"Could you forgive Mr. Packard, and live with him again as his wife?"
Yes, I could, freely, promptly and fully forgive him, on the gospel
condition of _practical repentance_. This condition could secure it, and
this alone. As I understand Christ's teachings, he does not allow me to
forgive him until he does repent, and in some sense make restitution. He
directs me to forgive my brother _if he repent_--yea, if he sins and
repents seventy times seven, I must forgive as many times. But if he does
not repent, I am not allowed to forgive him. And so long as he insists
upon it, both by word and deed, that he has done only what was right for
him to do, and that he shall do the same thing again, if he has a chance
to, I do not see any chance for me to bestow my forgiveness upon a
penitent transgressor.
He feels that I am the one to ask forgiveness, for not yielding my
opinions to his dictation, instead of causing him so much trouble in
trying to bring me under subjection to his will, in this particular. He
does not claim that I ever resisted his will in any other particular--and
I have not felt it my duty to do so. I had rather yield than quarrel any
time, where conscience is not concerned. He knows I have done so, for
twenty-one years of married life. But to tell a lie, and be false to my
honest convictions, by saying, I believed what I did not believe, I could
not be made to do.
My truth loving nature could never be subjected to falsify itself--I must
and shall be honest and truthful. And although King David said in his
haste, "all _men_ are liars," I rejoice he did not say all _women_ were,
for then there would have been no chance for my vindication of myself as a
_truthful_ woman! This one thing is certain, I have been imprisoned three
years because I could not tell a lie, and now I think it would be bad
business for me to commence at this late hour.
I cannot love oppression, wrong, or injustice under any circumstances. But
on the contrary, I do hate it, while at the same time I can love the
sinner who thus sins; for I find it in my heart to forgive to any extent
the _penitent_ transgressor. I am not conscious of feeling one particle of
revengeful feeling towards Mr. Packard, while at the same time I feel the
deepest kind of indignation at his abuses of me. And furthermore, I really
feel that if any individual ever _deserved_ penitentiary punishment, Mr.
Packard does, for his treatment of me. Still, _I_ would not inflict _any_
punishment, upon him--for this business of punishing my enemies I am
perfectly content to leave entirely with my Heavenly Father, as he
requires me to do, as I understand his directions. And my heart daily
thanks God that it is not my business to punish him. One sinner has no
right to punish another sinner. God, our Common Father, is the only being
who holds this right to punish any of his great family of human children.
All that is required of me is, to do him good, and to protect myself from
his abuse as best I can; and it is not doing him good to forgive him
before he repents. It is reversing God's order. It is not to criminate him
that I have laid the truth before the public. Duty demands it as an act of
self-defence on my part, and a defence of the rights of that oppressed
class of married women which my case represents. I do not ask for him to
be punished at any human tribunal; all I ask is, protection for myself,
and also the class I represent.
One other fact it may be well here to mention, and that is: I have
withdrawn all fellowship with him in his present attitude towards me. I do
not so much as speak or write to him, and this I do from the principle of
self-defence, and not from a spirit of revenge. I know all my words and
actions are looked upon through a very distorted medium, and whatever I
say or do, he weaves into capital to carry on his persecution with. And I
think I have Christ's example too as my defence in this course; for when
he was convinced his persecutors questioned him only for the purpose of
catching him in his words, "he was speechless." I have said all I have to
say to Mr. Packard in his present character. But when he repents, I will
forgive him, and restore him to full communion.