MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
THURSDAY MORNING, EIGHT O'CLOCK.
Her chamber-door has not yet been opened. I must not expect she will
breakfast with me. Nor dine with me, I doubt. A little silly soul, what
troubles does she make to herself by her over-niceness!--All I have done
to her, would have been looked upon as a frolic only, a romping bout, and
laughed off by nine parts in ten of the sex accordingly. The more she
makes of it, the more painful to herself, as well as to me.
Why now, Jack, were it not better, upon her own notions, that she seemed
not so sensible as she will make herself to be, if she is very angry?
But perhaps I am more afraid than I need. I believe I am. From her
over-niceness arises my fear, more than from any extraordinary reason for
resentment. Next time, she may count herself very happy, if she come off
no worse.
The dear creature was so frightened, and so fatigued, last night, no
wonder she lies it out this morning.
I hope she has had more rest than I have had. Soft and balmy, I hope,
have been her slumbers, that she may meet me in tolerable temper. All
sweetly blushing and confounded--I know how she will look!--But why
should she, the sufferer, be ashamed, when I, the trespasser, am not?
But custom is a prodigious thing. The women are told how much their
blushes heighten their graces: they practise for them therefore: blushes
come as hastily when they call for them, as their tears: aye, that's it!
While we men, taking blushes for a sign of guilt or sheepishness, are
equally studious to suppress them.
***
By my troth, Jack, I am half as much ashamed to see the women below, as
my fair-one can be to see me. I have not yet opened my door, that I may
not be obtruded upon my them.
After all, what devils may one make of the sex! To what a height of--
what shall I call it?--must those of it be arrived, who once loved a man
with so much distinction, as both Polly and Sally loved me; and yet can
have got so much above the pangs of jealousy, so much above the
mortifying reflections that arise from dividing and sharing with new
objects the affections of them they prefer to all others, as to wish for,
and promote a competitorship in his love, and make their supreme delight
consist in reducing others to their level!--For thou canst not imagine,
how even Sally Martin rejoiced last night in the thought that the lady's
hour was approaching.