1
Cool with sound short sleep she rose early, the memory of yesterday
giving a Sunday leisure to the usual anxious hurry of breakfast. She was
strong with her own possessions. Wimpole Street held nothing but her
contract of duties to fulfil. These she could see in a clear vexatious
tangle, against the exciting on-coming of everybody's summer; an
excitement that was enough in itself. Patients were pouring out of
town--in a fortnight the Orlys would be gone; all Mr. Orly's accounts
must be out by then. In a month Mr. Hancock would go. For a month before
her own holiday there would be almost nothing to do. If everyone's
accounts were examined before then, she could get them off at leisure
during that month ... then for this month there was nothing to do but
the lessening daily duties and to get everyone to examine accounts; then
the house to herself, with only Mr. Leyton there; the cool ease of
summer in her room, and her own month ahead.
2
The little lavatory with its long high window sending in the light from
across the two sets of back to back tree-shaded Bloomsbury gardens, its
little shabby open sink cupboard facing her with its dim unpolished taps
and the battered enamel cans on its cracked and blistered wooden top
became this morning one of her own rooms, a happy little corner in the
growing life that separated her from Wimpole Street. There were no
corners such as this in the beautiful clever Hampstead house; no remote
shabby happy corners at all; nothing brown and old and at peace. Between
him and his house were his housekeeper and servants; between him and his
life was his profession ... and the complex group of people with whom he
must perpetually deal, with whom he dealt in alternations of intimacy
and formality. He was still at his best in his practice. That was still
his life. There was nothing more real as yet in his life than certain
times and moments in his room at Wimpole Street.... Life had answered no
other questions for him.... His thought-life and his personal life were
troubled and dark and cold ... in spite of his attachment to some of his
family group ... he could buy beautiful things, and travel freely in his
leisure ... perhaps that, those two glorious things, were sufficient
compensation. But there was something wrong about them; they gave a
false sense of power ... the way all those people smiled at each other
when they went about and bought things, picked up a fine thing at a
bargain, or gave a price whose size they were proud of ... thinking
other people's thoughts ... apart from this worldly side of his life, he
was entirely at Wimpole Street; the whole of him; an open book; there
was nothing else in his life, yet ... his holiday with those two
men--even the soft-voiced sensuous one who would quote poetry and talk
romantically and cynically about women in the evenings--would bring
nothing else. Yet he was counting upon it so much that he could not help
unbending about his boat and his boots and his filters ... perhaps all
that was the best of the holiday--men were never tired of talking about
the way they did this and that ... clever difficult things that made all
the difference; but they missed all the rest. Even when they sat about
smoking their minds were fussing. The women in their parties dressed,
and smiled and appreciated. There would be no real happiness in such a
party ... except when the women were alone, doing the things with no
show about them. Supposing I were able to go anywhere on this page ...
Ippington ... 295m; pop. 760 ... trains to Tudworth and thence two or
three times daily ... Spray Bay Hotel.... A sparrow cheeped on the
window sill and fluttered away. The breath of happiness poured in at the
high window; all the places in the railway guide told over their charms;
mountains and lakes and rivers, innumerable strips of coast, village
streets to walk along for the first time, leading out ... going,
somewhere, in a train. Standing on tiptoe she gazed her thoughts across
the two garden spaces towards the grimed backs of the large brown
houses. Why was one allowed to be so utterly happy? There it was ...
happily here and happily going away ... away.