O Sir, he can acknowledge, and he can retract, fifty times a day--but do
not think I am trifling with myself and you, and want to be persuaded to
forgive him, and to be his. There is not a creature of my sex, who would
have been more explicit, and more frank, than I would have been, from the
moment I intended to be his, had I a heart like my own to deal with. I
was always above reserve, Sir, I will presume to say, where I had no
cause of doubt. Mr. Lovelace's conduct has made me appear, perhaps,
over-nice, when my heart wanted to be encouraged and assured! and when,
if it had been so, my whole behaviour would have been governed by it.
She stopt; her handkerchief at her eyes.
I inquired after the minutest part of her behaviour, as well as after her
words. I love, thou knowest, to trace human nature, and more
particularly female nature, through its most secret recesses.
The pitiful fellow was lost in silent admiration of her. And thus the
noble creature proceeded.
It is the fate in unequal unions, that tolerable creatures, through them,
frequently incur censure, when more happily yoked they might be entitled
to praise. And shall I not shun a union with a man, that might lead into
errors a creature who flatters herself that she is blest with an
inclination to be good; and who wishes to make every one happy with whom
she has any connection, even to her very servants?
She paused, taking a turn about the room--the fellow, devil fetch him, a
mummy all the time:--Then proceeded.
Formerly, indeed, I hoped to be an humble mean of reforming him. But,
when I have no such hope, is it right [you are a serious man, Sir] to
make a venture that shall endanger my own morals?
Still silent was the varlet. If my advocate had nothing to say for me,
what hope of carrying my cause?
And now, Sir, what is the result of all?--It is this--that you will
endeavour, if you have that influence over him which a man of your sense
and experience ought to have, to prevail upon him, and that for his own
sake, as well as for mine, to leave me free, to pursue my own destiny.
And of this you may assure him, that I will never be any other man's.
Impossible, Madam! I know that Mr. Lovelace would not hear me with
patience on such a topic. And I do assure you that I have some spirit,
and should not care to take an indignity from him or from any man living.
She paused--then resuming--and think you, Sir, that my uncle will refuse
to receive a letter from me? [How averse, Jack, to concede a tittle in
my favour!]
I know, Madam, as matters are circumstanced, that he would not answer it.
If you please I will carry one down from you.
And will he not pursue his intentions in my favour, nor be himself
reconciled to me, except I am married?
From what your brother gives out, and effects to believe, on Mr.
Lovelace's living with you in the same--
No more, Sir--I am an unhappy creature!
He then re-urged, that it would be in her power instantly, or on the
morrow, to put an end to all her difficulties.
How can that be? said she: the license still to be obtained? The
settlements still to be signed? Miss Howe's answer to my last
unreceived?--And shall I, Sir, be in such a HURRY, as if I thought my
honour in danger if I delayed? Yet marry the man from whom only it can
be endangered!--Unhappy, thrice unhappy Clarissa Harlowe!--In how many
difficulties has one rash step involved thee!--And she turned from him
and wept.
The varlet, by way of comfort, wept too: yet her tears, as he might have
observed, were tears that indicated rather a yielding than a perverse
temper.
There is a sort of stone, thou knowest, so soft in the quarry, that it
may in manner be cut with a knife; but if the opportunity not be taken,
and it is exposed to the air for any time, it will become as hard as
marble, and then with difficulty it yields to the chisel.* So this lady,
not taken at the moment, after a turn or two across the room, gained more
resolution! and then she declared, as she had done once before, that she
would wait the issue of Miss Howe's answer to the letter she had sent her
from hence, and take her measures accordingly--leaving it to him, mean
time, to make what report he thought fit to her uncle--the kindest that
truth could bear, she doubted not from Captain Tomlinson: and she should
be glad of a few lines from him, to hear what that was.
* The nature of the Bath stone, in particular.
She wished him a good journey. She complained of her head; and was about
to withdraw: but I stept round to the door next the stairs, as if I had
but just come in from the garden (which, as I entered, I called a very
pretty one) and took her reluctant hand as she was going out: My dearest
life, you are not going?--What hopes, Captain?--Have you not some hopes
to give me of pardon and reconciliation?
She said she would not be detained. But I would not let her go till she
had promised to return, when the Captain had reported to me what her
resolution was.
And when he had, I sent up and claimed her promise; and she came down
again, and repeated (as what she was determined upon) that she would wait
for Miss Howe's answers to the letter she had written to her, and take
her measures according to its contents.
I expostulated with her upon it, in the most submissive and earnest
manner. She made it necessary for me to repeat many of the pleas I had
before urged. The Captain seconded me with equal earnestness. At last,
each fell down on our knees before her.
She was distressed. I was afraid at one time she would have fainted.
Yet neither of us would rise without some concessions. I pleaded my own
sake; the Captain, his dear friend, her uncle's; and both re-pleaded the
prevention of future mischief; and the peace and happiness of the two
families.
She owned herself unequal to the conflict. She sighed. She sobbed. She
wept. She wrung her hands.
I was perfectly eloquent in my vows and protestations. Her tearful eyes
were cast down upon me; a glow upon each charming cheek; a visible
anguish in every lovely feature--at last, her trembling knees seemed to
fail her, she dropt into the next chair; her charming face, as if seeking
for a hiding place (which a mother's bosom would have best supplied)
sinking upon her own shoulder.
I forgot at the instant all my vows of revenge. I threw myself at her
feet, as she sat; and, snatching her hand, pressed it with my lips. I
besought Heaven to forgive my past offences, and prosper my future hopes,
as I designed honourably and justly by the charmer of my heart, if once
more she should restore me to her favour. And I thought I felt drops of
scalding water [could they be tears?] trickle down upon my cheeks; while
my cheeks, glowing like fire, seemed to scorch up the unwelcome
strangers.
I then arose, not doubting of an implied pardon in this silent distress.
I raised the Captain. I whispered him--by my soul, man, I am in earnest.
--Now talk of reconciliation, of her uncle, of the license, of settlement
--and raising my voice, If now at last, Captain Tomlinson, my angel will
give me leave to call so great a blessing mine, it will be impossible
that you should say too much to her uncle in praise of my gratitude, my
affection, and fidelity to his charming niece; and he may begin as soon
as he pleases his kind schemes for effecting the desirable
reconciliation!--Nor shall he prescribe any terms to me that I will not
comply with.
The Captain blessed me with his eyes and hands--Thank God! whispered he.
We approached the lady together.
Capt. What hinders, dearest Madam, what now hinders, but that Lady
Betty Lawrance, when she comes, may be acquainted with the truth of every
thing? And that then she may assist privately at your nuptials? I will
stay till they are celebrated; and then shall go down with the happy
tidings to my dear Mr. Harlowe. And all will, all must, soon be happy.
I must have an answer from Miss Howe, replied the still trembling fair-
one. I cannot change my new measures but with her advice. I will
forfeit all my hopes of happiness in this world, rather than forfeit her
good opinion, and that she should think me giddy, unsteady, or
precipitate. All I shall further say on the present subject is this,
that when I have her answer to what I have written, I will write to her
the whole state of the matter, as I shall then be enabled to do.
Lovel. Then must I despair for ever!--O Captain Tomlinson, Miss Howe
hates me!--Miss Howe--
Capt. Not so, perhaps--when Miss Howe knows your concern for having
offended, she will never advise that, with such prospects of general
reconciliation, the hopes of so many considerable persons in both
families should be frustrated. Some little time, as this excellent
lady had foreseen and hinted, will necessarily be taken up in actually
procuring the license, and in perusing and signing the settlements. In
that time Miss Howe's answer may be received; and Lady Betty may arrive;
and she, no doubt, will have weight to dissipate the lady's doubts, and
to accelerate the day. It shall be my part, mean time, to make Mr.
Harlowe easy. All I fear is from Mr. James Harlowe's quarter; and
therefore all must be conducted with prudence and privacy: as your uncle,
Madam, has proposed.
She was silent, I rejoiced in her silence. The dear creature, thought I,
has actually forgiven me in her heart!--But why will she not lay me under
obligation to her, by the generosity of an explicit declaration?--And
yet, as that would not accelerate any thing, while the license is not in
my hands, she is the less to be blamed (if I do her justice) for taking
more time to descend.
I proposed, as on the morrow night, to go to town; and doubted not to
bring the license up with me on Monday morning; would she be pleased to
assure me, that she would not depart form Mrs. Moore's.
She should stay at Mrs. Moore's till she had an answer from Miss Howe.
I told her that I hoped I might have her tacit consent at least to the
obtaining of the license.
I saw by the turn of her countenance that I should not have asked this
question. She was so far from tacitly consenting, that she declared to
the contrary.
As I never intended, I said, to ask her to enter again into a house, with
the people of which she was so much offended, would she be pleased to
give orders for her clothes to be brought up hither? Or should Dorcas
attend her for any of her commands on that head?
She desired not ever more to see any body belonging to that house. She
might perhaps get Mrs. Moore or Mrs. Bevis to go thither for her, and
take her keys with them.
I doubted not, I said, that Lady Betty would arrive by that time. I
hoped she had no objection to my bringing that lady and my cousin
Montague up with me?
She was silent.
To be sure, Mr. Lovelace, said the Captain, the lady can have no
objection to this.
She was still silent. So silence in this case was assent.