CHAPTER VIII.

JOURNAL AND LETTERS--LADIES' SCHOOL

FOR POOR CHILDREN.

"NOVEMBER 22, 1801.

"ISABELLA SMITH," a grandchild, "is very ill; she appears to be

in a stupor. Two physicians are attending, but my eyes are to the

Lord. She is his own, given to him by faith, as a covenant God in

Christ for her in particular, for ourselves and our children. I desire

not to draw back, but, the Lord strengthening me, to give up at his

call. If it be his will to spare her, she is still his own, to be done

by, with, and for, as his infinite wisdom may see fit, for his own

glory and her eternal interest. If he is about to remove her out of

the world, she is his own; out of the mouth of this babe will he

perfect praise; with that company of whom is the kingdom of heaven,

she shall join in the song of Moses and the Lamb, 'to Him that loved

us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, to him be glory,

honor, dominion, and power.'

"O Lord, one petition I prefer--if it be thy will to take her out

of the world, take her in thine arms and carry her through the dark

valley; grant to her a gentle and easy passage, and an abundant

entrance into thy kingdom; and tune our hearts to sing, 'The Lord

gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.'

Amen."

"NOVEMBER 23.

"This day the dear Isabella joined the church triumphant, and

took her place among that company which Christ has pronounced blessed.

I yesterday asked of the Lord that he would take her in his arms and

carry her through the dark valley, that he would give her a gentle and

easy passage, and an abundant entrance into his kingdom. He heard my

prayer; it was indeed soft and gentle; not a struggle, not a groan;

and the affliction which brought down the frame was moderate

throughout. I was enabled to resign the Lord's own into his own hand,

in the faith that he did receive, and would keep that which I

committed to him.

"My soul is satisfied--more than satisfied; I rejoice, and

congratulate the lovely babe on her early escape from a world of sin

and sorrow, to the arms of her dear Redeemer, and to perfect

blessedness with him."

"NOVEMBER 24.

"It is done--finished--the soul with God, the body in the tomb.

It is all well; yes, our covenant God, thou doest all things well. I

firmly believe thy mercy is over all thy works. Goodness, mercy, yea,

loving-kindness has marked thy every step. I believe it now. I shall

see it soon.

"Now, our God, follow this bereavement with thy purifying,

sanctifying grace. Enable us all to search and try our ways. Lead our

souls into a knowledge of the secret corruptions of our hearts, that

we may confess and mourn over them, wash in the blood of Christ, be

pardoned, restored, and get a great victory. Enable us through life to

abide in Christ; to keep close to thee, transacting all our affairs

with thee, before they come into the view of the world. Let thy wisdom

and thy Spirit, in connection with thy providences, be our

counsellors. O keep us in a dependent frame of mind, humble and

watchful. Strip us of all self-confidence. May we at the same time be

strong in the Lord and in the power of thy might; rejoicing in thee,

the God of our salvation, the strength of our heart, and our portion

for ever. Glory, glory, glory, to Father, Son, and blessed Spirit.

Amen, and Amen."

"DECEMBER, 1801.

"It is my earnest desire to 'grow in grace, and in the knowledge

of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,' It is my desire to love the

Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength,

and with all my mind; and to love my neighbor as myself, so as to do

to Mm whatever I could expect from Christian principles in him, on an

exchange of circumstances.

"It is my desire to give all diligence to add to my faith virtue,

to virtue knowledge, to knowledge temperance, to temperance patience,

to patience godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly

kindness charity, that these things being in me and abounding, I may

be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord and

Saviour Jesus Christ.

"I desire to grow in grace day by day, to profit by every

ordinance of God's appointing, and by every providence; and I pray,

Lord, I pray that thou wouldst grant me my desire, so as that I may

become more spiritual, more discerning in the Scriptures, more

fruitful in good works: that thou mayest increase also my humility.

Open to my view more of the extent and spirituality of thy divine law;

the majesty, purity, holiness, of thy nature; the exceeding sinfulness

of sin; the hidden corruptions of my own heart, and my inability to

search them out, and to crucify them: give me also more just views of

my past life, that I may ever be convinced that I am, what I really

am, the very chief of sinners, and the least of all saints; and that

it is entirely of grace that I am what I am. O make out this promise

to me; I will record it in thine own words: 'I will establish my

covenant with thee: and thou shalt know that I am the Lord,' Ezekiel

16:62. I confess myself the character described in the two foregoing

chapters; and though thou hast chastened me ten thousand times less

than my iniquities deserve, even by the constitution of the new

covenant, thou hast chastened me. Now, O Lord, most merciful and

gracious, who 'pardonest iniquity, transgression, and sin,' for thy

name's sake, do to and for me as thou hast said: 'I will establish my

covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the Lord. That thou

mayest remember, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more

because of thy shame, when I am pacified towards thee for all that

thou hast done, saith the Lord God.' Amen."

To Mr. and Mrs. B----, in Britain.

"DECEMBER 7, 1801.

"I have received my dear J----'s three letters from Dingwall:

fresh matter of praise to our covenant God. You have had your season

of affliction; and now you have a season of refreshing, a

resting-time. The cup of the Christian is always more or less mixed.

Your afflictions have ever been mixed with much mercy, and now your

season of rest is also mixed. I well know that no temporal comfort can

compensate the absence of your justly beloved D----. He, however, who

is the God of both, who goes with him, and stays with you, can not

only support, but comfort. The omniscient, the omnipresent, the

omnipotent God is our God, and the God of our house; all that he is is

ours, to bless us. Behold, God is become our salvation. Every

endearing name known among men he takes to himself, to inspire us with

pleasing, confiding love--every name that connects the idea of

protection, to keep our minds in quiet peace, in the assurance of

safety: Father, Husband, Brother, Friend, Prophet, Priest, King,

Physician, Help, Health, Light, Life, Counsellor, Guide, Sanctuary,

Anchor--but I should fill my sheet. I said it all at first: God is

ours, and ours with the knowledge of all our backslidings, which he

heals; our wanderings, from which he restores us; and our sins, which

he forgives: one of his names is the God of pardons. He delights in

mercy. Are we not his witnesses? What has our whole life been, but

sin, backslidings, and wanderings? What have his dealings with us

been, but pardons, healings, restorations? Therefore we remain, as at

this day, with our desires towards him, and our faces Zion-wards. What

he hath begun he will perfect, and in a little while our eyes shall

behold him, our hearts shall enjoy him, we shall be like him, and see

him as he is."

To the same.

"DECEMBER 26, 1801.

"I rejoice over my dear children, and bless our gracious God that

he has led them a sweet and most delightful sojourning among his

churches, animating their spirits by their mutual communion; blessing

them, and, I hope, making them blessings. I pray the Lord may make our

dear D---- an instrument among others of spreading his gospel,

building up his church, and pulling down the strong-holds of Satan;

and that you may be in your place a help-meet for him, in this as in

every thing else. May the Lord choose his path and direct his steps,

and yours with him. Women were helpers of the apostles and others in

Paul's days: at the same time care must ever be taken not to obtrude

in any respect. I pray that you may be kept spiritual and humble:

eminence in God's service is truly desirable, if the heart be kept

humble. If the Lord open the eyes to behold more of the extent and

spirituality of his law, the holiness and purity of his nature, the

evil of sin, and its contrariety to all that is in God; and if he turn

the eyes inward to the hidden corruptions of the heart, when it is

evident to the soul that all is of grace, then may eminent services

be safe.

"'I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes,' was the exercise

of Job; and justly so. Job, who was eyes to the blind and feet to the

lame, a father to the poor, and the cause which he knew not he

searched it out: when the ear heard him, it blessed him; when the eye

saw him, it gave witness to him; who withheld not the poor from his

desire, nor caused the eye of the widow to fail; the stranger did not

lodge in the street, but he opened his door unto the traveller: all

this was true as far as the external act, and as he then thought, with

a proper temper of heart, Job could justify himself before his

fellow-sinners, Blind like himself; but when God comes to deal with

him, how different his views. Then it was, 'Behold, I am vile; what

shall I answer thee? I will lay my hand on my mouth:' even with the

very best there is cause for this exercise, could we see in the

same light.

"How deceitful is the human heart; how unfaithful the conscience;

how little do we know of the sins of our daily walk. We are called to

watch and pray, that we enter not into temptation; to walk with God in

close, intimate communion: whether we eat or drink, to do all to his

glory: to consult him in all the affairs of life, narrowly observing

his providence in connection with our circumstances; weighing all in

his presence, requesting him to determine our wills and direct our

steps. We ought not to say, 'We will go into such a city,' and do this

or that; but, 'If the Lord will.' How inconsistent our conduct with

these rules. How often do rashness, precipitation, and self-will

accompany our determinations and movements. And how often do His

goodness and wisdom over rule our folly, save us from our own pits,

and prevent the evil that might be expected. At no time does he deal

with us as we sin, though sometimes he stands by and allows us a taste

of our folly: then we are in trouble, we dig our pits and fall into

them, but we cannot deliver ourselves. O what a God! who, even at such

a time, says to us, 'Call on me in the time of trouble; I will deliver

thee, and thou shalt glorify my name; thou hast destroyed thyself, but

in me is Blessed help; mercy to pardon, goodness to wisdom to guide,

faithfulness to carry through and perfect what concerns us, overruling

our very follies, and causing them to teach us to profit. This is

God's way, according to many declarations of himself in his word, and

the experience of all his redeemed.

"Blessed then is the man that trusteth in the Lord; they truly

are a blessed people whose God Jehovah is."

"FEBRUARY, 1802.

"MY DEAR, MY BELOVED CHILDREN--I trust the Lord is your support;

I know you are in trouble; it cannot be that opportunities have been

wanting all this time, nor can it be that my children have been

negligent: no, no, I cannot suppose it. My children are in trouble;

they could not write that they were otherwise, and therefore remain

silent until they can write the issue. It is proper, and sure the Lord

feeds me with comfort. O the comfort of knowing that the Almighty God

is their own reconciled Father by an everlasting covenant; Christ, the

Mediator and Surety, their Advocate, Brother, and Friend; the Holy

Ghost their Teacher, Guide, and Comforter. It cannot be ill with my

dear children, who are also God's dear children. My Father, I know it,

thou chastenest for their profit. I know not where they are, nor how

they fare. I know not what to ask for them; but thou art everywhere

present, thine eye is upon them, thou knowest all their wants, all

their burdens, all their bereavements, or whatever tries them. O let

thy sensible presence be with them; open wide the leaves of that new

testament in Christ's blood, and let them read their rich legacy,

their unsearchable riches in Christ; give them confidence in thy

wisdom and goodness, and sweet acquiescence in all thy dealings with

them. Thou hast spared in mercy, perhaps now thou hast taken in mercy:

yes, thy tender mercies are over all thy works, and a large ingredient

in every cup thou puttest into the hand of thy children. It is well,

it is well.

"Since writing the above, I have received my dear D----'s

letter, second copy, by the way of London. The Lord is your God. and

the God of your seed. John the Baptist leaped in the womb when the

salutation of Mary sounded in his mother's ears; he was then a living

soul, and an heir of salvation at that moment. If your babe was

conceived in sin by the first covenant, he is an heir of grace by the

second. Think it not hard; no, you do not think it hard that you have

conceived him in sickness, carried him in sickness, and suffered the

pangs of birth without the succeeding joy to make you forget your

anguish. All this shall be for the glory of God, and that is what you

seek; believe it now, you shall see it soon. I do sympathize; my fond

heart had embraced a sweet babe added to the family for one taken.

The Lord has taken this also; it is his due: I shall soon leave the

mortal and join the immortal; five have joined the head, six remain;

and one I know nothing of, more than that I cast him on the Lord, and

look for mercy. I thank my God that he gave you the grace of

resignation, and supported you in the solitary confinement. Alas, my

child, did you listen for the voice of your babe? O, what a suspense;

but let me stop--he had reached maturity ere that time; without the

fight, obtained the victory; he is of the travail of the Redeemer's

soul; children are God's heritage, the fruit of the womb his reward.

Rest then in the Lord; this is to his glory, both without and within

your soul."

"MAY 20, 1802.

"MY DEAR CHILDREN--Here am I in my little room, surrounded with

every comfort, and as the provision of my God, I value all; but there

lies the chief, _my Bible_, the testament of my dying, risen,

ascended, reigning Saviour, bequeathing to me eternal life, executed

in full, and made as sure as the promise and oath of God. The

influences of the Holy Ghost on my mind, taking of the things of

Christ, and showing them unto me; opening wide the leaves of that new

testament, in which I read unsearchable riches, and my title to them

sure: yes, sure, even to me, a base idolatrous gentile, a rebel

against the eternal King, my Creator, Preserver, Provider; a

backslider in heart and in life. What has such a one to do with a holy

God? He hath said only return; and he himself hath turned to me,

chastened, convinced, restored, comforted. His ways are not as our

ways, nor his thoughts as our thoughts; but as the heavens are above

the earth, so are his ways above our ways, and his thoughts high above

our thoughts, and his plans above our conception. For although it is

for ever true, that he is of purer eyes than to behold evil, and

cannot look on iniquity; that his law has denounced a curse upon the

transgressor who keepeth it not in every jot and tittle; it is for

ever true, that this God is unchangeable in his nature and purposes.

What he hath said, that will he do. It is for ever true, that I am all

I have said, and worse, a sinner in heart, tongue, and practice; yet

am I a beloved child, a justified one, an heir of God.

"Here is the testament, here is my charter with the seal of God

upon it--JESUS, thou art the Secret of the Lord; thou art the Lion of

the tribe of Judah, the root and offspring of David. Thou hast

prevailed to open this book of secrets, to loose the seven seals, and

lay open its mysteries. Thou Lamb of God, the appointed and anointed

to the great work; in our room, and in our nature, thou hast sustained

the curse. Thou hast obeyed the law; thou hast drunk the last drop of

the last vial of that wrath which would have sunk my soul in the

endless depths of misery; and I never could have expended one drop,

but sunk deeper and deeper under it. O not unto me, not unto

ministers, not unto any creature be the praise. As for me, I am, in a

word, all that is vile in myself; ministers, providences, afflictions

are just what God makes them; without his blessing they will not only

pass without profiting, but Satan and corruption will make them

ministers to themselves. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, for he has

redeemed me with his blood. Worthy is the Lamb to receive power, and

riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honor, and glory, and

blessing--to him, to him alone, be the praise; who, of an heir of

hell, hath made an heir of heaven, by a substitutional righteousness

wrought out in his own person: mine by free gift, in which I am

completely justified. To this work let nothing be added, with this

work let nothing be mixed.

"There is another work going on by the same Spirit of truth; also

his purchase and gift--sanctification. In this I am called to occupy,

watch, strive, fight. Life is given; means of support and growth

provided; weapons of warfare--all things necessary to life and

godliness: these are promised to the diligent use of means; and

poverty, stagnation, discomfort threatened to the indolent. O how

sovereign and gracious has my God been in his dealings with me in this

respect also. For a sluggard have I been in the days of youth and the

prime of life; yet to me hath he given the comforts promised only to

the diligent. Here I sit on the verge of threescore; my heart in some

good measure loosened from the world, although in full possession of

it. Health, ease, plenty, elegance, friendship, respectability; old

age welcome, death unstung become a familiar friend, the messenger of

my Father to fetch me home to those mansions which my Redeemer has

taken possession of in my name. My hope is strong for my offspring.

Stately have been his steps of mercy towards them already, and he

saved them from their mother's snares; he heard and answered my

prayers, for his name's sake, and overruled my practices; he is my

God, and the God of my children; the God of my children's children to

the latest generation; my cup is full of comfort, temporal and

spiritual. O praise him, praise him, for he is your God, and the God

of your offspring also."

"JUNE 4, 1802.

"Making allowances for the difference of time, and supposing my

dear children in health, all about them is in a racket. This is his

majesty's birthday; and you are at this moment, perhaps, set in some

social company, by invitation, to honor the anniversary, to repeat

the wish of long life, health, and comfort to the lawful sovereign

of Britain.

"Here sit I in my dear little room, with a lovely landscape in

view; B. M----'s park in velvet verdure; the full-grown trees

scattered thin to display the carpet, and in full foliage; the clump

of willows weeping to the very ground, with a gentle wave agitated by

the zephyr; while the other trees keep their firm, majestic posture;

the Hudson river covered with vessels crowded with sail to catch the

scanty breeze; some sweet little chirpers regaling the ear with their

share of pleasure. I think I never heard any little warbler in this

land sing so sweet as those which now salute my ear.

"These are thy glorious works, Parent of good.'

"Can all the philosophic ingenuity of London, this evening,

produce such a scene? The gardens no doubt will be glorious, but the

groundwork is also God's; but why say I that in particular? All is

his; the very notes that warble through so many guilty throats are his

creation; all the art of man cannot add to their number. Sweet bird,

thy notes are innocent, O how sweet. Lovely trees--ye who stand erect,

and ye who weep and wave; I wish no brighter scene. The shadows

lengthen fast, so do yours and mine, my sovereign;* a few, a very

few anniversaries, and we must change the scene--change to where no

courtiers flatter, no false meteors blaze--where shadows flee away,

realities appear, and nothing but realities will stand in any stead.

*Mrs. Graham received a pension as a British officer's widow until

her death.

"O may we meet; for me, I nothing have, I nothing am. But One

there is, who was and is all that the mind of saint or angel can

conceive of glory and of happiness; and he is mine, and I am most

blessed. Lengthen on, ye shadows, until all is shadow on these orbs of

flesh. Then, O then,

"'My captive soul set free

From cloggish earth which oft has made me sigh,

Ascends the eternal hills, as seen to see,

As known to know, and grasp the Deity.'"

"1802.

"Our friend B---- has now proved how far it is safe to leave the

fate of eternity unsettled. He is gone to the state of the dead: with

whom his soul is gathered, He only knows whose mercy none ought to

limit; he is gone to his own place; if without a Surety-righteousness,

which he sought not after in health, we know where that place is; but

after reading of a thief on the cross, nothing with God is impossible.

My mind is much impressed; that sentence rings in my ears, so often

repeated, 'I am determined to do all the good I can, and leave the

rest to God. I have no time to search.' Oh, oh, one thing is needful.

"'Life's a folly, age a dream

Borne along the common stream,

Earth's a bubble light as air,

If my rest be centered there.

How can that be solid joy

Which a moment may destroy?'

"Mr. B---- was seized with the fever in its most malignant form;

for him every genius was exerted, and the medical store ransacked for

the healing balsam, but in vain. The Judge calls for the soul, and the

body must, at his command, dislodge its tenant; how awful, if no

surety was at hand, if he must stand naked--we know the rest: did I

say we know? O no. What can we know of that wrath which in the garden

of Gethsemane, when no murderous hand was near, no high-priest, no

council, or cross, wrung the blood through every pore of the pure, the

innocent Lamb of God, supported by Godhead. If such things were done

in the green tree, what shall be done in the dry?"

Another of her grandchildren was shortly after removed by death;

his illness is noticed in the following meditation:

"AUGUST, 1802.

"'And that which cometh into your mind shall not be at all, that

ye say, We will be as the heathen, as the families of the countries,

to serve wood and stone.' 'And I will bring you into the wilderness,

and there will I plead with you face to face: like as I pleaded with

your fathers in the wilderness of the land of Egypt, so will I plead

with you, saith the Lord God; and I will cause you to pass under the

rod, and I will bring you into the bond of the covenant.' 'And ye

shall remember your ways, and all your doings, wherein ye have been

defiled; and ye shall loathe yourselves in your own sight, for all

your evils that ye have committed: and ye shall know that I am the

Lord, when I have wrought with you for my name's sake, not according

to your wicked ways, nor according to your corrupt doings, O ye house

of Israel, saith the Lord God.' Ezek. 20:32, 35, 36, 43, 44.

"It is good, yes, Lord, it is all good; too often have we said,

'we will be as the heathen, to serve wood and stone.' Often hast thou

chastened, often have we confessed, often resolved that we would walk

more softly, more tenderly, more circumspectly before thee. But, alas,

when thy hand is removed, when thou healest us, and restorest to us

health, comfort, and our pleasant things, we wax fat and kick, nestle

in our comfort, abuse thy gifts, and lose sight of the giver. Alas,

Lord, thus it must ever be with us, when we keep not near to thee; we

cannot walk one step alone without stumbling. Thou knowest these

naturally wicked hearts, that they are deceitful above all things;

they betray us before we are aware. Blessed, ever blessed be our God

for his well-ordered covenant. Blessed for the discipline of it. O

Lord, we are again in the wilderness, and under thy chastising rod:

for weeks past, we have 'eaten no pleasant bread;' thy rod is still

suspended over our pleasant, our dear child; the streams of life ebb,

he sickens, he dies, if thou interfere not. But the issues of death

are in thy hand, and our eyes are towards thee. In vain are all means,

all medicines, if thou impart not the healing virtue. Thy weeping

servants seek the healing virtue from thy waters, thy seas, thy pure

air. All nature is in thy hand and ministers thy pleasure; to some

conveying health, to some disease. An herb to be boiled in simple

milk, as the figs for Hezekiah's boils, has been proposed, O let this

prove the appointed means, or direct and point out that which thou

wilt bless, and let our hearts and tongues give the glory to thee.

"We deserve this bereavement; but, Lord, what do we not deserve?

Even according to the constitution of the covenant of grace, and

consistent with thy pardoning, saving mercy, and all thy

long-suffering, wert thou to take vengeance on our inventions, by

exercising all thy threatened chastisements, should we ever be out of

the furnace? But even in this view, thou never hast dealt with us as

our iniquities deserved. 'He will not always chide, neither will he

keep his anger for ever.' Thou hast, in thousands of instances, 'cast

our sins behind thy back, into the midst of the sea; blotted them out,

to remember them no more for ever. Thy ways are not as our ways, nor

thy thoughts as our thoughts,' We may plead, 'Deal not with us as we

sin; but according to the multitude of thy mercies blot out our

transgressions. Pardon our iniquity, for it is great.' Affliction is

appointed, but it is 'in measure, when it shooteth forth.' O debate

with it, and according to thy promise, 'stay thy rough wind in the day

of thine east wind.' Lord, say it is enough, give the blessing, and by

this measure shall iniquity be purged, and the fruit be to take away

sin. All means are alike in thy hand, and any measure. In holy

sovereignty and consummate wisdom thou afflictest, and in thy hand

afflictions yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness: the hearts of

thy people are melted, and they sing of mercy and of judgment, and

glorify thy name. But, O Lord, a look, such as thou gavest to Peter,

will melt our hearts and restore our backsliding souls. The announcing

of our pardon by the same power, will make them overflow with love. If

thou but call us by name, as thou didst her who sought thee at thy

sepulchre, with the same power we shall recognize our Saviour and

worship him.

"O Lord our God, ever faithful to thy promises, thou hast said,

'Whatsoever ye ask in my name, believing that ye receive, I will do

it.' O Lord, I ask not the life of this child on this ground. I have

through life asked one thing of thee, and that will I seek to obtain

while life and breath remain, and reason and grace; I will seek it,

seek it with importunity, holding fast by thy promise to do it, and

believing that it shall be according to my petition. Make good to me

this thy promise, in a spiritual and eternal sense. Be my God, and the

God of my children, and of my children's children, to the latest

generation. Let my children according to the flesh, be thine by

regeneration of the Holy Ghost: it is a great boon; but hast thou not

said, 'Open thy mouth wide, I will fill it?' Father, do as thou hast

said: this is my one petition, and I cannot be said nay. I ask for

myself, my children, and my children's children, to the latest

generation, the life which Christ died to purchase, and lives to

bestow, that we may be made one with him, and our life hid with him in

God. Amen, and Amen.

"But, O my Father, thou hast said, 'Be careful for nothing; but

in every thing, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let

your requests be made known unto God.' I ask, with submission to thy

holy will, if consistent with thy glory, his good, and the good of the

parents, the life of this child; that thou mayest spare him for our

comfort, but first for thine own glory; that thou mayest give the

different branches of this family a joyful meeting, a full feast of

grateful thanks to thee for all thy mercies; and our hearts may

rejoice before thee for the abundance of comfort. Shouldst thou, in

thy adorable wisdom, otherwise determine, thy blessed and thy holy

will be done. Wash the soul of this child in the blood of Jesus,

clothe him with thy righteousness, sanctify him by thy Spirit, and fit

him in every respect for thy kingdom. And O, my divine Redeemer, I

renew my petition which thou didst so evidently grant in the case of

our dear Isabella: take him in thine arms of mercy; soften and shorten

the parting pangs, and carry him gently through the dark valley, and

give him an abundant entrance into thy heavenly kingdom, to join the

hosannas of thy little children, of whom thy kingdom is partly made

up: and O, sanctify the affliction to all concerned; direct our

discipline according as thine all-seeing, heart-searching eye sees we

need; that it may bring forth the peaceable fruits of righteousness,

and 'the fruit of affliction be to take away sin,' and the glory of

all redound to thee, Father, Son, and blessed Spirit. Amen, and Amen."

"SEPTEMBER, 1802.

"'What manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy

conversation?'

"'O give thanks unto God, for he is good; his mercy endureth

for ever.'

"'How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God; how great is

the sum of them.'

"'If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand.

When I awake I am still with thee.'

"'The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger, and

of great mercy.'

"'The Lord is good to all, and his tender mercies are over all

his works.'

"'All thy works shall praise thee, O Lord, and thy saints shall

bless thee.'

"'He hath not dealt with us after our sins, nor rewarded us

according to our iniquities.'

"'Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and

passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage. He

retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy.'

"'He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us, he will

subdue our iniquities, and thou wilt cast all our sins into the depths

of the sea.'

"'Let Israel hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is mercy,

and with him is plenteous redemption.'

"'And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.'

"'The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.'

The Lord hath turned our captivity, filled our mouth with laughter and

our tongue with singing.

"Thomas," her grandchild, "is restored to perfect health. Thou

hast heard our petitions, and continuest to us all our pleasant things.

"It is a time of prosperity; thou givest us the 'upper and the

nether springs;' thou blessest my children 'in their basket and in

their store;' and while the riches of many are making to themselves

wings and flying away--while many are sinking from affluence to

poverty, falling on the right hand and on the left, by thy most

manifest providence thou hast preserved them from the wreck. O teach

them to acknowledge thy hand in all this, and to say and feel, 'Not

unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but to thy name be the glory.' It is God

that giveth power to get riches. O, enable them to honor thee with

their substance, and with the first-fruits of all their increase.

"In the day of prosperity let them rejoice, but let this joy be

in the Lord. O let thy gifts ever, ever lead them to the giver, and

fill their hearts with gratitude, their mouths with praise; and let

their very actions be worship, while they acknowledge thee in all

their ways, and thou directest their steps. May they be as 'a city set

on a hill, which cannot be hid,' and their light so shine before men,

that they seeing their good works, may glorify their Father in heaven.

"And now, O Lord, we wait for thy blessing in the restoration of

our dear D---- and I. B---- and J----. 'Thou hast shown them great and

sore adversities,' and thou hast manifested thy power to save. When

they passed through the waters thou wast with them, and through the

rivers they did not overflow them. When they walked through the fire

they were not burnt, neither did the flames kindle upon them. For thou

art the Lord their God, the Holy One of Israel, their Saviour.

"Thou didst stay thy rough wind in the day of thine east wind,

and in the multitude of their thoughts within them did thy comforts

delight their soul. Thou humbledst them under thy mighty hand, and

thou hast in the multitude of thy mercy exalted them in due time.

"In all their sojourning thou hast been with them; and in

fellowship with thy church greatly hast thou comforted them. Thou hast

given them favor in the hearts of thy people, and made 'the stones of

the field to be at peace with them.' And now, O Lord, restore them to

their friends and Christian society, and to their place which thou

hast in thy goodness given and preserved to them. Here may they be thy

witnesses, that 'thou art the Lord, and besides thee there is

no Saviour.'"

"SEPTEMBER, 1802.

"This day has the Lord our God answered our prayers, and enriched

us beyond the ordinary lot of humanity. D---- and I. B---- and J----

are restored to their preserved places, and to the bosom of their

family. We are as men who dream; our mouths are filled with laughter,

our tongues with singing; the Lord hath done great things for us,

whereof we are glad. Thou hast turned our captivity as the streams in

the south. We sowed in tears, we have reaped in joy. Bless the Lord, O

our souls; ever true and faithful is his word: 'He that goeth forth

and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with

rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.'

"'O Lord, from thee is our fruit found;' may our sheaves be many

and weighty, thou working all our works in us, to thine own glory and

our blessedness. Amen."

"1802.

"Dear brother Pero,* happy brother Pero, thy Jesus, in whom thou

trustedst, has loosed thy bonds, has brought thee to that rest which

remains for the people of God; thou drinkest of the pure river that

maketh glad the city of our God; of that blessed fountain from which

issue all the streams which refresh and revive us weary pilgrims. But

a little while ago, and thou wast weary, dark, and solitary; thy flesh

fettering and clogging thy spirit; thy God trying thy faith, hope, and

patience, which he had previously implanted, watered, and made

vigorous, to stand that trial more precious than gold that perisheth,

though it be tried by fire, and was made manifest to the glory of that

Saviour who leaves not his people in any case. If need be, they are in

heaviness, through manifold temptations; but he knows how to deliver

them, having himself been tempted.

*Pero was an elderly man of color whom Mr. Andrew Smith had

purchased, and made free.

Pero had previously been a freed man of Christ. He had been for some

time in ill health; Mrs. Graham kindly attended on him, and read the

Scriptures to him: he died by the bursting of a bloodvessel, at an

hour when none of the family were with him. Mrs. Graham, in humility

of spirit, reproaches herself in this exercise, for having been

absent from him, without inquiring into his situation for one hour.

"Thou hadst a taste of his cup: like him thou didst endure the

contradiction of sinners; like him thou didst experience the desertion

of friends, even thine old mistress, whom thou lately didst esteem as

a sister in Christ, and to whom thou didst look for fresh

communication from and through that written word, which she could

read and thou couldst not. Oh, how did she prove as a broken reed

unto thee; how did she neglect thy necessity, and her own opportunity

of bringing forth fruit in its season. Thou hast been no loser. The

Lord passed by the slothful servant, the unfaithful steward, who

neglected to give thee thy meat in due season, and himself took her

place; took thee from that household which was not worthy of thee,

and led thee to those mansions of bliss which himself purchased and

prepared; set thee at that table which shall never be drawn, where

thou shalt feast on all the fulness of God, and drink of those

pleasures which are at his right hand for evermore. No need of old

mistress now; no need of any earthly vessel now, nor of that written

word which thou didst so highly prize. The Word made flesh has

removed the veil that shaded the glory of the God-man from thine

eyes; flesh and blood could not behold it; of this he has unclothed

thee--left it with us to look upon and mourn our sin. Thee he has

introduced into the full vision of eternal day, where thou knowest as

thou art known, and seest as thou art seen. O that full communion

enjoyed between a holy soul and the perfection of holiness! O that

light of life, that ocean of love, that inconceivable blessedness.

How hast thou outrun us, brother Pero; how distanced us in a moment.

Oh, could I not watch with thee one hour? Oh that I had received thy

last blessing, instead of which, conscious offence, deserved rebuke,

painful compunction wring my heart; and perhaps the rod of correction

may be suspended, and now ready to fall on my guilty head.

"Father, O my Father, am I not still thy child--still thy

adopted? Have not I an Advocate with thee, Jesus Christ the righteous,

whom thou hearest always? does not the blood of Christ cleanse from

all sin? yes, O yes. This is my universal remedy; thousands and ten

thousands of times have I experienced its efficacy. Father, I again

apply; blessed Spirit, do thine office. Wash me, and I shall be clean;

purge me, and I shall be whiter than snow. I confess my sin, I

acknowledge mine iniquity. Thou didst bring to me an old disciple,

near and dear to his and my Saviour; thou didst require me to minister

unto him all that he needed; the honor was great, the opportunity

valuable. Thou didst empty thy servant for a time, thou didst hide his

comfort, that I might, through thy written word, draw living waters

for him, and give him to drink. O the honor; O the negligence. Thou

didst send the call for thy disciple to come up to thee; in thy

providence thou didst make it first known to me, that I might be

instrumental in conveying to him, through the same channel, oil and

trimming for his lamp. Great was the honor; dignified the service; but

lost to me for ever. I passed by on the other side. Blessed, blessed

Jesus; thou good Samaritan, who pouredst the oil and wine into his

wounds, and tookest him, not to an inn, but to those mansions in the

skies which thou, with thine own blood, purchasedst for him; sanctify,

O sanctify to me this thy providence; pardon my neglect. Saviour, wash

me in thy blood, and sanctify and bring good out of even my

transgression. By thy grace, let it be a means of stirring me up to

more watchfulness, that I may meet the opportunities afforded me in

thy providence, to occupy till thou come."

"DECEMBER, 1802.

"The lovely plant which the Lord had blasted, which brought down

our hearts with grief, which he had restored and clothed with smiling

health and comfort, again sickened, declined, wasted; every means

proved ineffectual; the Lord refused the healing virtue. He was

brought to town to be near the physicians, but the Physician of Israel

aided them not. Disease increased; with pain, sickness, convulsion,

much he suffered, and long; he had a taste of the bitterness of sin,

but no part of the curse: _that_ the Redeemer drank and expended;

and having by his atoning blood purged this little one from his sins,

and perfected all his redeeming work in his soul, he received him into

his own heavenly abodes. It is well, all well. Amen."

Mrs. Graham lived alternately with her children Mrs. Bethune and

Mrs. Smith until 1803, when Mrs. Smith removed from New York. After

that time she made her home with Mr. and Mrs. Bethune until her

departure to her heavenly home. They loved her not only from natural

affection, but for her superior worth. They believed that her prayers

brought a blessing on the family, as the ark of God did to the house

of Obed-Edom.

"MARCH, 1803.

"I read this day the 36th chapter of Ezekiel, and pleaded God's

promises from the 22d verse to the end, for myself, for my children,

and for my children's children; for the church of God throughout the

world, in particular for this country, for Britain and Ireland, France

and Germany, where his name was once known, and his gospel flourished.

That the Lord would 'build the waste places and repair the breaches;'

that he would 'purify the sons of Levi,' fill all pulpits with able,

faithful ministers of the new testament, who shall 'declare the whole

counsel of God;' and that wherever his name is recorded, the Holy

Ghost might fill the place, and convince the hearts of preachers and

hearers, of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment; might take of the

things of Christ and show unto them; and that the great Head of the

church might regulate and overrule all these breaches, differences,

and shakings in his churches.

"O Lord, I am ignorant; I know not the mind of the Spirit of

promise as thou knowest it. The promise of the fruit of the tree, and

the increase of the earth, of the corn, the wine, and the oil is

thine, as are all others. I am ignorant how far this refers to

spiritual prosperity, how far to temporal. I ask, O Lord, covenant

provision, the fruit of the seed sown in the hearts of men by thine

own Spirit; and that thou mayest build the ruined cities of thy

churches, and fill them 'with men like a flock, as the flock of

Jerusalem in her solemn feasts; so shall the waste cities be filled

with flocks of men, and they shall know that thou art the Lord.' Thy

fair, thy rich, thy beautiful creation is also the fruit of grace. The

wicked possess it, but they enjoy it not. Thy people are the heirs,

but thou, as a wise and merciful Father, givest them to possess

according as thy wisdom sees safe and good for them. When with the

things of this world they imbibe the spirit of the men of the world;

when they nestle in thy gifts and forget the Giver; when they enjoy

with a carnal spirit, and not with thankfulness and a due sense of

their dependence on thee as the God of providence as well as of grace;

thou, in mercy as in sovereignty, blastest their pleasant things,

mixest their cup of prosperity with wormwood and gall, or sweepest all

away with a turn of thy hand, that thou mayest teach them that man

doth not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of

the mouth of God; that thou mayest withdraw them from sinful purposes,

and hide pride from them; that thou mayest open their ears to

instruction, and seal it on their hearts: thou dashest to pieces their

broken cisterns, that thou mayest lead them back to the fountain of

living waters.

"It is good, O Lord, all good; I lay hold upon it: be thou the

provider of me and mine; feed us with food convenient for us. Thine

own word testifies that 'every creature of God is good, and nothing is

to be refused if it be received with thanksgiving, for it is

sanctified by the word of God and prayer.' I and the children for whom

I pray, possess many, yea, and abundance of temporal good things. O

Lord, give suitable grace, grace for grace. Spirit of grace, keep us

thankful, humble, dependent, spiritual; enable us to receive all

through a covenant channel, as the provision of our Father by the way,

through this wilderness. O may all be sanctified by thy word and

prayer, and we be enabled 'to eat and drink to thy glory.' Amen.

"Read the 138th Psalm: 'Though the Lord be high, yet hath he

respect unto the lowly; though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou

wilt revive me. The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me; thy

mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever; forsake not the works of thine

own hands.'

"Redeeming work is thy work; regenerating work is thy work;

sanctifying work is also thine.

"The first is finished, the second begun, to be perfected in the

third. O Lord, I hang on thy promises, which with Christ are all mine,

though I have not at all times the savor of them; this is mine

infirmity, and often my sin. O keep me looking unto Jesus."

"MARCH 25, 1803.

"Communion Sabbath, Dr. M---- preached from Romans 6:17: 'But God

be thanked that ye were'--were in the past time, not now--'the

servants of sin; but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of

doctrine which was delivered you.'

"O Lord, I believe the doctrines of thy gospel; I know that I am

delivered from sin as a master; it hath not dominion over my will, nor

entire dominion over my affections; I would be thine, thy servant, thy

child, thine in all obedience. I feel this new principle in the

desires of my soul. I would do all things to thee, in act and in

principle. But O, Lord, the old man is still here, harassing and

hindering my new will, which I have received from thee, from acting

with freedom and energy. Unhallowed motives steal in, by-ends present

themselves; and when outward duty is attained to, there is more of sin

than of righteousness. Though entered upon with some measure of

purity, yet before it is finished I am at a loss to discern the true

principle by which I am actuated. Lord, help me; hast thou not

promised to work in me both 'to will and to do of thy good pleasure?'

Is it not the grand end of thy death, that thou mightest purify to

thyself a glorious church, 'not having spot nor wrinkle, nor any such

thing;' and shall not I be a partaker? Art thou not made of God unto

thy people, wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption?

"O Lord, my heart pants for redemption from indwelling sin. This

depravity of my nature, this opposition, this evil that is ever

present with me when I would do good, this indolence, this

listlessness, this want of zeal, or else self-will, keenness of

temper, impatience, haste: O Lord, there is a host of enemies; gird

me, arm me, shield me, lead me forth under thy banner; be my

victorious King. 'I will go in thy name, trusting in thy promised

strength and grace to help in every time of need.' Glory be to God,

Father, Son, and blessed Spirit, for the grace in which I stand. But

for grace I had been a willing slave to sin to this hour. By that same

grace I shall one day attain to victory. I cast my burden on the Lord,

he will sustain until he deliver; I will go up through the wilderness,

trusting in the promises, and continue fighting in his strength. 'My

soul waits for thy salvation.' Lord, enable me to keep 'looking unto

Jesus, the author and finisher of faith.' O give faith in every part

of his mediatorial character. May I feed upon him and be strong for

this sore fight. Give courage, O Lord; press me forward: may I

resolve, and keep the resolution, to resist unto blood, striving

against sin.

"I have been a slothful servant in thy family, an idle laborer in

thy vineyard, 'an unfruitful branch,' a poor dwarfish member in thy

body. Grant, O grant a little fruit on the topmost bough. O, at the

'eleventh hour' may I begin to work, to bear some fruit, to the glory

of that grace by which my soul is saved from the wages of sin, death,

and hell, and made heir, by free gift, of the wages of righteousness,

eternal life, and glory. I wait for thy salvation."

There being no public, free, or Sabbath-schools in the city, Mrs.

Graham used her endeavors to promote such as would at least furnish

education to the children of the widows under her care; and several

young ladies offered their services, which she thus notices:

"FEBRUARY, 1804.

"A new thing is on the wheel in the city of New York. A society

of ladies, organized for the purpose of relieving widows with small

children, was new in this country. It is now, by the blessing of God,

apparently established. It was entered upon with prayer; it has been

conducted thus far with prayer. The blessing of God has rested upon

it, and much good has been done by it. Some of us have looked long,

and requested of God to open a way by which the children of these

widows might be instructed and taught to read his word, and by his

blessing on it, come to the knowledge of the way of salvation. One

means has been attempted of an ordinary kind: twelve children were

last week placed at school with Mrs. L----, to be taught to read, and

some more are to be placed with another of our widows, for the same

purpose. But this indeed is new. A society of young ladies, the first

in rank in the city, in the very bloom of life, and full of its

prospects, engaged in those pleasures and amusements which tend to

engross the mind and shut out every idea unconnected with them, coming

forward and offering--not to contribute towards a school, but their

own personal attendance to instruct the ignorant, O Lord, prosper

their work. If this be of thee, it shall prosper, and be productive of

much good; but if thou bless not, it will come to nothing but shame.

No good can be done but by thee, for there is none good but One;' and

what are all thy creatures, but instruments in thy hand, by which thou

bringest to pass the purposes of thy will? _Christians_,

redeemed, enlightened, sanctified, are no more; thou workest all their

works in them; they themselves are thy workmanship, created in Christ

Jesus unto good works, which thou hast prepared, that they should walk

in them. Worldlings also are thy instruments: by them thou workest and

bringest to pass the counsels of thy will; thou puttest into their

heart the good thing which thou workest, and girdest them for the

purpose: though not the children of thy covenant, they are the

instruments of thy providence.

"O Lord, take up this matter; gird these young women to this very

purpose, and prosper them in the art of teaching these orphans of thy

providence. And Oh, Lord, hear my more important petition. I am not

worthy to be heard. O Lord, I am not worthy to be named in connection

with any good done by thee. I am the chief of sinners, the chief of

backsliders; every thing in me, of me, or by me, is vile as far as it

is mine. All that is otherwise, all good implanted in me, or done by

me, is thine own; it is grace, free grace, the purchase of thine own

Anointed, my dear Redeemer, my dying, risen, ascended Saviour, and the

fruit of the Holy Ghost, the sent of the Father and of the Son, to set

up a kingdom of righteousness in the hearts of the redeemed. Let me,

as a sinner saved by grace, to whom thou hast been pleased to give the

exceeding great and precious promises--let me, under the sprinkling of

the blood of the covenant, and in entire dependence on my

surety-righteousness--let me draw near and present my petition, in the

name and for the sake of Him whom thou hearest always. O Lord God

Almighty, by this very thing, build up thy Zion. Lay hold of these

young creatures, and while they are in the way of thy providence,

bring them to the house of our master's brethren. O thou great

Teacher, teach thou teacher and taught. Be found of them who seek thee

not, and say with power, 'Behold me, behold me,' to a people not yet

called by thy name, and out of this small thing in thy providence,

bring revenues of praise to thy name as the God of grace. Amen.

"And now, O Lord, for myself, I pray for deep humility; I ask,

for His sake who was meek and lowly, to be kept where my place really

is, at the feet of all thy servants; and if it be thy pleasure to make

me a useful instrument, in proportion make me a humble soul. Let me

ever remember my ways and be ashamed, and never open my mouth any more

because of my shame, when thou art pacified towards me for all that I

have done. O keep me in this contrite frame of mind. In all that to

which thou callest me, give me a willing heart, and furnish me with

every necessary for thy glory. And now prepare me to speak to these

young women good and acceptable words. Save me from sacrificing truth,

or departing, in any respect, from Christian duty; give me such wisdom

as maybe suited to the occasion: in all things mine eyes are to the

Lord; from thee let my fruit be found."

"FEBRUARY 17, 1804.

"Saturday, the 11th, twenty-nine young ladies met with Mrs.

Hoffman and myself, at Mr. O. Hoffman's, Wall-street, on purpose to

receive instructions respecting the school; and having paired

themselves according to their mind, I delivered what I had prepared

for them: they all seemed hearty in their engagement; and on Monday,

the 13th inst., Miss L----t and Miss L----n attended at the

school-room and commenced teaching thirteen children; four have been

added since.

"Again, O Lord, let me request thy blessing on this institution;

put thy seal upon it, and mark it for thine own. Gird the teachers for

their work, and open the minds of the scholars to instruction. And O,

Lord, in thine own time, and by means of thine own devising, provide

spiritual instruction for teachers and taught. Is it thy pleasure,

Lord, that I attend the children on a day appointed for the purpose?

Wilt thou accept of me as an instrument by which thou wilt do good to

the souls of these children; and wilt thou keep me humble and contrite

in my own soul? Bless also Mrs. L----'s school; there too let thy work

appear; deal with her soul as 'thou dealest with thy chosen;' teach

her the way of salvation, and make her a teacher by thine own Spirit.

If it be my dear Master's pleasure to use me, I would also attend that

school as his instrument. 'Search me, O Lord, and know my heart; try

me, and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.'"

Mrs. Graham's address to the young ladies, above alluded to, is

given as a specimen of the appropriateness of her addresses on similar

occasions, and as an incentive to kindred exertions in every condition

of life.

"MY DEAR YOUNG LADIES--Every thing new becomes matter of

speculation and variety of opinion.

"An association of ladies for the relief of destitute widows and

orphans, was a new thing in this country. It was feeble in its origin,

the jest of most, the ridicule of many, and it met the opposition of

not a few. The men could not allow our sex the steadiness and

perseverance necessary to establish such an undertaking. But God put

_his_ seal upon it; and under his fostering care it has prospered

beyond the most sanguine expectations of its propagators. Its fame is

spread over the United States, and celebrated in foreign countries. It

has been a precedent to many cities, who have followed the laudable

example. This fame is not more brilliant than just. The hungry are

fed, the naked are clothed, shelter is provided for the outcasts,

medicine and cordials for the sick, and the soothing voice of sympathy

cheers the disconsolate. Who are the authors of all these blessings?

Your mothers, ladies, the benevolent members of this so justly famed

Society. But who are these children that idly ramble through the

streets, a prey to growing depravity and vicious example? hark, they

_quarrel_, they _swear_, and such no doubt will _lie_ and _steal_. And

that group of dear little creatures, running about in the most

imminent danger, apparently without protection, are they under the

care of this so justly famed society? They are; they are fed, they are

clothed, their mother's fireside is made warm for them; but no culture

is provided for their minds, nor protection from baneful example.

These will in time follow that of the older ones, and grow up the

slaves of idleness and vice, the certain road to ruin.

"Alas, alas, and is there no help--no preventive? Yes, there is.

Behold the angelic band; hail, ye virtuous daughters; worthy of your

virtuous mothers, come forward and tread in their steps. Snatch these

little ones from the whirling vortex; bring them to a place of safety;

teach them to know their Father, God: tell them of their Saviour's

love; lead them through the history of his life; mark to them the

example he set, the precepts he recorded for their observance, and the

promises for their comfort. And by teaching them to read, enable them

to retrace all your instructions when their eyes see you no more.

"My dear young ladies, the sacrifice you have made shall most

assuredly meet its reward: but like your mothers, you will experience

much painful banter, you will be styled school-madams. Let it pass;

suffer it quietly; when your scheme begins to ripen and the fruits

appear, who shall be able to withhold their praise? Only be steadfast,

draw not back and justify the prophecies of many.

"A great general, in ancient times, in search of glory, landed

his troops on the hostile coast, and then burnt all his ships: they

must conquer, or die. You have, ladies, already embarked in this

design; there is no remaining neuter now; your name and undertaking

are in every mouth; you must press forward and justify your cause: and

justified it shall be, if you persevere; it cannot be otherwise. The

benevolence you contemplate is as superior to that already in

operation, as the interest of the soul is to that of the body; and it

is your own--the very scheme originated in a young mind in this

company. The society were contemplating mercenary agents, schools for

pay, and one is already established.

"But this labor of love; who could have hoped for it? A society

of _young ladies,_ in rank the first in the city, in the very bloom

of life, and full of its prospects, engaged in those pleasures and

amusements which generally engross the mind, and shut out every idea

unconnected with self, coming forward and offering--what? not their

purses, that were _trash;_ but their own personal services to

instruct the ignorant, and become the saviors of many of their sex.

It is indeed a new thing, and more strange in this age of dissipation

than that institution from which it sprung. May this too become the

darling of Providence. May God put his seal upon this also. May he

bless and prosper you in this undertaking, bless you, and make you

a blessing."

We next have her wrestling supplications for the revival of God's

work in the church with which she was connected.

"FEBRUARY 21, 1804.

"O Thou, who art Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, who

holdest the seven stars in thy right hand, and walkest in the midst of

the seven golden candle-sticks, who livest and was dead, and art alive

for evermore. Amen. And hast the keys of hell and of death. Out of thy

mouth goeth a sharp twoedged sword, by which thou reachest the hearts

of the most hardened. O write with power, speak with power, in the

heart of the angel of this church. Hast thou not in former days had

thy dwelling among them? in days of trouble didst thou not work in

them the fruits of labor and patience, so that for thy name's sake

they labored and fainted not? Thou blessedst them and gave them peace,

and they rejoiced in the light of thy countenance; thou multipliedst

them also, so that from a handful they became _two bands_. Alas,

Lord, we have, Jeshurun-like, 'waxed fat and kicked;' we have left our

first love; we have not watched and prayed, as thou gavest

commandment, and thou hast left us to enter into temptation; we have

forsaken the counsel of our old men, and given heed to flatterers; we

have forgotten our dependence on thee, and said, 'Ashur shall save us,

we will ride upon horses.' We have set up our idols in our hearts, and

put the stumbling-block of our iniquity before our eyes; we have taken

counsel, but not of thee, and covered ourselves with a covering, but

not of thy Spirit; we have gloried in our own wisdom, and strengthened

ourselves in our own strength.

"We are poor, and blind, and miserable, and naked; rich in our

fancied wisdom, seeing by our own light, and compassing ourselves

about with our own sparks; we feed on ashes: a deceived heart has

turned us aside.

"'O Lord, the hope of Israel, and the Saviour thereof.' It is of

the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed. To us belong shame and

confusion of face--O cover us with it--but to thee belongs mercy.

Humble us, O Lord, and we shall be humbled; 'turn us, and we shall

be turned.'

"It is in our nature to backslide for ever; thou, and thou only,

knowest the deceitfulness of the heart; thou, and thou only, canst

search it. O search us, and try us, and show us what wicked ways there

are in us, and lead us in the way everlasting. Deal not with us

according to our sins, but according to the multitude of thine own

mercies. We have no other plea; our sins call for judgment, and until

thou, thine own blessed self, turn us, we are in no situation to

receive mercy. Work with us for thy name's sake, establish with us

thine own covenant of free, unmerited, undeserved mercy. Then shall we

know that thou art the Lord.

"Make us thine by thine own covenant, established in Christ,

thine own anointed; the blessed surety, by thine own appointment; our

substitute, on whom it hath pleased thee to lay the iniquities of us

all; in whose sacred person thou tookest vengeance for all our sins;

by whom thy law is fulfilled, magnified, and made honorable; whose

doing and suffering in our stead is accepted by Jehovah. 'The Lord is

well pleased for his righteousness' sake.' No covenant short of one

fulfilled in every jot and tittle could benefit us.

"Thy covenant is well-ordered in all things, and it is sure.

"Here, O Lord, I take my stand; here I lay my foundation, and on

this thy covenant I build; or rather, here thou thyself hast laid my

foundation, and on this rock hast thou set my soul and built my hopes,

thou subduing my enmity. I acquiesce. I will now 'remember the years

of thy hand,' look back to thy dealings with thine own nation, whom

thou didst choose and set apart from all other nations, though of the

same blood with all those that dwell on the face of the whole earth.

"They, like us, destroyed themselves, but in thee was their help.

They also sinned, committed iniquity, and did wickedly; they

remembered not thy mercy, but provoked thee at the Red sea, after the

great deliverance thou hadst wrought for them, and the wonders thou

madest to pass before them in the land of Egypt. Nevertheless thou

savedst them for thy name's sake, that thou mightest make thy mighty

power known; thou didst repeat thy wonders, and didst dry up the sea

before them. He fed them with corn from heaven; they did eat angel's

food. He clave the rock in the wilderness, and caused waters to run

down like a river. After all, they forsook the God of their mercies;

they believed not his promises, nor trusted in his salvation; they

lusted, and they murmured, and desired to turn back to Egypt. Thou

didst chasten them sore for their sin, and didst bring down their

heart with grief.

"When thou didst slay them, they sought thee, and remembered

that God was their rock, and the most high God their Redeemer.

Nevertheless they did flatter with their mouth and lied unto thee with

their tongue, for their heart was not right with thee, neither were

they steadfast in thy covenant. But thou being full of compassion,

forgavest their iniquity and destroyedst them not; yea, many a time

turnedst thou away thine anger, and didst not stir up all thy wrath.

"O how many times did they turn back, tempted God, and limited

the Holy One of Israel. Yet did he fulfil all his promises, and by

wonders in the sea, wonders in the desert, wonders in Zoan's field,

and in the camps of their enemies, he led them safely to the border of

his sanctuary, to the mountain which his right hand had purchased. He

cast out the heathen before them, and gave them rest in the land of

promise. Even there they provoked the Most High, provoked him to

jealousy with their graven images.

"Again thou didst chasten them sore, let loose the corruptions of

men upon them, and suffer them to fall before their enemies. Thou

deliveredst thy strength into captivity, and thy glory into the hands

of their enemies.

"Yet, O Lord, again didst thou deliver them, and sentest

provision for them by thine own covenant. Thou didst choose David thy

servant, and take him from the sheep-folds. Thou broughtest him to

feed Jacob thy people, and Israel thine inheritance. So he fed them

according to the integrity of his heart, and guided them by the

skilfulness of his hands.

"Such are the people with whom thou hast still to do. Such, O God

of infinite mercy, such the God with whom we sinners have to do, even

'the Lord God, merciful and gracious, keeping mercy for thou sands,

forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin; and that will by no means

clear the guilty.' O what could man or angel have done with this last

character of thy name? Thy covenant makes provision. In Christ Jesus,

our blessed substitute, all is reconciled. Thy name is one; the just

God, and the justifier of the ungodly who believe in Jesus; This God

is our God; we will make mention of his righteousness, and his only.

By his own covenant, in his own time, and by means of his own

providing, he will revive us. Amen."

"APRIL, 1804

"All my desire is before thee, and it is all contained in thy

well-ordered covenant. Many years of vanity, of idolatry, of

backsliding, wandering, and folly have passed over my head since I

first took hold of thy covenant. How fickle, false, and deceitful have

I proved; yet thou knowest, thine own Spirit through all my wanderings

testified in my heart, that out of the channel of this covenant there

could be neither safety nor comfort; and never, so far as I can

remember, have I deliberately chosen to be dealt with by any other.

Its corrections and chastisements have reached the deepest

sensibilities of my heart. Thine arrows stuck fast in me, thy hand

pressed me sore; there was no soundness in my flesh, neither rest in

my bones, because of my sin; mine iniquities went over my head, were a

burden too heavy to bear. I was feeble and sore broken, and roared by

reason of the disquiet of my heart. My lovers and friends stood aloof

from my sore, and my kinsmen stood afar off. I was ready to halt, and

my sorrow was continually before me; yet even in my darkest, deepest

afflictions, when deep called to deep, and thy waves and billows were

passing over me; when my soul seemed sinking in the mire where there

was no standing, I groped in the dark; my heart panted, my strength

failed, and the light of mine eyes seemed gone out. I was weak with my

groaning; in the night I made my bed to swim with my tears; yet even

then, by that same covenant by which I was suffering, light sprang out

of darkness, glimmering hope in the midst of despair. I remembered the

years of thy right hand; in the multitude of my thoughts within

me--the provision made in this covenant--thy comforts delighted

my soul.

"I was furnished with a plea which would condemn, by every

covenant but thine: Pardon my iniquities, for they are great. Thou,

even thou, art he who blottest out transgressions as a cloud, and

iniquity as a thick cloud. Verily thou art a God that pardoneth,

though thou takest vengeance on the inventions of thy rebellious

children. 'Vengeance!' not the vengeance of the curse; no, that, O

thou blessed Covenant, thou blessed Surety, that fell on thy devoted

head. Thou by this covenant wast 'made a curse for us.' Thou didst

tread the wine-press alone, and of the people there was none to help

thee. Thou didst expend the last drop of that cup of vengeance. Every

cup put into our hand, though a cup of trembling, is a cup of

blessing. I this day take a fresh hold of thy covenant, for myself,

for my children, and for my children's children, to the latest

generation. For my brother and sister, for their children, and

children's children; for the near concerns of our dear D. B----; and

for all whom I carry on my mind to thy throne of grace. This is the

sum and substance of my prayers. Bring them into the bond of this

covenant, and deal with them according to the order of it, and the

provision made for them in it, in all possible circumstances. Amen.

"O God, in the multitude of thy mercies hear me, in the truth of

thy salvation. Truth of thy salvation! thou only knowest the truth of

thy salvation. How little do we know of thy work. Many of those

providences which appear to us dark and dismal, are wheels turning

round 'the truth of thy salvation;' opening our blinded eyes to the

issues of sin, and also delivering from the snares of the devil. Deal

not, O Lord, with me, and mine, as our iniquities deserve; this has

never been thy way with us; but according to thy former

loving-kindness, and to all the long-suffering, patience, and

pardoning mercy which thy aged servant has experienced through her

sinful guilty pilgrimage. Thou hast forgiven me all the way from

Egypt. Leave me not now, when I am old and grey-headed; but when

strength and heart fail, be thou the strength of my heart and portion

for ever. Amen."

The winter of 1804-5 was unusually severe: the river Hudson was

shut by frost as early as November; fuel was consequently scarce and

dear, and the poor suffered greatly. Mrs. Graham visited those parts

of the city where the poorer class of sufferers dwelt;* in upwards of

two hundred families she either found a Bible their property, or gave

them one; praying with them in their affliction. She requested a

friend to write, first one religious tract and then another, suited to

the peculiar situation of those afflicted people. One was called, "A

Donation to Poor Widows with Small Children;" the other, "A Second

Visit to Poor Widows with Small Children." And lest it might be said

it was cheap to give advice, she usually gave a small sum of money

along with the tracts she distributed. There was at this time neither

a Bible nor Tract Society in New York. Mrs. Hoffman accompanied her in

many of her excursions. In the course of their visits, they discovered

a French family from St. Domingo in such extremity of distress as made

them judge it necessary to report their case to the Honorable Dewitt

Clinton, then mayor of the city. The situation of this family being

made public, three hundred dollars were voluntarily contributed for

their relief. Roused by this incident, a public meeting was called at

the Tontine Coffee-house, and committees from the different wards were

appointed to aid the corporation in ascertaining and supplying the

immediate wants of the suffering poor. The zeal of Mrs. Graham and

Mrs. Hoffman paved the way for this public-spirited exertion, which

probably was the means of saving the lives of some of the destitute

and friendless.

*The following notice of these scenes appeared in one

of the periodical publications of the day:

"When sorrow shrunk before the piercing wind,

And famine, shelterless, in suffering pined;

When sickness drooped in solitary pain,

Mid varying misery's relentless reign;

Oh, then tumultuous rose the plaints of grief,

And loud and strong the clamors for relief!

Then active charity, with boundless care,

From gloomy faces chased the fiend Despair,

Dispelled the horrors of the wintry day,

And none that asked went unrelieved away.

"Yet there are some who sorrow's vigils keep,

Unknown that languish, undistinguished weep;

Behold yon ruined building's shattered walls,

Where drifting snow through many a crevice falls;

Whose smokeless vent no blazing fuel knows,

But drear and cold the widow's mansion shows;

Her fragile form, by sickness deeply riven,

Too weak to face the driving blasts of heaven,

Her voice too faint to reach some pitying ear,

Her shivering babes command her anguished tear:

Their feeble cries in vain assistance crave,

And expectation 'points but to the grave.'

"But lo, with hasty step a female form

Glides through the wind and braves the chilling storm,

With eager hand now shakes the tottering door,

Now rushes breathless o'er the snow-clad floor.

Her tongue soft comfort to the mourner speaks,

Her silver voice with soft emotion breaks;

Round the drear hovel roves her moistened eye,

Her graceful bosom heaves the lengthened sigh.

"I know thee now--I know that angel frame--

O that the muse might dare to breathe thy name:

Nor thine alone, but all that sister-band

Who scatter gladness o'er a weeping land;

Who comfort to the infant sufferer bring,

And 'teach with joy the widow's heart to sing.'

"For this, no noisy honors fame shall give,

In your own breasts your gentle virtues live;

No sounding numbers shall your names reveal,

But your own hearts the rich reward shall feel.

"ALBERT."

In the month of August, 1805, Mrs. Graham paid another visit to

her friends in Boston, of whom she spoke with much affection and

esteem. She used to mention, with peculiar approbation, a society of

pious ladies there, who met once in every week for prayer and mutual

edification.

On returning to New York, she again wrote to her friend Mrs.

C----, renewing her endeavors for her consolation and establishment in

the faith of Christ; and soon after informed her of the dangerous

illness of two of her grandchildren, one of whom, in the righteous

dispensations of an unerring Providence, was taken, and the

other left.

To Mrs. C----, Boston.

"GREENWICH, N.Y., Sept. 26, 1805.

"MY DEAR FRIEND--I arrived here on Monday. I found my children in

health, but much affected with the death of the amiable youth M----,

and the melancholy situation of his bereaved parents.

"The epidemic spreads over the city in every direction among the

few remaining in it. All the public offices are here; crowds of the

citizens, and houses and stores spring up in a day; all is bustle and

confusion, and all seem mad on business.

"Parting with my dear friend was most painful, so painful that

nothing could alleviate it but the presence of my own children, who,

could there have been room from deeper sorrows, would have shared it

with me. O that I could put my God in my place in your heart. What are

earthly friends? How few are steady against all change of

circumstances; of these, fewer still have it in their power to supply

every link of friendship's chain; a thousand unforeseen incidents

disappoint their wishes and frustrate their hopes, rendering abortive

their greatest exertions. But there is a Friend, everywhere present,

thoroughly acquainted with every circumstance of the heart and of the

life; all-powerful to relieve; whose love is invariable, and ever the

most tender when every other friend stands aloof; a friend in

adversity, 'a friend who sticketh closer than a brother,' whose love

surpasseth the love of women. This Friend receiveth sinners--casts out

none who come to him. He was never known to disappoint the hopes of

any poor sinner. He receives them into his heart; he takes all their

burdens and cares on himself, pays all their debts, answers all

demands against them, and is every way surety for them; they become

his own, no one has any thing to say to them but himself. He knows

them--how apt to err, to wander, yea, to forget him, and prove

ungrateful; all this he knows, but he has made provision for all. He

has a rod, and he will subdue their iniquities. He will heal their

backslidings, he will bring back and restore his wanderers. He will in

due time perfect what concerns them, and present them to his Father

purified, without spot or wrinkle.

"In the meantime he requires them to confide in him; to go up

through this wilderness leaning upon him; to tell him all their

complaints and griefs, and to comfort themselves: and he will impress

the comfort by means of his great and precious promises, scattered

like so many pearls through his sacred Bible, tabled there on purpose

for us to ground our prayers upon, and delight ourselves in. This is

your friend's Friend, and of ten thousand besides. This was the wicked

Magdalene's Friend; this, the persecuting Paul's Friend, wicked

Manasseh's Friend; the adulterous, murdering David's Friend. And he is

your Friend, though your eyes are holden that you see him not. He is

leading you by a way that you know not. This is one of his characters,

'I will bring the blind by a way that they know not.'

"I was happy to find your niece was to return with Mr. C----;

but, my dear, a painful dread has assaulted my peace, lest Satan get

the advantage by means of a stranger in the family, and undo what has

been begun. The world may have peace without God; but you shall not.

You have, however feebly, taken hold of his covenant, and he will keep

you to your choice. 'If his children forsake his laws and go astray,'

etc. Psalm 79:30."

"NOVEMBER, 1805.

"MY DEAR FRIEND--This is not our rest; through much tribulation

all Christ's disciples must follow him. There is a rest prepared for

the people of God: as far as tasted in this world--and in this world

it is tasted--it consists in a mind resigned to the will of God in

proportion as it can say, 'Thy will be done on earth, as it is done in

heaven.' Christ himself was made perfect through suffering, and all

his followers shall be so in their appointed measure. What is our cup

to his? O my dear friend, we are ransomed, we are redeemed, and we are

fitting and preparing for the purchased inheritance, that perfect rest

prepared for the people of God when their warfare is finished. Let him

do all his pleasure with us here; let him subdue our iniquities in his

own way; let him glorify his name by our sufferings--his glory is ever

connected with his people's best interests. We shall one day

acknowledge that he has done all things well, and that not one word of

all that he has promised has failed.

"It has pleased the Lord to take from us our dear sweet Rebecca;

young as she was, through much tribulation she entered in: I have

scarcely seen severer suffering, nor a harder dismission. It is well;

the Lord will answer his own ends by it for the good of all concerned,

as well as for his own glory. Our dear G---- was ill at the same time,

and all hope was lost as to him also; for a whole week we looked upon

him as dying, A bold measure was taken with him, which succeeded; the

Lord had commanded life; it was not thought of for her. God had

appointed to her entrance into life eternal. It is all well. Blessed,

blessed be his name; for her he has taken and him he has restored,

both equally. I.G. S---- was confined at the same time with a broken

arm; N. B---- with the fever and pleurisy. Deep have been the wounds in

this aged heart, not yet weaned from earth, but tremblingly alive to

every thing that concerns my children. Yet I do give up. I have asked

but one thing with importunity, and by that I abide. I did not ask for

temporal life, but the life which Christ died to purchase, and lives

to bestow; let him answer my petition by means of his own appointing:

by health or by sickness, by riches or by poverty, by long life or

early deaths--only let all mine by the ties of nature, be his by

regeneration of his Spirit."

Having felt the trials and the responsibilities of widowhood, she

wrote to her brother's widow, Mrs. Marshall, in 1805:

"You are now, my dear sister, the only head of your family. Will

you take Joshua's determination? 'As for me and my house, we will

serve the Lord.' Take hold of God's covenant for your orphan children

as for yourself, and consider them as his, to be brought up for him.

Be a priestess in your own house, and keep up the worship of God daily

in your family, and confess your Lord and Master before angels, men,

and devils. Those who thus honor God, he will honor.

"You are indeed, my dear, arrived at an important stage of your

journey through this great wilderness. You are now the head of the

family, and are to God immediately answerable. No earthly

consideration must make you give up the government of it, nor the

prerogative which he hath given you, to counsel, and even beseech your

household to serve the Lord. You cannot give grace; you cannot give

life; and where there is no life there can be no spiritual exercise:

but you may use means, although there is much prudence to be observed

to avoid disgust.

"Be faithful, then, my dear sister, to your important trust. See

that your household remember the Sabbath-day to keep it holy; your

children, of course, will accompany you to the house of God, but let

not your servants absent themselves from his ordinances, and endeavor,

on your return home, to explain and bring home the word that may have

been spoken to their consciences. Above all, let it be your constant

aim to set before them a godly, consistent example, and be much

engaged in prayer for them--I mean for your servants as well as for

your children, and God will, in all probability, make you a mother in

Israel, the mother of many spiritual children, and turn your captivity

into rejoicing, and fill your mouth with songs of praise; or should

you not have this comfort, should the night of adversity last to the

very valley of the shadow of death, the morning of eternal rest shall

then beam forth upon your own soul, and your prayers may be answered

for others, when the eyes that wept and the breast that heaved are at

rest in the dust. O, then, my sister, possess your soul in patience,

and seek to make daily advances in holiness."