If erst he wished, now he longed sore.
--FAIRFAX.
Ellen's life had nothing to mark it for many months. The rest of the
winter passed quietly away, every day being full of employment. At home
the state of matters was rather bettered. Either Miss Fortune was
softened by Ellen's gentle inoffensive ways and obedient usefulness, or
she had resolved to bear what could not be helped, and make the best of
the little inmate she could not get rid of. She was certainly resolved
to make the _most_ of her. Ellen was kept on the jump a great deal of
the time; she was runner of errands and maid-of-all-work; to set the
table and clear it was only a trifle in the list of her everyday
duties; and they were not ended till the last supper dish was put away
and the hearth swept up. Miss Fortune never spared herself, and never
spared Ellen, so long as she had any occasion for her.
There were, however, long pieces of time that were left free; these
Ellen seized for her studies and used most diligently, urged on by a
three or fourfold motive. For the love of them, and for her own
sake--that John might think she had done well--that she might presently
please and satisfy Alice--above all, that her mother's wishes might be
answered. This thought, whenever it came, was a spur to her efforts; so
was each of the others; and Christian feeling added another and kept all
the rest in force. Without this, indolence might have weakened, or
temptation surprised her resolution; little Ellen was open to both; but
if ever she found herself growing careless, from either cause,
conscience was sure to smite her, and then would rush in all the motives
that called upon her to persevere. Soon faithfulness began to bring its
reward. With delight she found herself getting the better of
difficulties, beginning to see a little through the mists of ignorance,
making some sensible progress on the long road of learning. Study grew
delightful; her lessons with Alice one of her greatest enjoyments. And
as they were a labour of love to both teacher and scholar, and as it was
the aim of each to see quite to the bottom of every matter, where it was
possible, and to leave no difficulties behind them on the road which
they had not cleared away, no wonder Ellen went forward steadily and
rapidly. Reading also became a wonderful pleasure. Wiem's Life of
Washington was read, and read, and read over again, till she almost knew
it by heart; and from that she went to Alice's library, and ransacked it
for what would suit her. Happily it was a well-picked one, and Ellen
could not light upon many books that would do her mischief. For those,
Alice's wish was enough; she never opened them. Furthermore, Alice
insisted that when Ellen had only fairly begun a book she should go
through with it; not capriciously leave it for another, nor have
half-a-dozen about at one time. But when Ellen had read it once she
commonly wanted to go over it again, and seldom laid it aside until she
had sucked the sweetness all out of it.
As for drawing, it could not go on very fast while the cold weather
lasted. Ellen had no place at home where she could spread out her paper
and copies without danger of being disturbed. Her only chance was at the
parsonage. John had put all her pencils in order before he went, and had
left her an abundance of copies, marked as she was to take them. They,
or some of them, were bestowed in Alice's desk; and whenever Ellen had
a spare hour or two, of a fine morning or afternoon, she made the best
of her way to the mountain; it made no difference whether Alice were at
home or not; she went in, coaxed up the fire, and began her work. It
happened many a time that Alice, coming home from a walk or a run in the
woods, saw the little hood and cloak on the settee before she opened the
glass door, and knew very well how she should find Ellen, bending
intently over her desk. These runs to the mountain were very frequent;
sometimes to draw, sometimes to recite, always to see Alice and be
happy. Ellen grew rosy and hardy, and in spite of her separation from
her mother, she was very happy too. Her extreme and varied occupation
made this possible. She had no time to indulge useless sorrow; on the
contrary, her thoughts were taken up with agreeable matters, either
doing or to be done; and at night she was far too tired and sleepy to
lie awake musing. And besides, she hoped that her mother would come back
in the spring, or the summer at farthest. It is true Ellen had no liking
for the kind of business her aunt gave her; it was oftentimes a trial of
temper and patience. Miss Fortune was not the pleasantest work-mistress
in the world, and Ellen was apt to wish to be doing something else; but,
after all, this was not amiss. Besides the discipline of character,
these trials made the pleasant things with which they were mixed up seem
doubly pleasant, the disagreeable parts of her life relished the
agreeable wonderfully. After spending the whole morning with Miss
Fortune in the depths of housework, how delightful it was to forget all
in drawing some nice little cottage with a bit of stone wall and a
barrel in front; or to go with Alice, in thought, to the south of
France, and learn how the peasants manage their vines and make the wine
from them; or run over the Rock of Gibraltar with the monkeys; or at
another time, seated on a little bench in the chimney corner, when the
fire blazed up well, before the candles were lighted, to forget the
kitchen and the supper and her bustling aunt, and sail round the world
with Captain Cook. Yes--these things were all the sweeter for being
tasted by snatches.
Spring brought new occupation; household labours began to increase in
number and measure; her leisure times were shortened. But pleasures were
increased too. When the snow went off, and spring-like days began to
come, and birds' notes were heard again, and the trees put out their
young leaves, and the brown mountains were looking soft and green,
Ellen's heart bounded at the sight. The springing grass was lovely to
see; dandelions were marvels of beauty; to her each wild wood flower was
a never-to-be-enough admired and loved wonder. She used to take long
rambles with Mr. Van Brunt when business led him to the woods,
sometimes riding part of the way on the ox-sled. Always a basket for
flowers went along; and when the sled stopped, she would wander all
around seeking among the piled-up dead leaves for the white wind-flower,
and pretty little hang-head uvularia, and delicate blood-root, and the
wild geranium and columbine; and many others the names of which she did
not know. They were like friends to Ellen; she gathered them
affectionately as well as admiringly into her little basket, and seemed
to purify herself in their pure companionship. Even Mr. Van Brunt came
to have an indistinct notion that Ellen and flowers were made to be
together. After he found what a pleasure it was to her to go on these
expeditions, he made it a point, whenever he was bound to the woods of a
fine day, to come to the house for her. Miss Fortune might object as she
pleased; he always found an answer; and at last Ellen, to her great joy,
would be told, "Well! go get your bonnet and be off with yourself." Once
under the shadow of the big trees, the dried leaves crackling beneath
her feet, and alone with her kind conductor, and Miss Fortune and all in
the world that was disagreeable was forgotten--forgotten, no more to be
remembered till the walk should come to an end. And it would have
surprised anybody to hear the long conversations she and Mr. Van Brunt
kept up, he, the silentest man in Thirlwall! Their talk often ran upon
trees, among which Mr. Van Brunt was at home. Ellen wanted to become
acquainted with them, as well as with the little flowers that grew at
their feet; and he tried to teach her how to know each separate kind by
the bark, and leaf, and manner of growth. The pine and hemlock and fir
were easily learnt; the white birch too; beyond those at first she was
perpetually confounding one with another. Mr. Van Brunt had to go over
and over his instructions; never weary, always vastly amused. Pleasant
lessons these were! Ellen thought so, and Mr. Van Brunt thought so too.
Then there were walks with Alice, pleasanter still, if that could be.
And even in the house Ellen managed to keep a token of spring-time. On
her toilet-table, the three uncouth legs of which were now hidden by a
neat dimity cover, there always stood a broken tumbler with a supply of
flowers. The supply was very varied, it is true; sometimes only a
handful of dandelions, sometimes a huge bunch of lilac flowers, which
could not be persuaded to stay in the glass without the help of the
wall, against which it leaned in very undignified style; sometimes the
bouquet was of really delicate and beautiful wild flowers. All were
charming in Ellen's eyes.
As the days grew long and the weather warm, Alice and she began to make
frequent trips to the Cat's Back, and French came very much into
fashion. They generally took Sharp to ease the long way, and rested
themselves with a good stay on the mountain. Their coming was always a
joy to the old lady. She was dearly fond of them both, and delighted to
hear from their lips the language she loved best. After a time they
spoke nothing else when with her. She was well qualified to teach them;
and, indeed, her general education had been far from contemptible,
though nature had done more for her. As the language grew familiar to
them, she loved to tell and they to hear long stories of her youth and
native country, scenes and people so very different from all Ellen had
ever seen or heard of; and told in a lively simple style which she could
not have given in English, and with a sweet colouring of Christian
thought and feeling. Many things made these visits good and pleasant. It
was not the least of Alice's and Ellen's joy to carry their old friend
something that might be for her comfort in her lonely way of life. For
even Miss Fortune now and then told Ellen "she might take a piece of
that cheese along with her;" or "she wondered if the old lady would like
a little fresh meat? she guessed she'd cut her a bit of that nice lamb;
she wouldn't want but a little piece." A singular testimony this was to
the respect and esteem Mrs. Vawse had from everybody. Miss Fortune very,
very seldom was known to take a bit from her own comforts to add to
those of another. The ruling passion of this lady was thrift; her next,
good housewifery. First, to gather to herself and heap up of what the
world most esteems; after that, to be known as the most thorough
housekeeper and the smartest woman in Thirlwall.
Ellen made other visits she did not like so well. In the course of the
winter and summer she became acquainted with most of the neighbourhood.
She sometimes went with her aunt to a formal tea-drinking, one, two,
three, or four miles off, as the case might be. They were not very
pleasant. To some places she was asked by herself; and though the people
invariably showed themselves very kind, and did their best to please
her, Ellen seldom cared to go a second time; liked even home and Miss
Fortune better. There were a few exceptions: Jenny Hitchcock was one of
her favourites, and Jane Huff was another; and all of their respective
families came in, with good reason, for a share of her regard, Mr.
Juniper indeed excepted. Once they went to a quilting at Squire
Dennison's; the house was spotlessly neat and well ordered; the people
all kind; but Ellen thought they did not seem to know how to be
pleasant. Dan Dennison alone had no stiffness about him. Miss Fortune
remarked with pride that even in this family of pretension, as she
thought it, the refreshments could bear no comparison with hers. Once
they were invited to tea at the Lawsons'; but Ellen told Alice, with
much apparent disgust, that she never wanted to go again. Mrs. Van Brunt
she saw often. To Thirlwall Miss Fortune never went.
Twice in the course of the summer Ellen had a very great pleasure in the
company of little Ellen Chauncey. Once Miss Sophia brought her, and once
her mother; and the last time they made a visit of two weeks. On both
occasions Ellen was sent for to the parsonage and kept while they
stayed; and the pleasure that she and her little friend had together
cannot be told. It was unmixed now. Rambling about through the woods and
over the fields, no matter where, it was all enchanting; helping Alice
garden; helping Thomas make hay, and the mischief they did his haycocks
by tumbling upon them, and the patience with which he bore it; the
looking for eggs; the helping Margery churn, and the helping each other
set tables; the pleasant mornings and pleasant evenings and pleasant
mid-days, it cannot be told. Long to be remembered, sweet and pure, was
the pleasure of those summer days, unclouded by a shade of discontent or
disagreement on either brow. Ellen loved the whole Marshman family now,
for the sake of one, the one she had first known; and little Ellen
Chauncey repeatedly told her mother in private that Ellen Montgomery was
the very nicest girl she had ever seen. They met with joy and parted
with sorrow, entreating and promising, if possible, a speedy meeting
again.
Amidst all the improvements and enjoyments of these summer months, and
they had a great deal of both, for Ellen there was one cause of sorrow
she could not help feeling, and it began to press more and more.
Letters--they came slowly, and when they came they were not at all
satisfactory. Those in her mother's hand dwindled and dwindled, till at
last there came only mere scraps of letters from her; and sometimes
after a long interval one from Captain Montgomery would come alone.
Ellen's heart sickened with long-deferred hope. She wondered what could
make her mother neglect a matter so necessary for her happiness;
sometimes she fancied they were travelling about, and it might be
inconvenient to write; sometimes she thought perhaps they were coming
home without letting her know, and would suddenly surprise her some day
and make her half lose her wits with joy. But they did not come, nor
write; and whatever was the reason, Ellen felt it was very sad, and
sadder and sadder as the summer went on. Her own letters became pitiful
in their supplications for letters; they had been very cheerful and
filled with encouraging matter, and in part they were still.
For a while her mind was diverted from this sad subject, and her brow
cleared up, when John came home in August. As before, Alice gained Miss
Fortune's leave to keep her at the parsonage the whole time of his stay,
which was several weeks. Ellen wondered that it was so easily granted,
but she was much too happy to spend time in thinking about it. Miss
Fortune had several reasons. She was unwilling to displease Miss
Humphreys, and conscious that it would be a shame to her to stand openly
in the way of Ellen's good. Besides, though Ellen's services were lost
for a time, yet she said she got tired of setting her to work; she liked
to dash round the house alone, without thinking what somebody else was
doing or ought to be doing. In short, she liked to have her out of the
way for a while. Furthermore, it did not please her that Mr. Van Brunt
and her little handmaid were, as she expressed it, "so thick." His first
thought and his last thought, she said, she believed were for Ellen,
whether she came in or went out; and Miss Fortune was accustomed to be
chief, not only in her own house, but in the regards of all who came to
it. At any rate the leave was granted, and Ellen went.
And now was repeated the pleasure of the first week in January. It would
have been increased, but that increase was not possible. There was only
the difference between lovely winter and lovely summer weather; it was
seldom very hot in Thirlwall. The fields and hills were covered with
green instead of white; fluttering leaves had taken the place of
snow-covered sprays and sparkling icicles; and for the keen north and
brisk northwester, soft summer airs were blowing. Ellen saw no other
difference, except that perhaps, if it could be, there was something
more of tenderness in the manner of Alice and her brother towards her.
No little sister could have been more cherished and cared for. If there
was a change, Mr. Humphreys shared it. It is true he seldom took much
part in the conversation, and seldomer was with them in any of their
pursuits or pleasures. He generally kept by himself in his study. But
whenever he did speak to Ellen his tone was particularly gentle and his
look kind. He sometimes called her "My little daughter," which always
gave Ellen great pleasure; she would jump at such times with double zeal
to do anything he asked her.
Now drawing went on with new vigour under the eye of her master. And
many things beside. John took a great deal of pains with her in various
ways. He made her read to him; he helped her and Alice with their
French; he went with them to Mrs. Vawse's; and even Mr. Humphreys went
there too one afternoon to tea. How much Ellen enjoyed that afternoon!
They took with them a great basket of provisions, for Mrs. Vawse could
not be expected to entertain so large a party; and borrowed Jenny
Hitchcock's pony, which with old John and Sharp mounted three of the
company; they took turns in walking. Nobody minded that. The fine
weather, the beautiful mountain-top, the general pleasure, Mr.
Humphreys' uncommon spirits and talkableness, the oddity of their way of
travelling, and of a tea-party up on the "Cat's Back," and furthermore,
the fact that Nancy stayed at home and behaved very well the whole time,
all together filled Ellen's cup of happiness, for the time, as full as
it could hold. She never forgot that afternoon. And the ride home was
the best of all. The sun was low by the time they reached the plain;
long shadows lay across their road; the soft air just stirred the leaves
on the branches; stillness and loveliness were over all things; and down
the mountain and along the roads through the open country, the whole
way, John walked at her bridle; so kind in his care of her, so pleasant
in his talk to her, teaching her how to sit in the saddle and hold the
reins and whip, and much more important things too, that Ellen thought a
pleasanter thing could not be than to ride so. After that they took a
great many rides, borrowing Jenny's pony or some other, and explored the
beautiful country far and near. And almost daily John had up Sharp and
gave Ellen a regular lesson. She often thought, and sometimes looked,
what she had once said to him, "I wish I could do something for _you_,
Mr. John;" but he smiled and said nothing.
At last he was gone. And in all the week he had been at home, and in
many weeks before, no letter had come for Ellen. The thought had been
kept from weighing upon her by the thousand pleasures that filled up
every moment of his stay; she could not be sad then, or only for a
minute; hope threw off the sorrow as soon as it was felt; and she forgot
how time flew. But when his visit was over, and she went back to her old
place and her old life at her aunt's, the old feeling came back in
greater strength. She began again to count the days and the weeks; to
feel the bitter unsatisfied longing. Tears would drop down upon her
Bible; tears streamed from her eyes when she prayed that God would make
her mother well and bring her home to her quickly, oh, quickly!--and
little Ellen's face began to wear once more something of its old look.