A child no more!--a maiden now--
A graceful maiden with a gentle brow;
A cheek tinged lightly, and a dove-like eye,
And all hearts bless her as she passes by.
--MARY HOWITT.
The whole Marshman family returned to Ventnor immediately after the
funeral, Mr. George excepted; he stayed with Mr. Humphreys over the
Sabbath, and preached for him; and much to every one's pleasure lingered
still a day or two longer; then he was obliged to leave them. John also
must go back to Doncaster for a few weeks; he would not be able to get
home again before the early part of August. For the month between, and
as much longer indeed as possible, Mrs. Marshman wished to have Ellen
at Ventnor; assuring her that it was to be her home always whenever she
chose to make it so. At first neither Mrs. Marshman nor her daughters
would take any denial; and old Mr. Marshman was fixed upon it. But Ellen
begged with tears that she might stay at home, and begin at once, as far
as she could, to take Alice's place. Her kind friends insisted that it
would do her harm to be left alone for so long, at such a season. Mr.
Humphreys at the best of times kept very much to himself, and now he
would more than ever; she would be very lonely. "But how lonely _he_
will be if I go away!" said Ellen: "I can't go." Finding that her heart
was set upon it, and that it would be a real grief to her to go to
Ventnor, John at last joined to excuse her; and he made an arrangement
with Mrs. Vawse instead that she should come and stay with Ellen at the
parsonage till he came back. This gave Ellen great satisfaction; and her
kind Ventnor friends were obliged unwillingly to leave her.
The first few days after John's departure were indeed sad days--very sad
to every one; it could not be otherwise. Ellen drooped miserably. She
had, however, the best possible companion in her old Swiss friend. Her
good sense, her steady cheerfulness, her firm principle, were always
awake for Ellen's good, ever ready to comfort her, to cheer her, to
prevent her from giving undue way to sorrow, to urge her to useful
exertion. Affection and gratitude, to the living and the dead, gave
powerful aid to these efforts. Ellen rose up in the morning and lay down
at night with the present pressing wish to do and be for the ease and
comfort of her adopted father and brother all that it was possible for
her. Very soon, so soon as she could rouse herself to anything, she
began to turn over in her mind all manner of ways and means for this
end. And in general, whatever Alice would have wished, what John did
wish, was law to her.
"Margery," said Ellen one day, "I wish you would tell me all the things
Alice used to do; so that I may begin to do them, you know, as soon as I
can."
"What things, Miss Ellen?"
"I mean, the things she used to do about the house, or to help you,
don't you know? all sorts of things. I want to know them all, so that I
may do them as she did. I want to very much."
"Oh, Miss Ellen, dear," said Margery tearfully, "you are too little and
tender to do them things; I'd be sorry to see you, indeed!"
"Why no, I am not, Margery," said Ellen; "don't you know how I used to
do at Aunt Fortune's? Now tell me--please, dear Margery. If I can't do
it, I won't, you know."
"Oh, Miss Ellen, she used to see to various things about the house; I
don't know as I can tell 'em all directly; some was to help me; and some
to please her father or Mr. John, if he was at home; she thought of
every one before herself, sure enough."
"Well, what, Margery? what are they? Tell me all you can remember?"
"Why, Miss Ellen, for one thing, she used to go into the library every
morning to put it in order, and dust the books and papers and things; in
fact, she took the charge of that room entirely; I never went into it at
all, unless once or twice in the year, or to wash the windows."
Ellen looked grave; she thought with herself there might be a difficulty
in the way of her taking this part of Alice's daily duties; she did not
feel that she had the freedom of the library.
"And then," said Margery, "she used to skim the cream for me, most
mornings, when I'd be busy; and wash up the breakfast things."
"Oh, I forgot all about the breakfast things!" exclaimed Ellen, "how
could I? I'll do them to be sure after this. I never thought of them,
Margery. And I'll skim the cream too."
"Dear Miss Ellen, I wouldn't want you to; I didn't mention it for that,
but you was wishing me tell you--I don't want you to trouble your dear
little head about such work. It was more the thoughtfulness that cared
about me than the help of all she could do, though that wasn't a little;
I'll get along well enough!"
"But I should like to, it would make me happier; and don't you think _I_
want to help you too, Margery?"
"The Lord bless you, Miss Ellen," said Margery, in a sort of
desperation, setting down one iron and taking up another, "don't talk in
that way or you'll upset me entirely. I ain't a bit better than a
child," said she, her tears falling fast on the sheet she was hurriedly
ironing.
"What else, dear Margery?" said Ellen presently. "Tell me what else?"
"Well, Miss Ellen," said Margery, dashing away the water from either
eye, "she used to look over the clothes when they went up from the wash;
and put them away; and mend them if there was any places wanted
mending."
"I am afraid I don't know how to manage that," said Ellen, very gravely.
"There is one thing I can do, I can darn stockings very nicely; but
that's only one kind of mending. I don't know much about the other
kinds."
"Ah well; but _she_ did, however," said Margery, searching in her basket
of clothes for some particular pieces. "A beautiful mender she was, to
be sure! Look here, Miss Ellen, just see that patch--the way it is put
on--so evenly by a thread all round; and the stitches, see--and see the
way this rent is darned down; oh, that was the way she did everything!"
"I can't do it so," said Ellen, sighing, "but I can learn; that I can
do. You will teach me, Margery, won't you?"
"Indeed, Miss Ellen, dear, it's more than I can myself; but I will tell
you who will, and that's Mrs. Vawse. I am thinking it was her she
learned of in the first place--but I ain't certain. Anyhow, she's a
first-rate hand."
"Then I'll get her to teach me," said Ellen; "that will do very nicely.
And now, Margery, what else?"
"Oh dear, Miss Ellen--I don't know--there was a thousand little things
that I'd only recollect at the minute; she'd set the table for me when
my hands was uncommon full; and often she'd come out and make some
little thing for the master when I wouldn't have the time to do the same
myself; and I can't tell--one can't think of those things but just at
the minute. Dear Miss Ellen, I'd be sorry indeed to see you atrying your
little hands to do all that she done."
"Never mind, Margery," said Ellen, and she threw her arms round the kind
old woman as she spoke. "I won't trouble you--and you won't be troubled
if I am awkward about anything at first, will you?"
Margery could only throw down her holder to return most affectionately
as well as respectfully Ellen's caress, and press a very hearty kiss
upon her forehead.
Ellen next went to Mrs. Vawse to beg her help in the mending and
patching line. Her old friend was very glad to see her take up anything
with interest, and readily agreed to do her best in the matter. So some
old clothes were looked up; pieces of linen, cotton, and flannel
gathered together; a large basket found to hold all these rags of shape
and no shape; and for the next week or two Ellen was indefatigable. She
would sit making vain endeavours to arrange a large linen patch
properly, till her cheeks were burning with excitement; and bend over a
darn, doing her best to make invisible stitches, till Mrs. Vawse was
obliged to assure her it was quite unnecessary to take _so much_ pains.
Taking pains, however, is the sure way to success. Ellen could not rest
satisfied till she had equalled Alice's patching and darning; and
though, when Mrs. Vawse left her, she had not quite reached that point,
she was bidding fair to do so in a little while.
In other things she was more at home. She could skim milk well enough,
and immediately began to do it for Margery. She at once also took upon
herself the care of the parlour cupboard and all the things in it, which
she well knew had been Alice's office; and, thanks to Miss Fortune's
training, even Margery was quite satisfied with her neat and orderly
manner of doing it. Ellen begged her when the clothes came up from the
wash, to show her where everything went, so that for the future she
might be able to put them away; and she studied the shelves of the linen
closet, and the chests of drawers in Mr. Humphreys' room, till she
almost knew them by heart. As to the library, she dared not venture. She
saw Mr. Humphreys at meals and at prayers--only then. He had never asked
her to come into his study since the night she sang to him, and as for
_her_ asking--nothing could have been more impossible. Even when he was
out of the house, out by the hour, Ellen never thought of going where
she had not been expressly permitted to go.
When Mr. Van Brunt informed his wife of Ellen's purpose to desert her
service and make her future home at the parsonage, the lady's
astonishment was only less than her indignation, the latter not at all
lessened by learning that Ellen was to become the adopted child of the
house. For a while her words of displeasure were poured forth in a
torrent; Mr. Van Brunt meantime saying very little, and standing by like
a steadfast rock that the waves dash _past_, not _upon_. She declared
that this was "the cap-sheaf of Miss Humphreys' doings; she might have
been wise enough to have expected as much; she wouldn't have been such a
fool if she had! This was what she had let Ellen go there for! a pretty
return!" But she went on. "She wondered who they thought they had to
deal with; did they think she was going to let Ellen go in that way?
_she_ had the first and only right to her; and Ellen had no more
business to go and give herself away than one of her oxen; they would
find it out, she guessed, pretty quick; Mr. John and all; she'd have her
back in no time!" What were her thoughts and feelings, when, after
having spent her breath, she found her husband quietly opposed to this
conclusion, words cannot tell. _Her_ words could not; she was absolutely
dumb, till he had said his say; and then, appalled by the serenity of
his manner, she left indignation on one side for the present and began
to argue the matter. But Mr. Van Brunt coolly said he had promised; she
might get as many helps as she liked, he would pay for them and welcome;
but Ellen would have to stay where she was. He had promised Miss Alice;
and he wouldn't break his word "for kings, lords, and commons." A most
extraordinary expletive for a good Republican--which Mr. Van Brunt had
probably inherited from his father and grandfather. What can waves do
against a rock? The whilome Miss Fortune disdained a struggle which must
end in her own confusion, and wisely kept her chagrin to herself, never
even approaching the subject afterwards, with him or any other person.
Ellen had left the whole matter to Mr. Van Brunt, expecting a storm and
not wishing to share it. Happily it all blew over.
As the month drew to an end, and indeed long before, Ellen's thoughts
began to go forward eagerly to John coming home. She had learned by this
time how to mend clothes; she had grown somewhat wonted to her new round
of little household duties; in everything else the want of him was felt.
Study flagged; though knowing what his wish would be, and what her duty
was, she faithfully tried to go on with it. She had no heart for riding
or walking by herself. She was lonely; she was sorrowful; she was weary;
all Mrs. Vawse's pleasant society was not worth the mere knowledge that
_he_ was in the house; she longed for his coming.
He had written what day they might expect him. But when it came Ellen
found that her feeling had changed; it did not look the bright day she
had expected it would. Up to that time she had thought only of herself;
now she remembered what sort of a coming home this must be to him; and
she dreaded almost as much as she wished for the moment of his arrival.
Mrs. Vawse was surprised to see that her face was sadder that day than
it had been for many past; she could not understand it. Ellen did not
explain. It was late in the day before he reached home, and her anxious
watch of hope and fear for the sound of his horse's feet grew very
painful. She busied herself with setting the tea-table; it was all done;
and she could by no means do anything else. She could not go to the door
to listen there; she remembered too well the last time; and she knew he
would remember it.
He came at last. Ellen's feelings had judged rightly of his, for the
greeting was without a word on either side; and when he left the room to
go to his father, it was very, very long before he came back. And it
seemed to Ellen for several days that he was more grave and talked less
than even the last time he had been at home. She was sorry when Mrs.
Vawse proposed to leave them. But the old lady wisely said they would
all feel better when she was gone; and it was so. Truly as she was
respected and esteemed, on all sides, it was felt a relief by every one
of the family when she went back to her mountain top. They were left to
themselves; they saw what their numbers were; there was no restraint
upon looks, words, or silence. Ellen saw at once that the gentlemen felt
easier, that was enough to make her so. The extreme oppression that had
grieved and disappointed her the first few days after John's return,
gave place to a softened gravity; and the household fell again into all
its old ways; only that upon every brow there was a chastened air of
sorrow, in everything that was said a tone of remembrance, and that a
little figure was going about where Alice's used to move as mistress of
the house.
Thanks to her brother, that little figure was an exceeding busy one. She
had in the first place, her household duties, in discharging which she
was perfectly untiring. From the cream skimmed for Margery, and the cups
of coffee poured out every morning for Mr. Humphreys and her brother, to
the famous mending, which took up often one half of Saturday, whatever
she did was done with her best diligence and care; and from love to both
the dead and the living, Ellen's zeal never slackened. These things,
however, filled but a small part of her time, let her be as particular
as she would; and Mr. John effectually hindered her from being too
particular. He soon found plenty for both her and himself to do.
Not that they ever forgot or tried to forget Alice; on the contrary.
They sought to remember her, humbly, calmly, hopefully, thankfully. By
diligent performance of duty, by Christian faith, by conversation and
prayer, they strove to do this; and after a time succeeded. Sober that
winter was, but it was very far from being an unhappy one.
"John," said Ellen one day, some time after Mrs. Vawse had left them,
"do you think Mr. Humphreys would let me go into his study every day
when he is out, to put it in order and dust the books?"
"Certainly. But why does not Margery do it?"
"She does, I believe, but she never used to; and I should like to do it
very much if I was sure he would not dislike it. I would be careful not
to disturb anything; I would leave everything just as I found it."
"You may go when you please, and do what you please there, Ellie."
"But I don't like to--I couldn't without speaking to him first; I should
be afraid he would come back, and find me there, and he might think I
hadn't had leave."
"And you wish _me_ to speak to him, is that it? Cannot you muster
resolution enough for that, Ellie?"
Ellen was satisfied, for she knew by his tone he would do what she
wanted.
"Father," said John, the next morning at breakfast, "Ellen wishes to
take upon herself the daily care of your study, but she is afraid to
venture without being assured it will please you to see her there."
The old gentleman laid his hand affectionately on Ellen's head, and
told her she was welcome to come and go when she would; the whole house
was hers.
The grave kindness and tenderness of the tone and action spoiled Ellen's
breakfast. She could not look at anybody, nor hold up her head for the
rest of the time.
As Alice had anticipated, her brother was called to take charge of a
church at Randolph, and at the same time another more distant was
offered him. He refused them both, rightly judging that his place for
the present was at home. But the call from Randolph being pressed upon
him very much, he at length agreed to preach for them during the winter;
riding thither for the purpose every Saturday, and returning to
Carra-carra on Monday.
As the winter wore on, a grave cheerfulness stole over the household.
Ellen little thought how much she had to do with it. She never heard
Margery tell her husband, which she often did with great affection,
"that that blessed child was the light of the house," and those who felt
it the most said nothing. Ellen was sure, indeed, from the way in which
Mr. Humphreys spoke to her, looked at her, now and then laid his hand on
her head, and sometimes, very rarely, kissed her forehead, that he loved
her and loved to see her about; and that her wish of supplying Alice's
place was in some little measure fulfilled. Few as those words and looks
were, they said more to Ellen than whole discourses would from other
people; the least of them gladdened her heart with the feeling that she
was a comfort to him. But she never knew how much. Deep as the gloom
still over him was, Ellen never dreamed how much deeper it would have
been but for the little figure flitting round and filling up the
vacancy; how much he reposed on the gentle look of affection, the
pleasant voice, the watchful thoughtfulness that never left anything
undone that she could do for his pleasure. Perhaps he did not know it
himself. She was not sure he even noticed many of the little things she
daily did or tried to do for him. Always silent and reserved, he was
more so now than ever; she saw him little, and very seldom long at a
time, unless when they were riding to church together; he was always in
his study or abroad. But the trifles she thought he did not see were
noted and registered, and repaid with all the affection he had to give.
As for Mr. John, it never came into Ellen's head to think whether she
was a comfort to him; he was a comfort to _her_; she looked at it in
quite another point of view. He had gone to his old sleeping-room
upstairs, which Margery had settled with herself he would make his
study; and for that he had taken the sitting-room. This was Ellen's
study too, so she was constantly with him; and of the quietest she
thought her movements would have to be.
"What are you stepping so softly for?" said he, one day catching her
hand as she was passing near him.
"You were busy--I thought you were busy," said Ellen.
"And what then?"
"I was afraid of disturbing you."
"You never disturb me," said he; "you need not fear it. Step as you
please, and do not shut the doors carefully. I see you and hear you, but
without any disturbance."
Ellen found it was so. But she was an exception to the general rule;
other people disturbed him, as she had one or two occasions of knowing.
Of one thing she was perfectly sure, whatever he might be doing, that he
saw and heard her; and equally sure that if anything were not right she
should sooner or later hear of it. But this was a censorship Ellen
rather loved than feared. In the first place, she was never
misunderstood; in the second, however ironical and severe he might be to
others, and Ellen knew he could be both when there was occasion, he
never was either to her. With great plainness always, but with an
equally happy choice of time and manner, he either said or looked what
he wished her to understand. This happened indeed only about comparative
trifles; to have seriously displeased him, Ellen would have thought the
last great evil that could fall upon her in this world.
One day Margery came into the room with a paper in her hand.
"Miss Ellen," said she in a low tone, "here is Anthony Fox again--he has
brought another of his curious letters that he wants to know if Miss
Ellen will be so good as to write out for him once more. He says he is
ashamed to trouble you so much."
Ellen was reading, comfortably ensconced in the corner of the wide sofa.
She gave a glance, a most ungratified one, at the very original document
in Margery's hand. Unpromising it certainly looked.
"Another! Dear me! I wonder if there isn't somebody else he could get to
do it for him, Margery? I think I have had my share. You don't know what
a piece of work it is to copy out one of those scrawls. It takes me ever
so long in the first place to find what he has written, and then to put
it so that any one else can make sense of it--I've got about enough of
it. Don't you suppose he could find plenty of other people to do it for
him?"
"I don't know, Miss Ellen, I suppose he could."
"Then ask him, do; won't you, Margery? I'm so tired of it! and this is
the third one; and I've got something else to do. Ask him if there isn't
somebody else he can get to do it; if there isn't, I will; tell him I am
busy."
Margery withdrew, and Ellen buried herself again in her book. Anthony
Fox was a poor Irishman, whose uncouth attempts at a letter Ellen had
once offered to write out and make straight for him, upon hearing
Margery tell of his lamenting that he could not make one fit to send
_home_ to his mother.
Presently Margery came in again, stopping this time at the table which
Mr. John had pushed to the far side of the room to get away from the
fire.
"I beg your pardon, sir," she said, "I am ashamed to be so troublesome,
but this Irish body, this Anthony Fox, has begged me, and I didn't know
how to refuse him, to come in and ask for a sheet of paper and a pen for
him, sir, he wants to copy a letter, if Mr. John would be so good; a
quill pen, sir, if you please; he cannot write with any other."
"No," said John coolly. "Ellen will do it."
Margery looked in some doubt from the table to the sofa, but Ellen
instantly rose up and with a burning cheek came forward and took the
paper from the hand where Margery still held it.
"Ask him to wait a little while, Margery," she said hurriedly. "I'll do
it as soon as I can, tell him in half-an-hour."
It was not a very easy nor quick job. Ellen worked at it patiently, and
finished it well by the end of the half-hour, though with a burning
cheek still; and a dimness over her eyes frequently obliged her to stop
till she could clear them. It was done, and she carried it out to the
kitchen herself.
The poor man's thanks were very warm; but that was not what Ellen
wanted. She could not rest until she had got another word from her
brother. He was busy; she dared not speak to him; she sat fidgeting and
uneasy in the corner of the sofa till it was time to get ready for
riding. She had plenty of time to make up her mind about the right and
the wrong of her own conduct.
During the ride he was just as usual, and she began to think he did not
mean to say anything more on the matter. Pleasant talk and pleasant
exercise had almost driven it out of her head, when, as they were
walking their horses over a level place, he suddenly began--
"By-the-bye, you are too busy, Ellie," said he. "Which of your studies
shall we cut off?"
"_Please_, Mr. John," said Ellen, blushing, "don't say anything about
that! I was not studying at all--I was just amusing myself with a
book--I was only selfish and lazy."
"_Only_--I would rather you were too busy, Ellie."
Ellen's eyes filled.
"I was wrong," she said, "I knew it at the time, at least as soon as you
spoke I knew it, and a little before; I was very wrong!"
And his keen eye saw that the confession was not out of compliment to
him merely; it came from the heart.
"You are right now," he said, smiling. "But how are your reins?"
Ellen's heart was at rest again.
"Oh! I forgot them," said she gaily, "I was thinking of something else."
"You must not talk when you are riding, unless you can contrive to
manage two things at once; and no more lose command of your horse than
you would of yourself."
Ellen's eye met his with all the contrition, affection, and
ingenuousness that even he wished to see there; and they put their
horses to the canter.
This winter was in many ways a very precious one to Ellen. French gave
her now no trouble; she was a clever arithmetician; she knew geography
admirably; and was tolerably at home in both English and American
history; the way was cleared for the course of improvement in which her
brother's hand led and helped her. He put her into Latin; carried on the
study of natural philosophy they had begun the year before, and which
with his instructions was perfectly delightful to Ellen; he gave her
some works of stronger reading than she had yet tried, beside histories
in French and English, and higher branches of arithmetic. These things
were not crowded together so as to fatigue, nor hurried through so as to
overload. Carefully and thoroughly she was obliged to put her mind
through every subject they entered upon; and just at that age, opening
as her understanding was, it grappled eagerly with all that he gave her,
as well from love to learning as from love to him. In reading, too, she
began to take new and strong delight. Especially two or three new
English periodicals, which John sent for on purpose for her, were mines
of pleasure to Ellen. There was no fiction in them either; they were as
full of instruction as of interest. At all times of the day and night,
in her intervals of business, Ellen might be seen with one of these in
her hand; nestled among the cushions of the sofa, or on a little bench
by the side of the fireplace in the twilight, where she could have the
benefit of the blaze, which she loved to read by as well as ever.
Sorrowful remembrances were then flown, all things present were out of
view, and Ellen's face was dreamingly happy.
It was well there was always somebody by who, whatever he might himself
be doing, never lost sight of her. If ever Ellen was in danger of
bending too long over her studies or indulging herself too much in the
sofa-corner, she was sure to be broken off to take an hour or two of
smart exercise, riding or walking, or to recite some lesson (and their
recitations were very lively things), or to read aloud or to talk.
Sometimes, if he saw that she seemed to be drooping or a little sad, he
would come and sit down by her side, or call her to his, find out what
she was thinking about, and then, instead of slurring it over, talk of
it fairly and set it before her in such a light that it was impossible
to think of it again gloomily, for that day at least. Sometimes he took
other ways, but never when he was present allowed her long to look weary
or sorrowful. He often read to her, and every day made her read aloud to
him. This Ellen disliked very much at first, and ended with as much
liking it. She had an admirable teacher. He taught her how to manage her
voice and how to manage the language, in both which he excelled himself,
and was determined that she should; and besides this, their reading
often led to talking that Ellen delighted in. Always when he was making
copies for her she read to him, and once, at any rate, in the course of
the day.
Every day when the weather would permit, the Black Prince and the
Brownie with their respective riders might be seen abroad in the country
far and wide. In the course of their rides Ellen's horsemanship was
diligently perfected. Very often their turning-place was on the top of
the Cat's Back, and the horses had a rest and Mrs. Vawse a visit before
they went down again. They had long walks, too, by hill and dale;
pleasantly silent or pleasantly talkative, all pleasant to Ellen!
Her only lonely or sorrowful time was when John was gone to Randolph. It
began early Saturday morning, and perhaps ended with Sunday night, for
all Monday was hope and expectation. Even Saturday she had not much time
to mope; that was the day for her great week's mending. When John was
gone and her morning affairs were out of the way, Ellen brought out her
work-basket, and established herself on the sofa for a quiet day's
sewing, without the lest fear of interruption. But sewing did not always
hinder thinking. And then certainly the room did seem very empty, and
very still; and the clock, which she never heard the rest of the week,
kept ticking an ungracious reminder that she was alone. Ellen would
sometimes forget it in the intense interest of some nice little piece
of repair which must be exquisitely done in a wristband or a glove; and
then perhaps Margery would softly open the door and come in.
"Miss Ellen, dear, you're lonesome enough; isn't there something I can
do for you? I can't rest for thinking of your being here all by
yourself."
"Oh, never mind," said Ellen, smiling, "I am doing very well. I am
living in hopes of Monday. Come and look here, Margery. How will that
do? Don't you think I am learning to mend?"
"It's beautiful, Miss Ellen! I can't make out how you've learned so
quick. I'll tell Mr. John some time who does these things for him."
"No indeed, Margery, don't you. _Please_ not, Margery. I like to do it
very much indeed, but I don't want he should know it, nor Mr. Humphreys.
Now you won't, Margery, will you?"
"Miss Ellen, dear, I wouldn't do the least little thing as would be
worrisome to you for the whole world. Aren't you tired sitting here all
alone?"
"Oh, sometimes, a little," said Ellen, sighing. "I can't help that, you
know."
"I feel it even out there in the kitchen," said Margery; "I feel it
lonesome hearing the house so still; I miss the want of Mr. John's step
up and down the room. How fond he is of walking so, to be sure! How do
you manage, Miss Ellen, with him making his study here? Don't you have
to keep uncommon quiet?"
"No," said Ellen; "no quieter than I like. I do just as I have a mind
to."
"I thought, to be sure," said Margery, "he would have taken upstairs for
his study, or the next room, one or t'other; he used to be mighty
particular in old times; he didn't like to have anybody round when he
was busy. But I am glad he is altered, however; it is better for you,
Miss Ellen, dear, though I didn't know how you was ever going to make
out at first."
Ellen thought for a minute, when Margery was gone, whether it could be
that John was putting a force upon his liking for her sake, bearing her
presence when he would rather have been without it. But she thought of
it only a minute; she was sure, when she recollected herself, that
however it happened, she was no hindrance to him in any kind of work;
that she went out and came in, and as he had said, he saw and heard her
without any disturbance. Besides, he had said so, and that was enough.
Saturday evening she generally contrived to busy herself in her books.
But when Sunday morning came with its calmness and brightness; when the
business of the week was put away, and quietness abroad and at home
invited to recollection, then Ellen's thoughts went back to old times,
and then she missed the calm, sweet face that had agreed so well with
the day. She missed her in the morning when the early sun streamed in
through the empty room. She missed her at the breakfast-table, where
John was not to take her place. On the ride to church, where Mr.
Humphreys was now her silent companion, and every tree on the road and
every opening in the landscape seemed to call Alice to see it with her.
Very much she missed her in church. The empty seat beside her, the
unused hymn-book on the shelf, the want of her sweet voice in the
singing, oh, how it went to Ellen's heart. And Mr. Humphreys' grave,
steadfast look and tone kept it in her mind; she saw it was in his.
Those Sunday mornings tried Ellen. At first they were bitterly sad; her
tears used to flow abundantly whenever they could unseen. Time softened
this feeling.
While Mr. Humphreys went on to his second service in the village beyond,
Ellen stayed at Carra-carra, and tried to teach a Sunday-school. She
determined as far as she could to supply beyond the home circle the loss
that was not felt only there. She was able, however, to gather together
but her own four children whom she had constantly taught from the
beginning, and two others. The rest were scattered. After her lunch,
which, having no companion but Margery, was now a short one, Ellen went
next to the two old women that Alice had been accustomed to attend for
the purpose of reading, and what Ellen called preaching. These poor old
people had sadly lamented the loss of the faithful friend whose place
they never expected to see supplied in this world, and whose kindness
had constantly sweetened their lives with one great pleasure a week.
Ellen felt afraid to take so much upon herself, as to try to do for them
what Alice had done; however, she resolved; and at the very first
attempt their gratitude and joy far overpaid her for the effort she had
made. Practice and the motive she had soon enabled Ellen to remember and
repeat faithfully the greater part of Mr. Humphreys' morning sermon.
Reading the Bible to Mrs. Blockson was easy; she had often done that;
and to repair the loss of Alice's pleasant comments and explanations she
bethought her of her 'Pilgrim's Progress.' To her delight the old woman
heard it greedily, and seemed to take great comfort in it; often
referring to what Ellen had read before, and begging to hear such a
piece over again. Ellen generally went home pretty thoroughly tired, yet
feeling happy; the pleasure of doing good still far overbalanced the
pains.
Sunday evening was another lonely time; Ellen spent it as best she
could. Sometimes with her Bible and prayer, and then she ceased to be
lonely; sometimes with so many pleasant thoughts that had sprung up out
of the employments of the morning that she could not be sorrowful;
sometimes she could not help being both. In any case, she was very apt
when the darkness fell to take to singing hymns; and it grew to be a
habit with Mr. Humphreys when he heard her to come out of his study and
lie down upon the sofa and listen, suffering no light in the room but
that of the fire. Ellen never was better pleased than when her Sunday
evenings were spent so. She sang with wonderful pleasure when she sang
for him; and she made it her business to fill her memory with all the
beautiful hymns she ever knew or could find, or that he liked
particularly.
With the first opening of her eyes on Monday morning came the thought,
"John will be at home to-day!" That was enough to carry Ellen pleasantly
through whatever the day might bring. She generally kept her mending of
stockings for Monday morning, because with that thought in head she did
not mind anything. She had no visits from Margery on Monday; but Ellen
sang over her work, sprang about with happy energy, and studied the
hardest; for John in what he expected her to do made no calculations for
work of which he knew nothing. He was never at home till late in the
day; and when Ellen had done all she had to do, and set the supper-table
with punctilious care, and a face of busy happiness, it would have been
a pleasure to see, if there had been any one to look at it, she would
take what happened to be the favourite book and plant herself near the
glass door; like a very epicure, to enjoy both the present and the
future at once. Even then the present often made her forget the future;
she would be lost in her book, perhaps hunting the elephant in India or
fighting Nelson's battles over again, and the first news she would have
of what she had set herself there to watch for would be the click of the
door-lock or a tap on the glass, for the horse was almost always left at
the further door. Back then she came, from India or the Nile; down went
the book; Ellen had no more thought but for what was before her.
For the rest of that evening the measure of Ellen's happiness was full.
It did not matter whether John were in a talkative or a thoughtful mood;
whether he spoke to her and looked at her or not; it was pleasure enough
to feel that he was there. She was perfectly satisfied merely to sit
down near him, though she did not get a word by the hour together.