the old block.
THAIS. I'm ready when you please.
PAR. I'll up to her,
And seem as if but now come forth.--Ha! Thais,
Where are you gadding?
THAIS. Well met, Parmeno!
I was just going----
PAR. Whither?
THAIS. Don't you see
The Captain?
PAR. Yes, I see him--to my sorrow.
The presents from my master wait your pleasure.
THRA. Why do we stop thus? wherefore go not hence?
(_Angrily._)
PAR. Beseech you, Captain, let us, with your leave,
Produce our presents, treat, and parley with her!
THRA. Fine gifts, I warrant you, compar'd with mine!
PAR. They'll answer for themselves--Holo, there! order
The slaves, I told you, to come forth.--Here, this way!
_Enter a BLACK GIRL._
Do you stand forward!--This girl, ma'am, comes quite
From Ethiopia.
THRA. Worth about three Minae.
GNAT. Scarce.
PAR. Ho! where are you, Dorus?--Oh, come hither!
_Enter CHAEREA in the Eunuch's habit._
An Eunuch, Madam! of a lib'ral air,
And in his prime!
THAIS. Now as I live, he's handsome!
PAR. What say you, Gnatho? Is he despicable?
Or, Captain, what say you?--Dumb?--Praise sufficient;
Try him in letters, exercises, music:
In all the arts, a gentleman should know,
I'll warrant him accomplish'd.
THRA. Troth, that Eunuch
Is well enough.
PAR. And he, who sends these presents,
Requires you not to live for him alone,
And for his sake to shut out all mankind:
Nor does he tell his battles, show his wounds,
Or shackle your free will, as some folks do.
(_Looking at THRASO._)
But when 'twill not be troublesome, or when
You've leisure, in due season, he's content
If then he is admitted.
THRA. This poor fellow
Seems to belong to a poor wretched master.
GNAT. Beyond all doubt; for who that could obtain
Another, would endure a slave like this?
PAR. Peace, wretch, that art below the meanest slave!
You that could bring your mind so very low,
As to cry aye and no at yon fool's bidding,
I'm sure, might get your bread out o'the fire.
THRA. Why don't we go? (_Impatiently._)
THAIS. Let me but carry in
These first, and give some orders in the house,
And I'll attend you. (_Exit with CHAEREA, and the Ethiopian._
THRA. I'll depart from hence.
Gnatho, wait you for her!
PAR. It ill beseems
The dignity of a renown'd commander,
T' escort his mistress in the street.
THRA. Away,
Slave! you're beneath my notice--like your master.
(_Exit PARMENO._
GNAT. Ha! ha! ha! ha!
THRA. What moves your laughter?
GNAT. That
You said just now: and then the Rhodian came
Across my mind.----But Thais comes.
THRA. Go run,
And see that ev'ry thing's prepar'd at home!
GNAT. It shall be done. (_Exit._
THAIS (_entering with PYTHIAS_). Take care now, Pythias,
Great care, if Chremes come, to press him stay;
Or, if that's inconvenient, to return:
If that's impossible, then bring him to me!
PYTH. I'll do so.
THAIS. Hold! what else had I to say?
Take care, be sure, of yonder virgin! see,
You keep at home.
THRA. Let's go.
THAIS. Girls, follow me!
(_Exit, attended by Servants and THRASO._
[Changes:
_Harper_
PAR. They'll answer for themselves--Holo, there! order
The slaves, I told you, to come forth.--Here, this way!
_Enter a BLACK GIRL._
Do you stand forward!--This girl, ma'am, comes quite
From Ethiopia.
THRA. Worth about three Minae.
_Colman 1768_
PAR. They'll answer for themselves--Ho, there! within!
Order the slaves, I told you, to come forth.
_Enter a BLACK GIRL._
This way! do you stand forward!--This girl, ma'am,
Comes quite from AEthiopia.
THRA. Worth three Minae.
_Harper_
THAIS. Let me but carry in
_Colman 1768_
THAIS. Let me but introduce
_Harper_
THRA. What moves your laughter?
GNAT. That
You said just now: and then the Rhodian came
_Colman 1768_
THRA. What moves your laughter, Gnatho?
GNAT. Your speech but now: and then the Rhodian came]
SCENE III.
_CHREMES alone._
In truth the more and more I think, the more
I am convinc'd that Thais means me ill:
So plain I see her arts to draw me in.
Ev'n when she first invited me, (and when
Had any ask'd, _What business have you there?_
The question would have stagger'd me,) she fram'd
Sev'ral excuses to detain me there.
Said she had made a sacrifice, and had
Affairs of consequence to settle with me.
--Oho! thought I immediately, I smell
A trick upon me!--down she sat, behav'd
Familiarly, and tried to beat about
For conversation. Being at a loss,
She ask'd, how long my parents had been dead?
--I told her, long time since:--on which she ask'd,
Whether I had a country-house at Sunium?
--And how far from the sea?--I half believe
She likes my villa, and would wheedle me
To give it her.--Her final questions were,
If I ne'er lost a little sister thence?
--Who was miss'd with her?--what she had when lost?
If any one could know her? Why should Thais
Demand all this, unless,--a saucy baggage!----
She means to play the counterfeit, and feign
Herself that sister?--but if she's alive,
She is about sixteen, not more; Thais
Is elder than myself.--She sent beside
To beg I'd come again.--Or, let her say
What she would have; or, not be troublesome!
I'll not return a third time.--Ho! who's there?
Here am I! Chremes!
[Changes:
_Harper_
If any one could know her? Why should Thais
Demand all this, unless,--a saucy baggage!----
She means to play the counterfeit, and feign
Herself that sister?--but if she's alive,
She is about sixteen, not more; Thais
Is elder than myself.--She sent beside
To beg I'd come again.--Or, let her say
What she would have; or, not be troublesome!
_Colman 1768_
--If there was any body capable
Of recollecting her?--Why all these questions?
Unless perhaps she means,--a saucy baggage!--
To play the counterfeit, and feign herself
That sister, who was lost so long ago?
But she, if living, is about sixteen;
Not more: and Thais older than myself.
She sent beside to press me earnestly
To visit her again.--Or, let her say
What she would have; or, trouble me no more!]
SCENE IV.
_Enter PYTHIAS._
PYTH. Oh, sweet, charming, Sir!
CHRE. A coaxing hussy!
PYTH. Thais begs and prays
You'd come again to-morrow.
CHRE. I am going
Into the country.
PYTH. Nay, now prithee come?
CHRE. I can't, I tell you.
PYTH. Walk in, then, and stay
Till she returns herself.
CHRE. Not I.
PYTH. And why,
Dear Chremes?
CHRE. Go, and hang yourself!
PYTH. Well, Sir,
Since you're so positive, shall I entreat you
To go to her?
CHRE. I will.
PYTH. Here, Dorias! (_A maid-servant enters._)
Conduct this gentleman to Captain Thraso's.
(_PYTHIAS re-enters.--CHREMES goes out another way with DORIAS._)
[Changes:
_Harper_
CHRE. Go, and hang yourself!
_Colman 1768_
CHRE. Off, you saucy slut!]
SCENE V.
_ANTIPHO alone._
But yesterday a knot of us young fellows
Assembled at Piraeus, and agreed
To club together for a feast to-day.
Chaerea had charge of all; the rings were given,
And time and place appointed.--The time's past;
No entertainment's at the place; and Chaerea
Is nowhere to be found.--I can't tell what
To think on't.--Yet the rest of my companions
Have all commission'd me to seek him out.
I'll see if he's at home;--but who comes here
From Thais?--Is it he, or no?--'Tis he.----
--What manner of man's here?--what habit's that?
--What mischief has the rogue been at? I'm all
Astonishment, and can not guess.--But I'll
Withdraw a while, and try to find it out. (_Retires._)
[Changes:
_Harper_
Is nowhere to be found.--I can't tell what
To think on't.--Yet the rest of my companions
Have all commission'd me to seek him out.
_Colman 1768_
Is no where to be met with.--For my part,
I'm quite to seek in this; and what to say,
Or guess, I know not.--Yet the company
Have all commission'd me to find him out.
_Harper_
--What mischief has the rogue been at? I'm all
Astonishment, and can not guess.--But I'll
Withdraw a while, and try to find it out.
_Colman 1768_
--What mischief is the meaning of all this?
I'm all astonishment, and can not guess.
But I'll withdraw a while, and try to learn.]
SCENE VI.
_Enter CHAEREA, in the Eunuch's habit._
CHAER. (_looking about_). Is any body here?--No, nobody.
Does any follow me?--No, nobody.
May I then let my ecstasy break forth!
O Jupiter! 'tis now the very time,
When I could suffer to be put to death,
Lest not another transport like to this,
Remain in life to come.--But is there not
Some curious impertinent to come
Across me now, and murder me with questions?
--To ask, why I'm so flutter'd? why so joyful?
Whither I'm going? whence I came? and where
I got this habit? what I'm looking after?
Whether I'm in my senses? or stark mad?
ANTI. I'll go myself, and do that kindness to him.
Chaerea, (_advancing_,) what's all this flutter? what's this dress?
What is't transports you? what d'ye want? art mad?
Why do ye start at me? and why not speak?
CHAER. O happy, happy day!--Save you, dear friend!
There's not a man on earth I'd rather see
This moment than yourself.
ANTI. Come, tell me all!
CHAER. Tell you! I will beseech you give me hearing.
D'ye know my brother's mistress here?
ANTI. Yes: Thais,
Or I'm deceiv'd.
CHAER. The same.
ANTI. I do remember.
CHAER. To-day a girl was sent a present to her.
Why need I speak or praise her beauty now
To you, that know me, and my taste so well?
She set me all on fire.
ANTI. Is she so handsome?
CHAER. Most exquisite: Oh, had you but once seen her,
You would pronounce her, I am confident,
The first of womankind.--But to be brief,
I fell in love with her.--By great good luck
There was at home an Eunuch, which my brother
Had bought for Thais, but not yet sent thither.
--I had a gentle hint from Parmeno,
Which I seiz'd greedily.
ANTI. And what was that?
CHAER. Peace, and I'll tell you.--To change dresses with him,
And order Parmeno to carry me
Instead of him.
ANTI. How? for an Eunuch, you?
CHAER. E'en so.
ANTI. What good could you derive from that?
CHAER. What good!--why, see, and hear, and be with her
I languish'd for, my Antipho!--was that
An idle reason, or a trivial good?
--To Thais I'm deliver'd; she receives me,
And carries me with joy into her house;
Commits the charming girl----
ANTI. To whom?----to you?
CHAER. To me.
ANTI. In special hands, I must confess.
CHAER. --Enjoins me to permit no man come near her;
Nor to depart, myself, one instant from her;
But in an inner chamber to remain
Alone with her alone. I nod, and look
Bashfully on the ground.
ANTI. Poor simple soul!
CHAER. I am bid forth, says she; and carries off
All her maid-servants with her, save some few
Raw novices, who straight prepar'd the bath.
I bade them haste; and while it was preparing,
In a retiring-room the Virgin sat;
Viewing a picture, where the tale was drawn
Of Jove's descending in a golden show'r
To Danae's bosom.----I beheld it too,
And because he of old the like game play'd,
I felt my mind exult the more within me,
That Jove should change himself into a man,
And steal in secret through a stranger-roof,
With a mere woman to intrigue.--Great Jove,
Who shakes the highest heav'ns with his thunder!
And I, poor mortal man, not do the same!----
I did it, and with all my heart I did it.
--While thoughts, like these, possess'd my soul, they call'd
The girl to bathe. She goes, bathes, then returns:
Which done, the servants put her into bed.
I stand to wait their orders. Up comes one,
"Here, harkye, Dorus! take this fan and mark
You cool her gently thus, while we go bathe.
When we have bath'd, you, if you please, bathe too,"
I, with a sober air, receive the fan.
ANTI. Then would I fain have seen your simple face!
I should have been delighted to behold
How like an ass you look'd, and held the fan.
CHAER. Scarce had she spoke, when all rush'd out o' doors;
Away they go to bathe; grow full of noise,
As servants use, when masters are abroad.
Meanwhile sleep seiz'd the virgin: I, by stealth,
Peep'd through the fan-sticks thus; then looking round,
And seeing all was safe, made fast the door.
ANTI. What then?
CHAER. What then, fool!
ANTI. I confess.
CHAER. D'ye think,
Bless'd with an opportunity like this,
So short, so wish'd for, yet so unexpected,
I'd let it slip? No. Then I'd been, indeed,
The thing I counterfeited.
ANTI. Very true.
But what's become of our club-supper?
CHAER. Ready.
ANTI. An honest fellow! where? at your own house?
CHAER. At Freeman Discus's.
ANTI. A great way off.
CHAER. Then we must make more haste.
ANTI. But change your dress.
CHAER. Where can I change it? I'm distress'd. From home
I must play truant, lest I meet my brother.
My father too, perhaps, is come to town.
ANTI. Come then to my house! that's the nearest place
Where you may shift.
CHAER. With all my heart! let's go!
And at the same time, I'll consult with you
How to enjoy this dear girl.
ANTI. Be it so.
[Changes:
_Harper_
Whither I'm going? whence I came? and where
_Colman 1768_
Whither I'm going? from whence I came? and where
_Harper_
ANTI. Yes: Thais,
Or I'm deceiv'd.
CHAER. The same.
ANTI. I do remember.
_Colman 1768_
ANTI. I do:
Thais, I think.
CHAER. The same.
ANTI. I recollect.
_Harper_
The first of womankind.--But to be brief
_Colman 1768_
The first of womankind.--But in a word
To Danae's bosom.
_Harper edition misprints "Danae's"_
"Here, harkye, Dorus! take this fan ...
_quotation marks in this speech supplied from 1768 edition_
_Harper_
ANTI. Come then to my house! that's the nearest place
_Colman 1768_
ANTI. Come to my house then! that's the nearest place]
ACT THE FOURTH.
SCENE I.
_Enter DORIAS, with a Casket._
DORIAS.
Now, as I hope for mercy, I'm afraid,
From what I've seen, lest yonder swaggerer
Make some disturbance, or do violence
To Thais. For as soon as Chremes came,
(The youth that's brother to the virgin,) she
Beseech'd of Thraso he might be admitted.
This piqu'd him; yet he durst not well refuse.
She, fearing Chremes should not be detain'd,
Till she had time and opportunity
To tell him all she wish'd about his sister,
Urg'd Thraso more and more to ask him in.
The Captain coldly asks him; down he sat;
And Thais enter'd into chat with him.
The Captain, fancying a rival brought
Before his face, resolv'd to vex her too:
"Here, boy," said he, "let Pamphila be call'd
To entertain us!"--"Pamphila!" cries Thais;
"She at a banquet?--No it must not be."----
Thraso insisting on't, a broil ensued:
On which my mistress slyly slipping off
Her jewels, gave them me to bear away;
Which is, I know, a certain sign, she will,
As soon as possible, sneak off herself. _Exit._)
[Changes:
_all quotation marks isupplied from 1768 edition_
_Harper_
(The youth that's brother to the virgin,) she
Beseech'd of Thraso he might be admitted.
_Colman 1768_
(Chremes, the youth that's brother to the virgin,)
She beg'd of Thraso, he might be admitted.]
SCENE II.
_Enter PHAEDRIA._
PHAED. Going into the country, I began
(As happens when the mind is ill at ease)
To ponder with myself upon the road,
Tossing from thought to thought, and viewing all
In the worst light. While thus I ruminate,
I pass unconsciously my country-house,
And had got far beyond, ere I perceiv'd it.
I turn'd about, but with a heavy heart;
And soon as to the very spot I came
Where the roads part, I stop. Then paus'd a while:
"Alas! thought I, and must I here remain]
Two days? alone: without her?--Well! what then?
That's nothing.--What, is't nothing?--If I've not
The privilege to touch her, shall I not
Behold her neither?--If _one_ may not be,
At least the _other_ shall.--And certainly
Love, in its last degree, is something still."
--Then I, on purpose, pass'd the house.--But see!
Pythias breaks forth affrighted.--What means this?
[Changes:
"Alas! thought I ...
_quotation marks in this speech supplied from 1768 edition_
SCENE III.
_Enter PYTHIAS and DORIAS; PHAEDRIA at a distance._
PYTH. Where shall I find, unhappy that I am,
Where seek this rascal-slave?--this slave, that durst
To do a deed like this?--Undone! undone!
PHAED. What this may be, I dread.
PYTH. And then the villain,
After he had abused the virgin, tore
The poor girl's clothes, and dragg'd her by the hair.
PHAED. How's this!
PYTH. Who, were he now within my reach,
How could I fly upon the vagabond,
And tear the villain's eyes out with my nails?
PHAED. What tumult's this, arisen in my absence?
I'll go and ask her.-- (_Going up._) What's the matter, Pythias?
Why thus disturb'd? and whom is it you seek?
PYTH. Whom do I seek? Away, Sir Phaedria!
You and your gifts together!
PHAED. What's the matter?
PYTH. The matter, Sir! the Eunuch, that you sent us,
Has made fine work here! the young virgin, whom
The Captain gave my mistress, he has ravish'd.
PHAED. Ravish'd? How say you?
PYTH. Ruin'd, and undone!
PHAED. You're drunk.
PYTH. Would those who wish me ill were so!
DORI. Ah Pythias! what strange prodigy is this?
PHAED. You're mad: how could an Eunuch----
PYTH. I don't know
Or who, or what he was.--What he has done,
The thing itself declares.----The virgin weeps,
Nor, when you ask what ails her, dare she tell.
But he, good man, is nowhere to be found:
And I fear too, that when he stole away,
He carried something off.
PHAED. I can't conceive
Whither the rascal can have flown, unless
He to our house, perhaps, slunk back again.
PYTH. See now, I pray you, if he has.
PHAED. I will. (_Exit._
DORI. Good lack! so strange a thing I never heard.
PYTH. I've heard, that they lov'd women mightily
But could do nothing; yet I never thought on't:
For if I had, I'd have confin'd him close
In some by-place, nor trusted the girl to him.
SCENE IV.
_Re-enter PHAEDRIA, with DORUS the Eunuch, in CHAEREA'S clothes._
PHAED. Out, rascal, out!--What are you resty, Sirrah?
Out, thou vile bargain!
DOR. Dear Sir! (_Crying._)
PHAED. See the wretch!
What a wry mouth he makes!--Come, what's the meaning
Of your returning? and your change of dress?
What answer, Sirrah!--If I had delay'd
A minute longer, Pythias, I had miss'd him,
He was equipp'd so bravely for his flight.
PYTH. What, have you got the rogue?
PHAED. I warrant you.
PYTH. Well done! well done!
DORI. Aye, marry, very well.
PYTH. Where is he?
PHAED. Don't you see him?
PYTH. See him? whom?
PHAED. This fellow, to be sure.
PYTH. This man! who is he?
PHAED. He that was carried to your house to-day.
PYTH. None of our people ever laid their eyes
Upon this fellow, Phaedria!
PHAED. Never saw him?
PYTH. Why, did you think this fellow had been brought
To us?
PHAED. Yes, surely; for I had no other.
PYTH. Oh dear! this fellow's not to be compar'd
To t'other.--He was elegant, and handsome.
PHAED. Aye, so he might appear a while ago,
Because he had gay clothes on: now he seems
Ugly, because he's stripped.
PYTH. Nay, prithee, peace!
As if the diff'rence was so very small!----
The youth conducted to our house to-day,
'Twould do you good to cast your eyes on, Phaedria:
This is a drowsy, wither'd, weasel-fac'd,
Old fellow.
PHAED. How?----you drive me to that pass,
That I scarce know what I have done myself.
--Did not I buy you, rascal? (_To DORUS._)
DOR. Yes, Sir.
PYTH. Order him
To answer me.
PHAED. Well, question him.
PYTH. (_to DORUS_). Was you
Brought here to-day? (_Shakes his head._) See there! Not he. It was
Another, a young lad, about sixteen,
Whom Parmeno brought with him.
PHAED. (_to DORUS_). Speak to me!
First tell me, whence had you that coat? What, dumb?
I'll make you speak, you villain? (_Beating him._)
DOR. Chaerea came---- (_Crying._)
PHAED. My brother?
DOR. Yes, Sir!
PHAED. When?
DOR. To-day.
PHAED. How long since?
DOR. Just now.
PHAED. With whom?
DOR. With Parmeno.
PHAED. Did you
Know him before?
DOR. No, Sir; nor e'er heard of him.
PHAED. How did you know then that he was my brother?
DOR. Parmeno told me so; and Chaerea
Gave me these clothes----
PHAED. Confusion! (_Aside._)
DOR. Put on mine;
And then they both went out o' doors together.
PYTH. Now, Sir, do you believe that I am sober?
Now do you think, I've told no lie? And now
Are you convinc'd the girl has been abus'd!
PHAED. Away, fool! d'ye believe what this wretch says?
PYTH. What signifies belief?--It speaks itself.
PHAED. (_apart to DORUS_). Come this way--hark ye! ----further still.
----Enough.
Tell me once more. ----Did Chaerea strip you?
DOR. Yes.
PHAED. And put your clothes on?
DOR. Yes, Sir!
PHAED. And was brought
In your stead hither?
DOR. Yes.
PHAED. Great Jupiter! (_Pretending to be in a passion with him._)
What a most wicked scoundrel's this?
PYTH. Alas!
Don't you believe, then, we've been vilely us'd?
PHAED. No wonder if you credit what he says.
I don't know what to do. (_Aside._)--Here, harkye, Sirrah!
Deny it all again. (_Apart to DORUS._)--What! can't I beat
The truth out of you, rascal?--have you seen
My brother Chaerea? (_Aloud, and beating him._)
DOR. No, Sir! (_Crying._)
PHAED. So! I see
He won't confess without a beating.--This way! (_Apart._) Now
He owns it; now denies it.--Ask my pardon! (_Apart._)
DOR. Beseech you, Sir, forgive me!
PHAED. Get you gone. (_Kicking him._)
Oh me! oh dear! (_Exit, howling._
PHAED. (_aside_). I had no other way
To come off handsomely.--We're all undone.
--D'ye think to play your tricks on me, you rascal?
(_Aloud, and Exit after DORUS._
[Changes:
_Harper_
PHAED. How did you know then that he was my brother?
_Colman 1768_
PHAED. How did you know he was my brother then?]
SCENE V.
_Manent PYTHIAS and DORIAS._
PYTH. As sure as I'm alive, this is a trick
Of Parmeno's.
DORI. No doubt on't.
PYTH. I'll devise
Some means to-day to fit him for't.--But now
What would you have me do?
DORI. About the girl!
PYTH. Aye; shall I tell; or keep the matter secret?
DORI. Troth, if you're wise you know not what you know,
Nor of the Eunuch, nor the ravishment:
So shall you clear yourself of all this trouble,
And do a kindness to our mistress too.
Say nothing, but that Dorus is gone off.
PYTH. I'll do so.
DORI. Prithee is not Chremes yonder?
Thais will soon be here.
PYTH. How so?
DORI. Because
When I came thence, a quarrel was abroach
Among them.
PYTH. Carry in the jewels, Dorias.
Meanwhile I'll learn of Chremes what has happen'd.
(_Exit DORIAS._
SCENE VI.
_Enter CHREMES tipsy._
CHREM. So! so!--I'm in for't--and the wine I've drank
Has made me reel again.--Yet while I sat,
How sober I suppos'd myself!--But I
No sooner rose, than neither foot, nor head,
Knew their own business!
PYTH. Chremes!
CHREM. Who's that?--Ha!
Pythias!--How much more handsome you seem now,
Than you appear'd a little while ago!
PYTH. I'm sure you seem a good deal merrier.
CHREM. I'faith it's an old saying, and a true one,
"Ceres and Bacchus are warm friends of Venus."
--But, pray, has Thais been here long before me?
PYTH. Has she yet left the Captain's?
CHREM. Long time since:
An age ago. They've had a bloody quarrel.
PYTH. Did not she bid you follow her?
CHREM. Not she:
Only she made a sign to me at parting.
PYTH. Well, wasn't that enough?
CHREM. No, faith! I did not
At all conceive her meaning, till the Captain
Gave me the hint, and kick'd me out o' doors!
--But here she is! I wonder how it was,
I overtook her!
[Changes:
_Harper_
CHREM. No, faith! I did not
At all conceive her meaning, till the Captain
_Colman 1768_
CHREM. No, faith! I never
At all conceiv'd her meaning, till the Captain]
SCENE VII.
_Enter THAIS._
THAIS. I am apt to think,
The Captain will soon follow me, to take
The virgin from me: Well then, let him come!
But if he does but lay a finger on her,
We'll tear his eyes out.--His impertinence.
And big words, while mere words, I can endure;
But if he comes to action, woe be to him!
CHREM. Thais, I have been here some time.
THAIS. My Chremes!
The very man I wanted!--Do you know
That you have been th' occasion of this quarrel?
And that this whole affair relates to you?
CHREM. To me! how so?
THAIS. Because, while I endeavor,
And study to restore your sister to you,
This and much more I've suffer'd.
CHREM. Where's my sister?
THAIS. Within, at my house.
CHREM. Ha! (_With concern._)
THAIS. Be not alarm'd:
She has been well brought up, and in a manner
Worthy herself and you.
CHREM. Indeed?
THAIS. 'Tis true:
And now most freely I restore her to you,
Demanding nothing of you in return.
CHREM. I feel your goodness, Thais, and shall ever
Remain much bounden to you.
THAIS. Aye, but now
Take heed, my Chremes, lest ere you receive
The maid from me, you lose her! for 'tis she,
Whom now the Captain comes to take by storm.
--Pythias, go, fetch the casket with the proofs!
CHREM. D'ye see him, Thais? (_Looking out._)
PYTH. Where's the casket plac'd?
THAIS. Plac'd in the cabinet.--D'ye loiter, hussy?
(_Exit PYTHIAS._
CHREM. What force the Captain brings with him against you!
Good Heav'n!
THAIS. Are you afraid, young gentleman?
CHREM. Away!--who? I? afraid?--There is no man
Alive less so.
THAIS. You'd need be stout at present.
CHREM. What kind of man d'ye take me for?
THAIS. Consider,
He, whom you've now to cope with, is a stranger
Less powerful than you, less known, and less
Befriended here than you!
CHREM. I know all that:
But why, like fools, admit what we may shun?
Better prevent a wrong, than afterward
Revenge it, when receiv'd----Do you step in,
And bolt the door, while I run to the Forum,
And call some officers to our assistance. (_Going._)
THAIS. Stay! (_Holding him._)
CHREM. 'Twill be better.
THAIS. Hold!
CHREM. Nay, let me go!
I'll soon be back.
THAIS. We do not want them, Chremes.
Say, only, that this maiden is your sister,
And that you lost her when a child, and now
Know her again for yours.
_Enter PYTHIAS._
THAIS (_to PYTH._) Produce the proofs!
PYTH. Here they are.
THAIS. Take them, Chremes!--If the Captain
Attempts to do you any violence,
Lead him before a magistrate. D'ye mark me?
CHREM. I do.
THAIS. Be sure now speak with a good courage!
CHREM. I will.
THAIS. Come, gather up your cloak.----Undone!
I've got a champion, who wants help himself.
(_Exeunt._
[Changes:
THAIS. 'Tis true:
_opening apostrophe missing in Harper edition_
_Harper_
PYTH. Where's the casket plac'd?
THAIS. Plac'd in the cabinet.--D'ye loiter, hussy?
_Colman 1768_
PYTH. Where does the casket stand?
THAIS. Upon the cabinet.--D'ye loiter, hussy?
_Harper_
CHREM. Away!--who? I? afraid?--There is no man
Alive less so.
THAIS. You'd need be stout at present.
_Colman 1768_
CHREM. Away!--who? I? afraid?--No mortal less.
THAIS. Nay, you had need be stout at present, Chremes.]
_Harper_
I've got a champion, who wants help himself.
_Colman 1768_
My champion wants a champion for himself.]
SCENE VIII.
_Enter THRASO, GNATHO, SANGA, etc._
THRASO. Shall I put up with an affront so gross,
So monstrous, Gnatho?--No, I'd rather die.
Simalio, Donax, Syrus, follow me!
First, I will storm their castle.
GNAT. Excellent!
THRA. Next carry off the Virgin.
GNAT. Admirable!
THRA. Then punish Thais herself.
GNAT. Incomparable!
THRA. Here, in the centre, Donax, with your club!
Do you, Simalio, charge on the left wing!
You, Syrus, on the right!--Bring up the rest!
Where's the Centurion Sanga, and his band
Of rascal runaways?
SAN. Here, Sir!
THRA. How now?
Think'st thou to combat with a dish-clout, slave!
That thus thou bring'st it here?
SAN. Ah, Sir! I knew
The valor of the gen'ral and his troops;
And seeing this affair must end in blood,
I brought a clout, to wipe the wounds withal.
THRA. Where are the rest?
SAN. Rest! Plague, whom d'ye mean?
There's nobody, but Sannio, left at home.
THRA. Lead you the van (_to GNATHO_); and I'll bring up the rear:
Thence give the word to all.
GNAT. What wisdom is!
Now he has drawn up these in rank and file,
His post behind secures him a retreat.
THRA. Just so his line of battle Pyrrhus form'd.
(_CHREMES and THAIS appear above at a window._)
CHREM. D'ye see, my Thais, what he is about?
To bar and bolt the doors was good advice.
THAIS. Tut, man! you fool, that seems so mighty brave,
Is a mere coward. Do not be afraid!
THRA. What were best? (_To GNATHO._)
GNAT. Troth, I wish you had a sling:
That you from far in ambush might attack them!
They'd soon fly then, I warrant you.
THRA. But see!
Thais appears.
GNAT. Let's charge them then! Come on!
THRA. Halt!--'Tis the part of a wise general
To try all methods, ere he come to arms.
How do you know, but Thais may obey
My orders without force?
GNAT. Oh, gracious Heavens!
Of what advantage is it to be wise!
I ne'er approach but I go wiser from you.
THRA. Thais, first answer this! Did you, or no,
When I presented you the Virgin, promise,
To give yourself some days to me alone?
THAIS. What then?
THRA. Is that a question, when you durst
To bring a rival to my face?
THAIS. And what
Business have you with him?
THRA. ----And then stole off
In company with him?
THAIS. It was my pleasure.
THRA. Therefore, restore my Pamphila; unless
You choose to see her carried off by force.
CHREM. She restore Pamphila to you? Or you
Attempt to touch her, rascal?
GNAT. Ah, beware!
Peace, peace, young gentleman!
THRA. (_to CHREM._) What is't you mean?
Shall I not touch my own?
CHREM. Your own, you scoundrel?
GNAT. Take heed! you know not whom you rail at thus.
CHREM. Won't you be gone?--here, hark ye, Sir! d'ye know
How matters stand with you?--if you attempt
To raise a riot in this place to-day,
I'll answer for it, that you shall remember
This place, to-day, and me, your whole life-long.
GNAT. I pity you: to make so great a man
Your enemy!
CHREM. Hence! or I'll break your head.
GNAT. How's that, you hang-dog? Are you for that sport?
THRA. Who are you, fellow?--what d'ye mean?--and what
Have you to do with Pamphila?
CHREM. I'll tell you,
First, I declare, that she's a free-born woman!
THRA. How?
CHREM. And a citizen of Athens.
THRA. Hui!
CHREM. My sister.
THRA. Impudence!
CHREM. So, Captain, now
I give you warning, offer her no force!
--Thais, I'll now to Sophrona, the Nurse,
And bring her here with me to see the proofs.
THRA. And you prohibit me to touch my own?
CHREM. Yes, I prohibit you.
GNAT. D'ye hear? he owns
The robbery himself. Isn't that sufficient?
THRA. And, Thais, you maintain the same?
THAIS. Ask those
Who care to answer. (_Shuts down the window._)
_Manent THRASO and GNATHO, etc._
THRA. What shall we do now?
GNAT. Why--e'en go back again!--This harlot here
Will soon be with you to request forgiveness.
THRA. D'ye think so?
GNAT. Aye, most certainly. I know
The ways of women.--When you will, they won't;
And when you won't, they're dying for you.
THRA. True.
GNAT. Shall I disband the army?
THRA. When you will.
GNAT. Sanga, as well becomes a brave militia,
Take to your houses and firesides again.
SAN. My mind was like a sop i' th' pan, long since.
GNAT. Good fellow!
SAN. To the right about there! march!
(_Exit, with GNATHO and THRASO at the head of the troops._
[Changes:
_Harper_
THRA. Is that a question, when you durst
To bring a rival to my face?
THAIS. And what
Business have you with him?
THRA. ----And then stole off
In company with him?
THAIS. It was my pleasure.
THRA. Therefore, restore my Pamphila ...
_Colman 1768_
THRA. Is that a question, when you brought
Your lover to affront me to my face?--
THAIS. What business have you with him?
THRA. ----And stole off
In company with him?
THAIS. It was my pleasure.
THRA. Therefore, restore me Pamphila ...]
ACT THE FIFTH.
SCENE I.
_THAIS and PYTHIAS._
THAIS. Still, still, you, baggage, will you shuffle with me?
--"I know--I don't know--he's gone off--I've heard----
I was not present"--Be it what it may,
Can't you inform me openly?--The Virgin,
Her clothes all torn, in sullen silence weeps.
The Eunuch's fled.--What means all this? and what
Has happen'd?--Won't you answer me?
PYTH. Alas!
What can I answer you?--He was, they say,
No Eunuch.
THAIS. What then?
PYTH. Chaerea.
THAIS. Chaerea!
What Chaerea?
PYTH. Phaedria's younger brother.
THAIS. How!
What's that, hag?
PYTH. I've discover'd it: I'm sure on't.
THAIS. Why, what had he to do with us? or why
Was he brought hither?
PYTH. That I can not tell;
Unless, as I suppose, for love of Pamphila.
THAIS. Alas! I am undone; undone, indeed,
If that, which you have told me now, be true.
Is't that the girl bemoans thus?
PYTH. I believe so.
THAIS. How, careless wretch! was that the charge I gave you
At my departure?
PYTH. What could I do? She
Was trusted, as you bade, to him alone.
THAIS. Oh, jade, you set the wolf to keep the sheep
--I'm quite asham'd to 've been so poorly bubbled.
PYTH. Who comes here?--Hist! peace, madam, I beseech you!
We're safe: we have the very man.
(_Seeing CHAEREA at a distance._)
THAIS. Where is he?
PYTH. Here, on the left; d'ye see him, ma'am?
THAIS. I see him.
PYTH. Let him be seiz'd immediately!
THAIS. And what
Can we do to him, fool?
PYTH. Do to him, say you?
--See, what a saucy face the rogue has got!
Ha'nt he?--and then how settled an assurance?
SCENE II.
_Enter CHAEREA._
CHAER. At Antipho's, as if for spite, there were
His father and his mother both at home,
So that I could by no means enter, but
They must have seen me. Meanwhile, as I stood
Before the door, came by an old acquaintance,
At sight of whom I flew, with all my speed,
Into a narrow, unfrequented alley;
And thence into another, and another,
Frighten'd and flurried as I scampered on,
Lest any one should know me.--But is that
Thais? 'Tis she herself. I'm all aground.
What shall I do?--Pshaw! what have I to care?
What can she do to me?
THAIS. Let's up to him.
Oh, Dorus! good Sir, welcome!--And so, Sirrah,
You ran away.
CHAER. Yes, madam!
THAIS. And you think
It was a clever trick?
CHAER. No, madam!
THAIS. Can you
Believe that you shall go unpunish'd for it?
CHAER. Forgive me this one fault! If I commit
Another, kill me!
THAIS. Do you dread my cruelty?
CHAER. No, ma'am!
THAIS. What then?
CHAER. I was afraid, lest She
Accuse me to you. (_Pointing to PYTHIAS._)
THAIS. Upon what account?
CHAER. A little matter.
PYTH. Rogue! a little matter?
Is it so little, think you, to abuse
A virgin, and a citizen!
CHAER. I thought
She was my fellow-servant.
PYTH. Fellow-servant!
I can scarce hold from flying at his hair.
Monstrous! he's come to make his sport of us.
THAIS. Away! you rave.
PYTH. Why so? if I had done 't,
I should have still been in the monster's debt;
Particularly, as he owns himself
Your servant.
THAIS. Well--no more of this.--Oh, Chaerea,
You've done a deed unworthy of yourself:
For granting I, perhaps, might well deserve
This injury, it was not honorable
In you to do it.--As I live, I know not
What counsel to pursue about this girl;
You've so destroy'd my measures, that I can't
Restore her, without blushing to her friends,
Nor so deliver her, as I propos'd,
To make them thank me for my kindness, Chaerea!
CHAER. Henceforth, I hope, eternal peace shall be
Betwixt us, Thais! Oft from things like these,
And bad beginnings, warmest friendships rise.
What if some God hath order'd this?
THAIS. Indeed,
I'll so interpret it, and wish it so.
CHAER. I prithee do!--and be assured of this,
That naught I did in scorn, but all in love.
THAIS. I do believe it; and, on that account,
More readily forgive you: for oh! Chaerea,
I am not form'd of an ungentle nature,
Nor am I now to learn the pow'r of love.
CHAER. Now, Thais, by my life, I love thee too.
PYTH. Then, by my troth, you must take care of him.
CHAER. I durst not----
PYTH. I don't mind a word you say.
THAIS. Have done!
CHAER. But now, in this one circumstance,
Let me beseech you to assist me! I
Commit myself entirely to your care:
Invoke you, as my patroness; implore you.
Perdition seize me, but I'll marry her!
THAIS. But if your father----
CHAER. What of him? I know
He'll soon consent, provided it appears
That she's a citizen.
THAIS. If you will wait
A little while, her brother will be here:
He's gone to fetch the nurse that brought her up;
And you shall witness the discovery.
CHAER. I will remain then.
THAIS. But, in the mean time,
Had you not rather wait within, than here
Before the door?
CHAER. Much rather.
PYTH. What the plague
Are you about?
THAIS. What now?
PYTH. What now, indeed?
Will you let him within your doors again?
THAIS. Why not?
PYTH. Remember that I prophesy,
He'll make some fresh disturbance.
THAIS. Prithee, peace!
PYTH. It seems, you have not had sufficient proof
Of his assurance.
CHAER. I'll do no harm, Pythias!
PYTH. I'll not believe it, Chaerea, till I see it.
CHAER. But you shall keep me, Pythias!
PYTH. No, not I.
For, by my troth, I would trust nothing with you,
Neither to keep, nor be kept by you.--Hence!
Away!
THAIS. Oh brave! the brother's here! (_Looking out._)
CHAER. Confusion!
Let's in, dear Thais! I'd not have him see me
Here in this dress.
THAIS. Why so? Are you asham'd?
CHAER. I am indeed.
PYTH. Indeed! asham'd! oh dear!
Think of the girl!
THAIS. Go in! I'll follow you.
Pythias, do you stay here to bring in Chremes.
(_Exeunt THAIS and CHAEREA._
[Changes:
_Harper_
Lest any one should know me.--But is that
Thais? 'Tis she herself. I'm all aground.
_Colman 1768_
Lest any one should know me in this habit.
But is that Thais? She. I'm all aground.
_Harper_
It was a clever trick?
CHAER. No, madam!
THAIS. Can you
Believe that you shall go unpunish'd for it?
_Colman 1768_
It was a clever trick, I warrant you?
CHAER. No, madam!
THAIS. Can you believe that you shall go unpunish'd?
_Harper_
THAIS. Upon what account?
_Colman 1768_
THAIS. Of what crime?
_Harper_
PYTH. Why so? if I had done 't
_Colman 1768_
PYTH. Not I. if I had done 't
_Harper_
Let me beseech you to assist me! I
Commit myself entirely to your care:
_Colman 1768_
Let me beseech you to assist me, Thais!
I trust myself entirely to your care:
_Harper_
PYTH. I'll not believe it, Chaerea, till I see it.
_Colman 1768_
PYTH. I'll not believe it, till I see it, Chaerea.]
SCENE III.
_PYTHIAS, CHREMES, SOPHRONA._
PYTH. What can I think of? what can I devise?
Some trick now to be even with that rogue
Who palm'd this young spark on us.
CHREM. (_leading the nurse_). Nay, but stir
Your stumps a little faster, nurse!
SOPH. I come.
CHREM. Aye, marry; but you don't come on a jot.
PYTH. Well! have you shown the tokens to the nurse?
CHREM. I have.
PYTH. And pray what says she? Did she know them?
CHREM. At first sight.
PYTH. Oh brave news! I'm glad to hear it;
For I've a kindness for the girl. Go in;
My mistress is impatient for your coming.
(_Exeunt CHREMES and SOPHRONA._
See, yonder's my good master Parmeno,
Marching this way: How unconcern'd, forsooth,
He stalks along!--But I've devis'd, I hope,
The means to vex him sorely.--First I'll in,
To know the truth of this discovery,
And then return to terrify this rascal. (_Exit._
SCENE IV.
_Enter PARMENO._
PAR. I'm come to see what Chaerea has been doing:
Who, if he has but manag'd matters well,
Good Heav'ns, how much, and what sincere applause
Shall Parmeno acquire!--For not to mention,
In an intrigue so difficult as this,
Of so much probable expense at least,
Since with a griping harlot he'd have bargain'd,
That I've procur'd for him the girl he lov'd,
Without cost, charge, or trouble; t'other point,
That, that I hold my master-piece, there think
I've gain'd the prize, in showing a young spark
The dispositions and the ways of harlots:
Which having early learn'd, he'll ever shun.
(_Enter PYTHIAS behind._)
When they're abroad, forsooth, there's none so clean,
Nothing so trim, so elegant, as they;
Nor, when they sup with a gallant, so nice!
To see these very creatures' gluttony,
Filth, poverty, and meanness, when at home;
So eager after food, that they devour
From yesterday's stale broth the coarse black bread:--
All this to know is safety to young men.
SCENE V.
_PYTHIAS, PARMENO._
PYTH. (_behind_). 'Faith, Sirrah, I'll be handsomely revenged
For all you've done and said. You shall not boast
Your tricks on us without due punishment.
(_Aloud, coming forward._)
Oh Heav'ns! oh dreadful deed! oh hapless youth!
Oh wicked Parmeno, that brought him here!
PAR. What now?
PYTH. It mov'd me so. I could not bear
To see it: therefore I flew out o' doors.
What an example will they make of him!
PAR. Oh Jupiter! What tumult can this be?
Am I undone, or no?--I'll e'en inquire.
Pythias! (_going up._) What now? what is't you rave about?
Who's to be made this terrible example?
PYTH. Who? most audacious monster! while you meant
To play your tricks on us, you have destroyed
The youth whom you brought hither for the Eunuch.
PAR. How so? and what has happen'd? Prithee tell me!
PYTH. Tell you? D'ye know the virgin, that was sent
To-day to Thais, is a citizen?
Her brother too a man of the first rank?
PAR. I did not know it.
PYTH. Aye, but so it seems.
The poor young spark abus'd the girl; a thing
No sooner known, than he, the furious brother----
PAR. Did what?
PYTH. First bound him hand and foot----
PAR. How! bound him!
PYTH. And now, though Thais begged him not to do it----
PAR. How! what!
PYTH. Moreover threatens, he will serve him
After the manner of adulterers;
A thing I ne'er saw done, and ne'er desire.
PAR. How durst he offer at an act so monstrous?
PYTH. And why so monstrous?
PAR. Is it not most monstrous?
Who ever saw a young man seiz'd and bound
For rapes and lewdness in a house of harlots?
PYTH. I don't know.
PAR. Aye; but you must all know this.
I tell you, and foretell you, that young spark
Is my old master's son.
PYTH. Indeed, is he?
PAR. And let not Thais suffer any one
To do him violence!--But why don't I
Rush in myself?
PYTH. Ah! take care, Parmeno,
What you're about; lest you do him no good,
And hurt yourself: for they imagine you,
Whatever has been done, the cause of all.
PAR. What shall I do then, wretch? what undertake?
--Oh! yonder's my old master, just return'd
To town. Shall I tell him, or no?--I' faith
I'll tell him, though I am well convinc'd it will
Bring me into a scrape; a heavy one: And yet
It must be done to help poor Chaerea.
PYTH. Right.
I'll in again; and you, in the mean while,
Tell the old gentleman the whole affair. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
Who ever saw a young man seiz'd and bound
For rapes and lewdness in a house of harlots?
_Colman 1768_
Who ever saw a young man seiz'd by force,
And punish'd for adultery in a brothel?
_Harper_
To do him violence!--But why don't I
Rush in myself?
PYTH. Ah! take care, Parmeno
_Colman 1768_
To do him any violence!--But why
Don't I rush in myself?
PYTH. Ah! have a care
_Harper_
PAR. What shall I do then, wretch? what undertake?
--Oh! yonder's my old master, just return'd
To town. Shall I tell him, or no?--I' faith
I'll tell him, though I am well convinc'd it will
Bring me into a scrape; a heavy one: And yet
_Colman 1768_
PAR. What shall I do then? what resolve? Confusion!
--Oh! yonder's my old master, just return'd
To town. Shall I tell _him_ of it, or no?
I'll tell him, tho' I am well convinc'd, the blame
Will light on me, and heavily: And yet]
SCENE VI.
_Enter LACHES._
LACHES. I've this convenience from my neighb'ring villa;
I'm never tir'd of country or of town.
For as disgust comes on, I change my place.
--But is not that our Parmeno? 'Tis he
For certain.--Whom d'ye wait for, Parmeno,
Before that door?
PAR. Who's that? Oh, Sir! you're welcome:
I'm glad to see you safe return'd to town.
LACHES. Whom do you wait for?
PAR. I'm undone: my tongue
Cleaves to my mouth through fear.
LACHES. Ha! what's the matter?
Why do you tremble so? Is all right? Speak!
PAR. First, Sir, I'd have you think, for so it is,
Whatever has befall'n has not befall'n
Through any fault of mine.
LACHES. What is't?
PAR. That's true.
Your pardon, Sir, I should have told that first.
--Phaedria, Sir, bought a certain Eunuch, as
A present to send her.
LACHES. Her!--Her! whom?
PAR. Thais.
LACHES. Bought? I'm undone! at what price?
PAR. Twenty Minae.
LACHES. I'm ruin'd.
PAR. And then Chaerea's fall'n in love
With a young music-girl.
LACHES. How! what! in love!
Knows he already what a harlot is?
Has he stol'n into town? More plagues on plagues.
PAR. Nay, Sir! don't look on me! it was not done
By my advice.
LACHES. Leave prating of yourself.
As for you, rascal, if I live--But first
Whatever has befallen, tell me, quick!
PAR. Chaerea was carried thither for the Eunuch.
LACHES. He for the Eunuch!
PAR. Yes: since when, within
They've seiz'd and bound him for a ravisher.
LACHES. Confusion!
PAR. See the impudence of harlots!
LACHES. Is there aught else of evil or misfortune
You have not told me yet?
PAR. You know the whole.
LACHES. Then why do I delay to rush in on them?
(_Exit._
PAR. There is no doubt but I shall smart for this.
But since I was oblig'd to 't, I rejoice
That I shall make these strumpets suffer too:
For our old gentleman has long desir'd
Some cause to punish them; and now he has it.
[Changes:
_Harper_
--But is not that our Parmeno? 'Tis he
For certain.--Whom d'ye wait for, Parmeno
_Colman 1768_
--But is not that our Parmeno? 'Tis he.
Parmeno, who is it you're waiting for
_Harper_
PAR. First, Sir, I'd have you think, for so it is
_Colman 1768_
PAR. First be persuaded, Sir,--for that's the case
_Harper_
--Phaedria, Sir, bought a certain Eunuch, as
A present to send her.
LACHES. Her!--Her! whom?
PAR. Thais.
_Colman 1768_
--Phaedria lately bought a certain Eunuch
By way of present to this gentlewoman.
LACHES. What gentlewoman, sirrah?
PAR. Madam Thais.
_Harper_
Has he stol'n into town? More plagues on plagues.
_Colman 1768_
Is he in town? misfortune on misfortune!
LACHES. Confusion!
_1768 edition has question mark_]
SCENE VII.
_Enter PYTHIAS; PARMENO at a distance._
PYTH. Well! I was ne'er more pleas'd in all my life
Than when I saw th' old man come blund'ring in.
I had the jest alone; for I alone
Knew what he was afraid of.
PAR. Hey! what now?
PYTH. I'm now come forth t' encounter Parmeno.
Where is he?
PAR. She seeks me.
PYTH. Oh, there he is.
I'll go up to him.
PAR. Well, fool, what's the matter? (_PYTHIAS laughs._)
What would you? what d'ye laugh at? Hey! what still?
PYTH. Oh, I shall die: I'm horribly fatigu'd
With laughing at you. (_Laughing heartily._)
PAR. Why so? pray!
PYTH. Why so? (_Laughing._)
I ne'er saw, ne'er shall see, a greater fool.
Oh, it's impossible to tell what sport
You've made within.--I swear, I always thought
That you had been a shrewd, sharp, cunning fellow.
What! to believe directly what I told you!
Or was you prick'd in conscience for the sin
The young man had committed through your means,
That you must after tell his father of him?
How d'ye suppose he felt when old gray-beard
Surpris'd him in that habit?--What! you find
That you're undone. (_Laughing heartily._)
PAR. What's this, impertinence?
Was it a lie you told me? D'ye laugh still?
Is't such a jest to make fools of us, hag?
PYTH. Delightful! (_Laughing._)
PAR. If you don't pay dearly for it!----
PYTH. Perhaps so. (_Laughing._)
PAR. I'll return it.
PYTH. Oh, no doubt on't. (_Laughing._)
But what you threaten, Parmeno, is distant:
You'll be truss'd up to-day; who first draw in
A raw young man to sin, and then betray him.
They'll both conspire to make you an example. (_Laughing._)
PAR. I'm done for.
PYTH. Take this, slave, as a reward
For the fine gift you sent us; so, farewell! (_Exit PYTHIAS._
PAR. I've been a fool indeed; and like a rat,
Betray'd myself to-day by my own squeaking.
[Changes:
_Harper_
PAR. Why so? pray!
PYTH. Why so?
_Colman 1768_
PAR. For what cause?
PYTH. What cause?
_Harper_
Or was you prick'd in conscience for the sin
The young man had committed through your means,
That you must after tell his father of him?
_Colman 1768_
Or was not you contented with the crime
You urg'd the youth to perpetrate, unless
You afterwards betray'd him to his father?]
SCENE VIII.
_Enter THRASO, GNATHO; PARMENO behind._
GNAT. What now? in what hope, or with what design
Advance we hither? what adventure, Thraso?
THRASO. What do I mean?--To Thais to surrender
On her own terms?
GNAT. Indeed?
THRASO. Indeed! why not,
As well as Hercules to Omphale?
GNAT. A fit example.--Would I might behold
Your head broke with her slipper. (_Aside._) But her doors
Creak, and fly open.
THRASO. 'Sdeath! what mischief now?
I ne'er so much as saw this face before.
Why bursts he forth with such alacrity?
[Changes:
_1768 version of entire scene:_
GNAT. What now? with what hope, or design, advance we?
What's your intention, Thraso?
THRASO. My intention?
To Thais to surrender at discretion.
GNAT. How say you?
THRASO. Even so. Why should not I,
As well as Hercules to Omphale?
GNAT. A fit example.--Oh, that I could see her
Combing your empty noddle with her slipper!
But her door opens.
THRASO. 'Sdeath! what mischief now?
I ne'er so much as saw this face before.
Why bursts he forth with such alacrity?]
SCENE IX.
_Enter CHAEREA at another part of the stage._
CHAER. Lives there, my countrymen, a happier man
To-day than I?--Not one.--For on my head
The gods have plainly emptied all their store,
On whom they've pour'd a flood of bliss at once.
PAR. What's he so pleas'd at?
CHAER. (_seeing him._) Oh my Parmeno
Inventor, undertaker, perfecter
Of all my pleasures, know'st thou my good fortunes?
Know'st thou my Pamphila's a citizen?
PAR. I've heard so.
CHAER. Know'st thou she's betroth'd my wife?
PAR. Oh brave, by Heav'n!
GNAT. Hear you what he says? (_To THRASO._)
CHAER. Then I rejoice, my brother Phaedria's love
Is quietly secur'd to him forever:
We're now one family: and Thais has
Found favor with my father, and resign'd
Herself to us for patronage and care.
PAR. She's then entirely Phaedria's!
CHAER. Aye, entirely.
PAR. Another cause of joy: the Captain routed!
CHAER. See, Parmeno, my brother (wheresoe'er
He be) know this, as soon as possible!
PAR. I'll see if he's at home. (_Exit._
THRASO. Hast any doubt,
Gnatho, but I'm entirely ruin'd?
GNAT. None at all.
CHAER. What shall I mention first? whom praise the most!
Him that advis'd this action? or myself
That durst to undertake it?--or extol
Fortune, the governess of all, who deign'd,
Events so many, of such moment too,
So happily to close within one day?
Or shall I praise my father's frank good-humor,
And gay festivity?----Oh, Jupiter,
Make but these blessings sure!
[Changes:
_Harper_
PAR. Oh brave, by Heav'n!
_Colman 1768_
PAR. Good news, by heaven!
_Harper_
Make but these blessings sure!
_Colman 1768_
Make but these blessings permanent!]
SCENE X.
_Enter PHAEDRIA._
PHAED. O heavenly powers!
What wondrous things has Parmeno just told me!
But where's my brother?
CHAER. Here he is.
PHAED. I'm happy.
CHAER. I dare believe you are; and trust me, brother,
Naught can be worthier of your love than Thais:
Our family are all much bounden to her.
PHAED. So! you'd need sing her praise to me!
THRASO. Confusion!
As my hope dies, my love increases. Gnatho
Your help! my expectation's all in you.
GNAT. What would you have me do?
THRASO. Accomplish this;
By pray'r, by purchase, that I still may have
Some little share in Thais.
GNAT. A hard task!
THRASO. Do but incline to do't, you can, I know.
Effect it, and demand whatever gift,
Whate'er reward you please, it shall be yours.
GNAT. Indeed?
THRASO. Indeed!
GNAT. If I accomplish this,
I claim, that you agree to throw your doors,
Present or absent, always open to me;
A welcome, uninvited guest forever.
THRASO. I pawn my honor as the pledge.
GNAT. I'll try.
PHAED. What voice is that? Oh, Thraso!
THRASO. Gentlemen,
Good-day!
PHAED. Perhaps you're not acquainted yet
With what has happen'd here?
THRASO. I am.
PHAED. Why then
Do I behold you in these territories?
THRASO. Depending on----
PHAED. Depend on naught but this!
Captain, I give you warning, if, henceforth,
I ever find you in this street, although
You tell me, "_I was looking for another,
I was but passing through_," expect no quarter.
GNAT. Oh fie! that is not handsome.
PHAED. I have said it.
GNAT. You can not be so rude.
PHAED. It shall be so.
GNAT. First grant me a short hearing: if you like
What I propose, agree to't.
PHAED. Let us hear!
GNAT. Do you retire a moment, Thraso! (_THRASO retires._) First,
I must beseech you both, most firmly think,
That I, whate'er I do in this affair,
For my own sake I do it: but if that
Likewise advantage you, not to agree
In you were folly.
PHAED. What is't you propose?
GNAT. I think you should admit the Captain, as
Your rival.
PHAED. How? admit him?
GNAT. Nay consider!
Phaedria, you live at a high rate with her,
Revel, and feast, and stick at no expense.
Yet what you give's but little, and you know
'Tis needful Thais should receive much more
Now to supply your love without your cost,
A fitter person, one more form'd, can't be
Than Thraso is: first, he has wherewithal
To give, and gives most largely: a fool too,
A dolt, a block, that snores out night and day;
Nor can you fear she'll e'er grow fond of him;
And you may drive him hence whene'er you please.
PHAED. What shall we do? (_To CHAEREA._)
GNAT. Moreover this; the which
I hold no trifle, no man entertains
More nobly or more freely.
PHAED. I begin
To think we've need of such a fool.
CHAER. And I.
GNAT. Well judg'd! and let me beg one favor more;
Admit me of your family!--I have
Roll'd this stone long enough.
PHAED. We do admit you.
CHAER. With all our hearts.
GNAT. And you, Sirs, in return,
Shall pledge me in the Captain; eat him; drink him:
And laugh at him.
CHAER. A bargain!
PHAED. 'Tis his due.
GNAT. Thraso, whene'er you please, approach!
THRASO. Pray now,
How stands the case?
GNAT. Alas! they knew you not!
But when I drew your character, and prais'd
Your worth, according to your deeds and virtues,
I gain'd my point.
THRASO. 'Tis well: I'm much oblig'd;
I ne'er was any where, in all my life,
But all folks lov'd me dearly.
GNAT. Did not I
Say he had all the Attic elegance?
PHAED. He is the very character you drew.
GNAT. Retire then. --Ye, (_to the audience_,) farewell, and clap your
hands!
[Changes:
_Harper_
PHAED. O heavenly powers!
What wondrous things has Parmeno just told me!
But where's my brother?
CHAER. Here he is.
PHAED. I'm happy.
_Colman 1768_
PHAED. Good heavens!
What wondrous things has Parmeno just told me!
But where's my brother?
CHAER. Here.
PHAED. I'm quite transported.
_Harper_
As my hope dies, my love increases. Gnatho
Your help! my expectation's all in you.
_Colman 1768_
As my hope dies, my passion gathers strength.
Gnatho, your help! my only hope's in you.
_Harper_
PHAED. What is't you propose?
GNAT. I think you should admit the Captain, as
Your rival.
PHAED. How? admit him?
GNAT. Nay consider!
Phaedria, you live at a high rate with her
_Colman 1768_
PHAED. What are your proposals?
GNAT. I think, 'twere not imprudent to admit
The Captain, as your rival.
PHAED. How!
Admit him, say you?
GNAT. Nay reflect a little.
Phaedria, you live at a high rate with Thais
_Harper_
Admit me of your family!--I have
Roll'd this stone long enough.
_Colman 1768_
Admit me into your fraternity!
I've roll'd this stone too long.
_Harper_
GNAT. Thraso, whene'er you please, approach!
THRASO. Pray now,
_Colman 1768_
GNAT. Thraso, whene'er you please, come forward!
THRASO. Well!
_Harper_
But all folks lov'd me dearly.
GNAT. Did not I
Say he had all the Attic elegance?
_Colman 1768_
But all folks lov'd me most exceedingly.
GNAT. There, did I not assure you, gentlemen,
That he had all the Attick Elegance?]
* * * * *
* * * *
THE SELF-TORMENTOR.
PERSONS REPRESENTED.
PROLOGUE.
MENEDEMUS.
CHREMES.
CLINIA.
CLITIPHO.
SYRUS.
DROMO.
SOSTRATA.
ANTIPHILA.
BACCHIS.
NURSE.
PHRYGIA, _and other servants of BACCHIS._
SCENE, _a Village near ATHENS._
PROLOGUE.
Lest any of you wonder, why the Bard
To an old actor hath assign'd the part
Sustain'd of old by young performers; that
I'll first explain: then say what brings
To-day, a whole play, wholly from the Greek,
We mean to represent:--The Self-Tormentor:
Wrought from a single to a double plot.
Now therefore that our comedy is new,
And what it is, I've shown: who wrote it too,
And whose in Greek it is, were I not sure
Most of you knew already, would I tell.
But, wherefore I have ta'en this part upon me,
In brief I will deliver: for the Bard
Has sent me here as pleader, not as Prologue;
You he declares his judges, me his counsel:
And yet as counsel nothing can I speak
More than the Author teaches me to say,
Who wrote th' oration which I now recite.
As to reports, which envious men have spread,
That he has ransack'd many Grecian plays,
While he composes some few Latin ones,
That he denies not, he has done; nor does
Repent he did it; means to do it still;
Safe in the warrant and authority
Of greater bards, who did long since the same.
Then for the charge, that his arch-enemy
Maliciously reproaches him withal,
That he but lately hath applied himself
To music, with the genius of his friends,
Rather than natural talents, fraught; how true,
Your judgment, your opinion, must decide.
I would entreat you, therefore, not to lean
To tales of slander, rather than of candor.
Be favorable; nurse with growing hopes
The bards, who give you pleasing novelties;
_Pleasing_ I say, not such as _His_ I mean,
Who lately introduc'd a breathless slave,
Making the crowd give way--But wherefore trace
A dunce's faults? which shall be shown at large,
When more he writes, unless he cease to rail.
Attend impartially! and let me once
Without annoyance act an easy part;
Lest your old servant be o'er-labor'd still
With toilsome characters, the running slave,
The eating parasite, enrag'd old man,
The bold-fac'd sharper, covetous procurer;
Parts, that ask pow'rs of voice, and iron sides.
Deign then, for my sake, to accept this plea,
And grant me some remission from my labor.
For they, who now produce new comedies,
Spare not my age! If there is aught laborious,
They run to me; but if of little weight,
Away to others. In our piece to-day
The style is pure: now try my talents then
In either character. If I for gain,
Never o'er-rated my abilities;
If I have held it still my chief reward
To be subservient to your pleasure; fix
In me a fair example, that our youth
May seek to please you, rather than themselves.
ACT THE FIRST.
SCENE I.
_CHREMES, MENEDEMUS._
CHREM. Though our acquaintance is as yet but young,
Since you have bought this farm that neighbors mine,
And little other commerce is betwixt us;
Yet or your virtue, or good neighborhood,
(Which is in my opinion kin to friendship,)
Urge me to tell you, fairly, openly,
That you appear to me to labor more
Than your age warrants, or affairs require.
Now, in the name of heav'n and earth, what is't
You want? what seek you? Threescore years of age,
Or older, as I guess; with an estate,
Better than which, more profitable, none
In these parts hold; master of many slaves;
As if you had not one at your command,
You labor in their offices yourself.
I ne'er go out so soon at morn, return
So late at eve, but in your grounds I see you
Dig, plow, or fetch and carry: in a word,
You ne'er remit your toil, nor spare yourself.
This, I am certain, is not done for pleasure.
--You'll say, perhaps, it vexes you to see
Your work go on so slowly;--do but give
The time you spend in laboring yourself
To set your slaves to work, 'twill profit more.
MENE. Have you such leisure from your own affairs
To think of those, that don't concern you, Chremes?
CHREM. I am a man, and feel for all mankind.
Think, I advise, or ask for information:
If right, that I may do the same; if wrong,
To turn you from it.
MENE. I have need to do thus.
Do you as you think fit.
CHREM. Need any man
Torment himself?
MENE. I need.
CHREM. If there's a cause,
I'd not oppose it. But what evil's this?
What is th' offense so grievous to your nature,
That asks such cruel vengeance on yourself?
MENE. Alas! alas! (_In tears._)
CHREM. Nay, weep not; but inform me.
Be not reserv'd; fear nothing: prithee, trust me:
By consolation, counsel, or assistance,
I possibly may serve you.
MENE. Would you know it?
CHREM. Aye, for the very reason I have mention'd.
MENE. I will inform you.
CHREM. But meanwhile lay down
Those rakes: don't tire yourself.
MENE. It must not be.
CHREM. What mean you?
MENE. Give me leave: that I may take
No respite from my toil.
CHREM. I'll not allow it. (_Taking away the rakes._)
MENE. Ah, you do wrong.
CHREM. What, and so heavy too! (_Weighing them in his hand._)
MENE. Such my desert.
CHREM. Now speak. (_Laying down the rakes._)
MENE. One only son
I have.--_Have_, did I say?--_Had_ I mean, Chremes.
Have I or no, is now uncertain.
CHREM. Wherefore?
MENE. That you shall know. An old Corinthian woman
Now sojourns here, a stranger in these parts,
And very poor. It happen'd, of her daughter
My son became distractedly enamor'd;----
E'en to the brink of marriage; and all this
Unknown to me: which I no sooner learn'd
Than I began to deal severely with him,
Not as a young and love-sick mind requir'd,
But in the rough and usual way of fathers.
Daily I chid him; crying, "How now, Sir!
Think you that you shall hold these courses long,
And I your father living?--Keep a mistress,
As if she were your wife!--You are deceiv'd,
If you think that, and do not know me, Clinia.
While you act worthily, you're mine; if not,
I shall act toward you worthy of myself.
All this arises from mere idleness.
I, at your age, ne'er thought of love; but went
To seek my fortune in the wars in Asia,
And there acquir'd in arms both wealth and glory."
--In short, things came to such a pass, the youth,
O'ercome with hearing still the self-same thing,
And wearied out with my reproaches; thinking,
Age and experience had enabled me
To judge his interest better than himself,
Went off to serve the king in Asia, Chremes.
CHREM. How say you?
MENE. Stole away three months ago,
Without my knowledge.
CHREM. Both have been to blame:
And yet this enterprise bespeaks a mind,
Modest and manly.
MENE. Having heard of this
From some of his familiars, home I came
Mournful, half-mad, and almost wild with grief.
I sit me down; my servants run to me;
Some draw my sandals off; while others haste
To spread the couches, and prepare the supper:
Each in his way, I mark, does all he can
To mitigate my sorrow. Noting this,
"How," said I to myself, "so many then
Anxious for me alone? to pleasure me?
So many slaves to dress me? All this cost
For me alone?--Meanwhile, my only son,
For whom all these were fit, as well as me,
Nay rather more, since he is of an age
More proper for their use; him, him, poor boy,
Has my unkindness driven forth to sorrow.
Oh I were worthy of the heaviest curse,
Could I brook that!--No; long as he shall lead
A life of penury abroad, an exile
Through my unjust severity, so long
Will I revenge his wrongs upon myself,
Laboring, scraping, sparing, slaving for him."
--In short, I did so; in the house I left
Nor clothes, nor movables: I scrap'd up all.
My slaves, both male and female, except those
Who more than earn'd their bread in country-work,
I sold: Then set my house to sale: In all
I got together about fifteen talents;
Purchas'd this farm; and here fatigue myself;
Thinking I do my son less injury,
While I'm in misery too; nor is it just
For me, I think, to taste of pleasure here,
Till he return in safety to partake on't.
CHREM. You I believe a tender parent, him
A duteous son, if govern'd prudently.
But you was unacquainted with his nature,
And he with yours: sad life, where things are so!
You ne'er betray'd your tenderness to him;
Nor durst he place that confidence in you,
Which well becomes the bosom of a father.
Had that been done, this had not happen'd to you.
MENE. True, I confess; but I was most in fault.
CHREM. All, Menedemus, will, I hope, be well,
And trust, your son will soon return in safety.
MENE. Grant it, good Gods!
CHREM. They will. Now, therefore, since
The Dionysia are held here to-day,
If 'tis convenient, come, and feast with me.
MENE. Impossible.
CHREM. Why so?--Nay, prithee now,
Indulge yourself a while: your absent son,
I'm sure, would have it so.
MENE. It is not meet,
That I, who drove him forth to misery,
Should fly it now myself.
CHREM. You are resolv'd?
MENE. Most constantly.
CHREM. Farewell then!
MENE. Fare you well! (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
Now, in the name of heav'n and earth, what is't
You want? what seek you? Threescore years of age
_Colman 1768_
For in the name of heav'n and earth, what would you?
What do you drive at? Threescore years of age
_Harper_
I ne'er go out so soon at morn, return
So late at eve, but in your grounds I see you
Dig, plow, or fetch and carry: in a word,
_Colman 1768_
I ne'er go out so soon, return so late,
Morning or evening, but I see you still
At labour on your acres, digging, plowing,
Or carrying some burden: in a word,
_Harper_
CHREM. If there's a cause,
I'd not oppose it. But what evil's this?
_Colman 1768_
CHREM. If you're unhappy,
I'm sorry for it. But what evil's this?
I possibly may serve you.
_"I" invisible in Harper edition_
"How," said I to myself, "so many then]
_inner quotes supplied from 1768 edition_
SCENE II.
_CHREMES alone._
He draws tears from me.--How I pity him!
--But 'tis high time, as the day goes, to warn
My neighbor Phania to come forth to supper.
I'll go, and see if he's at home.
(_Goes to PHANIA'S door, and returns._)
There was,
It seems, no need of warning: for, they tell me,
He has been gone to my house some time since;
I keep my guests in waiting; so I'll in.
But my doors creak. (_CLITIPHO appears._) Who's this? I'll step aside.
(_Retires._)
[Changes:
_Harper_
He has been gone to my house some time since;
I keep my guests in waiting; so I'll in.
But my doors creak. Who's this? I'll step aside.
_Colman 1768_
He went to his appointment some time since.
'Tis I myself that keep my guests in waiting.
I'll in immediately.--But what's the meaning
That my door opens?--Who's this?--I'll retire.]
SCENE III.
_Enter CLITIPHO, speaking to CLINIA within._
As yet, my Clinia, you've no cause to fear:
They are not long: and she, I'm confident,
Will be here shortly with the messenger.
Prithee, away then with these idle cares,
Which thus torment you!
CHREM. (_behind._) Whom does my son speak to?
CLIT. My father as I wish'd--Good Sir, well met.
CHREM. What now?
CLIT. D'ye know our neighbor Menedemus?
CHREM. Aye, very well.
CLIT. D'ye know he has a son?
CHREM. I've heard he is in Asia.
CLIT. No such thing.
He's at our house, Sir.
CHREM. How!
CLIT. But just arriv'd:
Ev'n at his landing I fell in with him,
And brought him here to supper: for, from boys,
We have been friends and intimates.
CHREM. Good news:
Now do I wish the more that Menedemus,
Whom I invited, were my guest to-day,
That I, and under my own roof, had been
The first to have surpris'd him with this joy!
And I may yet. (_Going._)
CLIT. Take heed! it were not good.
CHREM. How so?
CLIT. Because the youth is yet in doubt:
Newly arriv'd; in fear of ev'ry thing;
He dreads his father's anger, and suspects
The disposition of his mistress tow'rds him;
Her, whom he dotes upon; on whose account,
This diff'rence and departure came about.
CHREM. I know it.
CLIT. He has just dispatch'd his boy
Into the city to her, and our Syrus
I sent along with him.
CHREM. What says the son?
CLIT. Says? that he's miserable.
CHREM. Miserable!
Who needs be less so? for what earthly good
Can man possess which he may not enjoy?
Parents, a prosp'rous country, friends, birth, riches.
Yet these all take their value from the mind
Of the possessor: he that knows their use,
To him they're blessings; he that knows it not,
To him misuse converts them into curses.
CLIT. Nay, but he ever was a cross old man:
And now there's nothing that I dread so much,
As lest he be transported in his rage
To some gross outrages against his son.
CHREM. He!--He!--But I'll contain myself. 'Tis good
For Menedemus that his son should fear. (_Aside._)
CLIT. What say you, Sir, within yourself! (_Overhearing._)
CHREM. I say,
Be't as it might, the son should have remain'd.
Grant that the father bore too strict a hand
Upon his loose desires; he should have borne it.
Whom would he bear withal, if not a parent?
Was't fitting that the father should conform
To the son's humor, or the son to his?
And for the rigor that he murmurs at,
'Tis nothing: the severities of fathers,
Unless perchance a hard one here and there,
Are much the same: they reprimand their sons
For riotous excesses, wenching, drinking;
And starve their pleasures by a scant allowance.
Yet this all tends to good: but when the mind
Is once enslav'd to vicious appetites,
It needs must follow vicious measures too.
Remember then this maxim, Clitipho,
A wise one 'tis to draw from others' faults
A profitable lesson for yourself.
CLIT. I do believe it.
CHREM. Well, I'll in, and see
What is provided for our supper: you,
As the day wears, see that you're not far hence. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
That I, and under my own roof, had been
_Colman 1768_
That I, and under my own roof, might be]
SCENE IV.
_CLITIPHO alone._
What partial judges of all sons are fathers!
Who ask gray wisdom from our greener years,
And think our minds should bear no touch of youth;
Governing by their passions, now kill'd in them,
And not by those that formerly rebell'd.
If ever I've a son, I promise him
He shall find me an easy father; fit
To know, and apt to pardon his offenses!
Not such as mine, who, speaking of another,
Shows how he'd act in such a case himself:
Yet when he takes a cup or two too much,
Oh, what mad pranks he tells me of his own:
But warns me now "to draw from others' faults
A profitable lesson for myself."
Cunning old gentleman! he little knows,
He pours his proverbs in a deaf man's ear.
The words of Bacchis, _Give me, Bring me_, now
Have greater weight with me: to whose commands,
Alas! I've nothing to reply withal;
Nor is there man more wretched than myself.
For Clinia here (though he, I must confess,
Has cares enough) has got a mistress, modest,
Well-bred, and stranger to all harlot arts:
Mine is a self-will'd, wanton, haughty madam,
Gay, and extravagant; and let her ask
Whate'er she will, she must not be denied;
Since poverty I durst not make my plea.
This is a plague I have but newly found,
Nor is my father yet appris'd of it.
ACT THE SECOND.
SCENE I.
_Enter CLINIA._
CLIN. Had my affairs in love been prosperous,
They had, I know, been here long since: but, ah,
I fear she's fall'n from virtue in my absence:
So many things concur to prove it so,
My mind misgives me; opportunity,
The place, her age, an infamous old mother,
Under whose governance she lives, to whom
'Naught but gain's precious.
_To him CLITIPHO._
CLIT. Clinia!
CLIN. Woe is me! (_To himself._)
CLIT. Take heed, lest some one issue from your father's,
And chance to see you here.
CLIN. I will: but yet
My mind forebodes I know not what of ill.
CLIT. What, still foreboding, ere you know the truth?
CLIN. Had there been no untoward circumstance,
They had return'd already
CLIT. Patience, Clinia!
They'll be here presently.
CLIN. Presently! but when?
CLIT. Consider, 'tis a long way off: and then
You know the ways of women; to set off,
And trick their persons out, requires an age.
CLIN. Oh Clitipho, I fear----
CLIT. Take courage; see,
Dromo and Syrus!
SCENE II.
_Enter SYRUS and DROMO, conversing at a distance._
SYRUS. Say you?
DROMO. Even so.
SYRUS. But while we chat, the girls are left behind.
CLIT. (_listening._) Girls, Clinia! do you hear?
CLIN. I hear, I see,
And now, at last, I'm happy, Clitipho.
DROMO (_to SYRUS_). Left behind! troth, no wonder: so encumber'd;
A troop of waiting-women at her heels!
CLIN. (_listening_). Confusion! Whence should she have waiting-women?
CLIT. How can I tell?
SYRUS (_to DROMO_). We ought not to have dropp'd them.
They bring a world of baggage!
CLIN. (_listening_). Death!
SYRUS. Gold, clothes!
It grows late too, and they may miss their way.
We've been to blame: Dromo, run back, and meet them.
Away! quick! don't loiter.
(_Exit DROMO._
CLIN. What a wretch!
All my fair hopes quite blasted!
CLIT. What's the matter?
What is it troubles you?
CLIN. What troubles me?
D'ye hear? She waiting-women, gold, and clothes!
She, whom I left with one poor servant-girl!
Whence come they, think you?
CLIT. Oh, I take you now.
SYRUS (_to himself_). Gods, what a crowd! our house will hardly hold
them.
What eating, and what drinking will there be!
How miserable our old gentleman!
But here are those I wish'd to see!
(_Seeing CLIT. and CLIN._)
CLIN. Oh Jove!
Where then are truth, and faith, and honor fled?
While I a fugitive, for love of you,
Quit my dear country, you, Antiphila,
For sordid gain desert me in distress!
You, for whose sake I courted infamy,
And cast off my obedience to my father.
He, I remember now with grief and shame,
Oft warn'd me of these women's ways; oft tried
In vain by sage advice to wean me from her.
But now I bid farewell to her forever;
Though, when 'twere good and wholesome, I was froward.
No wretch more curs'd than I!
SYRUS. He has misconstrued
All our discourse, I find--You fancy, Clinia,
Your mistress other than she is. Her life,
As far as we from circumstance could learn,
Her disposition tow'rd you, are the same.
CLIN. How! tell me all: for there is naught on earth
I'd rather know than that my fears are false.
SYRUS. First then, that you may be appris'd of all,
Th' old woman, thought her mother, was not so:
That beldam also is deceas'd; for this
I overheard her, as we came along,
Telling the other.
CLIT. Other! who? what other?
SYRUS. Let me but finish what I have begun,
And I shall come to that.
CLIT. Dispatch then.
SYRUS. First,
Having arriv'd, Dromo knocks at the door:
Which an old woman had no sooner open'd,
But in goes Dromo, and I after him.
Th' old woman bolts the door, and spins again,
And now, or never, Clinia, might be known,
Coming thus unexpectedly upon her,
Antiphila's employments in your absence:
For such, as then we saw, we might presume
Her daily practice, which of all things else,
Betrays the mind and disposition most.
Busily plying of the web we found her,
Decently clad in mourning,--I suppose,
For the deceas'd old woman.--She had on
No gold or trinkets, but was plain and neat,
And dress'd like those who dress but for themselves.
No female varnish to set off her beauty:
Her hair dishevel'd, long, and flowing loose
About her shoulders.--Peace! (_To CLINIA._)
CLIN. Nay, prithee, Syrus,
Do not transport me thus without a cause.
SYRUS. Th' old woman spun the woof; one servant-girl,
A tatter'd dirty dowdy, weaving by her.
CLIT. Clinia, if this be true, as sure it is,
Who is more fortunate than you? D'ye mark
The ragged dirty girl that he describ'd?
A sign the mistress leads a blameless life,
When she maintains no flaunting go-between:
For 'tis a rule with those gallants, who wish
To win the mistress, first to bribe the maid.
CLIN. Go on, I beg you, Syrus; and take heed
You fill me not with idle joy.--What said she
When you nam'd me?
SYRUS. As soon as we inform'd her
You was return'd, and begg'd her to come to you,
She left her work immediately, and burst
Into a flood of tears, which one might see
Were shed for love of you.
CLIN. By all the Gods,
I know not where I am for very joy.
Oh, how I trembled!
CLIT. Without cause, I knew.
But come; now, Syrus, tell us, who's that other?
SYRUS. Your mistress, Bacchis.
CLIT. How! what! Bacchis? Tell me,
Where d'ye bring her, rogue?
SYRUS. Where do I bring her?
To our house certainly.
CLIT. My father's?
SYRUS. Aye.
CLIT. Oh monstrous impudence!
SYRUS. Consider, Sir;
More danger, the more honor.
CLIT. Look ye, Sirrah,
You mean to purchase praise at my expense,
Where the least slip of yours would ruin me.
What is't you drive at?
SYRUS. But----
CLIT. But what?
SYRUS. I'll tell you,
Give me but leave!
CLIN. Permit him.
CLIT. Well, I do.
SYRUS. This business--now--is just as if-- (_Drawling._)
CLIT. Confusion!
What a long roundabout beginning!
CLIN. True.
To the point, Syrus!
SYRUS. I've no patience with you.
You use me ill, Sir, and I can't endure it.
CLIN. Hear him: peace, Clitipho! (_To CLITIPHO._)
SYRUS. You'd be in love;
Possess your mistress; and have wherewithal
To make her presents: but to gain all this
You'd risk no danger. By my troth, you're wise,
If it be wise to wish for what can't be.
Take good and bad together; both, or none;
Choose which you will; no mistress, or no danger.
And yet, the scheme I've laid is fair and safe;
Your mistress may be with you at your father's
Without detection; by the self-same means
I shall procure the sum you've promis'd her,
Which you have rung so often in my ears,
You've almost deafen'd them.--What would you more?
CLIT. If it may be so----
SYRUS. If! the proof shall show.
CLIT. Well, well then, what's this scheme?
SYRUS. We will pretend
That Bacchis is his mistress.
CLIT. Mighty fine!
What shall become then of his own? Shall she
Pass for his too, because one's not enough
To answer for?
SYRUS. No. She shall to your mother.
CLIT. How so?
SYRUS. 'Twere tedious, Clitipho, to tell:
Let it suffice, I've reason for it.
CLIT. Nonsense!
I see no ground to make me hazard this.
SYRUS. Well; if you dread this, I've another way,
Which you shall both own has no danger in't.
CLIT. Aye, prithee, find that out.
SYRUS. With all my heart.
I'll run and meet the woman on the road,
And order them to go straight home again.
CLIT. How! what!
SYRUS. I mean to ease you of your fear,
That you may sleep in peace on either side. (_Going._)
CLIT. What shall I do?
CLIN. E'en profit of his scheme.
CLIT. But, Syrus, tell me then----
SYRUS. Away, away!
This day too late you'll wish for her in vain. (_Going._)
CLIN. This is your time: enjoy it, while you may:
Who knows if you may have the like again?
CLIT. Syrus, I say.
SYRUS. Call as you please, I'll on.
CLIT. Clinia, you're right.--Ho, Syrus! Syrus, ho!
Syrus, I say.
SYRUS. So, he grows hot at last. (_To himself._)
What would you, Sir? (_Turning about._)
CLIT. Come back, come back!
SYRUS. I'm here. (_Returns._)
You're pleasure, Sir!--What, will not this content you?
CLIT. Yes, Syrus; me, my passion, and my fame
I render up to you: dispose of all;
But see you're not to blame.
SYRUS. Ridiculous!
Spare your advice, good Clitipho! you know
Success is my concern still more than yours:
For if perchance we fail in our attempt,
You shall have words; but I, alas! dry blows.
Be sure then of my diligence; and beg
Your friend to join, and countenance our scheme.
CLIN. Depend on me: I see it must be so.
CLIT. Thanks, my best Clinia!
CLIN. But take heed she trip not.
SYRUS. Oh, she's well instructed.
CLIT. Still I wonder
How you prevail'd so easily upon her:
Her, who's so scornful.
SYRUS. I came just in time,
Time, that in most affairs is all in all:
For there I found a certain wretched captain,
Begging her favors. She, an artful baggage,
Denied him, to inflame his mind the more,
And make her court to you.--But hark ye, Sir,
Be cautious of your conduct! no imprudence!
You know how shrewd and keen your father is;
And I know your intemperance too well.
No double-meanings, glances, leers, sighs, hems,
Coughing, or titt'ring, I beseech you, Sir!
CLIT. I'll play my part----
SYRUS. Look to't!
CLIT. To your content.
SYRUS. But see, the women! they're soon after us. (_Looking out._)
CLIT. Where are they?-- (_SYRUS stops him._) Why d'ye hold me?
SYRUS. She is not
Your mistress now.
CLIT. True: not before my father.
But now, meanwhile----
SYRUS. Nor now, meanwhile,
CLIT. Allow me!
SYRUS. No.
CLIT. But a moment!
SYRUS. No.
CLIT. A single kiss!
SYRUS. Away, if you are wise!
CLIT. Well, well, I'm gone.
--What's he to do?
SYRUS. Stay here.
CLIT. O happy----
SYRUS. March! (_Pushes off CLITIPHO._)
[Changes:
_Harper_
Away! quick! don't loiter.
_Colman 1768_
Away! quick, quick! don't loiter.
_Harper_
CLIT. How! what! Bacchis? Tell me,
Where d'ye bring her, rogue?
SYRUS. Where do I bring her?
_Colman 1768_
CLIT. How! what! Bacchis?
Where d'ye propose to carry her, rogue?
SYRUS. Where?
_Harper_
SYRUS. Oh, she's well instructed.
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. Oh, she is well instructed.]
SCENE III
_Enter BACCHIS, and ANTIPHILA at a distance._
BACCH. Well, I commend you, my Antiphila:
Happy, that you have made it still your care,
That virtue should seem fair as beauty in you!
Nor Gracious Heav'n so help me, do I wonder
If ev'ry man should wish you for his own;
For your discourse bespeaks a worthy mind.
And when I ponder with myself, and weigh
Your course of life, and all the rest of those
Who live not on the common, 'tis not strange,
Your morals should be different from ours.
Virtue's your int'rest; those, with whom we deal,
Forbid it to be ours: For our gallants,
Charm'd by our beauty, court us but for that;
Which fading, they transfer their love to others.
If then meanwhile we look not to ourselves,
We live forlorn, deserted, and distress'd.
You, when you've once agreed to pass your life
Bound to one man, whose temper suits with yours,
He too attaches his whole heart to you:
Thus mutual friendship draws you each to each;
Nothing can part you, nothing shake your love.
ANTI. I know not others'; for myself I know,
From his content I ever drew my own.
{_CLINIA and SYRUS apart._}
CLIN. (_overhearing_). Excellent maid! my best Antiphila!
Thou too, thy love alone is now the cause
That brings me to my native land again.
For when away, all evils else were light
Compar'd to wanting thee.
SYRUS. I do believe it.
CLIN. O Syrus, 'tis too much: I can not bear it.
Wretch that I am!--and must I be debarr'd
To give a loose to love, a love like this?
SYRUS. And yet if I may judge your father's mind,
He has more troubles yet in store for you.
BACCH. Who is that youth that eyes us? (_Seeing CLINIA._)
ANTI. Ha! (_seeing him._)--Support me!
BACCH. Bless me, what now?
ANTI. I faint.
BACCH. Alas, poor soul!
What is't surprises you, Antiphila?
ANTI. Is't Clinia that I see, or no?
BACCH. Whom do you see?
CLIN. Welcome my soul! (_Running up to her._)
ANTI. My wish'd-for Clinia, welcome!
CLIN. How fares my love?
ANTI. O'erjoyed at your return.
CLIN. And do I hold thee, my Antiphila,
Thou only wish and comfort of my soul!
SYRUS. In, in, for you have made our good man wait. (_Exeunt._
ACT THE THIRD.
SCENE I.
CHREM. 'Tis now just daybreak.--Why delay I then
To call my neighbor forth, and be the first
To tell him of his son's return?--The youth,
I understand, would fain not have it so.
But shall I, when I see this poor old man
Afflict himself so grievously, by silence
Rob him of such an unexpected joy,
When the discov'ry can not hurt the son?
No, I'll not do't; but far as in my pow'r
Assist the father. As my son, I see,
Ministers to th' occasions of his friend,
Associated in counsels, rank, and age,
So we old men should serve each other too.
SCENE II.
_Enter MENEDEMUS._
MENE. (_to himself_). Sure I'm by nature form'd for misery
Beyond the rest of humankind, or else
'Tis a false saying, though a common one,
"That time assuages grief." For ev'ry day
My sorrow for the absence of my son
Grows on my mind: the longer he's away,
The more impatiently I wish to see him,
The more pine after him.
CHREM. But he's come forth. (_Seeing MENEDEMUS._)
Yonder he stands. I'll go and speak with him.
Good-morrow, neighbor! I have news for you;
Such news as you'll be overjoy'd to hear.
MENE. Of my son, Chremes?
CHREM. He's alive and well.
MENE. Where?
CHREM. At my house.
MENE. My son?
CHREM. Your son.
MENE. Come home?
CHREM. Come home.
MENE. My dear boy come? my Clinia?
CHREM. He.
MENE. Away then! prithee, bring me to him.
CHREM. Hold!
He cares not you should know of his return,
And dreads your sight because of his late trespass.
He fears, besides, your old severity
Is now augmented.
MENE. Did not you inform him
The bent of my affections?
CHREM. Not I.
MENE. Wherefore, Chremes?
CHREM. Because 'twould injure both yourself and him
To seem of such a poor and broken spirit.
MENE. I can not help it. Too long, much too long,
I've been a cruel father.
CHREM. Ah, my friend,
You run into extremes; too niggardly,
Or, too profuse; imprudent either way.
First, rather than permit him entertain
A mistress, who was then content with little,
And glad of any thing, you drove him hence:
Whereon the girl was forc'd against her will,
To grow a common gamester for her bread:
And now she can't be kept without much cost,
You'd squander thousands. For to let you know
How admirably madam's train'd to mischief,
How finely form'd to ruin her admirers,
She came to my house yesternight with more
Than half a score of women at her tail,
Laden with clothes and jewels.--If she had
A Prince to her gallant, he could not bear
Such wild extravagance: much less can you.
MENE. Is she within too?
CHREM. She within! Aye, truly.
I've found it to my cost: for I have given
To her and her companions but one supper;
And to give such another would undo me.
For, not to dwell on other circumstances,
Merely to taste, and smack, and spirt about.
What quantities of wine has she consum'd!
_This is too rough_, she cries; _some softer, pray!_
I have pierc'd every vessel, ev'ry cask;
Kept ev'ry servant running to and fro:
All this ado, and all in one short night!
What, Menedemus, must become of you,
Whom they will prey upon continually?
Now, afore Heaven, thinking upon this,
I pitied you.
MENE. Why let him have his will;
Waste, consume, squander; I'll endure it all,
So I but have him with me.
CHREM. If resolv'd
To take that course, I hold it of great moment
That he perceive not you allow of this.
MENE. What shall I do then?
CHREM. Any thing much rather
Than what you mean to do: at second-hand
Supply him; or permit his slave to trick you;
Though I perceive they're on that scent already,
And privately contriving how to do't.
There's Syrus, and that little slave of yours
In an eternal whisper: the young men
Consulting too together: and it were
Better to lose a talent by these means,
Than on your plan a mina: for at present
Money is not the question, but the means
To gratify the youth the safest way.
For if he once perceives your turn of mind,
And that you'd rather hazard life, and wealth,
Than part from him; ah, Menedemus, what
A window to debauchery you'll open!
Nay, life itself will grow a burden to you;
For too much liberty corrupts us all.
Whatever comes into his head, he'll have;
Nor think if his demand be right or wrong.
You, on your part, to see your wealth and son
Both wreck'd, will not be able to endure.
You'll not comply with his demands; whereon
He falls to his old fence immediately,
And knowing where your weak part lies, will threaten
To leave you instantly.
MENE. 'Tis very like.
CHREM. Now on my life I have not clos'd my eyes,
Nor had a single wink of sleep this night,
For thinking how I might restore your son.
MENE. Give me your hand: and let me beg you, Chremes,
Continue to assist me!
CHREM. Willingly.
MENE. D'ye know what I would have you do at present?
CHREM. What?
MENE. Since you have found out they meditate
Some practice on me, prithee, urge them on
To execute it quickly: for I long
To grant his wishes, long to see him straight.
CHREM. Let me alone. I must lay hold of Syrus,
And give him some encouragement.--But see!
Some one, I know not who, comes forth: In, in,
Lest they perceive that we consult together!
I have a little business too in hand.
Simus and Crito, our two neighbors here,
Have a dispute about their boundaries;
And they've referr'd it to my arbitration,
I'll go and tell them, 'tis not in my power
To wait on them, as I propos'd to-day.
I will be with you presently.
MENE. Pray do. (_Exit CHREMES._
Gods! that the nature of mankind is such,
To see and judge of the affairs of others
Much better than their own! Is't therefore so,
Because that, in our own concerns, we feel
Too much the influence of joy or sorrow?
How much more wisely does my neighbor here,
Consult for me, than I do for myself!
CHREM. (_returning._) I've disengag'd myself! that I might be
At leisure to attend on your affairs. (_Exit MENEDEMUS._
[Changes:
_Harper_
So I but have him with me.
_Colman 1768_
So I but keep him with me.
_Harper_
And that you'd rather hazard life, and wealth,
Than part from him; ah, Menedemus, what
A window to debauchery you'll open!
Nay, life itself will grow a burden to you;
_Colman 1768_
That you had rather throw away your life,
And waste your whole estate, than part with him,
Ah, what a window to debauchery
You'll open, Menedemus! Such a one,
As will embitter even life itself;
_Harper_
Too much the influence of joy or sorrow?
_Colman 1768_
The influence of joy or grief too nearly?]
SCENE III.
_Enter SYRUS at another part of the stage._
SYRUS (_to himself._) This way, or that way, or some way or other!
For money must be had, and th' old man trick'd.
CHREM. (_overbearing._) Was I deceiv'd in thinking they were at it?
That slave of Clinia's, it should seem, is dull,
And so our Syrus has the part assign'd him.
SYRUS. Who's there (_seeing CHREMES_). Undone if he has overheard me.
(_Aside._)
CHREM. Syrus.
SYRUS. Sir!
CHREM. What now?
SYRUS. Nothing.--But I wonder
To see you up so early in the morning,
Who drank so freely yesterday.
CHREM. Not much.
SYRUS. Not much? You have, Sir, as the proverb goes,
The old age of an eagle.
CHREM. Ah!
SYRUS. A pleasant,
Good sort of girl, this wench of Clinia's.
CHREM. Aye, so she seems.
SYRUS. And handsome.
CHREM. Well enough.
SYRUS. Not like the maids of old, but passable,
As girls go now: nor am I much amaz'd
That Clinia dotes upon her. But he has,
Alas, poor lad! a miserable, close,
Dry, covetous, curmudgeon to his father:
Our neighbor here; d'ye know him?--Yet, as if
He did not roll in riches, his poor son
Was forc'd to run away for very want.
D'ye know this story?
CHREM. Do I know it? Aye.
A scoundrel! should be horse-whipp'd.
SYRUS. Who?
CHREM. That slave
Of Clinia's----
SYRUS. Troth, I trembled for you, Syrus! (_Aside._)
CHREM. Who suffer'd this.
SYRUS. Why what should he have done?
CHREM. What?--have devis'd expedients, contriv'd schemes,
To raise the cash for the young gentleman
To make his mistress presents; and have done
A kindness to th' old hunks against his will.
SYRUS. You jest.
CHREM. Not I: it was his duty, Syrus.
SYRUS. How's this? why prithee then, d'ye praise those slaves,
Who trick their masters?
CHREM. Yes upon occasion.
SYRUS. Mighty fine, truly!
CHREM. Why, it oft prevents
A great deal of uneasiness: for instance,
This Clinia, Menedemus' only son,
Would never have elop'd.
SYRUS. I can not tell
Whether he says all this in jest or earnest;
But it gives fresh encouragement to me. (_Aside._)
CHREM. And now what is't the blockhead waits for, Syrus?
Is't till his master runs away again,
When he perceives himself no longer able
To bear with the expenses of his mistress?
Has he no plot upon th' old gentleman?
SYRUS. He's a poor creature.
CHREM. But it is your part,
For Clinia's sake, to lend a helping hand.
SYRUS. Why, that indeed I easily can do,
If you command me; for I know which way.
CHREM. I take you at your word.
SYRUS. I'll make it good.
CHREM. Do so.
SYRUS. But hark ye, Sir! remember this,
If ever it hereafter comes to pass,
--As who can answer for th' affairs of men!
That your own son----
CHREM. I hope 'twill never be.
SYRUS. I hope so too; nor do I mention this
From any knowledge or suspicion of him:
But that in case--his time of life, you know;
And should there be occasion, trust me, Chremes,
But I could handle you most handsomely.
CHREM. Well, well, we'll think of it, when that time comes.
Now to your present task! (_Exit CHREMES._
[Changes:
_Harper_
SYRUS. This way, or that way, or some way or other!
For money must be had, and th' old man trick'd.
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. One way, or other, money must be had,
And the old gentleman impos'd upon.
_Harper_
CHREM. What?--have devis'd expedients, contriv'd schemes,
_Colman 1768_
CHREM. What?--have devis'd some scheme, some ways and means
_Harper_
This Clinia, Menedemus' only son,
Would never have elop'd.
SYRUS. I can not tell
Whether he says all this in jest or earnest;
But it gives fresh encouragement to me.
_Colman 1768_
My neighbour Menedemus, well deceiv'd,
Would ne'er have seen his son abandon him.
SYRUS. I don't know whether he's in jest or earnest,
But it gives me encouragement to trick him.
Now to your present task!
_initial "N" invisible in Harper edition_]
SCENE IV.
_SYRUS alone._
I never heard
My master argue more commodiously;
Nor ever had a mind to mischief, when
It might be done with more impunity.
But who's this coming from our house?
[Changes:
_Harper_
Nor ever had a mind to mischief, when
_Colman 1768_
Nor ever was inclin'd to mischief, when]
SCENE V.
_Enter CLITIPHO, and CHREMES following._
CHREM. How now?
What manners are these, Clitipho? does this
Become you?
CLIT. What's the matter?
CHREM. Did not I
This very instant see you put your hand
Into yon wench's bosom?
SYRUS. So! all's over:
I am undone. (_Aside._)
CLIT. Me, Sir?
CHREM. These very eyes
Beheld you: don't deny it.--'Tis base in you
To be so flippant with your hands. For what
Affront's more gross than to receive a friend
Under your roof, and tamper with his mistress?
And, last night in your cups too, how indecent
And rudely you behav'd!
SYRUS. 'Tis very true.
CHREM. So very troublesome, so help me Heav'n,
I fear'd the consequence. I know the ways
Of lovers: they oft take offense at things
You dream not of.
CLIT. But my companion, Sir,
Is confident I would not wrong him.
CHREM. Granted.
Yet you should cease to hang forever on them.
Withdraw, and leave them sometimes to themselves.
Love has a thousand sallies; you restrain them.
I can conjecture from myself. There's none,
How near soever, Clitipho, to whom
I dare lay open all my weaknesses.
With one my pride forbids it, with another
The very action shames me: and believe me,
It is the same with him; and 'tis our place
To mark on what occasions to indulge him.
SYRUS. What says he now? (_Aside._)
CLIT. Confusion!
SYRUS. Clitipho,
These are the very precepts that I gave you:
And how discreet and temperate you've been!
CLIT. Prithee, peace!
SYRUS. Aye, I warrant you.
CHREM. Oh, Syrus,
I'm quite asham'd of him.
SYRUS. I do not doubt it.
Nor without reason; for it troubles me.
CLIT. Still, rascal!
SYRUS. Nay, I do but speak the truth.
CLIT. May I not then go near them?
CHREM. Prithee, then,
Is there _one_ way alone of going near them?
SYRUS. Confusion! he'll betray himself before
I get the money. (_Aside._)--Chremes, will you once
Hear a fool's counsel?
CHREM. What do you advise?
SYRUS. Order your son about his business.
CLIT. Whither?
SYRUS. Whither! where'er you please. Give place to them.
Go take a walk.
CLIT. Walk! where?
SYRUS. A pretty question!
This, that, or any way.
CHREM. He says right. Go!
CLIT. Now, plague upon you, Syrus! (_Going._)
SYRUS (_to CLITIPHO, going_). Henceforth, learn
To keep those hands of yours at rest. (_Exit CLITIPHO._
[Changes:
CLIT. Still, rascal!
_1768 edition has question mark_]
SCENE VI.
_CHREMES, SYRUS._
D'ye mind?
What think you, Chremes, will become of him,
Unless you do your utmost to preserve,
Correct, and counsel him?
CHREM. I'll take due care.
SYRUS. But now's your time, Sir, to look after him.
CHREM. It shall be done.
SYRUS. It must be, if you're wise:
For ev'ry day he minds me less and less.
CHREM. But, Syrus, say, what progress have you made
In that affair I just now mention'd to you?
Have you struck out a scheme that pleases you?
Or are you still to seek?
SYRUS. The plot, you mean,
On Menedemus. I've just hit on one.
CHREM. Good fellow! prithee now, what is't?
SYRUS. I'll tell you.
But as one thing brings in another----
CHREM. Well?
SYRUS. This Bacchis is a sad jade.
CHREM. So it seems.
SYRUS. Aye, Sir, if you knew all; nay, even now
She's hatching mischief.--Dwelling hereabouts,
There was of late an old Corinthian woman,
To whom this Bacchis lent a thousand pieces.
CHREM. What then?
SYRUS. The woman's dead; and left behind
A daughter, very young, whom she bequeath'd,
By way of pledge, to Bacchis for the money.
CHREM. I understand.
SYRUS. This girl came here with Bacchis,
And now is with your wife.
CHREM. What then?
SYRUS. She begs
Of Clinia to advance the cash; for which
She'll give the girl as an equivalent.
She wants the thousand pieces.
CHREM. Does she so?
SYRUS. No doubt on't.
CHREM. So I thought.--And what do you
Intend to do?
SYRUS. Who? I, Sir? I'll away
To Menedemus presently; and tell him
This maiden is a rich and noble captive,
Stolen from Caria; and to ransom her
Will greatly profit him.
CHREM. 'Twill never do.
SYRUS. How so?
CHREM. I answer now for Menedemus.
_I will not purchase her._ What say you now?
SYRUS. Give a more favorable answer!
CHREM. No,
There's no occasion.
SYRUS. No occasion?
CHREM. No.
SYRUS. I can not comprehend you.
CHREM. I'll explain.
--But hold! what now? whence comes it that our door
Opens so hastily?
[Changes:
_CHREMES, SYRUS._
_character names supplied from 1768 edition_]
SCENE VII.
_Enter at a distance SOSTRATA with a ring, and the NURSE._
SOSTRA. Or I'm deceiv'd,
Or this is certainly the very ring;
The ring with which my daughter was expos'd.
CHREM. (_to SYRUS, behind_). What can those words mean, Syrus?
SOSTRA. Tell me, Nurse!
Does it appear to you to be the same?
NURSE. Aye, marry: and the very moment that
You show'd it me, I said it was the same.
SOSTRA. But have you thoroughly examin'd, Nurse?
NURSE. Aye, thoroughly.
SOSTRA. In then, and let me know
If she has yet done bathing; and meanwhile
I'll wait my husband here. (_Exit NURSE._
SYRUS. She wants you, Sir! inquire
What she would have. She's grave, I know not why.
'Tis not for nothing; and I fear the cause.
CHREM. The cause? pshaw! nothing. She'll take mighty pains
To be deliver'd of some mighty trifle.
SOSTRA. (_seeing them_). Oh husband!
CHREM. Oh wife!
SOSTRA. I was looking for you,
CHREM. Your pleasure?
SOSTRA. First, I must entreat you then,
Believe, I would not dare do any thing
Against your order.
CHREM. What! must I believe
A thing past all belief?--I do believe it.
SYRUS. This exculpation bodes some fault, I'm sure. (_Aside._)
SOSTRA. Do you remember, I was pregnant once,
When you assur'd me with much earnestness,
That if I were deliver'd of a girl,
You would not have the child brought up?
CHREM. I know
What you have done. You have brought up the child.
SYRUS. Madam, if so, my master gains a loss.
SOSTRA. No, I have not: but there was at that time
An old Corinthian woman dwelling here,
To whom I gave the child to be expos'd.
CHREM. O Jupiter! was ever such a fool!
SOSTRA. Ah, what have I committed?
CHREM. What committed!
SOSTRA. If I've offended, Chremes, 'tis a crime
Of ignorance, and nothing of my purpose.
CHREM. Own it or not, I know it well enough,
That ignorantly, and imprudently,
You do and say all things; how many faults
In this one action are you guilty of!
For first, had you complied with my commands,
The girl had been dispatch'd; and not her death
Pretended, and hopes given of her life.
But that I do not dwell upon: You'll cry,
"--Pity,--a mother's fondness."--I allow it.
But then how rarely you provided for her!
What could you mean? consider!--for 'tis plain,
You have betray'd your child to that old beldam,
Either for prostitution, or for sale.
So she but liv'd, it was enough, you thought:
No matter how, or what vile life she led.
--What can one do, or how proceed, with those,
Who know of neither reason, right, nor justice?
Better or worse, for or against, they see
Nothing but what they list.
SOSTRA. My dearest Chremes,
I own I have offended: I'm convinc'd.
But since you're more experienc'd than myself,
I pray you be the more indulgent too,
And let my weakness shelter in your justice.
CHREM. Well, well, I pardon you: but, Sostrata,
Forgiving you thus easily, I do
But teach you to offend again. But come,
Say, wherefore you began this?
SOSTRA. As we women
Are generally weak and superstitious,
When first to this Corinthian old woman
I gave the little infant, from my finger
I drew a ring, and charg'd her to expose
That with my daughter: that if chance she died,
She might have part of our possessions with her.
CHREM. 'Twas right: you thus preserv'd yourself and her.
SOSTRA. This is that ring.
CHREM. Where had it you?
SOSTRA. The girl
That Bacchis brought with her----
SYRUS. Ha! (_Aside._)
CHREM. What says she?
SOSTRA. Desir'd I'd keep it while she went to bathe.
I took no notice on't, at first; but I
No sooner look'd on't than I knew't again,
And straight ran out to you.
CHREM. And what d'ye think,
Or know concerning her?
SOSTRA. I can not tell,
Till you inquire it of herself, and find,
If possible, from whence she had the ring.
SYRUS. Undone! I see more hope than I desire.
She's ours, if this be so. (_Aside._)
CHREM. Is she alive
To whom you gave the child?
SOSTRA. I do not know.
CHREM. What did she tell you formerly?
SOSTRA. That she
Had done what I commanded her.
CHREM. Her name;
That we may make inquiry.
SOSTRA. Philtere.
SYRUS. The very same! she's found, and I am lost. (_Aside._)
CHREM. In with me, Sostrata!
SOSTRA. Beyond my hopes.
How much I fear'd you should continue still
So rigidly inclin'd, as formerly,
When you refus'd to educate her, Chremes!
CHREM. Men can not always be as they desire,
But must be govern'd by their fortunes still.
The times are alter'd with me, and I wish
To have a daughter now; then, nothing less.
[Changes:
_Harper_
SYRUS. She wants you, Sir! inquire
What she would have. She's grave, I know not why.
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. She wants you, Sir!
Enquire, what she would have. She's very grave.]
ACT THE FOURTH.
SCENE I.
_SYRUS, alone._
My mind misgives me, my defeat is nigh,
This unexpected incident has driven
My forces into such a narrow pass,
I can not even handsomely retreat
Without some feint, to hinder our old man
From seeing that this wench is Clitipho's.
As for the money, and the trick I dream'd of,
Those hopes are flown, and I shall hold it triumph,
So I but 'scape a scouring--Cursed fortune,
To have so delicate a morsel snatch'd
Out of my very jaws!--What shall I do?
What new device? for I must change my plan.
--Nothing so difficult, but may be won
By industry.--Suppose, I try it thus. (_Thinking._)
--'Twill never do.--Or thus?--No better still.
But thus I think.--No, no.--Yes, excellent!
Courage! I have it.--Good!--Good!--best of all!----
--'Faith, I begin to hope to lay fast hold
Of that same slipp'ry money after all.
SCENE II.
_Enter CLINIA at another part of the stage._
CLIN. Henceforward, fate, do with me what thou wilt!
Such is my joy, so full and absolute,
I can not know vexation. From this hour
To you, my father, I resign myself,
Content to be more frugal than you wish!
SYRUS (_overhearing_). 'Tis just as I suppos'd. The girl's acknowledged;
His raptures speak it so.-- (_Going up._) I'm overjoyed
That things have happen'd to your wish.
CLIN. O Syrus!
Have you then heard it too?
SYRUS. I heard it? Aye:
I, who was present at the very time!
CLIN. Was ever any thing so lucky?
SYRUS. Nothing.
CLIN. Now, Heav'n so help me, I rejoice at this
On her account much rather than my own,
Her, whom I know worthy the highest honors.
SYRUS. No doubt on't.--But now, Clinia, hold a while!
Give me a moment's hearing in my turn.
For your friend's business must be thought of now,
And well secur'd, lest our old gentleman
Suspect about the wench.
CLIN. O Jupiter! (_In raptures._)
SYRUS. Peace! (_Impatiently._)
CLIN. My Antiphila shall be my wife.
SYRUS. And will you interrupt me?
CLIN. Oh, my Syrus,
What can I do! I'm overjoy'd. Bear with me.
SYRUS. Troth so I do.
CLIN. We're happy, as the Gods.
SYRUS. I lose my labor on you.
CLIN. Speak; I hear.
SYRUS. Aye, but you don't attend.
CLIN. I'm all attention.
SYRUS. I say then, Clinia, that your friend's affairs
Must be attended to, and well secur'd:
For if you now depart abruptly from us,
And leave the wench upon our hands, my master
Will instantly discover she belongs
To Clitipho. But if you take her off,
It will remain, as still it is, a secret.
CLIN. But, Syrus, this is flatly opposite
To what I most devoutly wish, my marriage,
For with what face shall I accost my father?
D'ye understand me?
SYRUS. Aye.
CLIN. What can I say?
What reason can I give him?
SYRUS. Tell no lie.
Speak the plain truth.
CLIN. How?
SYRUS. Every syllable.
Tell him your passion for Antiphila;
Tell him you wish to marry her, and tell him,
Bacchis belongs to Clitipho.
CLIN. 'Tis well,
In reason, and may easily be done:
And then besides you'd have me win my father,
To keep it hid from your old gentleman.
SYRUS. No; rather to prevail on him, to go
And tell him the whole truth immediately.
CLIN. How? are you mad? or drunk? You'll be the ruin
Of Clitipho: for how can he be safe?
Eh, Sirrah!
SYRUS. That's my master-piece: this plot
Is my chief glory, and I'm proud to think
I have such force, such power of cunning in me,
As to be able to deceive them both,
By speaking the plain truth: that when your father
Tells Chremes, Bacchis is his own son's mistress,
He sha'n't believe it.
CLIN. But that way again
You blast my hopes of marriage: for while Chremes
Supposes her my mistress, he'll not grant
His daughter to me. You, perhaps, don't care,
So you provide for him, what comes of me.
SYRUS. Why, plague! d'ye think I'd have you counterfeit
Forever? but a day, to give me time
To bubble Chremes of the money.--Peace!
Not an hour more.
CLIN. Is that sufficient for you?
But then, suppose his father find it out!
SYRUS. Suppose, as some folks say, the sky should fall!
CLIN. Still I'm afraid.
SYRUS. Afraid indeed, as if
It was not in your pow'r, whene'er you pleas'd,
To clear yourself, and tell the whole affair.
CLIN. Well, well, let Bacchis be brought over then!
SYRUS. Well said; and here she comes.
[Changes:
_Harper_
SYRUS. I heard it? Aye:
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. Undoubtedly.]
SCENE III.
_Enter BACCHIS, PHRYGIA, etc., at another part of the stage._
BACCH. Upon my life,
This Syrus with his golden promises
Has fool'd me hither charmingly! Ten minae
He gave me full assurance of: but if
He now deceives me, come whene'er he will,
Canting and fawning to allure me hither,
It shall be all in vain; I will not stir.
Or when I have agreed, and fix'd a time,
Of which he shall have giv'n his master notice,
And Clitipho is all agog with hope,
I'll fairly jilt them both, and not come near them;
And master Syrus' back shall smart for it.
CLIN. She promises you very fair.
SYRUS. D'ye think
She jests? She'll do it, if I don't take heed.
BACCH. They sleep: i' faith, I'll rouse them. Hark ye, Phrygia,
Didst note the villa of Charinus, which
That fellow just now show'd us? (_Aloud._)
PHRY. I did, Madam.
BACCH. The next house on the right hand. (_Aloud._)
PHRY. I remember.
BACCH. Run thither quickly: for the Captain spends
The Dionysia there. (_Aloud._)
SYRUS (_behind_). What means she now?
BACCH. Tell him I'm here; and sore against my will,
Detain'd by force; but that I'll find some means
To slip away and come to him. (_Aloud._)
SYRUS. Confusion!-- (_Comes forward._)
Stay, Bacchis, Bacchis! where d'ye send that girl?
Bid her stop!
BACCH. Go! (_To PHRYGIA._)
SYRUS. The money's ready.
BACCH. Then
I stay. (_PHRYGIA returns._)
SYRUS. This instant you shall have it, Bacchis.
BACCH. When you please; I don't press you.
SYRUS. But d'ye know
What you're to do?
BACCH. Why, what?
SYRUS. You must go over,
You and your equipage, to Menedemus.
BACCH. What are you at now, sauce-box?
SYRUS. Coining money
For your use, Bacchis.
BACCH. Do you think to play
Your jests on me?
SYRUS. No; this is downright earnest.
BACCH. Are you the person I'm to deal with?
SYRUS. No.
But there I'll pay the money.
BACCH. Let us go then!
SYRUS. Follow her there.----Ho, Dromo!
[Changes:
_Harper_
Didst note the villa of Charinus, which
That fellow just now show'd us?
PHRY. I did, Madam.
BACCH. The next house on the right hand.
PHRY. I remember.
_Colman 1768_
Did you observe the villa of Charinus,
Which yonder fellow shew'd us?
PHRY. I did, Madam.
BACCH. The next upon the right.
PHRY. I recollect.
_Harper_
Detain'd by force; but that I'll find some means
_Colman 1768_
Detain'd by force; but I'll devise some means
_Harper_
SYRUS. The money's ready.
BACCH. Then
I stay.
SYRUS. This instant you shall have it, Bacchis.
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. The money's ready for you
BACCH. Oh! then I stay.
SYRUS. You shall be paid directly.
_Harper_
But there I'll pay the money.
_Colman 1768_
But 'twill secure your money.]
SCENE IV.
_Enter DROMO._
DROMO. Who calls?
SYRUS. Syrus.
DROMO. Your pleasure! What's the matter now?
SYRUS. Conduct
All Bacchis' maids to your house instantly.
DROMO. Why so?
SYRUS. No questions: let them carry over
All they brought hither. Our old gentleman
Will think himself reliev'd from much expense
By their departure. Troth, he little knows
With how much loss this small gain threatens him.
If you're wise, Dromo, know not what you know.
DROMO. I'm dumb.
(_Exit DROMO, with BACCHIS' servants and baggage, into the house of
MENEDEMUS._
SCENE V.
_After which, enter CHREMES._
CHREM. (_to himself_). 'Fore Heav'n, I pity Menedemus.
His case is lamentable: to maintain
That jade and all her harlot family!
Although I know for some few days to come
He will not feel it; so exceedingly
He long'd to have his son: but when he sees
Such monstrous household riot and expense
Continue daily, without end or measure,
He'll wish his son away from him again.
But yonder's Syrus in good time. (_Seeing SYRUS._)
SYRUS. I'll to him. (_Aside._)
CHREM. Syrus!
SYRUS. Who's there? (_Turning about._)
CHREM. What now?
SYRUS. The very man!
I have been wishing for you this long time.
CHREM. You seem to've been at work with the old man.
SYRUS. What! at our plot? No sooner said than done.
CHREM. Indeed!
SYRUS. Indeed.
CHREM. I can't forbear to stroke
Your head for it. Good lad! come nearer, Syrus!
I'll do thee some good turn for this. I will,
I promise you. (_Patting his head._)
SYRUS. Ah, if you did but know
How luckily it came into my head!
CHREM. Pshaw, are you vain of your good luck?
SYRUS. Not I.
I speak the plain truth.
CHREM. Let me know it then.
SYRUS. Clinia has told his father that the wench
Is mistress to your Clitipho; and that
He brought her with him hither, to prevent
Your smoking it.
CHREM. Incomparable!
SYRUS. Really?
CHREM. O, admirable!
SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all.
But only hear the rest of our advice.
He'll tell his father he has seen your daughter,
Whose beauty has so charm'd him at first sight,
He longs to marry her.
CHREM. Antiphila?
SYRUS. The same: and he'll request him to demand her
Of you in marriage.
CHREM. To what purpose, Syrus?
I don't conceive the drift on't.
SYRUS. No! you're slow.
CHREM. Perhaps so.
SYRUS. Menedemus instantly
Will furnish him with money for the wedding,
To buy----d'ye take me?
CHREM. Clothes and jewels.
SYRUS. Aye.
CHREM. But I will neither marry, nor betroth
My daughter to him.
SYRUS. No? Why?
CHREM. Why!--is that
A question? to a wretch!----
SYRUS. Well, as you please.
I never meant that he should marry her,
But only to pretend----
CHREM. I hate pretense.
Plot as you please, but do not render me
An engine in your rogueries. Shall I
Contract my daughter, where I never can
Consent to marry her?
SYRUS. I fancied so.
CHREM. Not I.
SYRUS. It might be done most dextrously:
And, in obedience to your strict commands,
I undertook this business.
CHREM. I believe it.
SYRUS. However, Sir, I meant it well.
CHREM. Nay, nay,
Do't by all means, and spare no trouble in't;
But bring your scheme to bear some other way.
SYRUS. It shall be done: I'll think upon some other.
--But then the money which I mention'd to you,
Owing to Bacchis by Antiphila,
Must be repaid her: and you will not now
Attempt to shift the matter off; or say,
"--What is't to me? was I the borrower?
Did I command it? Could she pledge my daughter
Against my will?"----You can say none of this;
For 'tis a common saying, and a true,
That strictest law is oft the highest wrong.
CHREM. I mean not to evade it.
SYRUS. No, I'll warrant.
Nay you, though others did, could never think on't;
For all the world imagines you've acquir'd
A fair and handsome fortune.
CHREM. I will carry
The money to her instantly myself.
SYRUS. No; rather send it by your son.
CHREM. Why so!
SYRUS. Because he acts the part of her gallant.
CHREM. What then?
SYRUS. Why then 'twill seem more probable,
If he presents it: I too shall effect
My scheme more easily.--And here he is.----
In, Sir, and fetch the money out.
CHREM. I will. (_Exit CHREMES._
[Changes:
_Harper_
_After which, enter CHREMES._
_Colman 1768_
_Enter CHREMES._
_Harper_
CHREM. You seem to've been at work with the old man.
_Colman 1768_
CHREM. You seem to've been at work with Menedemus.
_Harper_
He brought her with him hither, to prevent
Your smoking it.
CHREM. Incomparable!
SYRUS. Really?
CHREM. O, admirable!
SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all.
But only hear the rest of our advice.
_Colman 1768_
He brought her over with him to their house,
To hinder your detecting it.
CHREM. Good! good!
SYRUS. D'ye think so?
CHREM. Charming!
SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all.
But only hear the rest of our device.
_Harper_
Against my will?"----You can say none of this;
_Colman 1768_
Against my will?"----These pleas you cannot urge;]
SCENE VI.
_Enter CLITIPHO._
CLIT. (_to himself_). Nothing so easy in itself, but when
Perform'd against one's will, grows difficult.
This little walk how easy! yet how faint
And weary it has made me!--and I fear
Lest I be still excluded, and forbid
To come near Bacchis. (_Seeing SYRUS._)--Now all powers above.
Confound you, Syrus, for the trick you play'd me!
That brain of yours is evermore contriving
Some villainy to torture me withal.
SYRUS. Away, you malapert! Your frowardness
Had well-nigh ruin'd me.
CLIT. I would it had,
As you deserv'd!
SYRUS. As I deserv'd!--How's that?----
Before you touch'd the cash, that I was just
About to give you.
CLIT. Why, what can I say?
You went away; came back, beyond my hopes,
And brought my mistress with you; then again
Forbade my touching her.
SYRUS. Well, well, I can't
Be peevish with you now--But do you know
Where Bacchis is?
CLIT. At our house.
SYRUS. No.
CLIT. Where then?
SYRUS. At Clinia's.
CLIT. Then I'm ruin'd.
SYRUS. Courage, man!
You shall go to her instantly, and carry
The money that you promis'd her.
CLIT. Fine talk!
Where should I get it?
SYRUS. From your father.
CLIT. Pshaw!
You play upon me.
SYRUS. The event shall show.
CLIT. Then I am bless'd indeed. Thanks, thanks, dear Syrus!
SYRUS. Hist! here's your father.--Have a care! don't seem
Surpris'd at any thing: give way in all:
Do as he bids, and say but little. Mum!
[Changes:
_Harper_
SYRUS. Away, you malapert! Your frowardness
Had well-nigh ruin'd me.
CLIT. I would it had,
As you deserv'd!
SYRUS. As I deserv'd!--How's that?----
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. Away, you malapert! Your frowardness
Had well-nigh been my ruin.
CLIT. Would it had!
For you deserv'd it richly.
SYRUS. How! deserv'd it?
I'faith I'm glad I heard you say so much]
SCENE VII.
_Enter CHREMES._
CHREM. Where's Clitipho?
SYRUS (_to CLITIPHO_). Here, say.
CLIT. Here, Sir!
CHREM. Have you
Inform'd him of the business? (_To SYRUS._)
SYRUS. In good part.
CHREM. Here, take the money then, and carry it. (_To CLITIPHO._)
SYRUS. Plague, how you stand, log!--take it.
CLIT. Give it me. (_Awkwardly._)
SYRUS. Now in with me immediately!--You, Sir, (_To CHREMES._)
Be pleas'd meanwhile to wait our coming here;
There's nothing to detain us very long.
(_Exit CLITIPHO and SYRUS._
SCENE VIII.
_CHREMES alone._
My daughter now has had ten minae of me,
Which I account laid out upon her board:
Ten more her clothes will come to: and moreover
Two talents for her portion.----How unjust
And absolute is custom! I must now
Leave every thing, and find a stranger out,
On whom I may bestow the sum of wealth
Which I have so much labor'd to acquire.
SCENE IX.
_Enter MENEDEMUS._
MENE. (_to himself_). Oh son, how happy hast thou made thy father,
Convinc'd of thy repentance!
CHREM. (_overhearing_). How mistaken!
MENE. Chremes! I wish'd for you.--'Tis in your power,
And I beseech you do it, to preserve
My son, myself, and family.
CHREM. I'll do't.
Wherein can I oblige you?
MENE. You to-day
Have found a daughter.
CHREM. True. What then?
MENE. My Clinia
Begs your consent to marry her.
CHREM. Good Heaven!
What kind of man are you?
MENE. What mean you, Chremes?
CHREM. Has it then slipp'd your memory so soon,
The conversation that we had together,
Touching the rogueries they should devise,
To trick you of your money?
MENE. I remember.
CHREM. This is the trick.
MENE. How, Chremes? I'm deceiv'd.
'Tis as you say. From what a pleasing hope
Have I then fall'n!
CHREM. And she, I warrant you,
Now at your house, is my son's mistress? Eh!
MENE. So they say.
CHREM. What! and you believ'd it?
MENE. All.
CHREM. --And they say too he wants to marry her;
That soon as I've consented, you may give him
Money to furnish her with jewels, clothes,
And other necessaries.
MENE. Aye, 'tis so:
The money's for his mistress.
CHREM. To be sure.
MENE. Alas, my transports are all groundless then.
--Yet I would rather bear with any thing,
Than lose my son again.--What answer, Chremes,
Shall I return with, that he mayn't perceive
I've found him out, and take offense?
CHREM. Offense!
You're too indulgent to him, Menedemus!
MENE. Allow me. I've begun, and must go through.
Do but continue to assist me.
CHREM. Say,
That we have met, and treated of the match.
MENE. Well; and what else?
CHREM. That I give full consent;
That I approve my son-in-law;--In short,
You may assure him also, if you please,
That I've betroth'd my daughter to him.
MENE. Good!
The thing I wanted.
CHREM. So shall he the sooner
Demand the money; you, as you desire,
The sooner give.
MENE. 'Tis my desire indeed.
CHREM. 'Troth, friend, as far as I can judge of this,
You'll soon be weary of your son again.
But as the case now stands, give cautiously,
A little at a time, if you are wise.
MENE. I will.
CHREM. Go in, and see what he demands.
If you should want me, I'm at home.
MENE. 'Tis well.
For I shall let you know, do what I will. (_Exeunt severally._
[Changes:
_Harper_
Do but continue to assist me.
CHREM. Say,
That we have met, and treated of the match.
_Colman 1768_
Do but continue to assist me, Chremes.
CHREM. Say we have met, and treated of the match.
_Harper_
MENE. Good!
The thing I wanted.
CHREM. So shall he the sooner
Demand the money; you, as you desire,
The sooner give.
MENE. 'Tis my desire indeed.
CHREM. 'Troth, friend, as far as I can judge of this,
You'll soon be weary of your son again.
But as the case now stands, give cautiously,
A little at a time, if you are wise.
_Colman 1768_
MENE. Good!
The very thing I wanted.
CHREM. So your son
The sooner shall demand the money of you;
And so shall you, according to your wish
The sooner give.
MENE. It is my wish indeed.
CHREM. 'Fore heaven, friend, as far as I can judge,
You'll soon be weary of your son again.
But be it as it may, give cautiously,
A little at a time, if you are wise.]
ACT THE FIFTH.
SCENE I.
_MENEDEMUS alone._
That I'm not overwise, no conjurer,
I know full well: but my assistant here,
And counselor, and grand controller Chremes,
Outgoes me far: dolt, blockhead, ninny, ass;
Or these, or any other common terms
By which men speak of fools, befit me well:
But him they suit not: his stupidity
Is so transcendent, it exceeds them all.
SCENE II.
_Enter CHREMES._
CHREM. (_to SOSTRATA, within_). Nay prithee, good wife, cease to stun
the Gods
With thanking them that you have found your daughter;
Unless you fancy they are like yourself,
And think they can not understand a thing
Unless said o'er and o'er a hundred times.
--But meanwhile (_coming forward_) wherefore do my son and Syrus
Loiter so long?
MENE. Who are those loiterers, Chremes?
CHREM. Ha, Menedemus, are you there?--Inform me,
Have you told Clinia what I said?
MENE. The whole.
CHREM. And what said he?
MENE. Grew quite transported at it,
Like those who wish for marriage.
CHREM. Ha! ha! ha!
MENE. What do you laugh at?
CHREM. I was thinking of
The cunning rogueries of that slave, Syrus. (_Laughing._)
MENE. Oh, was that it?
CHREM. Why, he can form and mould
The very visages of men, a rogue! (_Laughing._)
MENE. Meaning my son's well-acted transport?
CHREM. Aye. (_Laughing._)
MENE. The very same thing I was thinking of.
CHREM. A subtle villain! (_Laughing._)
MENE. Nay, if you knew more,
You'd be still more convinc'd on't.
CHREM. Say you so?
MENE. Aye; do but hear.
CHREM. (_laughing_). Hold! hold! inform me first
How much you're out of pocket. For as soon
As you inform'd your son of my consent,
Dromo, I warrant, gave you a broad hint
That the bride wanted jewels, clothes, attendants;
That you might pay the money.
MENE. No.
CHREM. How? No?
MENE. No, I say.
CHREM. What! nor Clinia?
MENE. Not a word;
But only press'd the marriage for to-day.
CHREM. Amazing!--But our Syrus? Did not he
Throw in a word or two?
MENE. Not he.
CHREM. How so?
MENE. Faith I can't tell: but I'm amaz'd that you,
Who see so clearly into all the rest,
Should stick at this.--But that arch villain Syrus
Has form'd and moulded your son too so rarely.
That nobody can have the least suspicion
That this is Clinia's mistress.
CHREM. How?
MENE. I pass
Their kisses and embraces. All that's nothing.
CHREM. What is there more than he can counterfeit?
MENE. Ah! (_Smiling._)
CHREM. What d'ye mean?
MENE. Nay, do but hear. I have
A private snug apartment, a back room,
Whither a bed was brought and made.
CHREM. What then?
MENE. No sooner done, than in went Clitipho.
CHREM. Alone?
MENE. Alone.
CHREM. I tremble.
MENE. Bacchis follow'd.
CHREM. Alone?
MENE. Alone.
CHREM. Undone!
MENE. No sooner in,
But they made fast the door.
CHREM. Ha! And was Clinia
Witness to this?
MENE. He was.--Both he and I.
CHREM. Bacchis is my son's mistress, Menedemus.
I'm ruin'd.
MENE. Why d'ye think so?
CHREM. Mine is scarce
A ten-days' family.
MENE. What are you dismay'd
Because he sticks so closely to his friend?
CHREM. Friend! His she-friend.
MENE. If so----
CHREM. Is that a doubt?
Is any man so courteous, and so patient,
As tamely to stand by and see his mistress----
MENE. Ha, ha, ha! Why not?--That I, you know,
Might be more easily impos'd upon. (_Ironically._)
CHREM. D'ye laugh at me? I'm angry with myself:
And well I may. How many circumstances
Conspir'd to make it gross and palpable,
Had I not been a stone!--What things I saw!
Fool, fool! But by my life I'll be reveng'd:
For now----
MENE. And can't you then contain yourself?
Have you no self-respect? And am not I
A full example for you?
CHREM. Menedemus,
My anger throws me quite beside myself.
MENE. That you should talk thus! is it not a shame
To be so lib'ral of advice to others,
So wise abroad, and poor in sense at home?
CHREM. What shall I do?
MENE. That which but even now
You counsel'd me to do: Give him to know
That you're indeed a father: let him dare
Trust his whole soul to you, seek, ask of you;
Lest he to others have recourse, and leave you.
CHREM. And let him go; go where he will; much rather
Than here by his extravagance reduce
His father to distress and beggary.
For if I should continue to supply
The course of his expenses, Menedemus,
Your desp'rate rakes would be my lot indeed.
MENE. Ah, to what evils you'll expose yourself,
Unless you're cautious! You will seem severe,
And yet forgive him afterward, and then
With an ill grace too.
CHREM. Ah, you do not know
How much this grieves me.
MENE. Well, well, take your way.
But tell me, do you grant me my request
That this your new-found daughter wed my son?
Or is there aught more welcome to you?
CHREM. Nothing.
The son-in-law and the alliance please me.
MENE. What portion shall I tell my son you've settled!
Why are you silent?
CHREM. Portion!
MENE. Aye, what portion?
CHREM. Ah!
MENE. Fear not, Chremes, though it be but small:
The portion nothing moves us.
CHREM. I propos'd,
According to my fortune, that two talents
Were full sufficient: But you now must say,
If you'd save me, my fortune, and my son,
That I have settled all I have upon her.
MENE. What mean you?
CHREM. Counterfeit amazement too,
And question Clitipho my reason for it.
MENE. Nay, but I really do not know your reason.
CHREM. My reason for it?--That his wanton mind,
Now flush'd with lux'ry and lasciviousness,
I may o'erwhelm: and bring him down so low,
He may not know which way to turn himself.
MENE. What are you at?
CHREM. Allow me! let me have
My own way in this business.
MENE. I allow you.
Is it your pleasure?
CHREM. It is.
MENE. Be it so.
CHREM. Come then, let Clinia haste to call the bride.
And for this son of mine, he shall be school'd,
As children ought.--But Syrus!
MENE. What of him?
CHREM. What! I'll so handle him, so curry him,
That while he lives he shall remember me. (_Exit MENEDEMUS._
What, make a jest of me? a laughing-stock?
Now, afore Heav'n, he would not dare to treat
A poor lone widow as he treated me.
[Changes:
_Harper_
MENE. The very same thing I was thinking of.
_Colman 1768_
MENE. The very thing that I was thinking of.
CHREM. What is there more that he can counterfeit?
_Harper edition reads "more than he"_
Fool, fool! But by my life I'll be reveng'd:
_the 1896 Harper printing has "I'll he". Everywhere else,
the 1859 and 1896 printings appear to be made from the same
plates_]
SCENE III.
_Re-enter MENEDEMUS, with CLITIPHO and SYRUS._
CLIT. And can it, Menedemus, can it be,
My father has so suddenly cast off
All natural affection? for what act?
What crime, alas! so heinous have I done?
It is a common failing.
MENE. This I know,
Should be more heavy and severe to you
On whom it falls: and yet am I no less
Affected by it, though I know not why,
And have no other reason for my grief,
But that I wish you well.
CLIT. Did not you say
My father waited here?
MENE. Aye; there he is. (_Exit MENEDEMUS._
CHREM. Why d'ye accuse your father, Clitipho?
Whate'er I've done, was providently done
Tow'rd you and your imprudence. When I saw
Your negligence of soul, and that you held
The pleasures of to-day your only care,
Regardless of the morrow; I found means
That you should neither want, nor waste my substance.
When you, whom fair succession first made heir,
Stood self-degraded by unworthiness,
I went to those the next in blood to you,
Committing and consigning all to them.
There shall your weakness, Clitipho, be sure
Ever to find a refuge; food, and raiment,
And roof to fly to.
CLIT. Ah me!
CHREM. Better thus,
Than, you being heir, for Bacchis to have all.
SYRUS. Distraction! what disturbances have I,
Wretch that I am, all unawares created!
CLIT. Would I were dead!
CHREM. Learn first what 'tis to live.
When you know that, if life displeases you,
Then talk of dying.
SYRUS. Master, may I speak?
CHREM. Speak.
SYRUS. But with safety?
CHREM. Speak.
SYRUS. How wrong is this,
Or rather what extravagance and madness,
To punish him for my offense!
CHREM. Away!
Do not you meddle. No one blames you, Syrus!
Nor need you to provide a sanctuary,
Or intercessor.
SYRUS. What is it you do?
CHREM. I am not angry, nor with you, nor him:
Nor should you take offense at what I do.
(_Exit CHREMES._
SCENE IV.
_Manent CLITIPHO, SYRUS._
SYRUS. He's gone. Ah, would I'd ask'd him----
CLIT. Ask'd what, Syrus?
SYRUS. Where I should eat, since he has cast us off.
You, I perceive, are quarter'd on your sister.
CLIT. Is't come to this, that I should be in fear
Of starving, Syrus?
SYRUS. So we do but live,
There's hope----
CLIT. Of what?
SYRUS. That we shall have rare stomachs.
CLIT. D'ye jest at such a time as this;
And lend me no assistance by your counsel?
SYRUS. Nay, I was studying for you even now.
And was so all the while your father spoke.
And far as I can understand this----
CLIT. What?
SYRUS. Stay, you shall have it presently. (_Thinking._)
CLIT. Well, what?
SYRUS. Thus then: I don't believe that you're their son.
CLIT. How Syrus! are you mad?
SYRUS. I'll speak my thoughts.
Be you the judge. While they had you alone,
While yet there was no other nearer joy,
You they indulg'd, and gave with open hand:
But now a daughter's found, their real child,
A cause is found to drive you forth.
CLIT. 'Tis like.
SYRUS. Think you this fault so angers him?
CLIT. I think not.
SYRUS. Consider too; 'tis ever found that mothers
Plead for their sons, and in the father's wrath
Defend them. 'Tis not so at present.
CLIT. True.
What shall I do then, Syrus?
SYRUS. Ask of them
The truth of this suspicion. Speak your thoughts.
If 'tis not so, you'll speedily incline them
Both to compassion; or, if so, be told
Whose son you are.
CLIT. Your counsel's good. I'll do't.
[Changes:
_Manent CLITIPHO, SYRUS._
_names supplied from 1768 edition_]
SCENE V.
_SYRUS alone._
A lucky thought of mine! for Clitipho:
The less he hopes, so much more easily
Will he reduce his father to good terms.
Besides, who knows but he may take a wife?
No thanks to Syrus neither.--But who's here?
Chremes!--I'm off: for seeing what has pass'd,
I wonder that he did not order me
To be truss'd up immediately. I'll hence
To Menedemus, and prevail on him
To intercede for me: as matters stand,
I dare not trust to our old gentleman. (_Exit SYRUS._
SCENE VI.
_Enter CHREMES, SOSTRATA._
SOSTRA. Nay indeed, husband, if you don't take care,
You'll bring some kind of mischief on your son:
I can't imagine how a thought so idle
Could come into your head.
CHREM. Still, woman, still
D'ye contradict me? Did I ever wish
For any thing in all my life, but you
In that same thing oppos'd me, Sostrata?
Yet now if I should ask wherein I'm wrong,
Or wherefore I act thus, you do not know.
Why then d'ye contradict me, simpleton?
SOSTRA. Not know?
CHREM. Well, well, you know: I grant it, rather
Than hear your idle story o'er again.
SOSTRA. Ah, 'tis unjust in you to ask my silence
In such a thing as this.
CHREM. I do not ask it.
Speak if you will: I'll do it ne'ertheless.
SOSTRA. Will you?
CHREM. I will.
SOSTRA. You don't perceive what harm
May come of this. He thinks himself a foundling.
CHREM. A foundling, say you?
SOSTRA. Yes indeed, he does.
CHREM. Confess it to be true.
SOSTRA. Ah, Heav'n forbid!
Let our most bitter enemies do that!
Shall I disown my son, my own dear child!
CHREM. What! do you fear you can not at your pleasure
Produce convincing proofs that he's your own?
SOSTRA. Is it because my daughter's found you say this?
CHREM. No: but because, a stronger reason far,
His manners so resemble yours, you may
Easily prove him thence to be your son.
He is quite like you: not a vice, whereof
He is inheritor, but dwells in you:
And such a son no mother but yourself
Could have engender'd.--But he comes.--How grave!
Look in his face, and you may guess his plight.
[Changes:
_Harper_
His manners so resemble yours, you may
Easily prove him thence to be your son.
_Colman 1768_
His manners are so very like your own,
They are convincing proofs that he's your son]
SCENE VII.
_Enter CLITIPHO._
CLIT. Oh mother, if there ever was a time
When you took pleasure in me, or delight
To call me son, beseech you, think of that;
Pity my present misery, and tell me
Who are my real parents!
SOSTRA. My dear son,
Take not, I beg, that notion to your mind,
That you're an alien to our blood.
CLIT. I am.
SOSTRA. Ah me! and can you then demand me that?
So may you prosper after both, as you're
Of both the child! and if you love your mother,
Take heed henceforward that I never hear
Such words from you.
CHREM. And if you fear your father,
See that I never find such vices in you.
CLIT. What vices?
CHREM. What? I'll tell you. Trifler, idler,
Cheat, drunkard, whoremaster, and prodigal.
--Think this, and think that you are ours.
SOSTRA. These words
Suit not a father.
CHREM. No, no, Clitipho,
Though from my brain you had been born, as Pallas
Sprang, it is said, from Jupiter, I would not
Bear the disgrace of your enormities.
SOSTRA. The Gods forbid----
CHREM. I know not for the Gods:
I will do all that lies in me. You seek
For parents, which you have: but what is wanting,
Obedience to your father, and the means
To keep what he by labor hath acquir'd,
For that you seek not.--Did you not by tricks
Ev'n to my presence introduce----I blush
To speak immodestly before your mother:
But you by no means blush'd to do't.
CLIT. Alas!
How hateful am I to myself! how much
Am I asham'd! so lost, I can not tell
How to attempt to pacify my father.
SCENE VIII.
_Enter MENEDEMUS._
MENE. Now in good faith our Chremes plagues his son
Too long and too severely. I come forth
To reconcile him, and make peace between them.
And there they are!
CHREM. Ha, Menedemus! wherefore
Is not my daughter summon'd? and the portion,
I settled on her; ratified by you?
SOSTRA. Dear husband, I beseech you not to do it!
CLIT. My father, I entreat you pardon me!
MENE. Forgive him, Chremes! let his pray'rs prevail!
CHREM. What! shall I then with open eyes bestow
My whole estate on Bacchis? I'll not do't.
MENE. We will prevent that. It shall not be so.
CLIT. If you regard my life, forgive me, father!
SOSTRA. Do, my dear Chremes!
MENE. Do, I prithee now!
Be not obdurate, Chremes!
CHREM. Why is this?
I see I can't proceed as I've begun.
MENE. 'Tis as it should be now.
CHREM. On this condition,
That he agrees to do what I think fit.
CLIT. I will do ev'ry thing. Command me, father!
CHREM. Take a wife.
CLIT. Father!
CHREM. Nay, Sir, no denial!
MENE. I take that charge upon me. He shall do't.
CHREM. But I don't hear a word of it from him.
CLIT. Confusion!
SOSTRA. Do you doubt then, Clitipho?
CHREM. Nay, which he pleases.
MENE. He'll obey in all;
Whate'er you'd have him.
SOSTRA. This at first is grievous,
While you don't know it; when you know it, easy.
CLIT. I'm all obedience, father!
SOSTRA. Oh my son,
I'll give you a sweet wife, that you'll adore,
Phanocrata's, our neighbor's daughter.
CLIT. Her!
That red-hair'd, blear-eyed, wide-mouth'd, hook-nos'd wench?
I can not, father.
CHREM. Oh, how nice he is!
Would any one imagine it?
SOSTRA. I'll get you
Another then.
CLIT. Well, well; since I must marry,
I know one pretty near my mind.
SOSTRA. Good boy!
CLIT. The daughter of Archonides, our neighbor.
SOSTRA. Well chosen!
CLIT. One thing, father, still remains.
CHREM. What?
CLIT. That you'd grant poor Syrus a full pardon
For all that he hath done on my account.
CHREM. Be it so.-- (_To the Audience._) Farewell Sirs, and clap your
hands!
* * * * *
* * * *
THE BROTHERS.
PERSONS REPRESENTED.
PROLOGUE.
DEMEA.
MICIO.
AESCHINUS.
CTESIPHO.
HEGIO.
SANNIO.
GETA.
SYRUS.
GETA.
DROMO.
PARMENO, _other Servants, etc._
SOSTRATA.
CANTHARA.
MUSIC-GIRL, _and other Mutes._
SCENE, ATHENS.
PROLOGUE.
The Bard perceiving his piece cavil'd at
By partial critics, and his adversaries
Misrepresenting what we're now to play,
Pleads his own cause: and you shall be the judges,
Whether he merits praise or condemnation.
The _Synapothnescontes_ is a piece
By Diphilus, a comedy which Plautus,
Having translated, call'd COMMORIENTES.
In the beginning of the Grecian play
There is a youth, who rends a girl perforce
From a procurer: and this incident,
Untouch'd by Plautus, render'd word for word,
Has our bard interwoven with his _Brothers_;
The new piece which we represent to-day.
Say then if this be theft, or honest use
Of what remain'd unoccupied.--For that
Which malice tells, that certain noble persons
Assist the Bard, and write in concert with him;
That which they deem a heavy slander, He
Esteems his greatest praise: that he can please
Those who please you, who all the people please;
Those who in war, in peace, in counsel, ever
Have render'd you the dearest services,
And ever borne their faculties so meekly.
Expect not now the story of the play:
Part the old men, who first appear, will open;
Part will in act be shown.--Be favorable;
And let your candor to the poet now
Increase his future earnestness to write!
ACT THE FIRST.
SCENE I.
_Enter MICIO._
Ho, Storax!--AEschinus did not return
Last night from supper; no, nor any one
Of all the slaves who went to see for him.
--'Tis commonly--and oh how truly!--said,
If you are absent, or delay, 'twere best
That should befall you, which your wife denounces,
Or which in anger she calls down upon you,
Than that which kindest parents fear.--Your wife,
If you delay, or thinks that you're in love,
Or lov'd, or drink, or entertain yourself,
Taking your pleasure, while she pines at home.
--And what a world of fears possess me now!
How anxious that my son is not return'd;
Lest he take cold, or fall, or break a limb!
--Gods, that a man should suffer any one
To wind himself so close about his heart,
As to grow dearer to him than himself!
And yet he is not my son, but my brother's,
Whose bent of mind is wholly different.
I, from youth upward even to this day,
Have led a quiet and serene town-life;
And, as some reckon fortunate, ne'er married.
He, in all points the opposite of this,
Has pass'd his days entirely in the country
With thrift and labor; married; had two sons;
The elder boy is by adoption mine;
I've brought him up; kept; lov'd him as my own;
Made him my joy, and all my soul holds dear,
Striving to make myself as dear to him.
I give, o'erlook, nor think it requisite
That all his deeds should be controll'd by me,
Giving him scope to act as of himself;
So that the pranks of youth, which other children
Hide from their fathers, I have us'd my son
Not to conceal from me. For whosoe'er
Hath won upon himself to play the false one,
And practice impositions on a father,
Will do the same with less remorse to others;
And 'tis, in my opinion, better far
To bind your children to you by the ties
Of gentleness and modesty, than fear.
And yet my brother don't accord in this,
Nor do these notions nor this conduct please him.
Oft he comes open-mouth'd--"Why how now, Micio?
Why do you ruin this young lad of ours?
Why does he wench? why drink? and why do you
Allow him money to afford all this?
You let him dress too fine. 'Tis idle in you."
--'Tis hard in him, unjust and out of reason.
And he, I think, deceives himself indeed,
Who fancies that authority more firm
Founded on force, than what is built on friendship;
For thus I reason, thus persuade myself:
He who performs his duty driven to't
By fear of punishment, while he believes
His actions are observ'd, so long he's wary;
But if he hopes for secrecy, returns
To his own ways again: But he whom kindness,
Him also inclination makes your own:
He burns to make a due return, and acts,
Present or absent, evermore the same.
'Tis this then is the duty of a father,
To make a son embrace a life of virtue,
Rather from choice than terror or constraint.
Here lies the mighty difference between
A father and a master. He who knows not
How to do this, let him confess he knows not
How to rule children.--But is this the man
Whom I was speaking of? Yes, yes, 'tis he.
He seems uneasy too, I know not why,
And I suppose, as usual, comes to wrangle.
[Changes:
_quotation marks at mid-speech supplied from 1768 edition_
_Harper_
[beginning of speech, through line
--Gods, that a man ...]
_Colman 1768_
Ho, Storax!--No reply?--Then Aeschinus
Never return'd, it seems, last night from supper;
Nor any of the slaves, who went to meet him.
--'Tis commonly--and oh how truly!--said,
If you are absent, or delay, 'twere best
That should befall you, which your wife declares
Or which in anger she supposes of you
Than that which kindest parents fear.--Your wife,
If you delay, suspects that you're engag'd
In some intrigue, debauch, or entertainment;
Consulting your own happiness abroad,
While she, poor soul! is left to pine at home.
But what a world of fears possess me now!
How many ills I figure to myself,
As causes that my son is not return'd!
Lest he have taken cold, or had a fall,
Or broke a limb!--Good heavens! that a man
Shou'd doat so much, or suffer any one]
SCENE II.
_Enter DEMEA._
MICIO. Demea, I'm glad to see you well.
DEMEA. Oho!
Well met: the very man I came to seek.
MICIO. But you appear uneasy: What's the matter?
DEMEA. Is it a question, when there's AEschinus
To trouble us, what makes me so uneasy?
MICIO. I said it would be so.--What has he done?
DEMEA. What has he done? a wretch, whom neither ties
Of shame, nor fear, nor any law can bind!
For not to speak of all his former pranks,
What has he been about but even now!
MICIO. What has he done?
DEMEA. Burst open doors, and forc'd
His way into another's house, and beat
The master and his family half dead;
And carried off a wench whom he was fond of.
The whole town cries out shame upon him, Micio.
I have been told of it a hundred times
Since my arrival. 'Tis the common talk.----
And if we needs must draw comparisons,
Does not he see his brother thrifty, sober,
Attentive to his business in the country?
Not given to these practices; and when
I say all this to him, to you I say it.
You are his ruin, Micio.
MICIO. How unjust
Is he who wants experience! who believes
Nothing is right but what he does himself!
DEMEA. Why d'ye say that?
MICIO. Because you, Demea,
Judge wrongly of these matters. 'Tis no crime
For a young man to wench or drink.--'Tis not,
Believe me!--nor to force doors open.--This,
If neither you nor I have done, it was
That poverty allow'd us not. And now
You claim a merit to yourself, from that
Which want constrain'd you to. It is not fair.
For had there been but wherewithal to do't,
We likewise should have done thus. Wherefore you,
Were you a man, would let your younger son,
Now, while it suits his age, pursue his pleasures;
Rather than, when it less becomes his years,
When, after wishing long, he shall at last
Be rid of you, he should run riot then.
DEMEA. Oh Jupiter! the man will drive me mad.
Is it no crime, d'ye say, for a young man
To take these courses?
MICIO. Nay, nay; do but hear me,
Nor stun me with the self-same thing forever!
Your elder son you gave me for adoption:
He's mine, then, Demea; and if he offends,
'Tis an offense to me, and I must bear
The burden. Does he treat? or drink? or dress?
'Tis at my cost.--Or wench? I will supply him,
While 'tis convenient to me; when 'tis not,
His mistresses perhaps will shut him out.
--Has he broke open doors? we'll make them good.
Or torn a coat? it shall be mended. I,
Thank Heaven, have enough to do all this,
And 'tis as yet not irksome.--In a word,
Or cease, or choose some arbiter between us:
I'll prove that you are more in fault than I.
DEMEA. Ah, learn to be a father; learn from those
Who know what 'tis to be indeed a parent!
MICIO. By nature you're his father, I by counsel.
DEMEA. You! do you counsel any thing?
MICIO. Nay, nay;
If you persist, I'm gone.
DEMEA. Is't thus you treat me?
MICIO. Must I still hear the same thing o'er and o'er?
DEMEA. It touches me.
MICIO. And me it touches too.
But, Demea, let us each look to our own;
Let me take care of one, and mind you t'other.
For to concern yourself with both, appears
As if you'd redemand the boy you gave.
DEMEA. Ah, Micio!
MICIO. So it seems to me.
DEMEA. Well, well;
Let him, if 'tis your pleasure, waste, destroy.
And squander; it is no concern of mine.
If henceforth I e'er say one word----
MICIO. Again?
Angry again, good Demea?
DEMEA. You may trust me.
Do I demand him back again I gave you?
--It hurts me. I am not a stranger to him.
--But if I once oppose--Well, well, I've done.
You wish I should take care of one. I do
Take special care of him; and he, thank Heav'n,
Is as I wish he _should_ be: which your ward,
I warrant, shall find out one time or other.
I will not say aught worse of him at present. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
DEMEA. Is it a question, when there's AEschinus
To trouble us, what makes me so uneasy?
MICIO. I said it would be so.--What has he done?
DEMEA. What has he done? a wretch, whom neither ties
Of shame, nor fear, nor any law can bind!
For not to speak of all his former pranks,
What has he been about but even now!
MICIO. What has he done?
DEMEA. Burst open doors, and forc'd
His way into another's house, and beat
The master and his family half dead;
And carried off a wench whom he was fond of.
The whole town cries out shame upon him, Micio.
I have been told of it a hundred times
Since my arrival. 'Tis the common talk.----
_Colman 1768_
DEMEA. Uneasy? well I may.--The matter, say you?
What can the matter be but AEschinus?
MICIO. I said it would be so.--What has he done?
DEMEA. What has he done! a wretch whom neither fear,
Nor modesty, nor any law can bind!
For not to speak of all his former pranks,
What has he been about but even now!
MICIO. What has he done?
DEMEA. Burst open doors, and made
His way by force into another's house;
Half-kill'd the master and his family,
And carried off a wench whom he was fond of.
All Athens cries out shame upon him for it.
I have been told of it a hundred times
Since my arrival. 'Tis the town-talk, Micio.
_Harper_
Judge wrongly of these matters. 'Tis no crime
_Colman 1768_
Misjudge these matters. 'Tis no heinous crime
_Harper_
Or cease, or choose some arbiter between us
_Colman 1768_
Have done, or chuse some arbiter between us
_Harper_
MICIO. Must I still hear the same thing o'er and o'er?
_Colman 1768_
MICIO. Must I be plagued with the same thing so often?]
SCENE III.
_MICIO alone._
Though what he says be not entirely true,
There's something in it, and it touches me.
But I dissembled my concern with him,
Because the nature of the man is such,
To pacify, I must oppose and thwart him;
And even thus I scarce can teach him patience.
But were I to inflame, or aid his anger,
I were as great a madman as himself.
Yet AEschinus, 'tis true, has been to blame.
What wench is there he has not lov'd? to whom
He has not made some present--And but lately
(Tir'd, I suppose, and sick of wantonness)
He told me he propos'd to take a wife.
I hop'd the heyday of the blood was over,
And was rejoic'd: but his intemperance
Breaks out afresh.--Well, be it what it may,
I'll find him out; and know it instantly,
If he is to be met with at the Forum. (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
What wench is there he has not lov'd? to whom
He has not made some present--And but lately
_Colman 1768_
What wench is there but he is her gallant?
Or tempts her with some gift?--But lately too]
ACT THE SECOND.
SCENE I.
_Enter AESCHINUS, SANNIO, PARMENO, the _Music-Girl_, and a crowd of
People._
SAN. Help, help, dear countrymen, for Heaven's sake!
Assist a miserable, harmless man!
Help the distress'd!
AESCH. (_to the Girl_). Fear nothing: stand just there!
Why d'ye look back? you're in no danger. Never,
While I am by, shall he lay hands upon you.
SAN. Aye, but I will, in spite of all the world.
AESCH. Rogue as he is, he'll scarce do any thing
To make me cudgel him again to-day.
SAN. One word, Sir AEschinus! that you may not
Pretend to ignorance of my profession;
I'm a procurer.
AESCH. True.
SAN. And in my way
Of as good faith as any man alive.
Hereafter, to absolve yourself, you'll cry,
That you repent of having wrong'd me thus.
I sha'n't care _that_ for your excuse. (_Snapping his fingers._) Be sure
I'll prosecute my right; nor shall fine words
Atone for evil deeds. I know your way,
--"I'm sorry that I did it: and I'll swear
You are unworthy of this injury"----
Though all the while I'm us'd most scurvily.
AESCH. (_to PAR._) Do you go forward, Parmeno, and throw
The door wide open.
SAN. That sha'n't signify.
AESCH. (_to PARMENO_). Now in with her!
SAN. (_stepping between_). I'll not allow it.
AESCH. (_to PARMENO_). Here!
Come hither, Parmeno!--you're too far off.----
Stand close to that pimp's side--There--there--just there!
And now be sure you always keep your eyes
Steadfastly fix'd on mine; and when I wink,
To drive your fist directly in his face.
SAN. Aye, if he dare.
AESCH. (_to PARMENO_). Now mind!-- (_To SANNIO_). Let go the girl
(_SANNIO still struggling with the Girl, AESCHINUS winks, and
PARMENO strikes SANNIO_).
SAN. Oh monstrous!
AESCH. He shall double it, unless
You mend your manners.
(_PARMENO strikes SANNIO again._)
SAN. Help, help: murder, murder!
AESCH. (_to PARMENO_). I did not wink: but you had better err
That way than t'other.--Now go in with her.
(_PARMENO leads the Girl into MICIO'S house._)
SAN. How's this?--Do you reign king here, AEschinus?
AESCH. Did I reign king, you should be recompens'd
According to your virtues, I assure you.
SAN. What business have you with me?
AESCH. None.
SAN. D'ye know
Who I am, AEschinus?
AESCH. Nor want to know.
SAN. Have I touch'd aught of yours, Sir?
AESCH. If you had,
You should have suffer'd for't.
SAN. What greater right
Have you to take away my slave, for whom
I paid my money? answer me!
AESCH. 'Twere best
You'd leave off bellowing before our door:
If you continue to be troublesome,
I'll have you dragg'd into the house, and there
Lash'd without mercy.
SAN. How, a freeman lash'd!
AESCH. Ev'n so.
SAN. O monstrous tyranny! Is this,
Is this the liberty they boast of here,
Common to all?
AESCH. If you have brawl'd enough,
Please to indulge me with one word, you pimp.
SAN. Who has brawl'd most, yourself or I?
AESCH. Well, well!
No more of that, but to the point!
SAN. What point?
What would you have?
AESCH. Will you allow me then
To speak of what concerns you?
SAN. Willingly:
Speak, but in justice.
AESCH. Very fine! a pimp,
And talks of justice!
SAN. Well, I am a pimp;
The common bane of youth, a perjurer,
A public nuisance, I confess it: yet
I never did you wrong.
AESCH. No, that's to come.
SAN. Prithee return to whence you first set out, Sir!
AESCH. You, plague upon you for it! bought the girl
For twenty minae; which sum we will give you.
SAN. What if I do not choose to sell the girl?
Will you oblige me?
AESCH. No.
SAN. I fear'd you would.
AESCH. She's a free-woman, and should _not_ be sold,
And, as such, by due course of law I claim her.
Now then consider which you like the best,
To take the money, or maintain your action.
Think on this, Pimp, till I come back again. (_Exit._
SCENE II.
_SANNIO alone._
Oh Jupiter! I do not wonder now
That men run mad with injuries. He drags me
Out of my own house; cudgels me most soundly;
And carries off my slave against my will:
And after this ill-treatment, he demands
The Music-Girl to be made over to him
At the same price I bought her.--He has pour'd
His blows upon me, thick as hail; for which,
Since he deserves so nobly at my hands,
He should no doubt be gratified.--Nay, nay,
Let me but touch the cash, I'm still content.
But this I guess will be the case: as soon
As I shall have agreed to take his price,
He'll produce witnesses immediately,
To prove that I have sold her--And the money
Will be mere moonshine.--"By-and-by."--"To-morrow."
--Yet I could bear that too, although much wrong,
Might I but get the money after all:
For thus it is, friend Sannio; when a man
Has taken up this trade, he must receive,
And pocket the affronts of young gallants.
--But nobody will pay me, and I draw
Conclusions to no purpose.
SCENE III.
_Enter SYRUS._
SYRUS (_to AESCH. within_). Say no more!
Let me alone to talk with him! I warrant
I'll make him take the money; aye, and own
That he's well treated too. (_Coming forward._)
Why how now, Sannio?
What's the dispute I overheard just now
'Twixt you and my young master?
SAN. Never was
Any dispute conducted more unfairly,
Than that between us two to-day! Poor I
With being drubb'd, and he with drubbing me,
'Till we were both quite weary.
SYRUS. All your fault.
SAN. What could I do?
SYRUS. Give a young man his way.
SAN. What could I give him more, who gave my face?
SYRUS. Nay, but d'ye know my meaning, Sannio?
To seem upon occasion to slight money,
Proves in the end, sometimes, the greatest gain.
Why prithee, blockhead, could you be afraid,
Had you abated somewhat of your right,
And humor'd the young gentleman, he would not
Have paid you back again with interest?
SAN. I never purchase hope with ready money.
SYRUS. Away! you'll never thrive. You do not know
How to ensnare men, Sannio.
SAN. Well, perhaps,
Your way were best: yet I was ne'er so crafty
But I had rather, when 'twas in my power,
Receive prompt payment.
SYRUS. Pshaw! I know your spirit:
As if you valued twenty minae now,
So you might do a kindness to my master!
--Besides, they say you're setting out for Cyprus. (_Carelessly._)
SAN. Ha! (_Alarmed._)
SYRUS. --And have bought up a large stock of goods
To carry over thither.--Hir'd a vessel.
That 'tis, I know, which keeps you in suspense:
When you return, I hope, you'll settle this.
SAN. I shall not budge a foot.--Undone by Heav'n!
Urg'd by these hopes they've undertaken this. (_Aside._)
SYRUS. He fears. I've thrown a small rub in his way. (_Aside._)
SAN. (_to himself._) Confusion! they have nick'd me to a hair!
I've bought up sev'ral slaves, and other wares,
For exportation; and to miss my time
At Cyprus-fair would be a heavy loss.
Then if I leave this business broken thus,
All's over with me; and at my return
'Twill come to nothing, grown quite cold and stale.
"--What! come at last?--Why did you stay so long?
Where have you been?"--that it were better lose it,
Than wait for it so long, or sue for't then.
SYRUS (_coming up to him._) Well, have you calculated what's your due?
SAN. Monstrous oppression! Is this honorable,
Or just in AEschinus, to take away
My property by force?
SYRUS. So, so! he comes. (_Aside._)
--I have but one word more to say to you.
See how you like it.--Rather, Sannio,
Than run the risk to get or lose the whole,
E'en halve the matter: and he shall contrive
To scrape together by some means ten minae.
SAN. Alas, alas! am I in danger then
Of losing ev'n my very principal?
Shame on him! he has loosen'd all my teeth:
My head is swell'd all over like a mushroom:
And will he cheat me too?--I'm going nowhere.
SYRUS. Just as you please.--Have you aught else to say
Before I go?
SAN. Yes, one word, prithee Syrus!
However things have happen'd, rather than
I should be driven to commence a suit,
Let him return me my bare due at least;
The sum she cost me, Syrus.--I'm convinc'd
You've had no tokens of my friendship yet;
But you shall find I will not be ungrateful.
SYRUS. I'll do my best. But I see Ctesipho.
He is rejoic'd about his mistress.
SAN. Say,
Will you remember me?
SYRUS. Hold, hold a little! (_SYRUS and SANNIO retire._)
[Changes:
_Harper_
SYRUS. He fears. I've thrown a small rub in his way.
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. He fears. I hinted Cyprus. There's the rub.]
SCENE IV.
_Enter CTESIPHO at another part of the stage._
CTES. Favors are welcome in the hour of need
From any hand; but doubly welcome when
Conferr'd by those from whom we most expect them.
O brother, brother, how shall I applaud thee?
Ne'er can I rise to such a height of praise
But your deservings will outtop me still:
For in this point I am supremely bless'd,
That none can boast so excellent a brother,
So rich in all good qualities, as I.
SYRUS (_coming forward_). O Ctesipho!
CTES. (_turning round_). O Syrus! where's my brother?
SYRUS. At home, where he expects you.
CTES. Ha! (_Joyfully._)
SYRUS. What now!
CTES. What now?--By his assistance I live, Syrus.
Ah, he's a friend indeed! who disregarding
All his own interests for my advantage,
The scandal, infamy, intrigue, and blame,
All due to me, has drawn upon himself!
What could exceed it?--But who's there?--The door
Creaks on the hinges. (_Offering to go off._)
SYRUS. Hold! 'tis AEschinus.
SCENE V.
_Enter AESCHINUS._
AESCH. Where is that rascal?
SAN. (_behind._) He inquires for me.
Has he brought out the cash with him?--Confusion!
I see none.
AESCH. (_to CTESIPHO_). Ha! well met: I long'd to see you
How is it, Ctesipho? All's safe. Away
With melancholy!
CTES. Melancholy! I
Be melancholy, who have such a brother?
Oh my dear AEschinus! thou best of brothers,
--Ah, I'm asham'd to praise you to your face,
Lest it appear to come from flattery,
Rather than gratitude.
AESCH. Away, you fool!
As if we did not know each other, Ctesipho.
It only grieves me, we so lately knew this,
When things were almost come to such a pass,
That all the world, had they desir'd to do it,
Could not assist you.
CTES. 'Twas my modesty.
AESCH. Pshaw! it was folly, and not modesty.
For such a trifle, almost fly your country?
Heaven forbid it!--fie, fie, Ctesipho!
CTES. I've been to blame.
AESCH. Well, what says Sannio?
SYRUS. He's pacified at last.
AESCH. I'll to the Forum,
And pay him off.--You, Ctesipho, go in
To the poor girl.
SAN. Now urge the matter, Syrus! (_Apart to SYRUS._)
SYRUS. Let's go; for Sannio wants to be at Cyprus.
SAN. Not in such haste: though truly I have no cause
To loiter here.
SYRUS. You shall be paid: ne'er fear!
SAN. But all?
SYRUS. Yes, all: so hold your tongue, and follow!
SAN. I will. (_Exit after AESCHINUS--SYRUS going._
CTES. Hist! hark ye, Syrus!
SYRUS (_turning back._) Well, what now?
CTES. For Heaven's sake discharge that scurvy fellow
Immediately; for fear, if further urg'd,
This tale should reach my father's ears: and then
I am undone forever.
SYRUS. It sha'n't be.
Be of good courage! meanwhile, get you in,
And entertain yourself with her; and order
The couches to be spread, and all prepar'd.
For, these preliminaries once dispatch'd,
I shall march homeward with provisions.
CTES. Do!
And since this business has turn'd out so well,
Let's spend the day in mirth and jollity!
(_Exeunt severally._
[Changes:
_Harper_
SAN. Not in such haste: though truly I have no cause
To loiter here.
_Colman 1768_
SAN. Not in such haste: though truly I've no cause
To loiter here.]
ACT THE THIRD.
SCENE I.
_SOSTRATA, CANTHARA._
SOS. Prithee, good nurse, how will it go with her?
CAN. How go with her? Why well, I warrant you.
SOS. Her pains begin to come upon her, nurse.
CAN. You're as much frighten'd at your time of day,
As if you ne'er was present at a labor,
Or never had been brought to bed yourself.
SOS. Alas, I've no soul here: we're all alone.
Geta is absent; nor is there a creature
To fetch a midwife, or call AEschinus.
CAN. He'll be here presently, I promise you:
For he, good man, ne'er lets a single day
Go by, but he is sure to visit us.
SOS. He is my only comfort in my sorrows.
CAN. Troth, as the case stands, madam, circumstances
Could not have happen'd better than they have:
And since your daughter suffer'd violence,
'Twas well she met with such a man as this;
A man of honor, rank, and family.
SOS. He is, indeed, a worthy gentleman:
The gods preserve him to us!
SCENE II.
_Enter GETA hastily at another part of the stage._
GETA. We are now
So absolutely lost, that all the world
Joining in consultation to apply
Relief to the misfortune that has fallen
On me, my mistress, and her daughter, all
Would not avail.--Ah me! so many troubles
Environ us at once, we sink beneath them.
Rape, poverty, oppression, solitude,
And infamy! oh, what an age is this!
O wicked, oh vile race!--oh impious man!
SOS. (_to CANTHARA_). Ah, why should Geta seem thus terrified
And agitated?
GETA (_to himself._) Wretch! whom neither honor,
Nor oaths, nor pity could control or move!
Nor her approaching labor; her, on whom
He shamefully committed violation!
SOS. I don't well understand him.
CAN. Prithee then
Let us draw nearer, Sostrata!
GETA (_to himself._) Alas,
I'm scarcely in my perfect mind, I burn
With such fierce anger.--Oh, that I had all
That villain-family before me now,
That I might vent my indignation on them,
While yet it boils within me.--There is nothing
I'd not endure to be reveng'd on them.
First I'd tread out the stinking snuff his father,
Who gave the monster being.--And then, Syrus,
Who urg'd him to it,--how I'd tear him!--First
I'd seize him round the waist, and lift him high,
Then dash his head against the ground, and strew
The pavement with his brains.--For AEschinus,
I'd tear his eyes out, and then tumble him,
Head foremost down some precipice.--The rest
I'd rush on, drag, crush, trample under foot.
But why do I delay to tell my mistress
This heavy news as soon as possible! (_Going._)
SOS. Let's call him back.--Ho, Geta!
GETA. Whosoe'er
You are, excuse me.
SOS. I am Sostrata.
GETA. Where, where is Sostrata? (_Turns about._) I sought you, Madam;
Impatiently I sought you: and am glad
To have encounter'd you thus readily.
SOS. What is the matter? why d'ye tremble thus?
GETA. Alas!
SOS. Take breath!--But why thus mov'd, good Geta?
GETA. We're quite----
SOS. Quite what?
GETA. Undone: We're ruin'd, Madam.
SOS. Explain, for Heaven's sake!
GETA. Ev'n now----
SOS. What now?
GETA. AEschinus----
SOS. What of AEschinus?
GETA. Has quite
Estrang'd himself from all our family.
SOS. How's that? confusion! why?
GETA. He loves another.
SOS. Wretch that I am!
GETA. Nor that clandestinely;
But snatch'd her in the face of all the world
From a procurer.
SOS. Are you sure of this?
GETA. Sure? With these very eyes I saw it, Madam.
SOS. Alas, alas! What then can we believe?
To whom give credit?--What? our AEschinus!
Our very life, our sole support and hope!
Who swore he could not live one day without her,
And promis'd he would place the new-born babe
Upon his father's lap, and in that way
Wring from him his consent to marry her!
GETA. Nay, weep not, mistress; but consider rather
What course were best to follow: to conceal
This wrong, or to disclose it to some friend?
CAN. Disclose it! Are you mad? Is this a thing
To be disclos'd, d'ye think?
GETA. I'd not advise it.
For first, that he has quite abandon'd us,
The thing itself declares. If we then make
The story known, no doubt but he'll deny it.
Your reputation, and your daughter's life
Will be endanger'd: or if he confess,
Since he affects another, 'twere not good
That he should wed your daughter.--For which reasons,
Silence is requisite.
SOS. Ah, no: not I.
GETA. What mean you?
SOS. To disclose the whole.
GETA. How, Madam!
Think what you are about.
SOS. Whatever happens,
The thing can't be in a worse state than now.
In the first place my daughter has no portion,
And that which should have been her second dowry
Is also lost; and she can ne'er be giv'n
In marriage as a virgin. For the rest,
If he denies his former commerce with her,
I have the ring he lost to vouch the fact.
In short, since I am conscious to myself.
That I am not to blame in this proceeding,
And that no sordid love of gain, nor aught
Unworthy of my daughter or myself,
Has mix'd in this affair, I'll try it, Geta.
GETA. Well, I agree, 'twere better to disclose it.
SOS. You then away, as fast as possible,
And run to Hegio our good friend and kinsman,
To let him know the whole affair: for he
Was the chief friend of my dear Simulus,
And ever show'd a great regard for us.
GETA. And well he does, for no one else cares for us.
SOS. And you, good Canthara, away with haste,
And call a midwife; that we may be sure
Of her assistance in the time of need. (_Exeunt severally._
SCENE III.
_Enter DEMEA._
DEM. Confusion! I have heard that Ctesipho
Was present with his brother at this riot.
This is the sum of all my miseries,
If he, even he, a sober, hopeful lad,
May be seduc'd into debaucheries.
--But where shall I inquire for him? I warrant
They have decoy'd him into some vile brothel.
That profligate persuaded him, I'm sure.
--But here comes Syrus; he can tell me all.
And yet this slave is of the gang; and if
He once perceives that I'm inquiring for him,
He'll never tell me any thing; a rogue!
I'll not discover my design.
[Changes:
_Harper_
[end of speech, from line
--But here comes Syrus ...]
_Colman 1768_
--But here comes Syrus.--I shall know from him
What is become of Ctesipho.--And yet
This rascal's of the gang; and if he once
Perceives that I'm enquiring after him,
He'll never tell, a villain!--I'll take care
To cover my design.]
SCENE IV.
_Enter SYRUS at another part of the stage._
SYRUS (_to himself_). We've just
Disclos'd the whole of this affair to Micio,
Exactly as it happen'd. I ne'er saw
The good old gentleman more pleas'd.
DEM. Oh Heav'n,
The folly of the man! (_Listening._)
SYRUS (_to himself_). He prais'd his son;
Me, who concerted the whole scheme, he thank'd.
DEM. I burst with rage. (_Listening._)
SYRUS (_to himself_). He told the money down
Immediately, and threw us in beside,
To make an entertainment, a half-mina:
Which I've laid out according to my liking.
DEM. So! if you'd have your business well ta'en care of,
Commit it to this fellow!
SYRUS (_overhearing_). Who's there? Demea!
I did not see you, Sir. How goes it?
DEM. How?
I can't sufficiently admire your conduct.
SYRUS (_negligently_). Silly enough, to say the truth, and idle.
(_To servants within_). Cleanse you the rest of those fish, Dromo: let
That large eel play a little in the water.
When I return it shall be bon'd; till then
It must not be.
DEM. Are crimes like these----
SYRUS (_to DEMEA_). Indeed
I like them not, and oft cry shame upon them.
--(_To servants within._) See that those salt fish are well soak'd,
Stephanio.
DEM. Gods! is this done on purpose? Does he think
'Tis laudable to spoil his son? Alas!
I think I see the day when AEschinus
Shall fly for want, and list himself a soldier.
SYRUS. O Demea! that is to be wise: to see,
Not that alone which lies before your feet,
But ev'n to pry into futurity.
DEM. What! is the Music-Girl at your house?
SYRUS. Aye,
Madam's within.
DEM. What! and is AEschinus
To keep her at home with him?
SYRUS. I believe so;
Such is their madness.
DEM. Is it possible?
SYRUS. A fond and foolish father!
DEM. I'm asham'd
To own my brother; I'm griev'd for him.
SYRUS. Ah!
There is a deal of diff'rence, Demea,
--Nor is't because you're present that I say this----
There is a mighty difference between you!
You are, from top to toe, all over wisdom:
He a mere dotard.--Would you e'er permit
Your boy to do such things?
DEM. Permit him? I?
Or should I not much rather smell him out
Six months before he did but dream of it?
SYRUS. Pshaw! do you boast your vigilance to me?
DEM. Heav'n keep him ever as he is at present!
SYRUS. As fathers form their children, so they prove.
DEM. But now we're speaking of him, have you seen
The lad to-day? (_With an affected carelessness._)
SYRUS. Your son d'ye mean?--I'll drive him
Into the country. (_Aside._)--He is hard at work
Upon your grounds by this time. (_To DEMEA._)
DEM. Are you sure on't?
SYRUS. Sure? I set out with him myself.
DEM. Good! good!
I was afraid he loiter'd here. (_Aside._)
SYRUS. And much
Enrag'd, I promise you.
DEM. On what account?
SYRUS. A quarrel with his brother at the Forum,
About the Music-Girl.
DEM. Indeed?
SYRUS. Aye, faith:
He did not mince the matter: he spoke out;
For as the cash was telling down, in pops,
All unexpected, Master Ctesipho:
Cries out--"Oh AEschinus, are these your courses?
Do you commit these crimes? and do you bring
Such a disgrace upon our family?"
DEM. Oh, oh, I weep for joy.
SYRUS. ----"You squander not
The money only, but your life, your honor."
DEM. Heav'n bless him; he is like his ancestors. (_Weeping._)
SYRUS. Father's own son, I warrant him.
DEM. Oh, Syrus!
He's full of all those precepts, he!
SYRUS. No doubt on't:
He need not go from home for good instruction.
DEM. I spare no pains; neglect no means; I train him.
--In short, I bid him look into the lives
Of all, as in a mirror, and thence draw
From others an example for himself.
--"Do this."----
SYRUS. Good!
DEM. "Fly that."
SYRUS. Very good!
DEM. "This deed
Is commendable."
SYRUS. That's the thing!
DEM. "That's reprehensible."
SYRUS. Most excellent!
DEM. "And then moreover----"
SYRUS. Faith, I have not time
To give you further audience just at present,
I've got an admirable dish of fish;
And I must take good care they are not spoil'd.
For that were an offense as grievous, Demea,
In us, as 'twere in you to leave undone
The things you just now mentioned: and I try,
According to my weak abilities,
To teach my fellow-slaves the self-same way.
--"This is too salt.--This is burnt up too much.
That is not nice and cleanly.--That's well done.
Mind, and do so again."--I spare no pains,
And give them the best precepts that I can.
In short, I bid them look into the dishes,
As in a mirror, Demea, and thence learn
The duty of a cook.--This school of ours,
I own, is idle: but what can you do?
According to the man must be the lesson.
--Would you aught else with us?
DEM. Your reformation.
SYRUS. Do you go hence into the country?
DEM. Straight.
SYRUS. For what should you do here, where nobody,
However good your precepts, cares to mind them? (_Exit._
[Changes:
_Harper_
SYRUS. We've just
Disclos'd the whole of this affair to Micio,
_Colman 1768_
SYRUS. We've just disclos'd
The whole of this affair to Micio,
_Harper_
DEM. So! if you'd have your business well ta'en care of,
_Colman 1768_
DEM. So! if you'd have your business well discharg'd
_Harper_
Cleanse you the rest of those fish, Dromo: let
_Colman 1768_
Here! Hark ye, Dromo! see you gut and scale
The other fish immediately: But let
SYRUS. As fathers form their children, so they prove.
_Harper text reads "as fathers from"
_Harper_
DEM. But now we're speaking of him, have you seen
The lad to-day?
SYRUS. Your son d'ye mean?--I'll drive him
Into the country. --He is hard at work
Upon your grounds by this time.
DEM. Are you sure on't?
_Colman 1768_
DEM. But, prithee, have you seen the lad to-day?
SYRUS. Your son, d'ye mean?--I'll drive him out of town.
He's hard at work upon your grounds by this time.
DEM. Ay? Are you sure he's gone into the country?]
_Harper_
Do you commit these crimes? and do you bring
Such a disgrace upon our family?
_Colman 1768_
These your persuits? enormities like these?
Oh shame! oh scandal to our family!
_Harper_
Is commendable.
_Colman 1768_
Is highly commendable.]
SCENE V.
_DEMEA alone._
I then will hence, since he, on whose account
I hither came, is gone into the country.
_He_ is my only care, _He's_ my concern.
My brother, since he needs will have it so,
May look to AEschinus himself.----But who
Is coming yonder? Hegio, of our tribe?
If I see plainly, beyond doubt 'tis he.
Ah, we've been old acquaintance quite from boys;
And such men nowadays are wondrous scarce.
A citizen of ancient faith and virtue!
The commonwealth will ne'er reap harm from him.
How I rejoice to see but the remains
Of this old stock! Ah, life's a pleasure now.
I'll wait, that I may ask about his health,
And have a little conversation with him.
SCENE VI.
_Enter HEGIO, GETA conversing at a distance._
HEGIO. Good Heaven! a most unworthy action, Geta!
GETA. Ev'n so.
HEGIO. A deed so base
Sprung from that family?--Oh AEschinus,
I'm sure this was not acting like your father.
DEM. (_behind._) So! he has heard about this Music-Girl,
And is affected at it, though a stranger,
While his good father truly thinks it nothing.
Oh monstrous! would that he were somewhere nigh,
And heard all this!
HEGIO. Unless they do what's just,
They shall not carry off the matter thus.
GETA. Our only hope is in you, Hegio.
You're our sole friend, our guardian, and our father,
The good old Simulus, on his death-bed
Bequeath'd us to your care. If you desert us,
We are undone indeed.
HEGIO. Ah, name it not!
I will not, and with honesty, I can not.
DEM. I'll go up to him.--Save you, Hegio!
HEGIO. The man I look'd for.--Save you, Demea!
DEM. Your pleasure!
HEGIO. AEschinus, your elder son,
Adopted by your brother, has committed
A deed unworthy of an honest man,
And of a gentleman.
DEM. How so?
HEGIO. You knew
Our friend and good acquaintance, Simulus?
DEM. Aye, sure.
HEGIO. He has debauch'd his daughter.
DEM. How!
HEGIO. Hold, Demea, for the worst is still to come.
DEM. Is there aught worse?
HEGIO. Much worse: for this perhaps
Might be excus'd. The night, love, wine, and youth,
Might prompt him. 'Tis the frailty of our nature.
--Soon as his sense returning made him conscious
Of his rash outrage, of his own accord
He came to the girl's mother, weeping, praying.
Entreating, vowing constancy, and swearing
That he would take her home.--He was forgiven;
The thing conceal'd; and his vows credited.
The girl from that encounter prov'd with child:
This is the tenth month.--He, good gentleman,
Has got a music-girl, Heav'n bless the mark!
With whom he means to live, and quit the other.
DEM. And are you well assur'd of this?
HEGIO. The mother,
The girl, the fact itself, are all before you,
Joining to vouch the truth on't. And besides,
This Geta here--as servants go, no bad one,
Nor given up to idleness--maintains them;
The sole support of all the family.
Here take him, bind him, force the truth from him.
GETA. Aye, torture me, if 'tis not so, good Demea!
Nay, AEschinus, I'm sure, will not deny it.
Bring me before him.
DEM. (_aside_). I'm asham'd: and what
To do, or what to say to him, I know not.
PAMPHILA (_within_). Ah me! I'm torn in pieces!--Racking pains!
Juno Lucina, help me! save, I pray thee!
HEGIO. Ha! Is she then in labor, Geta?
GETA. Yes, Sir.
HEGIO. Hark! she now calls upon your justice, Demea!
Grant her then freely, what law else will claim.
And Heaven send, that you may rather do
What honor bids! but if you mean it not,
Be sure of this; that with my utmost force
I'll vindicate the girl, and her dead father;
He was my kinsman; we were bred together
From children; and our fortunes twin'd together
In war, and peace, and bitter poverty.
Wherefore I'll try, endeavor, strive, nay lose
My life itself, before I will forsake them.
--What is your answer?
DEM. I'll find out my brother:
What he advises, I will follow, Hegio.
HEGIO. But still remember, Demea, that the more
You live at ease; the more your pow'r, your wealth,
Your riches, and nobility; the more
It is your duty to act honorably,
If you regard the name of honest men.
DEM. Go to: we'll do you justice.
HEGIO. 'Twill become you.
Geta, conduct me in to Sostrata. (_Exit with GETA._
[Changes:
_Harper_
HEGIO. Good Heaven! a most unworthy action, Geta!
GETA. Ev'n so.
HEGIO. A deed so base
Sprung from that family?--Oh AEschinus,
I'm sure this was not acting like your father.
DEM. So! he has heard about this Music-Girl,
_Colman 1768_
HEGIO. Can it be true?
GETA. Ev'n so.
HEGIO. A deed so base
Sprung from that family?--Oh AEschinus,
This was not acting like your father.
DEM. So!
He has just heard about this Musick-Girl,
_Harper_
HEGIO. Unless they do what's just
_Colman 1768_
HEGIO. Unless they do you justice
_Harper_
The good old Simulus, on his death-bed
_Colman 1768_
On his death-bed, the good old Simulus
_Harper_
HEGIO. AEschinus, your elder son,
Adopted by your brother, has committed
_Colman 1768_
HEGIO. AEschinus, your elder son,
Your brother's by adoption, has committed
HEGIO. Ha! Is she then in labor, _Geta_?
_"Geta" italicized in Harper edition_]
SCENE VII.
_DEMEA alone._
This is no more than I foretold: and well
If his intemp'rance would stop _here!_--But this
Immoderate indulgence must produce
Some terrible misfortune in the end.
--I'll hence, find out my brother, tell my news,
And empty all my indignation on him. (_Exit._
SCENE VIII.
_Re-enter HEGIO, speaking to SOSTRATA at the door._
Be of good cheer, my Sostrata; and comfort,
As much as in your pow'r, poor Pamphila!
I'll find out Micio, if he's at the Forum,
And tell him the whole story: if he'll act
With honor in it, why 'tis well; if not,
Let him but speak his mind to me, and then
I shall know how to act accordingly. (_Exit._
ACT THE FOURTH.
SCENE I.
_CTESIPHO, SYRUS._
CTES. My father gone into the country, say you?
SYRUS. Long since.
CTES. Nay; speak the truth!
SYRUS. He's at his farm,
And hard at work, I warrant you.
CTES. I wish,
So that his health were not the worse for it,
He might so heartily fatigue himself,
As to be forc'd to keep his bed these three days!
SYRUS. I wish so too; and more, if possible.
CTES. With all my heart: for I would fain consume,
As I've begun, the livelong day in pleasure.
Nor do I hate that farm of ours so much
For any thing, as that it is so near.
For if 'twas at a greater distance, night
Would come upon him ere he could return.
But now, not finding me, I'm very sure
He'll hobble back again immediately;
Question me where I've been, that I've not seen him
All the day long; and what shall I reply?
SYRUS. What? can you think of nothing?
CTES. No, not I.
SYRUS. So much the worse.--Have you no client, friend,
Or guest?
CTES. I have. What then?
SYRUS. You've been engag'd
With them.
CTES. When not engag'd? It can not be.
SYRUS. It may.
CTES. Aye, marry, for the day I grant you.
But if I pass the night here, what excuse
Then, Syrus?
SYRUS. Ah! I would it were the custom
To be engag'd at night too with one's friends!
--But be at ease! I know his mind so well,
That when he raves the loudest, I can make him
As gentle as a lamb.
CTES. How so?
SYRUS. He loves
To hear you prais'd. I sing your praises to him,
And make you out a little God.
CTES. Me!
SYRUS. You.
And then the old man blubbers like a child,
For very joy.--But have a care! (_Looking out._)
CTES. What now?
SYRUS. The wolf i' th' fable!
CTES. What, my father?
SYRUS. He.
CTES. What's the best, Syrus?
SYRUS. In! fly! I'll take care.
CTES. You have not seen me, if he asks: d'ye hear?
SYRUS. Can't you be quiet? (_Pushes out CTESIPHO._)