All still happier and happier. A very high honour done me: a chariot,
instead of a coach, permitted, purposely to indulge me in the subject of
subjects.
Our discourse in this sweet airing turned upon our future manner of life.
The day is bashfully promised me. Soon was the answer to my repeated
urgency. Our equipage, our servants, our liveries, were parts of the
delightful subject. A desire that the wretch who had given me
intelligence out of the family (honest Joseph Leman) might not be one of
our menials; and her resolution to have her faithful Hannah, whether
recovered or not; were signified; and both as readily assented to.
Her wishes, from my attentive behaviour, when with her at St. Paul's,*
that I would often accompany her to the Divine Service, were greatly
intimated, and as readily engaged for. I assured her, that I ever had
respected the clergy in a body; and some individuals of them (her Dr.
Lewen for one) highly: and that were not going to church an act of
religion, I thought it [as I told thee once] a most agreeable sight to
see rich and poor, all of a company, as I might say, assembled once a
week in one place, and each in his or her best attire, to worship the God
that made them. Nor could it be a hardship upon a man liberally
educated, to make one on so solemn an occasion, and to hear the harangue
of a man of letters, (though far from being the principal part of the
service, as it is too generally looked upon to be,) whose studies having
taken a different turn from his own, he must always have something new to
say.
* See Vol. IV. Letter V.
** Ibid.
She shook her head, and repeated the word new: but looked as if willing
to be satisfied for the present with this answer. To be sure, Jack, she
means to do great despight to his Satanic majesty in her hopes of
reforming me. No wonder, therefore, if he exerts himself to prevent her,
and to be revenged. But how came this in!--I am ever of party against
myself.--One day, I fancy, I shall hate myself on recollecting what I am
about at this instant. But I must stay till then. We must all of us do
something to repent of.
The reconciliation-prospect was enlarged upon. If her uncle Harlowe will
but pave the way to it, and if it can be brought about, she shall be
happy.--Happy, with a sigh, as it is now possible she can be!
She won't forbear, Jack!
I told her, that I had heard from Pritchard, just before we set out on
our airing, and expected him in town to-morrow from Lord M. to take my
directions. I spoke with gratitude of my Lord's kindness to me; and with
pleasure of Lady Sarah's, Lady Betty's, and my two cousins Montague's
veneration for her: as also of his Lordship's concern that his gout
hindered him from writing a reply with his own hand to my last.
She pitied my Lord. She pitied poor Mrs. Fretchville too; for she had
the goodness to inquire after her. The dear creature pitied every body
that seemed to want pity. Happy in her own prospects, she had leisure to
look abroad, and wishes every body equally happy.
It is likely to go very hard with Mrs. Fretchville. Her face, which she
had valued herself upon, will be utterly ruined. 'This good, however, as
I could not but observe, she may reap from so great an evil--as the
greater malady generally swallows up the less, she may have a grief on
this occasion, that may diminish the other grief, and make it tolerable.'
I had a gentle reprimand for this light turn on so heavy an evil--'For
what was the loss of beauty to the loss of a good husband?'--Excellent
creature!
Her hopes (and her pleasure upon those hopes) that Miss Howe's mother
would be reconciled to her, were also mentioned. Good Mrs. Howe was her
word, for a woman so covetous, and so remorseless in her covetousness,
that no one else will call her good. But this dear creature has such an
extension in her love, as to be capable of valuing the most insignificant
animal related to those whom she respects. Love me, and love my dog, I
have heard Lord M. say.--Who knows, but that I may in time, in compliment
to myself, bring her to think well of thee, Jack?
But what am I about? Am I not all this time arraigning my own heart?--I
know I am, by the remorse I feel in it, while my pen bears testimony to
her excellence. But yet I must add (for no selfish consideration shall
hinder me from doing justice to this admirable creature) that in this
conversation she demonstrated so much prudent knowledge in every thing
that relates to that part of the domestic management which falls under
the care of a mistress of a family, that I believe she has no equal of
her years in the world.
But, indeed, I know not the subject on which she does not talk with
admirable distinction; insomuch that could I but get over my prejudices
against matrimony, and resolve to walk in the dull beaten path of my
ancestors, I should be the happiest of men--and if I cannot, I may be ten
times more to be pitied than she.
My heart, my heart, Belford, is not to be trusted--I break off, to
re-peruse some of Miss Howe's virulence.
***
Cursed letters, these of Miss Howe, Jack!--Do thou turn back to those of
mine, where I take notice of them--I proceed--
Upon the whole, my charmer was all gentleness, all ease, all serenity,
throughout this sweet excursion. Nor had she reason to be otherwise: for
it being the first time that I had the honour of her company alone, I was
resolved to encourage her, by my respectfulness, to repeat the favour.
On our return, I found the counsellor's clerk waiting for me, with a
draught of the marriage-settlements.
They are drawn, with only the necessary variations, from those made for
my mother. The original of which (now returned by the counsellor) as
well as the new draughts, I have put into my beloved's hands.
These settlements of my mother made the lawyer's work easy; nor can she
have a better precedent; the great Lord S. having settled them, at the
request of my mother's relations; all the difference, my charmer's are
100l. per annum more than my mother's.
I offered to read to her the old deed, while she looked over the draught;
for she had refused her presence at the examination with the clerk: but
this she also declined.
I suppose she did not care to hear of so many children, first, second,
third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh sons, and as many daughters, to
be begotten upon the body of the said Clarissa Harlowe.
Charming matrimonial recitativoes!--though it is always said lawfully
begotten too--as if a man could beget children unlawfully upon the body
of his own wife.--But thinkest thou not that these arch rogues the
lawyers hereby intimate, that a man may have children by his wife before
marriage?--This must be what they mean. Why will these sly fellows put
an honest man in minds of such rogueries?--but hence, as in numberless
other instances, we see, that law and gospel are two very different
things.
Dorcas, in our absence, tried to get at the wainscot-box in the dark
closet. But it cannot be done without violence. And to run a risk of
consequence now, for mere curiosity-sake, would be inexcusable.
Mrs. Sinclair and the nymphs are all of opinion, that I am now so much a
favourite, and have such a visible share in her confidence, and even in
her affections, that I may do what I will, and plead for excuse violence
of passion; which, they will have it, makes violence of action pardonable
with their sex; as well as allowed extenuation with the unconcerned of
both sexes; and they all offer their helping hands. Why not? they say:
Has she not passed for my wife before them all?--And is she not in a fine
way of being reconciled to her friends?--And was not the want of that
reconciliation the pretence for postponing the consummation?
They again urge me, since it is so difficult to make night my friend, to
an attempt in the day. They remind me, that the situation of their house
is such, that no noises can be heard out of it; and ridicule me for
making it necessary for a lady to be undressed. It was not always so
with me, poor old man! Sally told me; saucily flinging her handkerchief
in my face.