THE CORPORAL'S FAIRY STORY.
Jimmieboy had not long to search for the corporal. He found that worthy
in a very few minutes, lying fast asleep under a tree some twenty or
thirty rods down the road, snoring away as if his life depended upon it.
It was quite evident that the poor fellow was worn out with his
exertions, and Jimmieboy respected his weariness, and restrained his
strong impulse to awaken him.
His consideration for the tired soldier was not without its reward, for
as Jimmieboy listened the corporal's snores took semblance to words,
which, as he remembered them, the snores of his papa in the early
morning had never done. Indeed, Jimmieboy and his small brother Russ
were agreed on the one point that their father's snores were about the
most uninteresting, uncalled for, unmeaning sounds in the world, which,
no doubt, was why they made it a point to interrupt them on every
possible occasion. The novelty of the present situation was delightful
to the little general. To be able to stand there and comprehend what it
was the corporal was snoring so vociferously, was most pleasing, and he
was still further entertained to note that it was nothing less than a
rollicking song that was having its sweetness wasted upon the desert air
by the sleeping officer before him.
This is the song that Jimmieboy heard:
"I would not be a man of peace,
Oh, no-ho-ho--not I;
But give me battles without cease;
Give me grim war with no release,
Or let me die-hi-hi.
I love the frightful things we eat
In times of war-or-or;
The biscuit tough, the granite meat,
And hard green apples are a treat
Which I adore-dor-dor.
I love the sound of roaring guns
Upon my e-e-ears,
I love in routs the lengthy runs,
I do not mind the stupid puns
Of dull-ull grenadiers.
I should not weep to lose a limb,
An arm, or thumb-bum-bum.
I laugh with glee to hear the zim
Of shells that make my chance seem slim
Of getting safe back hum.
Just let me sniff gunpowder in
My nasal fee-a-ture,
And I will ever sing and grin.
To me sweet music is the din
Of war, you may be sure."
"Well, I declare!" cried Jimmieboy. "If my dear old papa could snore
songs like that, wouldn't I let him sleep mornings!"
"He does," snored the corporal. "The only trouble is he doesn't snore as
clearly as I do. It takes long practice to become a fluent snorer like
myself--that is to say, a snorer who can be understood by any one
whatever his age, nation, or position in life. That song I have just
snored for you could be understood by a Zulu just as well as you
understood it, because a snore is exactly the same in Zuluese as it is
in your language or any other--in which respect it resembles a cup of
coffee or a canary-bird."
"Are you still snoring, or is this English you are speaking?" asked
Jimmieboy.
"Snoring; and that proves just what I said, for you understood me just
as plainly as though I had spoken in English," returned the corporal,
his eyes still tightly closed in sleep.
"Snore me another poem," said Jimmieboy.
"No, I won't do that; but if you wish me to I'll snore you a fairy
tale," answered the corporal.
"That will be lovely," said Jimmieboy. "I love fairy tales."
"Very well," observed the corporal, turning over on his back and
throwing his head back into an uncomfortable position so that he could
snore more loudly. "Here goes. Once upon a time there was a small boy
named Tom whose parents were so poor and so honest that they could not
afford to give him money enough to go to the circus when it came to
town, which made him very wretched and unhappy, because all the other
little boys who lived thereabouts were more fortunately situated, and
had bought tickets for the very first performance. Tom cried all night
and went about the town moaning all day, for he did want to see the
elephant whose picture was on the fences that could hold itself up on
its hind tail; the man who could toss five-hundred-pound cannon balls in
the air and catch them on top of his head as they came down; the trick
horse that could jump over a fence forty feet high without disturbing
the two-year-old wonder Pattycake who sat in a rocking-chair on his
back. As Tom very well said, these were things one had to see to
believe, and now they were coming, and just because he could not get
fifty cents he could not see them.
"Then he thought, 'Here! why can't I go out into the world, and by hard
work earn the fifty cents I so much need to take me through the doors of
the circus tent into the presence of these marvelous creatures?'
"And he went out and called upon a great lawyer and asked him if he did
not want a partner in his business for a day, but the lawyer only
laughed and told him to go to the doctor and ask him. So Tom went to the
doctor, and the doctor said he did not want a partner, but he did want a
boy to take medicines for him and tell him what they tasted like, and he
promised Tom fifty cents if he would be that boy for a day, and Tom said
he would try.
"Then the doctor got out his medicine-chest and gave Tom twelve bottles
of medicine, and told him to taste each one of them, and Tom tasted two
of them, and decided that he would rather do without the circus than
taste the rest, so the doctor bade him farewell, and Tom went to look
for something else to do. As he walked disconsolately down the street
and saw by the clock that it was nearly eleven o'clock, he made up his
mind that he would think no more about the circus, but would go home and
study arithmetic instead, the chance of his being able to earn the
fifty cents seemed so very slight. So he turned back, and was about to
go to his home, when he caught sight of another circus poster, which
showed how the fiery, untamed giraffe caught cocoanuts in his mouth--the
cocoanuts being fired out of a cannon set off by a clown who looked as
if he could make a joke that would make an owl laugh. This was too much
for Tom. He couldn't miss that without at least making one further
effort to earn the money that would pay for his ticket.
"So off he started again in search of profitable employment. He had not
gone far when he came to a crockery shop, and on stopping to look in the
large shop window at the beautiful dishes and graceful soup tureens that
were to be seen there, he saw a sign on which was written in great
golden letters 'BOY WANTED.' Now Tom could not read, but something told
him that that sign was a good omen for him, so he went into the shop and
asked if they had any work that a boy of his size could do.
"'Yes,' said the owner of the shop. 'We want an errand-boy. Are you an
errand-boy?'
"Tom answered bravely that he thought he was, and the man said he would
give him a trial anyhow, and sent him off on a sample errand, telling
him that if he did that one properly, he would pay him fifty cents a
day for as many days as he kept him, giving him a half holiday on all
circus-days. Tom was delighted, and started off gleefully to perform
the sample errand, which was to take a basketful of china plates to the
house of a rich merchant who lived four miles back in the country.
Bravely the little fellow plodded along until he came to the gate-way
of the rich man's place, when so overcome was he with happiness at
getting something to do that he could not wait to get the gate open,
but leaped like a deer clear over the topmost pickets. But, alas! his
very happiness was his ruin, for as he landed on the other side the
china plates flew out of the basket in every direction, and falling on
the hard gravel path were broken every one."
"Dear me!" cried Jimmieboy, sympathetically. "Poor little Tom."
"Whereat the cow
Remarked, 'Pray how--
If what you say is true--
How should the child,
However mild,
Become so wildly blue?'"
snored the corporal.
"What's the matter with you?" asked Jimmieboy, very much surprised at
the rhyme, which, so far as he could see, had nothing to do with the
fairy story.
"What's the matter with me?" returned the corporal. "Nothing. Why?"
"There wasn't anything about a cow in the fairy story you were telling
about Tom," said Jimmieboy.
"Was I telling that story about Tom?" asked the sleeping soldier.
"Certainly," replied Jimmieboy.
"Then you must have interrupted me," snored the corporal. "You must
never interrupt a person who is snoring until he gets through, because
the chances are nine out of ten that, being asleep, he won't remember
what he has been snoring about, and will go off on something else
entirely. Where was I when you interrupted?"
"You had got to where Tom jumped over the gate and broke all the china
plates," answered Jimmieboy.
"Very well, then. I'll go on, but don't you say another thing until I
have finished," said the corporal. Then resuming his story, he snored
away as follows: "And falling on the hard gravel path the plates were
broken every one, which was awfully sad, as any one could understand
who could see how the poor little fellow threw himself down on the grass
and wept. Dear me, how he wept! He wept so long and such great tears,
that the grass about him for yards and yards looked as fresh and green
as though there had been a rain-storm.
"'Oh, dear! what shall I do?' cried Tom, ruefully regarding the
shattered plates. 'They'll beat me if I go back to the shop, and I'll
never get to see the circus after all.'
"'No,' said a voice. 'They will not beat you, and I will see that you
get to the circus.'
"'Who are you?' asked Tom, looking up and seeing before him a beautiful
lady, who looked as if she might be a part of the circus herself. 'Are
you the lady with the iron jaw or the horseback lady that jumps through
hoops of fire?'
"'Neither,' replied the lady. 'I am your Fairy Godmother, and I have
come to tell you that if you will gather up the broken plates and take
them up to the great house yonder, I will fix it so that you can go to
the circus.'
"'Won't they scold me for breaking the plates?' asked Tom, his eyes
brightening and his tears drying.
"'Take them and see,' said the Fairy Godmother, and Tom, who was always
an obedient lad, did as he was told. He gathered up the broken plates,
put them in his basket, and went up to the house.
"'Here are your plates,' he said, all of a tremble as he entered.
"'Let's see if any of them are broken,' said the merchant in a voice so
gruff that Tom trembled all the harder. Surely he was now in worse
trouble than ever.
"'H'm!' said the rich man taking one out and looking at it. 'That seems
to be all right.'
"'Yes,' said Tom, meekly, surprised to note that the plate was as good
as ever. 'It has been very neatly mended.'
"'Very what?' roared the rich man, who didn't want mended plates. 'Did
you say mended?'
"'Oh, no, sir!' stammered Tom, who saw that he had made a bad mistake.
'That is, I didn't mean to say mended. I meant to say that they'd been
very highly recommended.'
"'Oh! Recommended, eh?' returned the rich man more calmly. 'That's
different. The rest of them seem to be all right, too. Here, take your
basket and go along with you. Good-by!'
"And so Tom left the merchant's house very much pleased to have got out
of his scrape so easily, and feeling very grateful to his Fairy
Godmother for having helped him.
"'Well,' said she, when he got back to the gate where she was awaiting
him, 'was everything all right?'
"'Yes,' said Tom, happily. 'The plates were all right, and now they are
all left.'
"The Fairy Godmother laughed and said he was a bright boy, and then she
asked him which he would rather do: pay fifty cents to go to the circus
once, or wear the coat of invisibility and walk in and out as many times
as he wanted to. To this Tom, who was a real boy, and preferred going to
the circus six times to going only once, replied that as he was afraid
he might lose the fifty cents he thought he would take the coat, though
he also thought, he said, if his dear Fairy Godmother could find it in
her heart to let him have both the coat and the fifty cents he could
find use for them.
"At this the Fairy Godmother laughed again, and said she guessed he
could, and, giving him two shining silver quarters and the coat of
invisibility, she made a mysterious remark, which he could not
understand, and disappeared. Tom kissed his hand toward the spot where
she had stood, now vacant, and ran gleefully homeward, happy as a bird,
for he had at last succeeded in obtaining the means for his visit to the
circus. That night, so excited was he, he hardly slept a wink, and even
when he did sleep, he dreamed of such unpleasant things as the bitter
medicines of the doctor and the broken plates, so that it was just as
well he should spend the greater part of the night awake.
"His excitement continued until the hour for going to the circus
arrived, when he put on his coat of invisibility and started. To test
the effect of the coat he approached one of his chums, who was standing
in the middle of the long line of boys waiting for the doors to open,
and tweaked his nose, deciding from the expression on his friend's
face--one of astonishment, alarm, and mystification--that he really was
invisible, and so, proceeding to the gates, he passed by the
ticket-taker into the tent without interference from any one. It was
simply lovely; all the seats in the place were unoccupied, and he could
have his choice of them. Surely nobody could ask for anything better.
"You may be sure he chose one well down in front, so that he should miss
no part of the performance, and then he waited for the beginning of the
very wonderful series of things that were to come.
"Alas! poor Tom was again doomed to a very mortifying disappointment. He
forgot that his invisibility made his lovely front seat appear to be
unoccupied, and while he was looking off in another direction a great,
heavy, fat man entered and sat down upon him, squeezing him so hard that
he could scarcely breathe, and as for howling, that was altogether out
of the question, and there through the whole performance the fat man
sat, and the invisible Tom saw not one of the marvelous acts or the
wonderful animals, and, what was worse, when a joke was got off he
couldn't see whether it was by the clown or the ring-master, and so
didn't know when to laugh even if he had wanted to. It was the most
dreadful disappointment Tom ever had, and he went home crying, and spent
the night groaning and moaning with sorrow.
"It was not until he began to dress for breakfast next morning, and his
two beautiful quarters rolled out of his pocket on the floor, that he
remembered he still had the means to go again. When he had made this
discovery he became happy once more, and started off with his invisible
coat hanging over his arm, and paid his way in for the second and last
performance like all the other boys. This time he saw all there was to
be seen, and was full of happiness, until the lions' cage was brought
in, when he thought it would be a fine thing to put on his invisible
coat, and enter the cage with the lion-tamer, which he did, having so
exciting a time looking at the lions and keeping out of their way that
he forgot to watch the tamer when he went out, so that finally when the
circus was all over Tom found himself locked in the cage with the lions
with nothing but raw meat to eat. This was bad enough, but what was
worse, the next city in which the circus was to exhibit was hundreds of
miles away from the town in which Tom lived, and no one was expected to
open the cage doors again for four weeks.
"When Tom heard this he was frightened to death almost, and rather than
spend all that time shut up in a small cage with the kings of the
beasts, he threw off the coat of invisibility and shrieked, and then--"
"Yes--then what?" cried Jimmieboy, breathlessly, so excited that he
could not help interrupting the corporal, despite the story-teller's
warning.
"The bull-dog said he thought it might,
But pussy she said 'Nay,'
At which the unicorn took fright,
And stole a bale of hay,"
snored the corporal with a yawn.
"That can't be it! that can't be it!" cried Jimmieboy, so excited to
hear what happened to little Tom in the lions' cage that he began to
shake the corporal almost fiercely.
"What can't be what?" asked the corporal, sitting up and opening his
eyes. "What are you trying to talk about, general?"
"Tom--and the circus--what happened to him in the lions' cage when he
took off his coat?" cried Jimmieboy.
"Tom? And the circus? I don't know anything about any Tom or any
circus," replied the corporal, with a sleepy nod.
"But you've just been snoring to me about it," remonstrated Jimmieboy.
"Don't remember it at all," said the corporal. "I must have been asleep
and dreamed it, or else you did, or maybe both of us did; but tell me,
general, in confidence now, and don't ever tell anybody I
asked you, have you such a thing as a--as a gum-drop in your pocket?"
And Jimmieboy was so put out with the corporal for waking up just at
the wrong time that he wouldn't answer him, but turned on his heel, and
walked away very much concerned in his mind as to the possible fate of
poor little Tom.