Why, indeed, Madam, I was some time at the bar; but I have long left
practice; yet am much consulted by my friends in difficult points. In a
pauper case I frequently give money; but never take any from the richest.
You are a very good gentleman, then, Sir.
Ay, Madam, we cannot live always here; and we ought to do what good we
can--but I hate to appear officious. If the lady stay any time, and
think fit, upon better acquaintance, to let me into her case, it may be a
happy day for her, if I find it a just one; for, you must know, that when
I was at the bar, I never was such a sad fellow as to undertake, for the
sake of a paltry fee, to make white black, and black white: For what
would that have been, but to endeavour to establish iniquity by quirks,
while I robbed the innocent?
You are an excellent gentleman, Sir: I wish [and then she sighed] I had
had the happiness to know there was such a lawyer in the world; and to
have been acquainted with him.
Come, come, Mrs. Moore, I think your name is, it may not be too late--
when you and I are better acquainted, I may help you perhaps.--But
mention nothing of this to the lady: for, as I said, I hate to appear
officious.
This prohibition, I knew, if goody Moore answered the specimen she had
given of her womanhood, would make her take the first opportunity to
tell, were it to be necessary to my purpose that she should.
I appeared, upon the whole, so indifferent about seeing the room, or the
lady, that the good woman was the more eager I should see both. And the
rather, as I, to stimulate her, declared, that there was more required in
my eye to merit the character of a handsome woman, than most people
thought necessary; and that I had never seen six truly lovely women in my
life.
To be brief, she went in; and after a little while came out again. The
lady, Sir, is retired to her closet. So you may go in and look at the
room.
Then how my heart began again to play its pug's tricks!
I hobbled in, and stumped about, and liked it very much; and was sure my
wife would. I begged excuse for sitting down, and asked, who was the
minister of the place? If he were a good preacher? Who preached at the
Chapel? And if he were a good preacher, and a good liver too, Madam--I
must inquire after that: for I love, but I must needs say, that the
clergy should practise what they preach.
Very right, Sir; but that is not so often the case as were to be wished.
More's the pity, Madam. But I have a great veneration for the clergy in
general. It is more a satire upon human nature than upon the cloth, if
we suppose those who have the best opportunities to do good, less perfect
than other people. For my part, I don't love professional any more than
national reflections.--But I keep the lady in her closet. My gout makes
me rude.
Then up from my seat stumped I--what do you call these window-curtains,
Madam?
Stuff-damask, Sir.
It looks mighty well, truly. I like it better than silk. It is warmer
to be sure, and much fitter for lodgings in the country; especially for
people in years. The bed is in a pretty state.
It is neat and clean, Sir: that's all we pretend to.
Ay, mighty well--very well--a silk camblet, I think--very well, truly!--I
am sure my wife will like it. But we would not turn the lady out of her
lodgings for the world. The other two apartments will do for us at
present.
Then stumping towards the closet, over the door of which hung a
picture--What picture is that--Oh! I see; a St. Cecilia!
A common print, Sir!
Pretty well, pretty well! It is after an Italian master.--I would not
for the world turn the lady out of her apartment. We can make shift with
the other two, repeated I, louder still: but yet mumblingly hoarse: for I
had as great regard to uniformity in accent, as to my words.
O Belford! to be so near my angel, think what a painful constraint I was
under.
I was resolved to fetch her out, if possible: and pretending to be
going--you can't agree as to any time, Mrs. Moore, when we can have this
third room, can you?--Not that [whispered I, loud enough to be heard in
the next room; not that] I would incommode the lady: but I would tell my
wife when abouts--and women, you know, Mrs. Moore, love to have every
thing before them of this nature.
Mrs. Moore (said my charmer) [and never did her voice sound so harmonious
to me: Oh! how my heart bounded again! It even talked to me, in a
manner; for I thought I heard, as well as felt, its unruly flutters; and
every vein about me seemed a pulse; Mrs. Moore] you may acquaint the
gentleman, that I shall stay here only for two or three days at most,
till I receive an answer to a letter I have written into the country; and
rather than be your hindrance, I will take up with any apartment a pair
of stairs higher.
Not for the world!--Not for the world, young lady! cried I.--My wife, as
I love her, should lie in a garret, rather than put such a considerate
young lady, as you seem to be, to the least inconveniency.
She opened not the door yet; and I said, but since you have so much
goodness, Madam, if I could but just look into the closet as I stand, I
could tell my wife whether it is large enough to hold a cabinet she much
values, and ill have with her wherever she goes.
Then my charmer opened the door, and blazed upon me, as it were, in a
flood of light, like what one might imagine would strike a man, who, born
blind, had by some propitious power been blessed with his sight, all at
once, in a meridian sun.
Upon my soul, I never was so strangely affected before. I had much ado
to forbear discovering myself that instant: but, hesitatingly, and in
great disorder, I said, looking into the closet and around it, there is
room, I see, for my wife's cabinet; and it has many jewels in it of high
price; but, upon my soul, [for I could not forbear swearing, like a
puppy: habit is a cursed thing, Jack--] nothing so valuable as a lady I
see, can be brought into it.
She started, and looked at me with terror. The truth of the compliment,
as far as I know, had taken dissimulation from my accent.
I saw it was impossible to conceal myself longer from her, any more than
(from the violent impulses of my passion) to forbear manifesting myself.
I unbuttoned therefore my cape, I pulled off my flapt slouched hat; I
threw open my great coat, and, like the devil in Milton [an odd
comparison though!]--
I started up in my own form divine,
Touch'd by the beam of her celestial eye,
More potent than Ithuriel's spear!--
Now, Belford, for a similitude--now for a likeness to illustrate the
surprising scene, and the effect it had upon my charmer, and the
gentlewoman!--But nothing was like it, or equal to it. The plain fact
can only describe it, and set it off--thus then take it.
She no sooner saw who it was, than she gave three violent screams; and,
before I could catch her in my arms, (as I was about to do the moment I
discovered myself,) down she sunk at my feet in a fit; which made me
curse my indiscretion for so suddenly, and with so much emotion,
revealing myself.
The gentlewoman, seeing so strange an alteration in my person, and
features, and voice, and dress, cried out, Murder, help! murder, help! by
turns, for half a dozen times running. This alarmed the house, and up
ran two servant maids, and my servant after them. I cried out for water
and hartshorn, and every one flew a different way, one of the maids as
fast down as she came up; while the gentlewoman ran out of one room into
another, and by turns up and down the apartment we were in, without
meaning or end, wringing her foolish hands, and not knowing what she did.
Up then came running a gentleman and his sister, fetched, and brought in
by the maid, who had run down, and having let in a cursed crabbed old
wretch, hobbling with his gout, and mumbling with his hoarse
broken-toothed voice, who was metamorphosed all at once into a lively,
gay young fellow, with a clear accent, and all his teeth, she would have
it, that I was neither more nor less than the devil, and could not keep
her eye from my foot, expecting, no doubt, every minute to see it
discover itself to be cloven.
For my part, I was so intent upon restoring my angel, that I regarded
nobody else. And, at last, she slowly recovering motion, with bitter
sighs and sobs, (only the whites of her eyes however appearing for some
moments,) I called upon her in the tenderest accent, as I kneeled by her,
my arm supporting her head, My angel! my charmer! my Clarissa! look upon
me, my dearest life!--I am not angry with you; I will forgive you, my
best beloved.
The gentleman and his sister knew not what to make of all this: and the
less, when my fair-one, recovering her sight, snatched another look at
me; and then again groaned, and fainted away.
I threw up the closet-sash for air, and then left her to the care of the
young gentlewoman, the same notable Miss Rawlins, who I had heard of at
the Flask: and to that of Mrs. Moore; who by this time had recovered
herself; and then retiring to one corner of the room, I made my servant
pull off my gouty stockings, brush my hat, and loop it up into the usual
smart cock.
I then stept to the closet to Mr. Rawlins, whom, in the general
confusion, I had not much minded before.--Sir, said I, you have an
uncommon scene before you. The lady is my wife, and no gentleman's
presence is necessary here but my own.
I beg pardon, Sir; if the lady be your wife, I have no business here.
But, Sir, by her concern at seeing you--
Pray, Sir, none of your if's and but's, I beseech you: nor your concern
about the lady's concern. You are a very unqualified judge in this
cause; and I beg of you, Sir, to oblige me with your absence. The women
only are proper to be present on this occasion, added I; and I think
myself obliged to them for their care and kind assistance.
'Tis well he made not another word: for I found my choler begin to rise.
I could not bear, that the finest neck, and arms, and foot, in the world,
should be exposed to the eyes of any man living but mine.
I withdrew once more from the closet, finding her beginning to recover,
lest the sight of me too soon should throw her back again.
The first words she said, looking round her with great emotion, were, Oh!
hide me, hide me! Is he gone?--Oh! hide me!--Is he gone?
Sir, said Miss Rawlins, coming to me with an air both peremptory and
assured, This is some surprising case. The lady cannot bear the sight of
you. What you have done is best known to yourself. But another such fit
will probably be her last. It would be but kind therefore for you to
retire.
It behoved me to have so notable a person of my party; and the rather as
I had disobliged her impertinent brother.
The dear creature, said I, may well, be concerned to see me. If you,
Madam, had a husband who loved you as I love her, you would not, I am
confident, fly from him, and expose yourself to hazards, as she does
whenever she has not all her way--and yet with a mind not capable of
intentional evil--but mother-spoilt!--This is her fault, and all her
fault: and the more inexcusable it is, as I am the man of her choice, and
have reason to think she loves me above all the men in the world.